‘Hey, you OK?’
Harriet glanced over her phone and was welcomed by Jayne’s beaming smile. ‘Hey,’ she replied, putting her phone down.
‘You’re not working, are you?’ Jayne said, teasing her, because she knew full well that she was working.
‘I am but it’s only a few emails. Tommy is in the kids’ club because they were doing music and he loves playing instruments,’ something she had learned about him whilst away, ‘and Isla is playing with her new little friend she has made in the kids’ pool just there.’ Harriet pointed her out to prove that she knew where she was and that she wasn’t neglecting her children in favour of work.
Jayne sat down beside her. ‘I’m only messing, I wasn’t testing you on your parenting skills. Is everything OK?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah, course. Why wouldn’t it be?’
‘Well, you just seem a bit edgy, that all.’
‘I’m fine, just dealing with the mother from hell, that’s all.’ As she said this, her phone began to ring and her sister’s name flashed up. Harriet immediately pressed the end call button and then looked at Jayne who was staring at her confused. ‘I can’t be dealing with her right now.’
‘Fair enough.’ This was the good thing about Jayne; she knew when to push for conversations and when to just leave them. And as much as Harriet liked talking to her, she wasn’t in the mood to go through all of her problems again. She was learning to let things go over her head but she wasn’t completely immune to it all yet.
Harriet moved the focus from her. ‘All OK with you guys? Where are your little ones?’
Jayne pointed over to the other side of the pool. ‘Richard’s over there with the two of them. We’ve only just come down but I saw you sitting here alone so I thought I’d come over and say hi. Where’s Nancy?’
‘She’s up in the room.’ She knew what was coming.
Jayne looked concerned. ‘Everything OK?’
Harriet checked around her to make sure no one was listening. ‘Jack went missing temporarily last night.’ Jayne gasped. ‘Yeah I know, I was looking after him whilst Nancy went for dinner and he wanted to see her but instead of coming to me, he just left.’ She was sure Nancy wouldn’t mind her telling Jayne. Harriet needed someone to talk to who wasn’t so involved in the situation. Nancy liked Jayne – she seemed like the obvious choice.
‘Oh my God, is he OK? Is she OK?’ She noticeably went a little paler, as any parent would on hearing this news.
Harriet nodded. ‘Yeah they’re fine, just shaken up I think. But they wanted a day in the room, just to spend some time together, I think, it was quite an emotional night.’
‘I can imagine, oh poor Nancy. And how are you feeling?’
‘Well, you know, he was in my care so I feel awful, but Nancy isn’t mad at me so…’ She trailed off. Even though no one was mad at her for it, she still felt responsible for not anticipating that he might do that. ‘He left when I was in the toilet.’ Jayne smiled reassuringly as Harriet cancelled another call from Bethany that flashed up again. ‘I feel like my life is hard sometimes, but what Nancy has to deal with is on a completely different level. I just don’t know how she does it. And single-handed too. She puts me to shame.’ Harriet laughed even though there was truth in what she was saying.
‘You’re doing a great job too. No one is going to be happy and positive all the time – just make sure you surround yourself with the people who lift you up, not batter you down.’
Harriet thought of her mother. ‘I can’t shut everyone out of my life though, can I? It’s not that simple.’
Jayne had an amazing skill of reading between the lines so she clearly understood what Harriet meant. ‘You’re right; some people are harder to not listen to. But just remember that you do have people around you who are there for you so try and take everyone else with a pinch of salt.’ She stood up. ‘Hang on a minute.’ And she ran off back to where her husband was sitting.
Harriet’s phone vibrated again – Bethany. Why did she keep calling her? She cancelled the call again. She probably just wanted to brag about how well she was doing without any help from anyone else. It was clear her mum had been on the phone to her sister, probably bad-mouthing how Harriet had spoken to her and about how she couldn’t look after her own kids.
‘Mummy, look. That girl gave me some cards.’ Harriet inspected the cards in Isla’s hands – they were snap cards with animals on. ‘Can we play?’
Harriet smiled. ‘Of course we can, come and sit here.’ She tapped the end of the sun lounger and crossed her legs.
‘What do I need to do?’ Isla asked, holding the cards out.
‘OK, so we shuffle like this.’ Isla gasped at Harriet’s shuffling skills. ‘And then we have to share the cards out equally. One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…’
‘Can I do it? I want to do it? Let me do it?’ Isla practically pulled the cards out of Harriet’s hands and began sharing them out. ‘One for Mummy, one for Isla, one for Mummy, one for Isla … whoops!’ she dropped the pack on the floor.
