Chapter Thirteen
His house was enormous, the sort of home featured in magazines with Martha Stewart baking muffins in the kitchen and Pottery Barn furniture in every room.
“I’ll hang up your coat.”
He left me standing in a gaping foyer feeling well outside of my comfort zone.
“Want a tour?”
“Sure.” Our backgrounds had never been so contrasted, as they were the moment he flipped on the lights.
The kitchen was incredible and there was an entire game room in the basement, flush with cinema chairs and a big screen television and endless arcade games. He took my hand and escorted me into what could only be the living room. It was twice the size of my mom’s trailer.
“I can’t believe you grew up here. It’s a suburban palace.” And completely intimidating.
“Wanna see upstairs?”
I hesitated, knowing full well what upstairs would lead to and unsure why I was still fighting what now seemed an inevitable outcome. I was in a losing battle and it wasn’t like me to surrender without a fight.
There were consequences. I knew my answer would come at a price, but standing here in his beautiful—normal—childhood home made me want to pretend I belonged, pretend I was worthy. But tomorrow we would be back home and I’d be a sugar baby and he’d be the out of my league man I fucked. He had to realize the consequences wouldn’t change. Was it just about tonight for him? Was that how he could overlook all the ways we were unsuited? Was this about sharing his background or fucking me on a neutral playing field? “Why did you bring me here, Noah?”
He cocked his head. “I wanted to show you who I was.”
And he had. He wasn’t playing the douche bag, nor was he trying to impress me with over the top treatment. He was just being himself and it wasn’t fair that the real him was more irresistible than the handsome stranger who lived across the hall.
Everything was normal here. My phone hadn’t rung and the costumes I wore in the city were out of sight and out of mind. I didn’t know who I was when I stood in his home, so many miles from my own. I didn’t know how to act or be with him.
But I wanted him and I didn’t want to think about the consequences for once in my life. I wanted to live in the now and experience the fantasy, because he made the possibility of normal seem so tangible I could reach out and grab it. I just had to find the balls to give in.
I glanced around the empty house. “Are we staying here tonight?” I inwardly winced, not used to asking, and waiting for my assertive self to take the lead.
“Did you want to?”
I shrugged—more shy bullshit I wasn’t used to—my fingers tracing over the polished banister that led to the second floor. “I’m not sure what I want. You confuse me.” The honest vulnerability kept leaking out. Damn it, Avery. Where are you?
“Maybe that’s not a bad thing.”
“Maybe it is.” It was definitely not good.
“Care to find out?”
My gaze lifted to his and a shiver shot through my system. This was so different from everything I thought I wanted, everything I knew I needed. Despite my wishy-washy words I had to be clear on the outcome. “What happens tomorrow?”
“We go home and see how things play out.”
So this might just be one night. That I could live with.
When would I have another opportunity like this with him, alone and isolated from the stresses of the world, away from the city and the life it represented for me? If we both treated this as a one-time thing we might be able to stay friends. He’d have it out of his system and I’d prove that—in the long run—he wasn’t the right lover for me.
Glancing down at my feet, I slipped off my heels and set them on the first step. “Show me your room.”
“Really?”
I nodded, too afraid to talk.
His fingers slid alongside mine as he took my hand and led me upstairs. The house was quiet and the rooms were all immaculate. We stopped outside of a closed door and he faced me.
“I… I don’t expect anything, Avery. Don’t think just because we’re here, I assume…”
Why did he have to be sweet now? I needed him to be transparent otherwise we couldn’t do this. It was now or never. “I know why you brought me here.”
“Do you … expect…?”
Yes, and so did he. Talking was only jumbling matters. “Let’s not decide what this is and just let it happen.” I reached for the knob and opened the door.
Grays and dark wood, uncluttered by items a teenage boy might have left behind, presented a clean space with subtle personal touches. For some reason, the maturity of the room made me like him more. It spoke of his good relationship with his family and testified he still slept here on occasion, even as an adult.
“This is nice.” I scanned the room and stared down at the bed.
His hands rested on my shoulders as he approached. Slowly, he swept my hair aside and pressed a kiss to my neck, causing my nipples to tighten.
My eyes closed as I drew in a deep breath. His fingers trailed down my arms, over my hips, and across my midriff, teasing the skin of my belly.
“I’m not going to lie, Avery. I want you more than my next breath.”
