‘Did you find him?’ Harriet asked as Nancy approached feeling disappointed.
‘Yeah but he was busy so we are going back later.’ Nancy smiled at Jack who sat down on the floor next to the loungers. She pulled his sketch pad out of her bag and handed it to him along with his pencil case. Drawing was another one of his favourite things to do and it was something Nancy loved herself. As she watched him open up his pad and continue with a drawing he had been working on she decided to join him on the floor and take an interest. ‘What are you drawing?’ she asked.
‘It’s a castle.’
She didn’t need to ask, she could clearly see what it was. Jack’s drawing skills were off the scale for a seven-year-old. One way he differed from the average child artist, was that he drew everything scaled down from the original measurements. So his castle was an accurate representation of one he had found online. But he wasn’t copying now; he was doing it from memory. ‘I like this part,’ Nancy said, pointing to the drawbridge.
‘That’s my favourite part too.’ He smiled at her. ‘Can you see, it has a perfect 135-degree angle right there?’
Harriet laughed. ‘Jack, you are a mathematical wizard! You should be an architect or something when you grow up.’
Jack nodded as he drew but he didn’t seem to respond to the question itself, he was too enthralled in what he was doing and he only really had space in his mind to engage with one person at a time, and that was Nancy right now. Nancy smiled at Harriet for getting involved.
‘Jack, can I have some paper so I can do some drawing too?’
He seemed very excited about this and rapidly tore a sheet out of his book and gave it to her. ‘Here, you can use my pencils too.’
‘Thank you.’ She moved to stand up but Jack placed his hand on her arm.
‘Mummy, stay here with me.’
Nancy just wanted to grab him and squeeze so hard. He wanted to be with her. Of course they had spent time together before but everything just felt different, it felt real. Was it because Nancy herself was relaxing more? Was that why it felt different? She smiled at him and said, ‘Of course I will.’ Jack resumed his drawing and Nancy rummaged in his pencil case for a pencil. ‘So, what have you been up to?’ she asked Harriet as she began to sketch.
‘Well Isla is in kids’ club – she wanted to go, before you say anything.’
Nancy held her hands up. ‘I didn’t say a word!’
‘I know but, well you know, just in case. And Tommy is asleep in here.’ She used her foot to indicate the pram beside the table. ‘So I’m using this time to check emails and delegate stuff so that when the children are awake and present, I can do stuff with them.’
‘Sounds like you have it all under control – well done. And how are you feeling in yourself?’
‘Yeah I’m fine. You know me, just get on and do things.’ She smiled. ‘So come on, how’s your life planning going? Maybe you should speak to Jayne about where you need to focus on and move forward.’
‘I spoke to Jack; he said he doesn’t want to see Pete.’
‘He’s a smart lad.’ Harriet replied but got a warning look from Nancy.
‘So I guess I have to accept everyone’s decisions and leave it now. Pete clearly isn’t interested and Jack’s happy with how things are – so that’s it, I guess.’
‘Has Pete tried to contact you again?’
‘No.’
‘And did you reply to the text?’
‘I didn’t actually. I was going to but when Jack said he didn’t want to see him, I thought I’d just leave it. Do you think I did the right thing?’
‘Do I! Bloody hell, yes of course I do! Well done girl.’ Harriet spotted someone over Nancy’s shoulder and waved. Nancy followed her wave, looking behind her and she couldn’t help the smile spread across her face the instant she saw him. ‘Don’t fancy him, my arse!’ Harriet hissed.
‘Excuse me?’ Nancy laughed.
‘You practically salivate at the very sight of him and you’re telling me that you don’t want anything to happen between you two! Bullsh—’
‘Alright ladies?’
‘Hey, how are you?’ Nancy swivelled on her bum to face him and did an up and down check of what Cameron was wearing. She was no style guru but she did notice that Cameron was always dressed well. Today he was wearing a navy long sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up and buttoned, with white shorts and beige slip-ons. He had a big chunky watch on his left arm which Nancy knew wasn’t a cheap brand and his sunglasses were designer too. The guy knew how to present himself – it was an attractive trait to have.
‘I’m good thanks; we’ve just been down to the beach to look at the boats.’ He pulled his hand out of his pocket to point towards the beach and then resumed his stance with both hands casually deposited in his shorts pockets.
‘Yeah I know,’ Nancy replied and then stumbled over her words. ‘I mean, I wasn’t stalking you or anything, we were just down there, me and Jack … we saw you.’ Why was she rambling? She needed to chill.
‘Oh really? Why didn’t you come and say hi – we could’ve shown Jack the boats.’
‘Well, that’s the thing; Jack was actually asking to see Aiden.’
Cameron raised his eyebrows. ‘Really?’ Nancy nodded. ‘Well, I’ll be damned. Shall I go get him and we can maybe go for a bite to eat?’
Nancy looked round to Harriet. ‘Oh, so you remember I’m here,’ Harriet joked. ‘It’s fine, go, have fun.’ She waved her friend off with her arm.
‘Looks like I’m coming.’
