Chapter Ten
I wanted nothing more than to chuck my laptop across the room. There Parker was, with a new profile picture with his new girl. We hadn’t even officially filed for a divorce, and he was making it known that I was out of the picture. She was gorgeous, with her long blondish hair and stunning green eyes. She had the perfect figure, and the smiles on their faces damn near killed me. They were happy. I was miserable.
They both were in uniform and clearly not supposed to be taking selfies. I wanted nothing more than to forward the picture to their commanding officer and say, “Fraternizing much?” but that wasn’t my style, even though sometimes I wished it was.
I spent the next hour Facebook stalking her. I knew where she’d gone to high school, how many brothers and sisters she had. I leaned back against my couch when I found myself on her parents’ Facebook page. I officially had become a crazy woman. I hated her. I hated him. Why couldn’t that be me? I didn’t even want to say her name, Samantha.
“Why am I torturing myself?” I clicked the laptop shut, trying to put Parker and Samantha out of sight and out of mind. Padding into the kitchen, I cringed at my reflection in the refrigerator. My pants were a little tighter than normal; all the ice cream and chocolate I’d been eating had gone straight to my waist. That didn’t stop me though. I opened the freezer to grab another carton; this time Cherry Garcia called my name.
This was what depression was for me, eating my weight in candy and anything that I could easily shove into my mouth. What did it matter anymore? Gone were my days of running and caring about what I looked like. I’d never be enough. I wasn’t enough for Parker. I wasn’t enough for anyone, especially myself.
My cell phone buzzed, and I placed the ice cream on the counter. I recognized the few messages Levi and I had exchanged over the week.
Levi: What are you doing?
Me: About to eat my weight in ice cream, you?
Levi: That sounds interesting. I just got up. About to go to the beach. Want to join?
The beach? I wasn’t particularly fond of the beach. I liked the sand, and I loved to swim, but there were things in the ocean. Like sharks. Or jellyfish.
But I had no plans. I never had any plans except for when Ava came around. I looked over at the carton of ice cream that was on the counter. Somehow that ice cream became symbolic for everything in my life. If I placed another spoonful in my mouth, I was letting Parker win. Letting him get under my skin and control me like he had these past years.
Leaving the ice cream on the counter, I texted Levi back.
Me: Sounds good. My address is 146 Highland Street. I’ll be ready in a few.
There was no way a few minutes was enough time. I tried to find something to wear that would look halfway decent on me. I wasn’t a typical beach-going type, so my bathing suit selection was scarce. I settled on a black one-piece that hid enough of my ice cream indiscretions and had some tummy-slimming device that made me want to kiss whoever invented it.
Throwing on a yellow sundress over the bathing suit, I grabbed my sunglasses and slipped on my flip-flops just as my doorbell rang.
“Heya, Raindrop.” Levi stood propped against my doorframe. He always wore simple T-shirts. I liked simple. Simple was refreshing for a change. This one was plain orange and matched the swim shorts that hung loosely around his hips. “You look pretty. Yellow suits you.”
“Thanks.” I blushed. “Ready?” I picked up my bag that I had packed with a few things I’d need for the beach and latched the door behind me.
I was nervous. I’d grown so accustomed to Parker and knew everything about him. What he liked, what he didn’t like. I knew how far I could push my sarcastic sense of humor without going too far—I just knew. I thought of all the times we did outings like this together, and I could count on my hand how many times we went out. He preferred to stay in, which meant I preferred to stay in. He never knew much about me, now that I thought about it. I’d invested myself into ensuring I knew my husband inside and out; he invested himself in other things.
Parker: I ordered pizza for dinner. I’ll bring it home with me.
I smiled at Parker’s text message, relieved that I didn’t have to worry about dinner tonight after working all day at the diner and then going to my clinical.
I got home and got comfortable, waiting for Parker to come home with dinner. I prepared the TV with our favorite shows and sipped on my glass of wine.
“Hey.” Parker came into the house, the smell of pizza wafting in the air.
“That smells so good!” I jumped up and pulled down some plates. Parker padded into the bedroom to change out of his uniform.
Opening the pizza, I frowned. Pepperoni. I hated pepperoni.
“What?” Parker looked over at me as he plated himself a few slices.
“I hate pepperoni.” I peeled it off the slice I chose, cheese and sauce coming with it.
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?” Parker shrugged. I brushed aside the ache in my chest at his words. I knew he loved combination pizza the best and thought pineapple on pizza was an atrocity to all pizza lovers everywhere. He hated peas with a passion and used to hide them in his milk when he was younger. I knew his favorite beer. I knew everything because I cared and wanted him to be happy.