‘Never mind, pick them up and carry on.’ Harriet smiled at her daughter. She could do this; she could make this new routine work when they got home. Because this was what she wanted, time like this to play and get to know the children without work screaming down her ear all the time. Jayne was right, she needed to channel out the bad and embrace the good.
Jayne came back over with her phone. ‘Ooh, you’re playing cards! I love cards.’
‘You wanna play?’ Isla asked and before waiting for an answer, gathered up all the cards and tried to shuffle them, resulting in more dropped cards on the floor.
‘Oh sweetheart I can’t right now but maybe another time?’ Jayne’s face lit up with her smile and as she sat down again, her auburn hair fell over one shoulder and draped down into her lap. Isla nodded and set about picking up the cards.
‘I want to give you my number, Harriet. I would really like to stay in touch once we leave, maybe we could meet up sometime.’
Harriet nodded. ‘Yeah, that would be nice.’ She recited her own number to Jayne and then took hers down too. ‘We must only be about an hour away from each other so we could quite easily do a day trip out or something. Nancy would like that too I reckon.’ Another change she wanted to implement – make new friends and enjoy being around other mums. Although she wasn’t sure the mums at the school were the right mums to be around. Maybe she would take lead from Nancy and Jayne for this one.
‘Sounds great. Well listen, we are off later today – I can’t believe it’s time to go home already, feels like just yesterday that we arrived.’
‘Yeah I know what you mean, we leave tomorrow. I’m dreading going back. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to get back to work and make sure everything is still standing,’ she laughed. ‘But there will be some big changes put in place when we get back so it’s going to be … well … an experience.’
Jayne put her hand on Harriet’s shoulder and gently squeezed it. ‘You’ll be fine. Just remember to keep talking to people – and you’ve got my number now so no excuses for bottling anything up.’
Harriet smiled and nodded. ‘I promise.’
‘Mummy?’ Isla tugged on her arm and handed her the phone. ‘It’s Auntie Bethany – she wants to talk to you.’
Harriet exhaled and looked at Jayne who laughed. ‘Kids hey?’
‘Enjoy!’ she replied and walked off giggling.
***
Nancy heard a knock on the door and slowly got up from the bed so she didn’t wake Jack. He had finally crashed out about twenty minutes ago so she was hoping that would help him recover a bit from the anxiety of last night’s events. She reached the door and opened it to reveal Cameron’s face. He was smiling but Nancy could see the concern behind it. He hid it well but she had only too often seen people look at her like this.
‘A little birdy tells me you requested some ice cream?’ He held out his hands and presented two Mr Whippy style ice creams.
But then he did things like this and Nancy’s heart ached to spend time with him. ‘Oh, you’re sweet,’ Nancy laughed. ‘But Jack’s asleep.’
‘How is he?’
She nodded. ‘He’s OK.’
‘And you?’ He lowered his head a little to catch her eye contact and she felt the butterflies in her stomach rear up a little.
‘I’m … OK.’ Code for – I’m coping but I don’t want to talk about it.
‘Hmm, not sure I believe you.’ He looked at the ice creams. ‘Anyway, I’ll let you get some rest, here.’ He handed both ice creams to her. ‘Go wild.’
‘What? I can’t have them both.’
‘Why not? You’re on holiday, calories don’t count. It’s the law.’ He winked at her.
She felt bad. He had really helped her out last night; she couldn’t just dismiss him like this. They could have a friendship; she just needed to make sure it didn’t go too far and that Jack didn’t feel pushed out. But he was asleep, so a chat and an ice cream would be OK. ‘I’ll tell you what; if you don’t have anywhere to be right now, why don’t you join me and you can have Jack’s?’
He smiled and stepped inside. ‘Sounds like a plan.’
‘We can sit on the balcony and then I’ll still be able to see Jack if he wakes up. Is that OK?’ She also didn’t want Jack to wake up and immediately see a man in his room.
‘Of course it is – whatever you need to do. I get an ice cream so I’m happy.’
They sat on the balcony which over looked the pool area and Nancy could see Harriet in the distance playing cards with Isla. It was kind of nice to be on the periphery of all the goings on downstairs. Distant enough from it to not feel suffocated but able to still embrace the joviality of holiday-goers. ‘So where’s Aiden?’