‘Great, meet you in half hour at the fish and chip place by the beach?’
Nancy nodded and Cameron walked off, shouting goodbye to Harriet as he went. ‘Well, well, well, look who’s dumping her mate to go and spend time with the hot guy.’
‘Hot doctor,’ Nancy corrected, and Harriet sat up.
‘Say what now?’
‘He’s a neonatal surgeon.’
‘Shut the front door!’ Nancy nodded. ‘You are smooching with a hot doctor who works with babies – oh my ovaries!’ Harriet groaned and held her stomach.
‘Shut up you fool!’ Nancy chucked a towel at Harriet who caught it at the last minute and poked her tongue out. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’
‘It’s not me you should be asking.’ She nodded to Jack.
Nancy pulled a face and then turned to her son. ‘Jack, Cameron has invited me and you to lunch with him and Aiden.’
‘I don’t want to.’
Nancy glanced at Harriet and she willed her to continue.
‘Why not, I thought you wanted to tell Aiden about your favourite colour?’
‘But the people…’
‘It will just be me and you and Aiden and his dad, that’s all.’
Harriet watched, waiting for Jack’s final response. Eventually he said, ‘Spose so.’
‘Now go,’ Harriet said, lying back on the lounger and picking up her phone. ‘Go before he changes his mind again!’
***
Nancy felt Jack clasp her hand tighter as they approached the table where Cameron and Aiden were sitting. She paused for a second before they saw them and turned to Jack. ‘You OK, sweetie?’ She had a last minute stab of guilt as Jack’s hand squeezed hers. Had she forced him to come here for her own personal gain? Maybe she shouldn’t have pushed it? She wanted him to make friends with Aiden but equally, she had wanted to see Cameron. Now she felt guilty for letting her own selfish reasons take over her actions. Jack nodded that he was OK and it went some way to making her feel a little better ‘We’ll have fun. And if at any time you want to leave, you just tell me, alright?’ Another nod. ‘Come on then.’ She gave his hand one last squeeze and then strode up to the table, greeting them both with a smile.
Aiden was wearing the cutest little shirt and shorts combo, matching Cameron’s style perfectly. They looked sweet together, both perusing the menu as they waited for their guests. Aiden’s little face lit up when he saw Nancy and Jack and he instantly waved excitedly.
‘Hey you two, really nice to see you here.’ Cameron stood and leaned over to kiss Nancy on the cheek. It was the first time he had done that. It felt a little weird, and a tad too formal considering they had spent time together prior to today. However, Nancy enjoyed the closeness of it. As he leaned in she got a whiff of his aftershave and she found herself getting a little kick from it. She let him brush his lips over her cheek as he softly kissed her and then, as he drew back, he gave her elbow a little gentle squeeze. It was almost like he could read her mind and he knew just how big this moment was for Jack. His attention then drew to Jack and he simply said, ‘Hello little man.’ Smiling, he returned to his seated position. She was glad he didn’t try and shake Jack’s hand or ask him any questions, it was hard enough for him just to be here – he needed to take this at his own pace and Cameron seemed to sense this. Nancy took real comfort from Cameron when he was around. He had a way of making her feel completely relaxed about Jack’s autism. It was like they were a team. Cameron got it. The fact he had experience with his cousin’s child and also that he worked with children – he was clearly a very compassionate and caring type of person naturally. So when he was around them, it sort of rubbed off on to Nancy and she instantly felt calmer and more capable of taking on whatever was needed to get through. She had a feeling that if Cameron was around when Jack had a meltdown he would totally be able to handle it and keep her calm at the same time. Like a father should. Or a husband. But he was neither of these to Nancy or Jack. Yet here she was, wanting to spend all her time with him.
Nancy indicated a chair to Jack – the one next to Aiden but Jack hesitated. She then pointed to her one, next to Cameron and Jack nodded and sat down. He was clearly having an attack of nerves, which was fine. He hadn’t run away yet or asked to leave so it was still progress. Painfully slow progress, but progress nonetheless.
She smiled at Aiden. ‘Hey Aiden, you OK?’
‘Yep! I got this from the boats earlier, look.’ He held out a piece of rope.
‘Wow!’ Nancy feigned interest.
‘When he says it’s from the boat, he means he found it on the floor, near the boat, so of course he had to pick it up and bring it back.’ Cameron rolled his eyes and Nancy laughed.
‘The amount of things we have come home with after days out. Jack always used to like to bring home stones. All different shapes and sizes, different colours, different textures … Hundreds of them. Didn’t you?’ She aimed a question at Jack to gauge how he was feeling. He nodded but stayed focused on the ground.
‘Jack do you want to look at this game I’ve got on my tablet?’ Aiden held up his tablet, reiterating his offer. But Jack just shook his head. Nancy tried to hide the disappointment in her face. This wasn’t working.
