Chapter Twelve
Drew
The past three months, every day has pretty much been miserable and boring. I wake up in the mornings and Sketch is on my mind as soon as my eyes open, so every start of each day is spent mourning the man I love. It’s helped having Maci living with me so I’m not completely alone, and she tries her best to keep my mind off everything but nothing will ever make me forget about Sketch. The pain has slightly gotten better, or maybe I’ve just learnt how to live with it, but it still hurts and I wish all the time that I could bring him back. It kills me when I see the empty side of the bed next to me, there’s no longer any trace of him in the bed anymore. When I first came back to my apartment I could still smell Sketch and imagine him walking around but now that’s no longer here with me. Luckily for me, I still have his aftershave and all his clothing to help keep him alive in my memories.
Slowly but surely, my friends and family are bringing me back to the real world and through the fog of grief. I want to be happy, but I’m struggling. However, as long as I’m getting through every day, then I think I’m going down the right path.
“You ready?” Asks Maci, joining me in my room.
“Sure.” I stand from the bed and grab my purse.
The girls and I are all meeting at Elise’s, nothing special, just our usual girl meet up. I figured I would make this one seeing as I have turned down the last two. We take my car and Maci sings along to the radio as we drive, she pokes me in my side at one point. “Come on! Join in.” She urges and I shake my head, until one of my favourite songs, Finders Keepers by Mabel comes on and I can’t help but sing along. It puts me in a lighter mood as we pull up in front of Elise and Bombers house but that doesn’t stop the girls giving me extra attention as I walk through the door. I know they don’t mean any harm and just want me to know that they’re here for me.
As soon as I enter the house, I feel warm and at home. Photos of Elise and Bomber hang on the wall as well as their new baby, Madison. She’s so beautiful and I’m not just saying that because she’s family, she really is. I hear the giggling of little Connor and look over at him as I walk into the living area. I smile as Connor and Madison play together. A harsh mix of emotions hits me right in the heart as I watch them. Greif for the children I will never have with Sketch rise to the surface as well as guilt for pulling myself away from everyone in this room and everyone else in my family. I can’t help but run over to Connor and Madison and sit on the floor beside them, it’s a good thing Elise has very fluffy carpets so it’s not too hard on my ass.
“Look at you.” I fuss over Madison. She’s wearing a very girly outfit, it’s all pink and even has a frilly skirt. Typical Elise dressing her daughter this way. “I can’t believe you’re nearly one.”
I watch her playing and Madison looks over to me, a big smile breaks out on her chubby little face. A few tears run down my face as I smile down at her and Madison gurgles the sweetest sound. I quickly wipe them away and Elise drops down next to me.
“Dee?” She asks quietly, “Are you ok?”
“I’ve missed them.” I answer, smiling over at Connor who is now watching me carefully. He clumsily stands and walks over to me, plopping himself down on my lap and leans his head on my chest. I wrap my arms around him and more tears escape. “I should have seen them sooner.”
Elise gently rubs my back. “You were grieving.”
“But I still should have visited them.” My nephew and niece are my life, I’m ashamed that I haven’t seen them for three months and instead stayed hidden in my safe zone. I haven’t even gone to work. I’ve left Tasha to deal with everything and I feel so bad.
“Drew,” Lauren comes to sit on the chair closest to me and looks down at her son in my arms. “You have lost the man that you love, if I were you I would be exactly the same. I would probably have to have you and the girls look after Connor while I was grieving, because there would be no way I could function, let alone look after a child if something happened to Grim.” Lauren now swipes at her eyes. “I’m heartbroken for you Dee, the thought of being in your shoes kills me.”
I kiss Connor on the head and look up to Lauren. “They’ve both gotten so big.”
“If Uncle Franky gives me the go ahead, I’m having a little play date for Madison’s first birthday at a play centre.” Elise adds. “If you’re up to it?”
“I’ll be there.” I nod quickly, softly stroking Madison’s head. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Connor cuddles me tightly and Lauren grins. “He seems happy to have his Aunt DeeDee back.”
I watch my niece and nephew, happy to be feeling a little more like myself. “I’m feeling better now that I’m back with these two.”
Tasha now joins us, with Maci walking behind her, both with hot drinks in their hands. They place them out of reach of the babies, and Tasha settles herself on the sofa.