‘Kids’ club,’ he replied. ‘He loves that place. I reckon he would be in there the whole holiday if he had a choice. He does like to make me feel loved, that boy.’ He laughed.
‘He’s such a great little boy. He’s a real credit to you.’ Cameron nodded and smiled, but didn’t say anything. ‘And technically, it was Aiden who introduced us,’ she added, continuing to eat her ice cream and not looking at him.
‘That is very true. My little wingman. I approve of his choice, too.’
Nancy blushed and kept her eyes looking forward. ‘You charmer.’
‘Hey, I try. You’re not very good at taking compliments are you?’ Cameron said with a grin.
‘Guess I’m not used to getting them.’ That much was true. Pete was never one for giving full-blown compliments. More like observational comments such as ‘you don’t look as tired today’ or ‘I take it Jack got you up early today then?’ when she was able to put together a more comprehensive outfit choice owing to the additional time gained of getting ready some mornings due to Jack’s early wake ups.
‘Jack’s dad wasn’t the complimenting type?’ he probed.
Nancy shrugged. ‘Guess you could say that. He was more the type to get straight to the point and get the job done.’ Cameron coughed and Nancy immediately realised what that sounded like. ‘Oh my God, I didn’t mean that!’ she laughed. ‘I just meant he wasn’t flouncy with his words.’
‘Oh so I’m flouncy now am I? Makes me sound pretty.’ He pulled a posing face, pouting his lips out and placed his hands around his face to frame it.
‘Shut up.’ She tutted. ‘So come on then, what’s your ex like, seeing as we have broken that seal of talking about exes.’ It was OK to broach this subject now because she had decided there would be no romance between them. She was going to look at this as a friendship so it was fine to talk about taboo subjects like exes. She wasn’t probing for her own gain; she was taking an interest in her new friend.
Cameron noticeably sobered. ‘She is … was … hard work.’
‘Hard work?’ She licked round the edge of her ice cream as it dripped down the side of the cone, melting in the heat of the sunshine.
‘Yes. I guess she just didn’t know what she wanted in life and when we got Aiden she realised she didn’t want the family life she signed up for. So … she left.’ His face was sad as he reminisced. Nancy recognised the look behind his eyes. She had seen it before when he spoke about family stuff. She knew there was more than met the eye with him.
Nancy shook her head. ‘No disrespect to her, but I don’t think I could have a baby and then leave it. But I guess parenting isn’t for everyone.’ She tried to be tactful in what she was saying. But inside she knew she could never leave Jack and didn’t understand how Aiden’s mother could.
‘No,’ he replied, simply. Not elaborating.
Nancy found herself saying, ‘But to make that decision to have a baby and go through all the pregnancy and then decide actually it’s not what you want and leave, that’s got to take some decision-making. I can’t imagine the emotional rollercoaster you both must have gone through.’
He exhaled hard, not moving his gaze from looking out at the pool area. ‘It’s more complicated than that.’
Nancy looked over to him but he wouldn’t look at her. ‘Oh?’ she pressed.
He pursed his lips, looking like he was building up to something. The silence that followed was immense, but Nancy could almost feel the pressure to stay quiet, to let this play out. He was obviously struggling with something and wanted to talk, so she didn’t press it, instead, waiting patiently until he finally spoke. ‘We aren’t Aiden’s biological parents.’
Nancy paused, momentarily confused. It didn’t make sense but, after a moment’s silence, the penny dropped. ‘You mean…’
He nodded. ‘Aiden’s adopted. We adopted him when he was eighteen months old.’
‘Wow,’ she breathed. They sat in stillness for a moment whilst the information sank in. Nancy checked over her shoulder to make sure Jack was still asleep on the bed. She could see his little arms poking out from under the thin sheet she had placed over him. She loved him so much. She was so glad to have him back with her, have him safe. She could never be without him. She turned back to Cameron, suddenly thinking of Aiden’s role in all this. ‘Does he know?’
Cameron shook his head, looking at her for the first time since saying the words aloud. ‘No, not yet.’
‘Will you tell him?’ She kept her eyes on his. Now she knew why he had sadness behind that smile. The poor guy had clearly been through quite an ordeal over the last few years. There was so much depth to him and it really caused a battle of emotions within her. She knew what she had to do – for Jack – but her insides cried out to comfort Cameron. To touch him. To hold him. To kiss him.
