Chapter Fourteen
Everything that happened with Emily, our confessions, the therapy session, really helped. Therapy wasn’t a magic cure, but when you knew the feelings of the other people involved, where they stood and what they truly thought of you, it could make some of the challenges easier.
Parker and I spent the days he had stateside packing up the house that we once shared and laughing like old times. The tension between us wasn’t as poignant; we had made a silent agreement to let the past be the past and focus on the here and now. We visited Emily daily for more therapy sessions, some of which I was a part of, and others I stayed behind. Whatever was happening behind those closed doors was good for them both. Parker seemed lighter, maybe even happier. Emily was doing better, and me? Well, I would get there. It was hard closing a chapter of my life that I thought was already written, watching a family that I was once a part of slowly becoming something without me.
I curled up to read a book on the sofa. Reading was an escape. I could live in someone else’s world for as long as I wanted. It made all that was around me disappear and offered a respite from all that was going on. Even though things were difficult, I knew that things that provided us with the most grief brought us the most growth, and I’d grown through this experience. I couldn’t wait to see all that I’d become from this.
“Hey.” Parker walked into the living room and sat across from me on the couch. “I have the paperwork here for the divorce.” My heart twisted in my chest. Parker didn’t even pay any bills, but I guess when you really wanted something you figured out a way, huh?
“Oh?” I took the papers from his hands and read. Standard divorce paperwork where there was no contest between parties. Everywhere I needed to sign was nicely pointed out with sticky notes.
“I figured we didn’t need to get lawyers involved. We have to be living apart for a year for it to be official. I still have time left on this tour, and I’m due for reenlistment, so I figured just get it started now.” Parker rubbed his head. He didn’t seem to be emotional in the least.
Reaching over to the side table, I grabbed a pen and clicked it open. I placed the papers on the table and signed.
“Guess that’s it, huh? Eight years over with a signature.” I handed him the signed papers.
He stood up, and I caught a hint of the young boy I fell in love with. His face didn’t hold all the pain of his past that haunted him. I wanted to make it all go away. To love him so much that the pain was nothing but a distant memory. But I couldn’t. You couldn’t love someone if they didn’t want to be loved. You couldn’t make them forget if all they wanted to do was hold on.
“Eight years. We had some good times.” He smiled. “Like vacationing in the Bahamas. Remember the waterfall?”
“I remember. There isn’t much I don’t remember.” I did remember it all, every good and bad memory.
Parker’s eyes softened. “This will be good for us. You’ll see.” His phone rang in his pocket. “It’s Samantha. I better get it.”
“Of course. Sure.” I sat up in the chair and plastered a smile on my face. He had Samantha. He’d moved on before we were even over and found what he needed in someone else. While I wished I had someone to comfort me, I knew that I’d lost so much of myself in my marriage. I gave my all, not leaving anything for me. I didn’t want to do that again, but that was easier said than done. I gave my all in everything I did in life. As a nurse, I got overly attached to my patients. My friendships lasted forever because the thought of starting over scared me shitless. I clung to what I knew. It was easier than the unknown.
My cell danced on the table, and an incoming message from Levi flitted across the screen. I hadn’t spoken to him since Parker came back. There I was again, putting my all into something and not finding balance.
Levi: Pizza? Movie? Tomorrow?
Me: Sure. After 5 works for me. Parker leaves tomorrow early afternoon.
Levi: Ah. Is everything going okay with that? I can beat him up if you want
The thought of Levi and Parker going at it made me giggle. Parker would kick Levi’s ass, but the fact that he was willing, even if joking, was funny.
Me: Appreciate the offer, but we’re good. Things are good.
Levi: That’s good. I’m glad you guys are working things out.
Shit. He’d misread my message.
Me: No. Not making things work. Just in a better spot. We just signed divorce paperwork.
The three dots that showed when someone was messaging back danced on the screen for longer than I cared to see. Was he writing an epic novel?
Levi: Okay. See you tomorrow.
I didn’t know what I expected him to say, but when you saw those three dots for so long, you expected something more profound. Frustrated, I didn’t even reply. I picked my book back up and got lost in a made-up world, because currently, it seemed much better than mine.