Taking my seminaked pizza, I curled up next to Parker and brushed aside my emotions. Someday he’d remember I hated pepperoni. For now, I’d just take care of everything.
“I hate pepperoni on pizza,” I blurted out.
Smooth, Rainey. Smooth.
Levi laughed. “Noted.” He tapped his temple. “Steel vault here. I’ll never forget that nugget of information.”
I smiled politely as he opened his car door. He’d forget, but it didn’t matter. I always had my Ben and Jerry’s to keep me company. They’d never let me down.
***
I slathered on another layer of sunblock, my skin sizzling. It was fucking hot. I was pretty sure I could fry an egg on my skin right then.
“Come on! Cool off.” Levi pulled me off the towel, and I groaned.
“There’s stuff in the ocean.” I cringed, thinking of all the slimy things that could potentially brush against me. Or eat me.
He laughed, and it traveled all the way down to my toes. He had that way about him. A carefree life that made me want to join him. “That there is,” he said.
I squinted so I could see him better. “How are you not cooking in the sun? You’re paler than me. Vampireish, really.” I poked his arm.
“Hate to break it you, but I’m not a vampire.”
I snapped my fingers. “Shucks. I love to watch a man sparkle in the sun.”
“Otherwise I’d suck your blood. We wouldn’t want that, would we?” He leaned in closer, his words kissing my ears.
Levi’s eyes lingered over my neck, and my hand instinctively massaged the area. Like him sucking my neck would be a bad thing.
Here. Bleed me dry.
“Race you!” I took off in a sprint, not caring if any of my parts were jiggling, and dived into the ocean. It was refreshing against my heated skin, and for a brief second, I forgot all about the stuff that was floating around in the ocean.
Lying on my back, I closed my eyes and floated. I heard Levi’s voice, but it was muffled, as most of my head was in the water. I placed my feet down to stand and felt something slimy—and I swore there were teeth, possibly even fangs that brushed against my thigh.
“Oh. My. God. Something has me!” I jumped into Levi’s arms. He caught me effortlessly and chuckled.
“What’s so funny? There’s something down there. Is it a shark? A flesh-eating fish?” Levi pulled me closer and dipped his hand down into the water, pulling out a fistful of seaweed.
“Here’s the culprit. I don’t see any deadly teeth, but why don’t you get a closer look.” He dangled the seaweed over my stomach as I clung to him for dear life.
“Stop!” I screeched with laughter.
Discarding the seaweed back into the ocean, Levi looked down at me, his blue eyes accentuated by the sun.
“I refuse to touch the bottom,” I whispered, trying to shift gears back to the killer seaweed and not how delicious he looked in the sun.
With a bit of maneuvering, he positioned me on his back. I resisted the urge to lick it, mostly because it was covered in ocean water and would be salty. Levi wasn’t overly built, but toned in all the right places. I was a sucker for a nice back.
“Here, wrap your legs around me.” I did as he said and found myself being carted around on Levi’s back, enjoying the ocean, minus the creepy-crawlies that lurked beneath.
“Is this good?” he asked as he waded out deeper into the water.
Resting my head against his back, I smiled. “It’s perfect.” And it was. Way better than Ben and Jerry’s and yelling at romance movies on TV.
***
“I had a good time.” I played with the ends of my hair, trying to avoid eye contact with Levi. I really did have a good time, much more than I expected I would. Something had changed though. A shift in how we looked at each other. That chemistry was always there, now that I thought about it, from the first day that we met and I yelled at him. Now, it was more pronounced and much harder to ignore.
“I did too. I’m glad we got to hang out.” My heart rate quickened. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him lick his lips. I could almost taste them against mine, but I wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. It wasn’t for a lack of attraction, but I didn’t want to go from one relationship to the next, to use Levi as a means to forget how badly Parker had hurt me. There was still a lot of closure needed with Parker as well. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of us. Right? But my God, did I want to kiss him, to just have something for myself for once.
“I can’t kiss you, Levi,” I blurted out, turning toward him. I expected Levi to look at me like I was stupid, but he didn’t; he laughed softly before gently stroking my cheek.
“I know, Raindrop.”
I opened my eyes that I hadn’t even realized I closed. “Goodbye,” I said as I opened the car door.
“Have a good night.”
I stood on the sidewalk and waved as he drove away.
Once inside my house, I showered and changed into my pajamas. I didn’t turn on sappy romance movies or hide under my blanket. I watched a comedy and didn’t once think about the melting Ben and Jerry’s that had been sitting on my counter since this morning.