Chapter Five
“Okay, everyone. That concludes our program today. If anyone is interested in speaking with me further on the topic, I’ll be in the hotel lobby in about an hour. Thank you all for attending.”
The microphone squealed as Dr. Smith spoke, causing the audience to wince at the shrill tone. Nonetheless, applause followed her concluding remarks and the seminar attendees filed out of the conference room. I followed suit, hoping to join up with a few of my colleagues at the hotel bar. I could use a drink. I had decided to attend this conference at the last minute and the hurried travel plans had left my head spinning. The only recent respite had been the smooth jazz music playing through the Uber driver’s car stereo as he transported me from the airport to the hotel.
Because the session was well attended, the room had grown uncomfortably warm toward the end of Dr. Smith’s talk. As I shuffled along with the exiting crowd, the sensation of fresh air met me at the door to the hotel’s main corridor. I could feel the flush on my neck and cheeks receding as my body temperature lowered. As soon as I passed through the threshold, the crowd separated and comfortable distances were formed between all of the warm bodies as people moved away from each other. I took a deep breath once I was free of the claustrophobic throng. Most people veered to the right toward the elevators, but I turned left to look inside the sleek restaurant for my friends. Booths, tables, and comfortable chairs were scattered around the perimeter of the room as an unspoken invitation to guests to spend more of their money within the hotel instead of leaving the premises to spend it elsewhere.
As I looked around, I saw an arm waving. I zeroed in on the appendage raised high by my friend, Samantha, attempting to get my attention. I waved back as I moved in her direction. Since most of the attendees were scurrying back to their rooms, it took me no time at all to get to the corner booth by the window.
“Hi!” I slid across the seat as I greeted Samantha.
“Hey! It’s good to see you,” she replied. “I left the conference room a few minutes before the session was over. I didn’t know how crowded this place would be and I wanted to catch up with you. Besides, Dr. Smith reiterated the same point for the last twenty minutes. I think she was just trying to fill the scheduled time.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it was getting kind of boring toward the end. I don’t know why she didn’t dismiss early. It’s not like these things are structured like school. But then again, maybe that was her mindset.” I shrugged as Samantha nodded her agreement.
“Could be. These things tend to go the boring route toward the end. It’s like they start off with a bang and slowly fizzle out.” She gave me a look, a smile crossing her lips as she tilted her head. “Change of topic: how are you?”
I returned the smile. “I’m good. It was touch and go there for a while. I didn’t want to get out of bed most days, but I’m moving forward. It helps to know that Judge would have wanted me to. In fact, he would be the one pushing me.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I was worried about you.” Her expression was one of genuine concern.
“It’s weird, you know?” I sat back and crossed my legs under the tabletop. “Some people are all in favor of you moving forward and others prefer you to move at their speed, or at least they make you feel that way. I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to work through grief, as long as you are working through it.”
“And are you?” Her eyebrows arched as she asked the question.
“I think so.” My answer was accompanied by a shrug. “I’ve been staying on top of things. I haven’t neglected any responsibilities and I’ve met all of my commitments. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t have bad days, because I do; more than most people know. But I work through them. Before I know it, I’m in bed and I feel like I’ve accomplished something. That I’ve gotten through one more day. That’s the only way I’ve been coping—one day at a time.” Just then a waitress came over and placed a glass of wine in front of me. Puzzled, I gave Sam a look.
“It wasn’t me.”
I could tell that she was just as surprised as I was when I saw her eyes widen. I turned my questioning gaze to the waitress. She grinned knowingly, nodding toward the bar. “The gentleman over there sent it.”
My eyes traveled the trail over booths and tables until I spied the man our waitress referenced. He was sitting by himself at the end of the bar. I smiled, tipping my head with an unspoken thank you.
“Seems you have an admirer.” Samantha’s voice had an amused tone.
“Seems I do.” My answer was a mix of emotions. I was flattered, but hesitant. Having traveled for business before, I was well aware that this type of thing happened, but it had never happened to me. I turned to Samantha. “I’m not sure what the protocol is here. What am I supposed to do next?”
“Nothing. Or something!” Sam’s reply was emphatic as she chuckled. “You already thanked him. If he wants more than that—or if you do—it’ll happen.”
“I’m not sure I want that!” I understood exactly what she had meant and my tone was equally as emphatic. Although it was only a drink that had been offered, I was reminded once again that I was single and I had needs that weren’t being met. Sexual ones. Swimming in a sea of unattachment had its risks because the waters were dense with desperate people. Experienced sharks navigated the depths. Some swimmers were wary and some were more than willing to put themselves out there as prey. Which one was I? The question had floated to the surface of my grief more than once. Although it hadn’t occupied too much of my thoughts, the idea of physical affection, no matter how noncommittal, interested me. I had pushed dating to the side in favor of more pressing matters, but now I had a nice-looking guy buying me a drink and perhaps offering a little more. I knew the game. No strings attached. The loss of my husband had left me lonely. I missed the physical intimacy that a relationship provided, but the thought of one night of just sex? Was I that girl? No! I wasn’t. I looked across the room at the strange man. He was tall and had a handsome face. I could only see to just above his waist since the bar top blocked the remaining view, but I could tell by the strain on the cotton material of his shirt that his chest and arms were muscular. Stop! I chastised myself as I looked down at my drink, but as if magnetized by my attraction to him, I lifted my chin and again looked in his direction. He returned my gaze and I saw the question in his eyes. Quickly, I looked away. I wasn’t the kind of girl who would hook up with someone out of desperation. I would never consider it.
Or would I?