Cas
I stand there long after I watch her drive away from me. I’m numb. I was pretty numb when Oak came home, but this, this is worse. I can’t feel a single limb. I feel the sickness wanting to rise from my stomach, I promised her I would never hurt her again and I’ve broken my own vow.
She had the same broken pain in her eyes she had when she found me with Danni, all those years ago.
Turning slowly, I look all around the club and the haze lifts. I jump on my bike, I ride up to the gates and look left, then right. I should follow Alannah and go left, but I pull out onto the main road and go right.
I ride until I’m pulling into the cemetery. Coasting through, I leave my light on, so I can see where I’m going.
I don’t believe my eyes when I see a figure sitting on a nearby bench in the Lost Souls section.
Kicking out the stand, I climb off my bike and set it right before walking over to her.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“You come here a lot, I wanted to see if I could feel the peace it brings you.”
“It doesn’t bring me peace, it breaks my fuckin’ heart. Every one of these men lying in the ground, I would swap my life for theirs. Especially, the latest one.”
She has no fucking idea.
“You should have taken Alannah’s offer, and you should leave town, as soon as possible,” I say, and feel nothing.
“I told you…”
“I know what you’ve said, but I’m telling you, I’m not interested in having anything to do with you. I’ve come so far without you, I don’t need you now.”
“Cas, please.”
“You’re not listening to me, I don’t want to know you, I don’t want a mom, or to work on a relationship. Since you’ve showed up, I’ve been fucking up and upsetting people who have been there for me for years. The only relationship I’m interested in mending is the one with my wife.”
I stand and ignore her sniffles. They do nothing for me, I don’t feel bad that she’s not hearing what she wants to hear.
“I came here to talk to a dear friend, I thought it would make me feel better, but it was sending you away that made it all better. Goodbye Jacqueline.”
As I walk back to my bike, I release a long sigh and smile. Thousands of people don’t have parents, fuck, even my wife doesn’t have any parents. I’ve survived all these years without a mom, I’m sure as shit I’ll survive the rest of my life without her too. The only one I can’t survive without is Alannah, and when I ride up to my house, her car is there but all the lights are off.
She’ll hear my bike for sure.
Walking up the porch steps, it angers me when the front door is unlocked. Only the kitchen light is on at the back of the house when I walk in and I hear the clink of a glass hitting the table.
Leaning in the kitchen doorway, she doesn’t look at me, and pours herself another glass of wine.
“If I knew all it’d take is to tell you not to come home, I would’ve done that days ago,” she snorts, still not looking at me.
“Seriously though, why are you here? I’m a terrible wife, I tried paying your mom to leave town, I accused you of betraying me, I…”
“I scared you and it broke my heart, then I was petrified I was going to lose you,” I interrupt her.
My worst fear is losing her.
Pushing away from the doorframe, I walk across the kitchen and kneel before her.
“I swear to you, I’ll never be like that with you again. That woman messes with my head, she always has done, but I would rather kill her to be rid of her then lose you because of her. I fuckin’ swear it to you.”
Running my hands along her thighs, I grip onto her hands and press them both to my mouth.
Fuck, I’ve missed her bad.
“I’ve been fucking up with everyone, you, Sparky, Dex, I even started with Slade today. I’ve sent her away…”
She pulls one of her hands free, and runs it through my hair, stopping to hold the back of my head.
“I won’t try telling you what to do, but, I don’t think sending her away will help. You know who she is now, she’s real, not just in your mind. You have to deal with her before you’ll be able to move on.”
“Lana, as far as I’m concerned, nothing has changed. It’s me, you, Leo and the club. She’s not a part of anything. We were perfectly fine before her and we will be when she leaves.”
“Will you though?”
“Sure I will. All I need is to know we’re fine.”
“We’ll always be fine in the end, but I reckon you want to know her, but you’re scared to trust her and look a fool if she lets you down.”
“I’m done talking about her, I want to talk about us. I want to go to bed with my wife and I want her to tell me she still loves me. Everything else is irrelevant.”
Keeping a hold on me, she stands and leads me up to our room.
“I still love you, Cas, but you haven’t made it easy to like you recently,” she tells me.
“The way I see it, you’re the one who made me fall in love with you, but you don’t get to make me hate you, not again. Don’t ever make me live without you, I’m nothing like her, I need you in every way, every single day.”
Her lips pepper down my neck as she slides my cut off. Pulling my hoodie up and over my head, she drops it on the floor by our feet and backs me up until my legs hit the bed.
I sit down on the edge and grab onto her hips. I yank her against me and kiss her stomach.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I growl, falling on my back bringing her with me.
“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” she whispers, trailing her lips across my chest.
Sitting up, she straddles me and makes quick work of unbuckling my belt. I lift my ass, so she can pull my jeans down and I growl when she leaves my boxers in place.
Her soft laugh is naughty and drives me wild.
“I don’t think I remember how sorry you said you are,” she murmurs, running her finger over my bulge.
“You wanna play?”
“I want my husband to show me how much he’s missed me.”
Her eyes darken and I’m sitting up and spinning us around so she’s the one on her back.
“You got it,” growl.