I leaned into him, passively resting my arms at my side, wondering how long I could let someone else take control. Eventually, I’d take over, but this was nice. His fingers trailed up my stomach, teasing soft circles on my skin.
He was like a magic snake charmer or some sort of wizard. No one else settled me the way he did and it was strange that he somehow subdued my usual instinct to take the lead. His teeth scraped along my throat and I sucked in a sharp breath that exhaled as a moan.
“You like that, when I’m a little bit rough, don’t you?”
Mmm… That was the only way. “Yes…”
“I can do that.” His hand slid under my loose sweater and cupped my breast, his thumb dragging slowly over the tight tip. “You liked when I pinched your nipples, too, didn’t you?”
“Mmm…” I had been a mess after leaving his apartment that night.
“What is it you want, Avery? To be loved or fucked?”
Love? My mind shied away from that sticky word.
Love was uncomfortable, a source of guilt and obligation that led to grief. No matter how much I might want to be loved again, it wasn’t what I wanted tonight. I wanted something I could count on and judge at face value, without accidentally mistaking it for more.
“Fuck me.”
His hands yanked my sweater over my head and in the next second I was facing him, his fingers buried in my hair, angling my head back as his lips sealed over mine.
He backed me toward the bed, his tongue devastating my mouth as it plunged deep, silently delivering promises of what was to come.
“I love that you’re not breakable.” He tugged the straps of my bra down my arms and I pulled free. Grasping at his broad shoulders, I deepened the kiss.
“You’re a greedy little thing, aren’t you?” His fingers shoved into the front of my jeans, tugging my hips closer to his as his erection pressed between us. “I can’t wait to get in your pussy.”
I gasped as he shoved me onto the bed, his tall body towering over mine. Holding my gaze, he reached behind his head and stripped off his shirt in one forward yank.
My mouth went dry. How was he so built when he hardly worked out? Or did he, just not at the same times I used the gym? He flicked open the button of his jeans but left the zipper intact.
“God, you’re fucking sexy. Arms up.”
I stiffened, his command grating against my nature and calling up all my usual instincts. “I don’t bottom.” There she is…
“What does that even mean?”
“It means I don’t play the submissive in bed.”
He laughed and yanked my knees forward until I was flat on my back. “We’ll see.”
No, we wouldn’t, because I wasn’t going to lie there like some fuck doll for him to boss around. I didn’t follow directions from men off the clock. “Freeze.” I held up a hand and he stilled. Holding eye contact, I untwisted my bra and tossed it on the floor. Next came my jeans. As I slid them down my legs, revealing a deep violet thong, I watched his color rise.
“Jesus.”
Shifting onto my knees, I reached for his pants, tugging him closer, much like he’d tugged me. “On your back.”
He tumbled to the mattress and I didn’t give him a chance to contemplate how the roles had changed. I straddled his hips, rocking my body over the bulge beneath his waist and finding the position that was most pleasurable to me.
His hands caught my hips, his grip tight, almost bruising. Just as momma was getting her groove on he flung me off of him and I was on my back again, under him.
“Don’t be selfish.” He flashed a cocky grin and dropped his head to my breasts.
I gasped as his mouth closed over one nipple, teeth scraping and lips pulling tight. My body arched into his, my nails scaling down his muscular arms.
My fist closed around his wavy hair, anchoring him to my chest. “Harder.”
He ground his erection into me, rocking us like two teenagers on the brink of disaster. His mouth tightened while his other hand pinched and pulled. I could come if he did this a while longer.
“Ah…” The bite to my nipple pinched on the cusp of too hard, but then my body adjusted to the pain and I moaned. My taut muscles relaxed as my lashes lowered, giving into the pleasure.
“You really like it rough, don’t you?”
“You have no idea.” I grabbed the back of his neck and yanked him closer, shoving his mouth to my other breast.
He sucked and bit and I was pretty sure he was leaving a few hickies. His free hand curled around my wrist and brought my hand to his crotch. I twisted out of his grip and caught his hand, pressing it to my pussy.
“Finger me.”
“Bossy.”
“Do it.”
My panties were shoved aside as his finger drove into me. I arched beneath him, bucking against his touch, riding his palm as I still held his arm.
“Harder.”
“Demanding little thing.”
“Just do it.”
He wedged another finger into my cunt and fucked them deep. “More?”
“Yes. Faster.”
“Christ.” His fingers pumped hard and my eyes rolled back as he hit that magical nerve where heaven and earth met inside of a woman’s body.