“How’s the salon doing?” I ask her.
“It’s still standing.” She teases with a smirk.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been in.” I mean for fucks sake, I live on top of the building. I could have shown my face at any time.
Tasha now frowns. “Stop with all this guilt nonsense. It’s my business too, take care of yourself before you come back.”
Connor gets up from my lap, and walks over to his mum so I get up and fetch my tea from the side. I sit next to Maci and let the warmness from the mug soothe me. “I miss Sketch so much guys.”
As soon as I say the words, I feel a little better. Of course I’ve thought about Sketch, but because I have secluded myself since his death, I haven’t really spoken to anyone about him. Whenever my mother or the girls came around to check on me from time to time, I would shy away from the subject when they would ask. Right now though, I feel ready to talk about him with my closest friends.
“Well of course you do.” Maci adds.
I take a sip of my drink, preparing to tell them what I’ve been thinking about these past three months. “In respect for Sketch, I don’t want another tattoo.” I look down at my mostly covered arms, knowing that there’s little room left for anymore ink, but it’s all of Sketch’s art and to have somebody else tattoo me would break my heart. “It wouldn’t feel right if it wasn’t Sketch tattooing me.”
Lauren nods, looking sad with sympathy. “I get that.”
“I think it’s romantic.” Elise smiles and I laugh, she will always find something romantic in a situation.
“Romantic or not, I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Sketch did all of my art, every single tattoo on my body, I can’t let anyone else touch what he started.” I declare. “He loved my tattoos.”
“And he did a kick ass job.” Agrees Tasha, which makes me fill up with emotion. Maci wraps an arm around me and I lean into her for support. I know that if I let another person touch my skin, I would feel as if I was betraying Sketch and that’s the last thing I want to do.
“It’s Miley’s birthday next week.” Maci adds and I appreciate the change of conversation. “I heard her dad talking about it at the bar the other night.”
“We have to do something for her.” I insist. After all the sadness we’ve had surrounding the club lately, we need a little something to look forward to. We need something to make us smile and after everything Miley has been through, and the fact that Sketch fought to save her life, I want her to enjoy her birthday.
“We could arrange a get together at the clubhouse?” Lauren asks and I nod. “I’ll talk with the other old ladies and get something sorted.”
“Should we ask Miley first?” Elise asks. “She’s been through a lot and I’m worried if it’s too much of a surprise, it might bring her back to what happened.”
“I’ll meet up with her, let her know that we’re planning something for her birthday.” I offer. “I need to see her anyway, I haven’t since the funeral.”
We all agree, and the girls offer to come with me but I think this should just be me and Miley. After everything that has happened, I feel as though I share a bond with her now and I’ll always look out for her, in respect for Sketch’s last moments.
“Have you heard anything about the nomads?” Tasha asks. “I tried to ask Devlin but he shut me down pretty quickly.”
“Yeah Bomber is the same.” Elise adds. “He said I should keep my distance from them.”
I can’t help but frown. “I’m sure they’re not that bad, we have some colourful characters in the club and they’ve all done questionable things but it’s all for the cub and keeping us all safe.”
“I’m with you there.” Lauren nods. “They’re part of the club and dangerous or not, they’re coming to help us. I think the men are just being over protective and maybe a little jealous of some new faces.”
We all giggle at that.
“Dee can’t even remember what they look like.” Maci sulks.
I shake my head at her. “I told you! The last time I saw them they were boys.”
“But were they cute boys?” Maci asks with a big grin.
“I think so.” I shrug.
“You better be careful asking about fresh meat.” Tasha points at Maci. “Baby won’t be happy.”
Maci then scowls. “You think I care what he thinks?”
Personally, I think that she does but Maci is so angry with him lately that she doesn’t care anymore. I can’t really blame her. There’s something there between them. Everyone can feel the chemistry when they’re around them but Baby won’t act on it. He would rather fuck every bunny the club has to offer and more, rather than explore what it is with Maci. As a result, it’s left Maci pissed because he’s put other women before her. I would be the same if I was her. Watching the man you think you have feelings for spend his time with other women than you.
“I should expect them anytime soon.” Lauren thankfully ends the awkward silence. “Grim heard from one of them last week. They apologised for being so late but they were held up on the way here.”