‘I’ll have to at some point. But not yet. The poor little guy was left by his birth parents and then one of his adoptive parents leaves too. I can’t put him through that, not at his age.’ She could see his broken heart, as if he was wearing it on his shirt for all to see. But not everyone could see his pain, and he had chosen to share this with her. It made him vulnerable and she had the power to take that moment and keep it forever, just between them.
‘So, you just raise him by yourself?’ Cameron nodded. ‘And you work as a surgeon?’ Another nod. ‘Jeez, hats off to you.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m just doing what anyone else would do. I love that little guy so much – it doesn’t matter where he came from, he’s my son.’ He pulled at his shirt. ‘So that’s what this tattoo is – the top one is his birthday and the second date is the date I officially became his daddy. Both dates just as important to me.’
Nancy’s heart swelled with happiness as she listened to how Cameron spoke about Aiden. ‘Well, you’re clearly doing a very good job because he has turned out to be such an awesome little man. You should be proud.’
‘I am.’ He looked at Nancy. ‘I wish everyone was as nice as you.’
She frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
He moved his gaze back out to the pool and focused on the distance. ‘I just don’t get as much support from everyone as I would like, that’s all.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
He shrugged ‘You’re very lucky to have Harriet. Friends are so important, aren’t they?’ She nodded. ‘My friends aren’t very supportive of my current situation.’ He went quiet so Nancy just left him to it, let him have the silence. She just needed to be a pair of ears right now and it was comforting for her to not be talking about her own problems right now.
‘When we got Aiden, everyone was really positive and excited. We had a new baby, everyone wanted to come and meet him and the guys were great. But then things fell apart and broke down between me and the ex and when she left, the guys couldn’t understand why I kept Aiden.’
Nancy gasped. ‘Did they think you would just give him back or something?’ The sheer outrageousness of the thought of it made her face contort in disbelief.
He shrugged. ‘Who knows? But I became this single father who, when I wasn’t working, I was at home with my child and they kept asking me if I was doing the right thing and why didn’t I just explain to the adoption agency that my circumstances had changed and give him back.’
‘That’s awful. If anything, that little guy needed you more than ever.’
He turned and smiled at her, slight humour behind his eyes. ‘That’s exactly what I said.’ She smiled back. ‘Your ice cream is dripping.’
Nancy glanced down just as a huge drip landed on her lap. ‘Oh damn it.’ She wiped it with her hand and then licked round the edges to stop any further spillages. ‘So, are they still around, your friends?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah, they still talk to me but I never get invited anywhere anymore. I see all their photos of their nights out and parties and I just sit at home.’
‘It must be hard seeing all that.’
‘It is hard – don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change Aiden for the world. I love that little guy and I will always be there for him, but I do feel like I’ve been shoved into this little box where no one wants to know me.’ He turned to face her with his full body. ‘Nancy, I’m sorry for not turning up to our dinner date last night.’
With everything that had happened, she had forgotten about the dinner date – or lack of. She shrugged, it wasn’t important anymore, was it? ‘It’s fine.’
‘It’s not fine, I should have been there.’
She looked back at him. ‘Why weren’t you?’ She had planned to confront him about it but then after everything that happened, it just didn’t feel important anymore. But part of her was intrigued as to why he wasn’t there.
‘The other day I was in the foyer and I got a message from a friend. They told me that they had something to tell me, but they couldn’t do it over text, they needed to speak to me when I got home. But it was bothering me as this guy who texted me wasn’t the type to say cryptic stuff like that so I knew it must be serious.’
Nancy recalled the day she saw Cameron in the foyer. ‘That’s why you were so off when I spoke to you that day.’
He smiled. ‘Yeah, sorry about that, it was all kind of happening at once and I couldn’t concentrate on anything but what the message had said. I knew I needed to call him so I went up to my room so I could have some privacy.’
‘What did your friend say when you called him?’
Cameron’s face changed, he looked hurt. ‘He had seen one of my work colleagues out the night before. On a date.’ Cameron looked up at Nancy. ‘He was out with my ex.’
Nancy opened her mouth to talk but didn’t know what to say so stayed quiet, instead opting for an understanding nod.
‘I know we aren’t together, but it hurt.’
‘That’s understandable.’
‘I tried to forget about it, for Aiden’s sake, and I tried to continue to enjoy the holiday. But last night, as I was getting ready for our dinner, I got a phone call.’ He paused. ‘From my ex.’
