Chapter Four
They picked up Chinese food on the way back to her father’s condo and she took a few minutes to freshen up while he set out the food. Though Lexi had been grateful to have her parents and Mack around while she’d been recovering, she was looking forward to going away to college and being on her own. She’d probably have a roommate, but that was okay, as long as she could have some privacy. Her father and stepmother were wonderful, but her mother and stepfather drove her nuts, and she was ready to get away from all of them for a while.
When her makeup was refreshed and her wig was back on, she padded out to the living room. Zaan had put their meals out on the coffee table with napkins and utensils. She smiled at his thoughtfulness, sinking down next to him on the couch.
“So, NHL Network?” he joked, reaching for the remote.
She playfully swatted his hand. “If we watch NHL Network tonight, it’ll be the Hallmark Channel next time. Or we could compromise…”
“Compromise?”
“I own all the Marvel movies on Blu-ray.”
He sighed happily. “That’s right… the woman I’m going to marry would have those. Iron Man?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I was going to suggest Thor, but okay, we can do Iron Man. I’m down with Robert Downey, Jr.” She got up and put the DVD in, letting him work the remote as she dug into her dinner.
They joked through the whole movie, reciting the dialogue almost word-for-word, until they were laughing again. They did that a lot, Lexi thought as he put in Iron Man 2. Part of her worried she’d been too forward earlier, but he wasn’t behaving any differently and they were having a lot of fun. Her father had texted her an hour ago, asking where she was, and she’d told him they were home watching a movie. She suspected he and Mack would be home shortly, but that was okay. Her desire for freedom didn’t equate to disrespecting her parents, so having sex wasn’t an option anyway. She just wanted to know Zaan didn’t think less of her for saying out loud what most girls only thought in their heads.
“Hey, Zaan?”
“Yeah?” He turned to look at her.
“Could you pause it for a sec?” She swallowed.
“What’s up?” He met her gaze with concern in his eyes.
“Dad and Mack are on the way home, so I wanted to ask you something before they got here.”
“Sure.”
“Did I, um, was I pushy before? On the blanket?”
He leaned in and kissed her, slowly, his mouth caressing hers so tenderly she shuddered at his touch. When he finally pulled away, she was breathless, unsure what to do next or what it meant when he kissed her like that.
“No,” he said softly. “You were real and honest… sweet and seductive—it was the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard and we were both fully dressed.”
“There you go with the romantic words again,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder.
“I can’t help it with you.” He was leaning in to kiss her again when they heard the key in the door.
“Geez,” she muttered, sitting back and hitting the Play button on the remote.
Lexi got up early to shower, do her makeup and get dressed. She’d washed her wig after Zaan left last night so it was fresh and pretty today, even though he’d said he liked her natural hair. She still hated it, so she would be wearing the wig until it was at least bob-length. She might try going without at that point, but for now, she wasn’t comfortable that way, and the therapist she’d seen for a while had told her to do what felt right.
“You’re up early,” her father said, glancing up from his coffee and the crossword puzzle he was working on.
“Zaan and I are going to breakfast and then a movie,” she said, taking her vitamins and drinking a glass of water.
“You, uh, you like him then?”
Lexi smiled. “He’s really sweet, Dad, so yeah.”
“I’m glad you guys are getting along.”
“Yeah, just in time for me to leave and go to Chicago,” Lexi murmured.
“Mack and I thought you’d be bored here all summer, since you don’t really have any friends, but in Chicago at least you’ve got Amy and Vinnie.” Amy and Vinnie were Mack’s son and daughter from her first marriage. Lexi was close to Amy, but she was several years older and had a job now, so they didn’t see each other much even when Lexi was in Chicago.
“If I don’t get in to Julliard, I’m probably going to stay here for a semester and then try to transfer to UCLA or USC,” she said thoughtfully. “There’s no reason for me to be on the east coast if I’m not at Julliard.”
“That’s a good plan.” Rob got up and busied himself at the counter to make breakfast.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t be mad. Give me a chance to decide what’s right for me.”
“You’re my baby,” he said, not looking at her. “It’s hard for me to think about you doing… stuff with…men.”
She leaned against his side, letting her chin rest on his shoulder. “Remember when we found out I was sick? Remember telling me you’d let me have sex if it meant the cancer would go away?”
He nodded briefly.
“The cancer is gone, at least for now, and I’m trying to start living again. Zaan and I haven’t done anything, but he makes me feel normal. Please don’t hate me—or him—for finally feeling normal and healthy.”
“I could never hate you,” he said in a voice gruff with emotion. “And as long as he’s kind and respectful, I’ll never hate him either.”