I screamed, trembling as my first climax rushed through me, bathing his fingers. We both were out of breath, but he was far from finished. “Now, clean it up.”
He drew back and arched a brow.
Recalling he would still be my neighbor tomorrow, I wavered between the girl he knew, the woman men wanted me to be, the control freak I was, and the class act I wanted to achieve. Fuck. Fuck! I shouldn’t be thinking this hard.
I pleased men most of the time. This was my time. Mine and Noah’s. What if he didn’t like this side of me? What if no one would ever like her aside from Gavin? Did this part of me have to disappear with the rest of Avery Dean Mudd?
“Forget it.” I shoved him off.
“Wait a second!” He leveled his body over mine, refusing to let me up. “What’s happening here? Is this… Are you, like … one of those women who…”
Oh, my God, I couldn’t do this. “This was a mistake.”
“No, it wasn’t.” He yanked me back to the bed when I tried to escape again, this time pinning me in place. “Talk to me, Avery.”
My lips pressed tight. I wasn’t going to spell it out. Or maybe I was because I still wanted to fuck him. “I like control.”
He laughed. “No shit.”
“No, I mean I really like it. I … get off on telling you what to do.”
He sat back on his heels. “All the time?”
I shrugged. “In bed.”
“And what do I get?”
I flashed him a cocky smirk. “You get to fuck me.”
“But on your terms.”
“Yes.”
“What if I don’t like that?”
I shrugged again. “That’s the only way this can work.”
“Why? Did something happen to you?”
“No, nothing fucking happened to me. It’s just … how I am.” I huffed and looked away. “I can be nice, you know! It’s not like I’m going to strap on a leather skin suit, gag you and shove a ten-inch dildo up your ass.” Not without asking…
“Oh, I know you’re not fucking doing that.”
This was getting awkward. He was thinking and taking too long to make up his mind. The moment was rapidly dissolving and the longer he contemplated the situation the more I wanted to rewind and erase the whole night.
“Forget it.” This time when I tried to get up, he shoved me back down—hard—and moved so fast my thread of authority snapped.
His hands pinned mine to the pillows and his knees trapped my legs immobile. “Don’t move.”
Trying to play it cool, I kept my tone dry. “I think you misunderstand the dynamic.”
“I think you misunderstand me. You basically want me to do whatever you say. I’m not used to that. I need a second to think.”
“Look, I get it if it’s not your thing. This is why I told you this wouldn’t work—” His hand closed over my mouth and my eyes bulged.
Oh, he did not just shut me up! I bit him.
“Ouch!” He jerked his hand back and examined his palm where teeth tracks left little divots. “Bitch.”
“Give me my shirt.”
“No.”
“Noah.”
“We’re not finished.”
“I think we are.”
He tipped his head back and glanced at the ceiling, mumbling something I couldn’t make out.
“What?”
“I said, I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Tell me what you want.”
Was he serious? I didn’t expect him to actually agree. Figuring this was some sort of trick, I started small. “Kiss me.”
He leaned down and I turned my face away.
“Not there.”
He paused, mouth a few inches from my cheek and scowled. “I’ll get to that—”
“Start there.”
“This is hot to you?” His frustration was palpable.
“No. This is a waste of my time. Either put your face between my legs or get off of me so I can get dressed.”
“You’re such a bitch.” He scooted lower.
“Call me bitch one more time and I’ll redefine the word for you.”
He dropped to his elbow, and I spread my thighs. “Do you want me to take your panties off? This is so fucking weird.”
“That’s it.” I swung my legs over his shoulders and sat up. “I’m done.”
“No!” He tackled me to the bed and had me stripped in one second flat. “I’ll do it. Just…” He scooted low again. “Open your legs.”
My thighs parted and the room went utterly silent. “Fuck. That might be the prettiest view I’ve ever seen.”
I pursed my lips and stared at the ceiling. This had gone on for far too long and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be coming again.
A reluctant breath filled my lungs and gasped out as his fingers stabbed deep and his mouth closed over my clit.
“Yes.” Maybe the night could be salvaged after all…
He shoved his shoulders under my knees, using the bulk of his arms to spread my thighs. Burying his tongue in my cunt, he fingered me and fucked me with his mouth. I didn’t even have to tell him what to do. It was like he knew every magical spot and I was suddenly careening into an ocean of ecstasy.
“Yes, yes… Don’t stop.” My body trembled as a wave of pleasure crashed over me.
