Alannah
Cas hasn’t been home in days. I can’t go to bed alone and not knowing where he is again tonight. It’s physically draining me, and I’m fed up crying over this. My understanding can only stretch so far.
“Dad, dad, dad,” Leo chants from his seat in the back, recognising the club as I drive through the gates.
The sun is beginning to set, and the sky is a mixture of oranges and pinks. It’s beautiful. What I wouldn’t give to be up there instead of down here in the unknown.
“Dad, dad, dad.”
“Yes, daddy is here,” I say, looking over to Cas’s bike parked up in his spot.
I don’t bother grabbing my purse off the passenger seat, it’s not like anyone is going to steal it here and I climb out of the car. Swinging the back door open, I unbuckle Leo from his seat and find my heart is racing. I haven’t been nervous to see Cas in a long time, and I am today.
Keeping Leo in my arms, I walk into the bar and look around for my husband.
“Daddy!” Leo yells, looking straight at his dad.
Sitting with Sparky and Slade, the man I promised to be loyal to softens for a brief second and I take it as a good sign this can be sorted between us.
He doesn’t take his eyes off me as I walk towards him and he acts like a prick and says nothing when I stand in front of him.
“We need to talk in your office,” I tell him.
He still doesn’t say anything.
“I will talk here if you don’t move,” I warn him, and hate that my voice wavers at the end.
I lower Leo to his feet and point him towards Sparky.
“Go see Uncle Sparks, Leo.”
Cas still hasn’t moved, and he watches Leo toddle over to Sparky.
“I swear, Cas, I will start talking right here in front of everyone.”
I turn my back on them all and head for his office. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t follow me. This is new terrain in our relationship. The last time he fucked things up, I walked in on him fucking someone else. We’ve grown up since then, I’m worried about a lot more than him cheating on me because I don’t think he would, not now, no matter what dark place our marriage goes to.
I stand by the window in his office and it’s a lot darker outside now and the beautiful pinks have been swallowed by the night.
“Before you say anything…”
“Can you even guess what I’m here to say?” I ask, cutting him off.
He leans against the door and lights a damn cigarette.
“That you saved more money, and you offered it to Jacqueline to leave town?”
“Wow, how childish,” I spit, and remember I’m here to sort this out.
“I’ve been sitting at home wondering when you’re coming home, you left the wedding and I haven’t seen you since.”
“Have you been worrying I’ve been with someone else?”
“Of course not, I apologised for that. Cas, come on, please talk to me seriously. You can’t keep running from me because I messed up…”
He springs away from the door and gets in my face. Every step I take back, he matches it until my back hits the wall.
“Messed up?” he growls, so close I can feel his breath on my face.
“Back up, Cas.”
“You couldn’t give me time to figure out what I wanted to do, how do you think I would’ve felt if she had taken your money and left town?”
Oh no, she didn’t take it so there’s no point in fighting about it any longer.
Shoving at his chest, I push him away when he won’t move.
“How the hell am I supposed to know how you’re feeling when you don’t come home?” I yell at him.
“Why would I come home when all I get are lies?” he yells back, “I trusted you and you let me down. Out of everyone, you were the only one I trusted.”
He’s talking in the past tense. Cracks begin to splinter in my heart and the anger I held has now turned to sorrow.
“I done it for you.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
He stubs his cigarette out in the ashtray on his desk and while his back is turned, I cross the room to the door.
He moves faster than I do and blocks the exit.
“You wanted me to talk, babe, I’m not done.”
“Get out of my way, Cas.”
I don’t know this man before me.
“You’ve already made your mind up, I know how you treat people who break your trust so I’m getting our son and taking him home.”
His shoulders sag and he frowns.
“What do you think I’m going to do to you?” he asks, softly.
“Right now, with how you’re being, I really don’t know,” I tell him, and I know it hurts him, but it’s the truth.
I know him too well, and as much as he loves me, even I can only push him so far.
He isn’t a complex man, but he can be confusing.
He steps towards me, and I move to the side.
“I don’t know what’s happening to us, or if we can be fixed, but I want to go home, now.”
I don’t wait for him to move, I push by him and open the door. I wipe my eyes dry in the time I leave Cas and walk into the bar. Sparky is throwing Leo around, making him laugh and stops when he sees me.
“You okay?” he mouths as I hold my arms out for my son.
Shrugging my shoulders, I don’t stick around. It’s gone too quiet for me to leave unnoticed, and it’s mortifying.
Keeping Leo close to me, I walk out and put him in his seat. I came here to sort it out, and now I’m leaving feeling like my marriage is over.
“Alannah.”
I’m surprised to see Cas has followed me out. Clicking the last belt into place, I close Leo’s door and open mine.
Before I can climb in and close him out, he’s blocking me again, and reaches out for me.
I step back, and he flinches.
“I may have gone behind your back, but I was always at your side. I would’ve stood beside you till the day I die, but I’ll never stand for you being spiteful to me and not coming home. That’s not a marriage I’ll stay in. Figure out where we go from here and let me know, I’m done chasing you just to be treated like I’ve never meant anything to you at all.”
He closes the gap between us, but his touches and whispers can’t fix this. “Since you’re more than comfortable sleeping here, I don’t want you coming home tonight. You’re not my Cas anymore.”
He doesn’t say anything, and steps to the side. I climb in the car and wait for him to move out of the way of the door.
I refuse to look at him and keep my head straight.
I jump when he closes the door on my behalf and I don’t hesitate to turn the key in the ignition and throw the car into reverse.
Backing out, I force myself not to look in the rear-view mirror.