Nancy used the tissue next to her to wipe her hands now that she had finished her ice cream. ‘Oh God, what did she say?’ Her eyes widened as the story unfolded.
‘She’s pregnant,’ he said, his body deflating with every breath until he looked every inch a broken man.
‘What?’ Nancy gasped.
Cameron nodded. ‘Yep. Turns out she and my colleague have been seeing each other for a little while now and they decided they wanted to have a baby. She fell pregnant almost instantly.’
‘But … she … but … Aiden?’ Nancy couldn’t communicate what she wanted to say. She wasn’t even sure she knew exactly what she did want to say. It didn’t make sense.
‘I know. That’s what I said. She left us because she said she wasn’t ready for the family commitment and then she goes off, meets some guy and decides that actually she does want it.’ He lifted his hand exasperated. ‘Clearly it was just me and Aiden she didn’t want.’
‘Oh Cameron,’ Nancy said, her eyebrows knitting together with sadness for him. What an awful thing for someone to have to go through. Cameron had always come across as a confident, sexy, funny kind of guy but he had so much going on in his life that he just didn’t show on the outside. He seemed a gentle soul, someone who worked in an emotional job, someone who loved being a father, so this must’ve been like a stab to the heart. She really felt sorry for him and the empathy etched itself all over her face. She hadn’t met his ex but she found herself disliking her very much for doing this to Cameron. All he wanted was a family and she’d betrayed him – and Aiden – and for what? So she could start a family with someone else. Nancy’s thoughts then turned to Aiden. Poor Aiden. He was such a jolly little boy who had no idea what was happening behind the scenes. Cameron had done a good job of making him into the boy he was today. She really hoped he wouldn’t be affected when he found out his mum had decided to abandon him and start a family with someone else. She kind of knew in her heart that Cameron would make sure Aiden was OK.
‘It shocked me, and I guess I just went into shutdown. I’m sorry, I should’ve come and told you but I couldn’t function and I didn’t want you to think I was being an arsehole so I thought the best option was to just cancel. After a while I went for a walk, to clear my head a bit whilst Aiden was with my sister and decided I would come and apologise in person, I thought you might still be there. I felt awful and annoyed at myself for letting that ruin our date when I really wanted to be there. That’s when Harriet called me and, well, you know the rest.’ Nancy nodded, reliving the thoughts of last night again. ‘I’m sorry I let you down.’
‘I think you made up for it by helping me find Jack.’ She smiled reassuringly. ‘Have you joined any parenting groups?’ she said suddenly, trying to lighten the mood.
Cameron laughed. ‘Give over. There aren’t any groups where I live that are for dads.’
‘You can go to any parenting groups – they aren’t just for mums, they’re for parents.’
‘Yeah but that’s when the children are newborns. Aiden’s at school now and I’m working. It just not that easy to make parent friends – especially as a dad.’
‘Well, you’ve made me and Harriet as friends so you can add us to your list.’
Cameron smiled and gazed back at her. They both sat there momentarily, just looking at one another. Cameron then broke the silence. ‘You’re special, you know that?’
‘Am I?’ she asked, unable to think of anything else to say. It had been a while since she had received so much attention. But today, with just the pair of them on that balcony, it felt much more intimate. He had shared something so private with her and it had completely messed with her plan to be just friends. She wanted him so much.
But … Jack…
Camron nodded. ‘Very special.’ He lifted his hand and moved it across to hers, holding it and gently rubbing his thumb across the top. ‘I know things are tough for you right now, but I just wanted to say that I think you’re doing a great job. I admire you.’
She laughed nervously and dropped her gaze. She felt completely out of her comfort zone, but she was enjoying it. His big soft hands resting on hers – she didn’t move hers, instead opting to let him hold her. It felt nice.
He turned more on his chair so that he was facing her straight on and took his other hand to cup hers. ‘Nancy, I want to ask you something, tell me if I’m overstepping the mark.’
She froze, her heart beating so fast she could hear the ringing in her ears. She looked back at him, his big blue eyes wide and inviting and his hair tousled to the side a little. He was the complete opposite to Pete, but she found that refreshing, energising.
‘OK,’ she replied, anxiously waiting for his next comment. It felt like everything had been put on mute around them and she zoned out the noise of the pool – children screaming and laughing, music playing, water spraying, she couldn’t hear any of it now. Just the sound of her heavy breathing and heartbeat pulsing through her head and…
‘Mummy!’