Warm breath teased over my wet folds as he lifted his head. “Again?”
Panting, I nodded. He fed his fingers into me, stuffing me full and pumping hard as his mouth nibbled and sucked. His other hand teased lower and the second his finger breached the tight tissue there I came hard against his tongue.
Throat dry, I swallowed huge gulps of air as my entire body thrummed. My mind was spinning. Either I hadn’t had sex in so long I’d forgotten how good foreplay was, or he was extremely gifted at this.
“Again,” he growled. He didn’t hesitate, nor did he wait for permission to sink his fingers back inside of me.
His touch filled me every possible way, his tongue twisting as his teeth scraped over-sensitized flesh. My body was a red-hot ember that never had a chance to cool. The more he pleasured me the less effort it took to orgasm.
“Fuck!” My legs trembled as I came almost violently, but he didn’t relent. On and on, he penetrated every opening, tasted every exposed inch of secret flesh. One release blurred into the next until I was sure I was losing my mind.
“Enough.” I panted. “No more.”
“Bullshit. One more. Give it to me, Avery. Give me one more good one.” His fingers rubbed over my swollen clit and I couldn’t take it.
My hand grabbed for his, but he was faster, pinning my wrist to the bed.
“It’s too much!”
“You can take it.”
“Noah, I can’t!”
He pressed a finger deep and I wriggled back, but there was no escaping him. He was everywhere, using his larger body to trap me beneath him, gripping my limbs with his heavier ones.
“Let go, Avery. I’ve got you.”
Something was happening. It was too overwhelming, too intense. I was scared. I wanted it, yet I didn’t. The sheer vacillation of my thoughts was terrifying. “No, stop!”
“You’re there. Just let go.”
I was there, but the drop seemed too far, deadly and life-altering. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t reckless like him. Something inside of me, something insecure and vulnerable whimpered at the unknown. And then it was too late.
All pretexts that separated my many façades shattered, obliterating my thoughts. My grip on reality slipped through my fingers as my voice echoed around the room as if shouting from someone else. I was hot and cold. Sweating and shivering. My mouth was parched and my vision unclear.
I fell into a dark place where there was no pain. There was fear, but I was too far away for it to reach me, yet I was aware of its presence.
Floating. Buzzing. I was high as a fucking kite on endorphins, as hot-blooded and hungry as an injected addict, too gone to do more than let numbing pleasure swallow me whole.
What the fuck did he do to me? Pressure welled behind my eyes as something painful bloomed in my chest. I couldn’t stop shaking, even as he wrapped me in his arms and pulled me to his lap. I went without a struggle, curling into the shelter of his strength like a scared little girl unsure of who to trust.
“Shh… I have you.” His lips pressed against my hair, as his fingers curled around the back of my neck and held me close.
His heart beat steadily beneath my ear, warm moisture seeping from my eyes. Was I crying? I wiped my face, mortified and confused by my tears.
“It’s okay. You were beautiful.”
Then it hit me. He’d tricked me. He acted like I was in charge, made me believe I had his devoted surrender, but he held the upper hand all along. He stole the authority right out from under me and now I was the fool crying in his lap.
We hadn’t even had sex, yet he absconded a part of my soul and hid it someplace no one would ever find it again. Gone forever and more valuable than a hundred virgins’ innocence. Whatever he took, he stole it. It was my Cosmo all over again, but so much more.
I shoved at his chest.
“Don’t. You’re going to let me hold you.”
My jaw locked as I blinked against my infuriating tears. “You tricked me.”
“I worshipped you.”
I was angry and confused and relieved in a way I didn’t understand. It was too much. Too intimate. Too open. Too … real.
No matter how many times I tried to break the hold he had over me, both emotionally and physically, he wouldn’t let go. And somehow I knew there was no going back to the way things were.
“I hate you.”
He sighed and pressed his lips to the top of my head, keeping them there as he whispered, “No, you don’t.”
Didn’t I? I liked him too much. I trusted him. I believed him when he said he’d try it my way. But that was all a lie.
I didn’t hate him for lying. I hated him for tricking me into something I didn’t want to feel. He made me vulnerable. He made me weak.
Maybe I didn’t hate him, but I was certain I couldn’t trust him.
Tonight wasn’t supposed to change anything, yet after he stole the control it changed everything. “I want to go home.”
“We’re staying.”
Yeah. I hated him.
THE END