‘Jack, we had something we wanted to say to Aiden and Cameron, didn’t we? Do you remember what it was?’ Jack shrugged and Nancy felt her sadness turn to frustration. He was bloody fine about this before and now they were here, it was like they’d never had that conversation. ‘Jack and I wanted to say thank you for making such a fantastic little booklet – we really enjoyed reading all about the things you both liked and disliked. And Jack actually found that he liked some of the things that you do Aiden.’
‘Oh yeah? Like what?’ Aiden was engaged, cooperative and interested. Nancy tried really hard not to compare her son to others but when she was faced with a boy of the same age behaving like this, she found it really hard to not grieve for the son she didn’t have. And instantly she was also hit by a monumental feeling of guilt for even feeling those things. It was an emotional rollercoaster being Jack’s mum.
Nancy looked over to her son. ‘Jack? What did you want to tell Aiden about?’ Nothing. ‘Was it about your favourite colour?’ Still nothing. She shuffled in her seat to cover up the irritation that was starting to seep out. She turned to Aiden. ‘Jacks favourite colour is also orange – like yours.’
‘Ah that’s cool. My pencil case at school is orange and my backpack.’
Nancy spotted Jack’s head rise slightly at all the talk of orange. She didn’t look directly at him in case he went back into himself, but the more Aiden spoke about all the orange things he had, the more Jack seemed to take an interest. Maybe it was because they were talking between themselves, not directly at him. She had noticed a few times recently that sometimes it helped to not directly address him, but to let him come into a conversation when he was ready. So by talking to Aiden in this way Jack’s interest had been piqued indirectly. Another thing she had learnt about Jack on this holiday.
Aiden excitedly exclaimed, ‘And I like to eat oranges too.’
‘I don’t like eating them.’
All three of them stopped and looked at Jack. It was the first time he had addressed the others in a conversation and even though he wasn’t looking at them, this was huge progress. Nancy wanted to jump up and down and scream with joy, but she composed herself rapidly and tried to see how far she could push it.
‘That’s right, you don’t like oranges. What fruit do you like Jack?’
He still didn’t look up but he said, ‘Grapes, apples and pineapple.’
‘I love pineapple!’ Aiden said, and Jack actually looked up at him – although Nancy was pretty sure it was because Aiden’s voice went a few decibels louder with the excitement and not actually because he wanted to interact. But it was all progress. This is what she kept telling herself.
‘I like pineapple too,’ Cameron added and when Nancy looked at him, he smiled.
‘You also like Countryfile if I remember correctly,’ Nancy mocked and Cameron’s face brightened.
‘Oh, I see, you’re going to mock my answers in the booklet. Listen there’s nothing wrong with liking Countryfile, it’s an awesome programme. What’s yours then? Seeing as I don’t have the upper hand right now by having had a booklet to revise on you prior to our meeting.’
‘Don’t be jealous just because I studied and you didn’t.’
‘Come on then, I want favourite TV show, colour and food from you.’ He crossed his arms but had a smirk drawn across his face.
Aiden was now typing away on his tablet and Nancy could see Jack was looking, but not yet moving. She left him for now – he was better if he could do things in his own time, she told herself. Don’t ruin all the hard work by pushing too fast.
‘OK, favourite TV show has to be The Great British Bake Off.’
‘Oh, do you like to bake then?’
‘Nope, can’t do it. But I like watching other people bake.’
‘Colour?’
‘Purple.’
‘Food?’
‘Ah, well now you see this is a tough one because food is one of my favourite things so it’s hard for me to pick just one.’ She pretended to put a lot of thought into her answer and she could hear Cameron sniggering. ‘What?’
‘I’ve just never known anyone to put so much thought into a food related question before, that’s all. You go ahead, think away.’
‘Right hang on; are we talking savoury or sweet?’
‘Up to you.’ He smiled.
‘And do you mean like dinner sort of food, or snack food?’
‘Oh my goodness, Nancy, just your favourite food,’ he laughed. ‘What food is your absolute favourite? If you were on a desert island and you could only take one piece of food, or snack, or meal … what would it be?’ He was laughing as he spoke and Nancy couldn’t help but laugh along with him.
‘I don’t see what all the laughing is for; it was a perfectly valid question I was asking.’
‘And it’s a perfectly simple question I asked; without thinking, right now, favourite food … GO!’ He pointed at her grinning.
‘Erm … err … a … um…’
‘Don’t think about it, what comes to mind right now?’
‘I don’t know … um.’ She glanced at the table and saw the vinegar. ‘Chips.’
‘Chips?’
‘I don’t know, I panicked and saw the vinegar. I can’t deal with pressure like that. ‘
‘Nancy, I asked your favourite food not the world’s hardest math equation. You are a wally.’
‘Wally! That’s it!’
He looked at her confused. ‘What’s it?’
‘Wallies? My favourite food.’
‘What the hell is a wally?’
‘A wally!’
‘Repeating it doesn’t make me understand,’ He held his hands out in confusion and shrugged.
‘It’s a gherkin.’
‘Oh, I love gherkins!’
‘Me too!’
‘I don’t like gherkins,’ Jack piped up and both Cameron and Nancy burst out laughing again.