“He’s been a perfect gentleman.”
“Okay, good.” He glanced at her. “Have fun, but be smart and be safe. That’s all I care about.”
“Both of us have too much to lose to do anything stupid,” she whispered.
“I love you and I trust you.” Rob reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “And honestly, if you were determined to date one of my teammates, I can’t think of anyone better than Zaan. He’s a good kid.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“Love you too, kiddo.”
The doorbell rang and Lexi pressed a quick kiss to her father’s cheek before grabbing her purse and running out the door.
They had the movie theater to themselves. They sat in the back row and watched the preview sequences in silence, her hand wrapped in his, sitting on his lap. She leaned into him, letting her shoulder rest against the hard muscles of his arm, her head finally landing on his shoulder. He lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders, pulling her closer, and she closed her eyes, breathing in everything that was Zaan. His touch brought every nerve in her body alive, a veritable shock of electricity that jolted through her. It was unlike anything she’d experienced before and a little unnerving but she loved it.
She’d gone on dates before, but nothing like this, where she became completely immersed in someone else. They didn’t need to talk or even kiss to connect; it simply happened with no effort. They laughed at the same jokes, liked the same music and movies, and their attraction was palpable. It sizzled between them like drops of oil on a scalding frying pan, making her want to throw caution to the wind. She wondered if it would be like this with every guy she liked, but something deep down told her it wouldn’t, that Zaan was special.
Getting hurt was probably a given, but after what she’d been through since her cancer diagnosis, it seemed a small price to pay to feel this happy. She’d been to hell and back and still wasn’t out the woods. She had to be tested regularly and wouldn’t truly be able to breathe until she’d passed the five-year mark. Statistically, she had approximately a 90-percent survival rate once she hit five years, but that was four long years away. She hadn’t been able to talk about what her chances were if the cancer recurred before then, and refused to look it up. But she wasn’t going to waste a single minute with Zaan. Whether they had a week or a few months, she wanted as much as he was willing to give her.
“You’re not watching the movie,” he whispered against her cheek.
“I am.” Kind of.
“Your eyes were closed.”
She looked at him. “I was thinking how nice this is.”
“Being at the movies, being together or being alone at the theater?”
She giggled. “All of the above, as well as being able to touch you.” She was grateful for the dark because her face felt really hot with embarrassment.
“I paid a lot of money for these tickets,” he joked. “We should watch it.”
“Are you afraid of my dad?” She nudged him.
“Absolutely!” he laughed.
“I’m an adult,” she reminded him.
His arm tightened around her. “Your dad can still kick my ass, even if he can’t get me arrested.”
“My dad’s overprotective because I’m his little girl and because he thought he might lose me, but he’s not like that. He wants me to be happy. And you make me happy.”
“You’re leaving in a week.” He looked down at her, something she couldn’t read in his blue eyes. “You’ve already been through so much… getting involved with someone just before you leave might—”
“I’m ready to live again,” she said, placing the tip of her forefinger over his lips. “I have four long years of scans before I can start to believe I have a future, that I might make it, and I don’t want to waste another minute. Meeting you yesterday changed the way I think about everything. Maybe I’m being silly because I don’t have a lot of experience with guys, but something feels so… right when we’re together. I can’t explain it.”
He was quiet for a while, and her heart started beating harder and faster as she contemplated whether or not he was trying to come up with a way to let her down easy.
“Zaan, if you don’t—”
“No, stop. Let me think.” He looked a little flustered, so she waited, her eyes never leaving his face.
When he met her gaze, the look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know. “I feel it too,” he whispered. “It’s intense, the way I want you, but no matter how many ways I tell myself we shouldn’t, I look at you and feel something I’ve never felt before.”
“You don’t have to keep saying all those… romantic things,” she whispered. “I want to be with you, even if I never see you again afterward.”
“I don’t say those things so I can get in your pants,” he murmured as his mouth moved towards hers. “I say them because I can’t help myself when I’m with you.”
Their mouths came together hungrily, greedily taking what they each wanted from the other, but giving back so much it was hard to tell who was giving and who was taking. Maybe it didn’t matter. All that mattered was how it felt when they touched and how perfect it was. She didn’t have a lot to compare it to but the uniqueness of these feelings told her there was something special between them.
“We can’t do this here,” he rasped, reluctantly pulling away.
“I live with my dad and you live with Cody,” she sighed. “We have nowhere to go.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “Hotel?”
She nodded slowly. “We have to go to the far outskirts of town because we can’t take a chance anyone recognizes you and takes a picture of us at a hotel.”
He got to his feet and held out his hand.
She took it with no hesitation.