Nancy glanced around the restaurant as she waited for Harriet to return to the table. The one they had chosen to eat in tonight was the least plush of the three available options. The children had had a long day travelling and Nancy was tired too, so choosing the least fancy one suited her just fine. If Jack was to have an episode – which was always a possibility as they were in a new place – then she would feel more comfortable here, with fewer people to look down their noses at her. She wasn’t the type of person to judge others, especially when she knew how horrible it was when people judged her parenting and her son. But she had found that in places where a particular etiquette was expected – like highbrow restaurants – the consequences of a meltdown were not appreciated in the slightest. Children were expected to behave in a certain way and whilst that was understandable, it wasn’t always practical. She had been made to feel an outsider last year when out with Hari and the children at a posh restaurant in town. Hari had been given the table reservation as part of a contract and had chosen to take Nancy and Jack along with her as a treat. A waitress had dropped a tray of food, the noise was too loud for Jack and he became anxious and jittery. The waitress then came over to apologise and ruffled Jack’s hair but this was enough to tip him over the edge and it all fell apart from there. The looks on the faces of the other diners and the staff had been branded onto Nancy’s brain and regularly fuelled mild panic attacks. When she thought about that evening, she could still hear the voices saying things like ‘she should learn to control her child’ and ‘what’s wrong with him’.
Nowadays she much preferred restaurants with a more relaxed atmosphere towards children.
The tables were set up like picnic benches, but they were pimped up with padding on the seats and the tables were dressed as though they were eating at Buckingham palace; material napkins, beautiful cutlery and the most amazing flower arrangements encased within an ivory birdcage.
‘Do you think every part of this resort is like this or will I be able to pick up a burger and chips from somewhere?’ Nancy asked, perusing the menu.
‘Just embrace the luxury, Nance,’ Harriet replied.
‘It’s alright for you; you’re used to eating in places like this with work. You travel here, there, and everywhere, and have your meetings in posh restaurants all the time. I get by on toast, sandwiches and Jack’s leftovers.’ Her heart sank a little as the reality of how dismal her life had become since Pete had left hit her a little more. She was starting to wonder whether she would ever get the hang of this single parenting malarkey.
‘Have things really been that tight since Dickhead went?’
Nancy shrugged, realising her faux pas of bringing up the money subject. She never brought up money with anyone, all it did was either make people feel uncomfortable or pity her – neither of which she wanted from her best friend. Harriet knew things were tough, but Nancy had never really spoken about just how hard it was getting through each day financially. Their focus tended to be more the emotional effects of Pete leaving.
‘You know I’m always here to help. I can lend you some money if you need some?’
‘Don’t be silly, I’m fine. Things are fine. I’m not struggling.’ She was, but now she felt awkward.
‘Honestly babe, I can give you some money if it’ll help lighten the stress of things and—’
‘Hari, honestly, I’m fine.’ She cut her short. This wasn’t the conversation she wanted to have. Not with Harriet, not with anyone. She wasn’t about to start taking charity. She wasn’t there – yet. Harriet obviously heard the tone of Nancy’s voice and didn’t push anymore, instead turning her attention to helping Isla find something on the menu.
Nancy glanced back at her menu and then over to Jack who had his earphones on and his eyes glued to his iPad. She placed her hand onto his forearm and waited for him to remove the headphones – a sequence they had devised that told Jack that she wanted his attention, so he had time to adjust. She’d learnt the hard way that if she removed his headphones without warning him first, it would trigger a disaster because he didn’t like anyone touching his ears.
When he had taken them off and placed them on the table, he looked at her with his big blue eyes and instantly Nancy found herself smiling. No matter how tough she was finding things at home, one look at Jack with his cute little inquisitive face and all her worries melted away. Although lately, she did sometimes get a twinge of sadness because the older he got, the more he took on Pete’s facial features. They both had this little crease at the top of their nose that appeared whenever they scrunched up their face or yawned. And they both had big, beautiful eyes that you could lose yourself in. It was a feature Nancy had fallen for when she’d first met Pete.
