Chapter One
Megan Torfan stared down at her neatly manicured fingernails and the large diamond ring on her left hand. The big, glittery rock had replaced the teeny-tiny diamond of her original ring and right now she wished she had the old one back. Had those days back when she and Jason were a couple of twenty-year-old kids who were crazy in love with each other. Now she had a three-carat diamond ring, wore a cream Chanel suit that cost more than three months rent at their first apartment, and a marriage that had definitely lost its sparkle.
Jason shifted on the leather couch next to her and their silence seemed to thicken the air, making it hard to breathe. She stole a peek at him and was struck as ever by how handsome he was. Broad shoulders, strong legs and a powerful chest she loved to cuddle with. Add to that his head of thick, dark hair with the first hints of gray coming in and he could be on GQ. Unfortunately, his good looks also led to people calling him her ‘trophy husband’. A term he despised.
While she traveled around the world and made a million-dollar salary as a computer security consultant, Jason stayed home and raised their two young boys. He’d had a decent job, but when she’d been made the youngest VP in her company’s history they’d both decided him staying home with the kids would be the best of all worlds. To everyone’s surprise, especially her father’s, Jason had made a fantastic stay-at-home dad and their boys adored him.
Thinking of their kids made her reach across the six-inch divide on the couch between them at the marriage counselor’s office and grab his hand. She loved him, she truly, deeply did, and she was going to do whatever she had to in order to make things right between them. She hated this tense silence between them but had no idea how to mend the breach. Talking about emotions and feelings always made her uncomfortable, vulnerable, but right now she would happily sell her soul if it would fix their marriage.
Even holding hands with her husband felt awkward and she hated it. They used to constantly touch each other and it had felt as natural as breathing. Now the emotional walls between them had become physical things, invisible barriers that kept them apart and seemed to grow stronger every day. Her analytical mind went into overdrive, trying to repair what was broken as if their marriage were a massive computer program that just needed the right data replacement to start operating smoothly again.
He cleared his throat and flexed his hand beneath hers. With a start she realized she was squeezing his hand hard enough that her knuckles stood out in white relief. “Sorry.”
He ran his thumb over her fingers in a caressing circle. “It’s okay. You know I like it rough.” He grinned at her, the tension breaking and filling her with the warmth that only Jason had been able to bring into her life. “Wonder what’s taking Ember so long.”
She smiled back and rolled her eyes. “Who knows, maybe there was a drumming circle on the way to work and she couldn’t pass it by.”
Jason laughed and she looked around the room cluttered with a bewildering array of stuff, glad to think about anything but why they were here. Wait, not stuff, hippy artifacts. That’s what their marriage counselor, Ember, called it. For all that Ember appeared as a flaky old woman from the 70s, she was extremely intelligent with degrees from both Harvard and Oxford. According to Ember, the objects weren’t stuff from her hippy days, or random collections of crap, they were artifacts of a fascinating time in the US psyche.
When Megan looked at the old concert photos in that context she did see them as fascinating objects instead of stuff. It was all too easy to imagine the mood of the country at that time with free love standing up in the face of a never-ending war in Vietnam. Though she didn’t think having a giant hookah in your office was the most professional thing, even if it was allegedly a gift from Jimmy Hendrix.
The owner of all these artifacts, Ember, breezed through the door in a flurry of some sandalwood-based perfume and flowing brightly colored gypsy skirts. Her long silver hair was back in a thick braid as usual and she wore a beautiful necklace of orange and white glass beads with an iridescent sheen. After tossing her motorcycle saddle bags into the corner she gave them a bright smile and sat in her worn brown suede chair with a happy sigh.
“Megan, Jason, I’m so happy to see you again.” She abruptly sat forward and folded her hands. “I got both of your assignments and I’m so very, very proud of you for being open with your fantasies and sharing them with me.” Her grin became teasing. “And look, you expressed your desires and no morality police came and said you were perverts.”
Clearing his throat, Jason tried to cover up his laughter as Megan flushed. She had felt like a pervert when she typed up one of her favorite sexual fantasies for Ember. It was only the fact that she knew Ember wouldn’t judge her that allowed her to spill some secrets. Evidently Jason had felt the same way because his grip eased on her hand.
Ember tilted back in her chair, her silver-ring-clad fingers drumming on the battered arms. To Megan it seemed as if the other woman had so much energy it was physically impossible for her to stay still. Jason thought she was on meth.
“How are you doing? Did you manage to chill out together?”
Megan and Jason exchanged a glance. Things had been better between them, but it still wasn’t good. She still found it next to impossible to not think about the work she should be doing instead of just sitting around and being lazy. Her father had abhorred lazy people and blamed most of society’s ills on those who chose to sit around and let someone else do the work.
She shrugged. “It went okay. We watched a movie together.”
Jason snorted and Ember turned her attention to him. “Do you have something to say, Jason? I mean other than the passive-aggressive man noise that you know drives your wife up a wall.”
“Ask her what the movie was about.”
