‘Shall we go exploring today – see what the resort has to offer and find out where the best cocktails are?’ Harriet winked at Nancy.
‘Sounds like a plan.’ Nancy cleared her plate of the omelette she had chosen for breakfast from the buffet – trying to forget about the cereal and croissants she’d had before that. This was a stark contrast to how things were at home, where Nancy ate mostly leftovers. She was really thankful to Harriet for giving her this chance to re-evaluate things.
‘I found out where the kids’ club is, and they open in an hour so shall we drop the kids there and then set off? Apparently, they’re doing party games, painting and a mini disco today. Sounds great fun, hey Isla?’
Isla nodded excitedly. ‘I’m going to wear my pink dress today so I’m ready for the party and I’m going to paint Nanny a picture of a goat.’
Nancy looked at Harriet questioningly. Harriet shook her head. ‘I have no idea.’
‘Sounds great. Are you putting Tommy in too?’
‘Yeah, they do a babies’ club as well and take them from a year old – bonus.’ Harriet paused. ‘Are you putting Jack in?’
Nancy pulled a face and looked over to her son. ‘I don’t know that he’ll go to be honest.’ She didn’t want to come across as negative, but she was already pre-empting how Jack might be feeling. Part of her was willing him to give it a try, to see what would happen, but the more dominant part of her was realistic and felt concerned about letting him go in the first place.
‘Do you want to try?’
‘I guess so – it’s worth a try, isn’t it?’ It was more of a question. She didn’t feel comfortable about it at all and she could already predict how it was going to go. It wasn’t like she had spent all her parenting years never challenging Jack. She did get him to try new things, quite regularly. It didn’t have a very high success rate though and this was causing her uneasiness now. She knew he would feel worried and anxious. She knew he wouldn’t like the new surroundings and if it was noisy inside then she knew he wouldn’t cope well. Nevertheless, she was reluctant to be seen to not be trying in front of her friend. Harriet was a strong- willed person and a lot of the time being around her brought out a more confident and risk- taking side to Nancy. Sometimes this paid off and Nancy achieved things she wouldn’t normally – like when Jack didn’t like brushing his teeth and it was Nancy’s confidence and Harriet’s idea of finding a teeth-brushing song that ultimately ended with him now loving to do it. Sometimes being brave paid off. Sometimes it came back and punched her in the face. She thought for a minute and finally said, ‘It’s a new place and he’s never been before so I don’t fancy the odds, but maybe I’ll give him the option and see if he surprises me.’
‘That’s the spirit.’
An hour later they were all lined up at the hotel kids’ club reception, ready to sign the children in, and Nancy was feeling more anxious than she had done since they’d got on the plane to come here. It wasn’t just that Jack didn’t like things like this, but over the last year everything had been that little bit more difficult and his behaviour had become more unpredictable. She felt like everything she knew about her son had been turned on its head. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was more anxious about it all being on her own or whether Jack was reacting to the changes happening at home, but either way, she was on edge constantly, swimming against the tide.
‘Good morning!’ said a cheery voice from the desk. ‘And who do we have here?’ she looked at Isla who was performing her best ballet routine for the lady.
‘My name is Isla and I do ballet!’
‘I can see that, it’s beautiful. And will you be joining us today?’
‘Yep! I’m going to draw a goat!’
The woman at the desk smiled and looked to Harriet.
‘I don’t know the relevance of the goat.’
The lady laughed. ‘That’s fine, we can draw some goats and maybe some other animals too. Can you fill in this form for Isla? And will little man be joining our baby club?’
Harriet nodded. ‘Yes please, he’s just had his breakfast so will probably go for a nap soon.’
‘No problem, when you go into the baby room just tell the ladies in there, so they know.’ The woman’s attention now moved to Nancy and she instantly felt her panic levels rise. ‘And will this handsome young man be joining the party too?’
Nancy looked at Jack who was still kitted out in his headphones, but he was now noticeably hiding behind her legs pretending to be looking at his iPad. ‘He’s a little unsure,’ she said, placing her arm around him which he promptly shrugged off – he didn’t like to be touched.
‘That’s OK, some children are a little nervous. Why don’t you take him in with your friend and her little ones and he can have a look around and if he wants to stay, you can just come back and grab a form – how does that sound?’ The woman’s smile was so comforting, Nancy instantly relaxed a little. Childcare professionals seemed to have this natural talent of being a walking smile on legs.
‘Thank you,’ Nancy said and followed Harriet into the club entrance. She chose to ignore the voice in her head that was screaming at her to prepare for disappointment. Maybe today would be different…