‘For crying out loud!’ Harriet slammed her phone on the counter and picked up her laptop.
‘What’s up?’ Nancy asked as she applied her make up.
They were both in Harriet’s room getting ready to go for dinner whilst the children were playing in Nancy’s room – the adjoining door left open so that they could keep an eye on them. Though children playing loosely translated to Harriet’s two playing and Jack sitting on the bed with his iPad. Standard practice now. Harriet’s two barely noticed Jack anymore.
‘Bloody work – as per frickin’ usual.’ She punched away at the keys as she logged into her laptop.
‘Was this holiday not supposed to be a break for you, Hari?’ Nancy raised her eyebrows and Harriet tried to not bite, because her stress level was currently at 98 per cent and she wasn’t about to take it out on her best friend.
‘I would love nothing more than to have a complete break from work but these idiots I employ seem to be incapable of making a decision without running it by me first!’
‘You know why that is, don’t you?’ Nancy replied as Harriet shook her head. ‘Because if it goes wrong, it’s their fault and you’ll fire them. If you take the responsibility of OK-ing something, it’s off their shoulders and onto yours.’
‘I wouldn’t fire them if it went wrong.’ Another eyebrow raise from Nancy. ‘I wouldn’t!’
‘Last year – Mr Yao?’
Shit. ‘Ok, well he deserved to be fired because his mistake was of epic proportions.’
‘And you were on your period,’ Nancy said under her breath, but Harriet heard.
She threw a pillow at her friend. ‘I was not! I am not that unprofessional!’
‘Hari, I know – I’m joking! Jeez!’
‘Sorry, I’m just a little stressed, that’s all.’ She turned her attention back to the screen and loaded up her emails and the spreadsheet for the company.
‘You are a good businesswoman – no one ever doubts that. You are the most successful woman I know and you work bloody hard for it. And it’s only because I love you that I am willing to overlook the fact that you invited me away for a girls’ holiday and have spent 90 per cent of our first two days here on your phone or on your laptop.’ Nancy didn’t move her eyes away from the mirror as she applied her mascara.
Harriet stopped and looked at her friend, a twinge of guilt settling into the pit of her stomach. ‘I know, I’m sorry. I just … need to make this work.’
‘It is working – your company won Essex Business of The Year last year after just four years of trading and you won businesswoman of the year. You’re totally smashing it, Hari; you just need to learn when to give yourself a break.’
‘Nance, if I gave myself a break, those awards wouldn’t have been mine. It’s because I work so hard that we got them.’
‘Being businesswoman of the year is great but what good is it if you don’t have friends or family around to share it with?’ The air between them because instantly tense at Nancy’s comment, which Harriet took as a reference to her husband leaving her. Andy walking out had been the biggest kick in the teeth after Harriet had spent years building up her company so she could be a valid, contributing member of the family. She’d done it for them – for all of them – but he’d never been able to see that.
‘Low blow, Nance.’
Nancy frowned but then the penny dropped. ‘Come on, don’t be over-sensitive, I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘Yes you did,’ Harriet said, punching away at her keyboard without looking at her friend for fear of her eyes betraying how much that comment hurt. And it hurt because she knew it was true.
Nancy swivelled round on her seat. ‘I didn’t, I didn’t mean it to come out how it did. I just meant you deserve a break after all your hard work.’
Now it was Harriet’s turn to swivel round. ‘No, you meant that because I worked so hard my husband left me and our children and I lost a shitload of friends in the process. If I could call them friends – can’t have been very good mates if they were willing to drop me the second I couldn’t go out every weekend because I was too busy earning a living.’ It was a sore subject and Nancy knew it. ‘It’s a cheap shot, Nance.’
‘Hey, my husband left me too! I’m not judging you for it!’
‘This isn’t a fucking competition, Nance – who has the shittiest husband!’ Harriet’s heart was racing now as she battled to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t do crying – it was a sign of weakness and she wasn’t weak. She was a lot of things – shit at being a housewife, a lame mother at times, a rubbish cook and a workaholic – but she wasn’t weak.
Nancy stood up and walked back into her room, slamming the door behind her.
Harriet sat for a minute looking at the screen of numbers and Excel spreadsheets trying to blink away the moisture that was filling her eyes. After a moment she slammed the laptop lid closed and walked into the bathroom. If she was going to do this crying lark, she needed to do it in the shower where no one would see her.
She threw the bathroom door shut and leaned onto the sink, looking at her face in the mirror. Her perfect hair was still in place and her outfit today screamed Milan catwalk, but inside she was broken.
She took a tissue and dabbed at the corners of her eyes where tears were threatening to spill over. ‘Damn emotions!’ she sniffed. ‘This is why I like business meetings – no fucking emotion involved. Just get the job done and get out. None of this stupid crying malarkey. I mean what is that about?’ She paused and looked at herself in the mirror again. ‘And this is why you’re single, Hari – you need to stop talking to yourself!’
She sat on the closed toilet seat and shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths as her racing heartbeat slowed to a steady pulse. It wasn’t even that mean a comment from Nancy, Harriet had had worse said to her. The fact that she overreacted to this conversation didn’t go unmissed by her. But she was already feeling exposed about the situation and whilst most of the time she pushed all the thoughts and feelings associated with her ex to the back of her mind, occasionally they seeped out and consumed her. It wasn’t enough that she felt stressed and inadequate as a mum, she also missed Andy. A lot. She’d been devastated when he’d left but she’d masked her true upset. Now it was too late to reconcile with him as he had moved on and had nothing to do with Harriet or the children. That alone told her he wasn’t worth it – it didn’t stop her missing him though. Missing the times they’d had. Before the children and prior to Harriet starting up her own company, the two of them had had lots of fun together. They just weren’t strong enough to grow into adulthood together. And as for the friends, well, who needed loads of friends anyway? She had Nancy and the people at work, and they all understood. It stung when she stopped getting invited out to things, but she soon learned to get over it and concentrate on what really mattered. It was much easier to throw herself into work than to address why people didn’t want to be around her anymore. She didn’t like the person she had become – she didn’t need others telling her they felt the same too.
She shook her head and straightened up. Hissy fit over, she had some emails to send.