Heat filled Megan’s cheeks and she glared at Jason. “It was about some cowboys or something.”
Ember sighed, drawing their attention back to her. “Let me guess, she was on her laptop.”
“No I wasn’t.” Megan squared her shoulders and pulled her hand away from Jason’s. God, it felt as if he’d tattled on her.
Jason crossed his arms and leaned against the other side of the couch, bringing that cold distance back between them. “No, she wasn’t on her laptop, she was on her smartphone.”
“I had to! It was nine a.m. in Seoul and my client’s server was being attacked. You know my job requires that I be available twenty-four hours. It’s not like I can say to them ‘Oh, sorry that hundreds of thousands of dollars are being drained from your bank account. Wish I could help but I have to watch a movie with my husband.’”
“That’s just an excuse, Megan, and you know it. That kid your boss hired as your assistant, Eric, he could have taken care of it.”
“They need me, not Eric. Me!”
Ember’s mellow voice interrupted them. “Megan, your family needs you more. You are the only person in the world who can be his wife and a mother to your children.”
That statement pricked the balloon of her anger and she sagged into the couch, guilt and shame rapidly replacing her anger. “I know that.” She sounded sullen and petulant, even to herself. “I just need a few more years and I’ll be able to take more time off.”
Jason sounded incredibly weary as he asked, “Isn’t that what your Dad used to say? Just one more business trip, just one more year. How did that work out, Megan?”
“You leave my father out of this.”
Ember sat up in her chair. “Jason, we discussed this. Apologize to Megan.”
Her husband and her marriage counselor exchanged a weighted look and Megan wondered again about what they talked about during their private sessions. Whatever it was it must have meant something to Jason because he appeared both chagrined and a bit defiant.
He glanced at her face then looked down at the floor. “Sorry.”
“Like you mean it.”
Megan burst out laughing at the incredulous look Jason gave Ember.
Jason gave her a sullen look, which only sent her off on another round of giggles. “What’s so funny?”
She shook her head, her laughter bubbling through her like a cleansing mist, taking away some of the anger and hurt clouding her mind. “For a second there you sounded like our boys being forced to apologize to each other.”
“Do not.” The corners of his lips twitched in a suppressed grin. “You started it.”
A small, immature part of her wanted to continue arguing that he was the one who started it, but the sight of Ember rolling her eyes made her swallow back the retort. Barely. Instead she flipped the bird at Jason in a purely juvenile display of bad manners that would have made her mother faint with embarrassment.
“Promises, promises,” Jason muttered and reached across the couch, reclaiming her hand and lacing his fingers between hers.
“What?” It dawned on her a second later that he was referring to the ‘fuck you’ meaning of her obscene gesture. An unexpected bit of arousal tightened her lower body. “Oh.”
Ember chuckled and wrote something down on the notepad on her desk. “I’ve been seeing you crazy kids for three months now and you’ve made great progress, but I think it’s time for you to have a take home quiz.”
“Quiz?” Jason asked with a grin.
Megan cleared her throat, hating to break the warmth between her and her husband. She’d been avoiding telling him the news because she knew as soon as she did he would begin to withdraw from her. But if she didn’t speak up now she’d put it off until the cab came to pick her up for her flight.
“Actually…” She snuck a peak at Jason’s face and hated the suspicion and anger she already saw growing there. “I’ll be out of town next week for a managerial conference.”
Jason stiffened next to her and his grip felt suddenly loose. “You said you weren’t going on any business trips for the next month.” There was so much anger in his tone that he might as well have yelled at her.
Immideatly her self-defense mechanism kicked in and her mind started coming up with excuses. It’s not that she’d lied to him about it, she’d just not mentioned it yet. She opened her mouth to make justifications, to say how it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t know about it but that she had to go. All the usual things she told him every time she had to suddenly leave for a few days. Instead of giving him the usual spiel she caught Ember’s weighted look and instead said, “You’re right. I should have told you sooner. It’s bullshit and I’m sorry. I really am.” She blinked back tears, straining to maintain her composure. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
Jason’s grip tightened again and he blew out a slow breath, closing his eyes and visibly relaxing his shoulders. When he looked at her again he seemed more determined than angry. He started to say something, then shook his head and took a deep breath. “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” He looked up at her and his dark eyes softened. The pressure around her heart eased a bit but a tear managed to escape before she dashed it away. “Don’t cry, love. We’ll need to make sure our time together isn’t wasted.”
He turned back to Ember and tugged Megan closer on the couch, his hand resting on her hip in a possessive manner she found soothing. In need of the comfort he offered, she pulled his arm tighter around her and sank into his warmth. No matter what craziness was going on inside her head, being held by Jason always made her feel better.
Ember watched them with a small smile. “Ronald Reagan once wrote a letter to his son giving him some marriage advice. He said, ‘You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it’. That is as true today as it was forty years ago. I can give you the tools to help you maintain and reinforce the structure of your marriage, but you are the ones who will have to do the hard work to make it what you both want.”