My dad told me three months ago that he was expecting the Redgrave brothers and I had start to wonder if they were still coming to help. I am actually intrigued to see them again, but after hearing my dad tell me how they’ve turned out makes me want to stand back a little. They may be a part of the club, but even in our own chapter we have the odd man who we give distance to. Not that they’re too dangerous to have around, but they prefer their own company and would rather not join in with the family affairs.
***
That afternoon, I send Miley a text to ask if we can meet up and she agrees to meet at the clubhouse. I’m a little nervous to go to the clubhouse because there’s always a group of men hanging around and they’re bound to send sympathetic smiles my way. I appreciate their support but I need to return to normal life sooner rather than later.
I park up, noticing the long lines of bikes before I walk through the main doors. I poke my head into the bar, looking around for Miley but all I can see is club members. I spot Scrappy and Tech standing together at the bar and hurry over to them.
“Have you seen Miley?” I ask them.
Scrappy looks shocked to see me. “Hey Drew.” He throws an arm around me and brings me close.
“Hey.” I smile up at my cousin, wondering why he’s drunk at only three in the afternoon.
“She went into the TV room.” Tech answers my earlier question.
“Thanks.” I nod to Tech and unwrap myself from Scrappy’s arms. I quickly walk across to the thick double doors that open into the large TV room. I spot Miley sat on a sofa with her back to me. I make my way over, sitting on the chair the closest to her. “Hey.”
“Hi.” She smiles. “Are you ok? Your text seemed urgent.”
I’m happy to see her face is now fully healed. “Nothing urgent.” I assure her. “Maci told me and the girls that it’s your birthday coming up.”
Miley cringes. “On Thursday.”
“What would you say if we were to plan something for you?” I ask her.
“A party?” She asks, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “I don’t know, since everything happened I like to be careful.”
I understand that, the thought of loud music and everyone drinking after she’s been through something like that is scary.
“Don’t worry, it would be nothing crazy. My dad would never allow that anyway with the situation the club is under right now. I mean just a little get together here, at the club. We could put some food out, let all the kids play together, have the men put on a little barbeque?” I wink at her and she laughs.
“I do enjoy a club barbeque.” She grins.
“A birthday barbeque it is then.” I clap. “I’ll let my dad know and Lauren will get on with the plans.”
“Thank you Drew.” Miley sweetly smiles, tugging on her long sleeves.
“It’s no problem Miley, after everything you and the club has been through, it will be nice.”
There’s a little silence, with a slight awkwardness once that is out of the way. Before the incident, I’ve never really spoken to Miley. She’s younger than I am, around Poppy and Lulu’s age and has her own group of friends.
“I love your tattoos.” She suddenly adds. “I really want some, but my mum doesn’t think girls should but my dad’s on board.”
I can’t help but laugh. “My mum was the same.” I look down at my arms and smile. “I got my first few in secret, turns out my brothers and dad had already figured it out but my mum was still clueless. She flipped when she found out though.”
Miley laughs. “I bet. I was always tempted to ask one of them in the shop to try out some tats on me.”
“You should have.” I look up from my arms, marvelling at Sketch’s talent. “Sketch did all mine.”
Miley looks at my arms, and I see her admiring my neck art too. “It doesn’t surprise me, Sketch was crazy talented. He was always booked up in the shop.”
“I know, it was actually how we met.” I shake my head at my sudden memories of me sneaking around with Sketch. “I persuaded him to tattoo me, but I also had a secret crush on him which made it more exciting.”
“That’s sweet.” She smiles, but I don’t plan on telling her about my wish to not have any more. That’s private and there’s too many people around. “Are you sure this birthday barbeque will be ok with everyone?”
“I’m sure.” I nod. “It will give everybody an excuse to not feel guilty if they smile around us.”
“That’s true.” Miley bursts out laughing. “I’m sick of everyone asking if I’m ok.”
“Girl I’m with you.” I giggle.
Just like that, we relax around each other and actually sit around talking until it gets dark outside. It’s odd, but I feel closer to Sketch around her but not in a weird way. As if I’m about to demand I spend every minute with her and cry around her all the time. Miley is here because of Sketch, and that makes me happy. To see that he saved a life, it makes me so fucking proud of him.