‘What would you like to eat, sweetheart? You can have chips, spaghetti bolognese or chicken?’ She tried to tempt him with meals she thought he would eat but she knew before he had spoken what his answer would be.
‘Pasta.’
She smiled. ‘Why don’t you try something new?’ Again, she knew the response.
‘Pasta,’ he said, his chin beginning to wobble. Now wasn’t the time or place to try to get him to branch out. He had eaten strawberry yoghurt and grapes for breakfast, peanut butter sandwiches (cut into triangles NOT squares) for lunch, and pasta with grated cheese on top for dinner every single day for the last ten months. He wasn’t about to change that here.
It frustrated her though, if she was honest. To others it might seem trivial and not something worth getting worked up over, but it was the fact that Nancy didn’t have the answers. She didn’t know why he had suddenly limited his eating habits or what triggered this. He ate normally when Pete first left but after a couple of months it was like he just decided that this was all he was going to eat. And when Jack had something in his head, that was it. This was something that Nancy had been researching lately though and she was determined to widen his food choices. And actually, this holiday might be the perfect time to try out some of the techniques she had found. It could be her little holiday mission – aside from getting Jack through the holiday itself. She thought for a minute – maybe right now wasn’t the best time to push this seeing as they had not long been here so Jack was bound to be feeling anxious about his new surroundings.
‘OK sweetheart,’ she said and he smiled at her, replacing his headphones. Nancy didn’t push for more; she would let him settle in first, then she would tackle the issue of food.
***
Later that evening, Harriet looked at her children sleeping, the moonlight from the window gently falling onto their faces making them look like sleeping angels. She glanced at the clock: 02.53. Exhaling she opened her laptop and checked her emails.
Hello, [email protected], you have 87 new emails
She felt a lead weight drop into her stomach. She couldn’t even be away from work for a day without falling behind. She opened the first email.
Harriet, sorry to bother you on holiday but Colemans are saying that we haven’t provided the correct information regarding the Beech Project. I’ve forwarded you their email – what do you want me to do??
She groaned and began typing. As much as she knew she and her family needed this holiday, her workload was still heavy, and this week would be a juggling act. And she knew Nancy needed this break more. She had watched her friend deteriorate over the last year as she’d struggled to look after Jack single-handedly and Harriet knew that Nancy desperately needed to take some time out. Unfortunately, Harriet’s staff didn’t understand her decision to be a good friend and leave the business just before a big contract came in, and because of the way Harriet managed her company, they seemed to lack drive and competence when she wasn’t there. This wasn’t something Harriet wanted to admit to anyone, but she was finding it hard to delegate jobs, instead choosing to take charge of everything which resulted in very little time to do anything un-work related like spending time with her friends and family. This bothered Harriet hugely, yet she wasn’t in any position to implement changes to stop this from happening. Hopefully this was about to change though. Whilst this holiday was presented as a getaway for her friend, she secretly hoped that some downtime without the pressures of her everyday routine would mean that she would be able to consider her options and find a way forward. Everyone who knew her – or thought they knew her – would say that Harriet was the type of person who thrived on being busy. Someone who loved a challenge and hated the mundane tasks of everyday parenting. Whilst that had an element of truthfulness in it, the part of her that nobody really knew much about was the part that was screaming out for help. But she was too frightened to acknowledge it and she spent all day, every day, squashing it deep down so that she didn’t have to accept the fact that her family life was a mess. Her children spent more time being pulled from pillar to post and having Harriet shout and stress at them than actually enjoying the company of their mum.
When Harriet was forced to become a single parent and watch her husband walk out on them, she decided that she could go one of two ways – she could wallow, feel sorry for herself and fall into a cycle of depression and self-destruction, or, she could pick herself up and do what needed to be done to make ends meet. Which, being the type of person she was, was what she’d done. However, along the way Harriet seemed to have lost her focus and instead of plunging into the Supermum role she’d envisaged, she’d become a crazed work-a-holic who hardly spent any time with her children and found herself snowed under at work with no one to turn to.
This holiday would be a real test for her. She wanted to use the time away from work to refocus and find answers. Unfortunately, work didn’t seem to have got that memo! Harriet didn’t need sleep anyway – it was totally overrated.