Megan found herself nodding along with Jason. This she could understand. She wanted to fix it, would work as hard on her marriage as anything she’d ever done, she just didn’t have the tools. Jason must have felt something similar because the look he gave her was hopeful.
“In your email at home you’ll find some instructions from me for your quiz. Do not share with each other what those instructions are.” Ember narrowed her eyes at Megan and she tried not to squirm. “I want your promise on that, Megan. You don’t need to control every aspect of your life. I want you to promise you won’t get try to get Jason to tell you his answers. And don’t you pout at me, it won’t work.”
Jason burst out laughing and she flushed with heat as she realized yes indeed, her lower lip stuck out in a definite pout just like Charlie, their youngest son did. Well at least now she knew where he got it from. Still, Jason was laughing a little too hard so she elbowed him in the ribs. “Fine, I swear I won’t try to see what you tell Jason. But he doesn’t get to see mine either.”
Giving her a lewd look and wiggling his eyebrows, he said, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”
She lightly smacked his arm and yelped when he pinched her bottom.
Ember smiled and stood, tossing her long braid over her shoulder. She moved around to the front of the large desk, perching on the edge next to a stunning carved amethyst egg she said Jim Belushi had given her. “Megan, your job requires you to have strict control over every aspect of your work, and you can’t help but bring some of those control issues home with you. We’re not robots. It’s hard for us to switch gears between work and home. You need to step back a bit and trust your husband to take care of you. Guys like your old man, they like to be needed and they like to take care of their old ladies. It makes them feel complete.”
Jason’s thumb stroked her palm in soothing little circles and she felt a small rill of desire, something that was next to a miracle in her life lately. Sex had been placed on the very bottom of her list of things to do and Jason was becoming increasingly angry about the lack of contact. Not just sex, but cuddling as well.
“Hmmm, you giving up control…that doesn’t sound so bad,” Jason said in a teasing tone.
Ember waved her finger in his direction. “And you, David, you will not make her feel guilty for not being able to read your mind.” Jason’s mouth opened but nothing came out and Ember continued. “I see how bent out of shape you get when Megan doesn’t realize she’s hurt your feelings, but you hide it so damn well she never knows. Seriously, you should think about a career as a professional poker player because when you don’t want anyone to know your emotions you can shut down so nothing gets through.” She picked up the egg and tossed it between her hands. “You want honesty from her, well you gotta give that in return.”
“Yes ma’am,” Jason said in a meek voice.
Ember snorted and pointed the egg at him. “Also, you need to get over this whole trophy husband complex you have going on. So you’re a good-looking man, so you keep in shape, big bloody deal. Megan over there is about as beautiful as a woman can get but you don’t see her worrying about people calling her a sugar mama. Did it ever occur to you that the people saying that may be jealous of you? That they wish they had your life? That they wish they had such an attractive, successful, amazing woman as their wife?”
Jason stole a glance at her out of the corner of his eye and pursed his lips. Evidently Ember was hoping for more of a response than that because she walked over and thunked him on the head with the egg. “That’s the part where you really look at your wife, not with the blinders of marriage on but as a man, and tell me yes, she is the most beautiful thing in the world.”
Jason scowled at Ember then turned to Megan in an exaggerated move with his ever-present teasing grin. Something moved through his eyes and his smile faded, gentled. He slowly examined her, from head to toe, and another pulse of desire went through her as he returned to her face and their eyes met. The heat she saw there reminded her of when they’d first started dating and everything was fresh and new.
“You’re right, she is magnificent. Two kids and she still has a body that makes men’s tongues roll out.”
“Not exactly the poetry I was hoping for, but better,” Ember said and returned to her chair, tossing the egg up high in the air and no longer watching them. “Now, Megan, give him a kiss that shows him how he made you feel. You may be unable to talk about your emotions, but you can show him with actions what you can’t put into words. Guys understand that.”
What became an awkward lean into Jason turned into something else when he gently cupped her cheek and guided her mouth to his. She sighed against his lips, loving the smell of his cologne mixed with the scent that was uniquely Jason. The first brush of their mouths filled her with tingles and she smiled as he nibbled on her lower lip. While the first blush of passion was always a heady thing, she didn’t think she would trade it for the pleasure of kissing someone who knew what she liked. He moved his hands down to her jaw and he deepened their kiss, turning her head to the side and licking at her lips.
A small gong sounded from the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, signaling the end of their session. Pleasure, desire, warmth suffused her limbs and she made a little noise of protest when he pulled back. Seeing the satisfied and somewhat cocky smile he gave her made her feel almost as good as the kiss.
Ember chuckled and stood, moving over to the door and opening it for them while Jason helped her stand from the couch. “Remember, check your email when you get home and treat one another like you’re something precious, because you are.”
Heart still hammering in her throat, all Megan could do was nod as she slid her purse over her shoulder and followed her husband out the door, the taste of their kiss lingering like sweet candy in her mouth.