Memories of Us
Hunter
I climb the fence and swing my leg over, settling down as I look out at the land my father worked hard to maintain. The land my grandfather built. I was supposed to follow their footsteps, but I threw it all to hell.
“Hey, girl,” I run my hand down Addie’s face. The mare juts her head in greeting. She was my favorite girl, until I found my other favorite girl. The second thing I fucked up in my twenty-five years.
“I can’t believe I’m back here. Has he been cursing my name?” I ask the horse as if she’ll answer. Releasing her, I look at the barn. Sighing, a wave of memories knock me down.
I’m cleaning the stalls, shoveling shavings while the radio plays Alan Jackson. I sing along as the words echo off the wood structure. I pay attention to the beat and rhythm the words create, picking up the different instruments that play.
“You singin’ for an audience?”
I smile and turn around, leaning on the shovel. I look at her, eyeing her tight jeans and tank top, her cowboy boots hugging her legs.
“I am now.” I sing louder, moving to her. I pull my favorite girl to me, twirling her around and moving to the music. I dip her low, hoisting her left leg up.
Her laugh vibrates around the space as I bring her back to me. She pulls my cowboy hat off and touches my forehead with hers.
“That’s going to be you one day,” she says.
“Only if you agree to be there with me.”
“Always, babe.”
Then, she puts my hat on and grabs the shovel I had leaned against the wall. “What do you need help with?” She begins to shovel shavings before I answer.
Adjusting myself, I walk behind her and hug her. “Baby, I need somethin’ else right now.” I push my hips into her, causing her to break into a fit of laughter.
“Hunter,” she swats me. “We can’t do that here. Your parents can walk in.”
“Nah.” I kiss her neck.
“Hunter Daniels, stop it right now.” She shakes her body to rid me, but I tighten my arms, keeping her to me.
“I ain’t ever lettin’ you go.”
She stops moving. “You better not.” She turns in my arms, her kiss leaving me wanting more.
“Hunter Daniels! I never thought I’d see your ugly face around here again.” I shake my head to clear the memory and look at Jack.
“Who you callin’ ugly, dumb ass?” I jump down to meet my best friend.
“How you doin’?” He pats my back.
“Just takin’ it all in, brother.”
“You homesick?”
I shake my head. “Nah.”
“How’s the job? Rebel Desire, huh? You hangin’ with the big dogs.”
“It’s been great. How are you? You have Julie pregnant yet?” I smile, sadness trying to pierce through me.
Jack chuckles. “Slow down. We got time for kids later. We’re still in the honeymoon stage.”
“You been in that stage for over three years now.”
He shrugs. “What can I say? That woman keeps me on my toes.” He takes a step back to look at me. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.” I scrub my face. “Just weird being back here.”
“Tell me ‘bout it. Never thought I’d see you here again with the way you left.”
“I couldn’t tell my mom no.” When my mom called to ask me personally to come to her and my dad’s vow renewal, I couldn’t say no. It’s my parents’ thirtieth anniversary and they’re renewing their vows.
“She misses you. Talks to my momma about you all the time, what you’re doing, the songs you’re writin.’ Maybe you should come visit more often.” Jack adjusts his cap to cover more of his face.
“Can’t. Work.” I throw a lame excuse. “Besides, you turnin’ into a chick now, worried about my momma?”
“Don’t be a dick,” Jack shoots at me.
“Takes one to know one.”
“Glad to see your independence in Nashville has really matured you.”
I sigh and run a hand down my face. I’m being a dick to him because it’s easy. We’ve been best friends since we were in diapers, and our parents have been friends since before then. Jack is the brother I never had, which is why my leaving hurt that much more.
“What’s really eatin’ at ya?” Jack climbs the fence and sits. I join him, wishing I had grabbed a few beers and a cooler.
“Where do I begin?”
“Well, you ain’t this tied about seeing your pops, so how ‘bout you begin with the real reason you you’re shakin’ in your boots.”
I smirk. Fucker.
“Have you spoken to her? Seen her?” I ask Jack.
“Nah, man.” He shakes his head. “She up and left right after you, disappearin’ into the night. Seems as you both have that in common.”
I stare at him, jaw clenched. “I called. I said where I was going.”
“She may have, too, just not to anyone related to you.”
I hear tires crunching under the dirt road.
“Ready to face your pop?” Jack says with a smile.
Why is he still my best friend?
“Hunter!” My mom exclaims and rushes to me. I meet her half way.
“Hey, momma.” I hug her, towering over her, but still feeling like a kid. I’m a Momma’s Boy, and I ain’t afraid to admit it.
“Been way too long. Are you eating enough? You need some of my chili and cornbread to fluff you up a bit.”
“Mom,” I laugh and shoo her arms away.
Before I can turn around, I hear mumbling and a door slam. Seeing as my father refuses to acknowledge me, I say, “I told you I could’ve stayed at a hotel.”
“Over my dead body. It’s about time you both reconciled. Now come on, I’ve got supper to make. You staying for supper Jack?” She calls.
“Depends. What are you making?”
I smile and shake my head.
“Get your ass in the house and call Julie and tell her to come over. We’re celebrating tonight.” My mom’s voice sings and guilt washes over me. It’s been three years since I’ve stepped foot on this land, always making my momma go see me in Nashville if she wanted to. Never inviting my father.
I came home one time after moving to Nashville. It was right after I left and it was to come get her. But she was already gone.
“Yes ma’am,” Jack chuckles and follows us into the house.
I stomp my feet on the back porch before entering the house.
I grab a beer and hand one to Jack while my momma talks up a storm and cooks. She refuses help, saying we can help her set the table in a bit. My dad is nowhere to be seen, probably out by the barn tending the horses. Avoidance works best for us.
As soon as Julie arrives, I give her a big bear hug and catch her up on my life in Nashville. I’ve been trying to get them out to visit me, but their ranch keeps them busy. Being with them now, like old times, a pang in my chest amplifies. Not quite like old times. While Jack still has Julie sitting on his lap, mine is empty. I rub my eyes and gulp my beer. My one mistake. My one regret.
“I’ll be right back.” The chair screeches against the tile and I walk out to my truck to grab my bag. I need fresh air. I shouldn’t have come. I could’ve made up some sorry ass excuse and said I had to travel for work. But I know how much this means to my mom. Her permanent grin all afternoon is evidence that it’s been too long since I’ve been home. Being here is a reminder of all I fucked up.
I kick a rock with the toe of my boot and fling my overnight bag over my shoulder. Looking to my left, I see my dad shoveling shavings into a stall. Wasn’t too long ago I was out there helping him.
I shake my head and walk back into the house, whispers coming from the kitchen. “I can hear y’all,” I holler and make my way to my old room, assuming my bed is still there for me to sleep in.
Dropping my bag on the bed with the same plaid comforter as when I was younger, I look at the medals hanging from the hooks. The one picture I have framed mocks me from the dresser. I put it face down and head back into the kitchen.