Alannah
My body is trembling. I shiver from the rage and slide down the front door. What the hell did I just do? I don’t freak out like that. I don’t scream at my husband, and I certainly don’t throw cash around like it means nothing. What hurts more is Cas didn’t flinch. He stared at me like I was a random stranger having a meltdown in the middle of town. I’m the one he strives to make happy, we’ve had arguments before but not like this. He’s never walked out on a fight before and not only did he ride off today, he walked out on me yesterday too. His god damn mother is breaking him and in turn, it’s breaking us and my heart.
I should’ve let Cas deal with her in his own way, I know this but now, I’m angry.
My phone rings from the kitchen and I’m heading for it, undecided if I’m going to answer depending on whose calling. I already know it’s not going to be Cas, I don’t know how, but I do.
It’s Bonnie. I accept her call and put the phone on speaker.
“Hey, Sparky called and said you might need me.”
My mood thaws a fraction by Sparky’s thoughtfulness. Besides Bonnie, he is my best friend. Always has been and always will be.
“What’s happened?”
“I fucked up.”
It’s simple. I’m adult enough to own up to it.
“Cas heard I tried paying his mom to leave town, he got real mad and then accused me of saving money so I could leave him.”
She’s quiet for a beat and I can’t bear it.
“Why would he think of that, you’re like the ultimate couple.”
“You’re asking the wrong person. He’s paranoid over something I’ve never thought of before. He isn’t himself and I haven’t helped the situation.”
“How much did you offer her?”
“Twenty thousand and I regret it now.”
“You were only looking out for him, he’ll see that in time. Sparky said he was going to stay close to him today.”
A stray tear falls down my cheek and I quickly swipe it away.
“Do you want me to come over, I can be there in fifteen minutes?”
“I’ll be fine, it’s probably for the best if no one’s here when he comes home.”
If he comes home, that is. His behaviour over the last few days has been up and down and for once, I can’t gage how he’s going to be.
Even at his worst, when Oak was taken, when he came home dead, he never took his anger out on me. He came to me for solace and peace.
“Look, I better go. I’ve got twenty grand to pick up before it blows away.”
“Pick up from where?”
“Out front, he accused me of having a secret job or stealing from him, so I threw it all at him. He just sat there and did nothing.”
“Oh, Lana. I don’t know what to say, apart from, he loves the bones off you. Give him time.”
Time.
Time helps everything. Lose a loved one, give it time. Miscarry your baby, give it time and you can try again, time is everywhere and does nothing but drag out the pain.
Ending the call with Bonnie, I take a deep breath and check on Leo. He’s happily playing with his toys, oblivious to what’s going on around him.
“Do you want to play a game with mommy, Leo?” I ask him, and he grins, looking up at me from the floor.
After putting his coat back on, I sort us both out a small bag each and we head outside.
“Okay, you see all this money, we have to pick it up before it blows away. Whoever picks up the most, wins, okay?”
“Yep.”
“Good, one, two, three…go.”
It takes less than ten minutes to round up the cash and a further ten minutes to check I haven’t missed any.
Leo does well, and his bag is half filled with bills. Cas is an asshole. I honestly thought he’d be dealing with his mom a lot better than this, or at the very least, he’d come to me to help him.
He’s been pushing us out for days now and I have no idea how to deal with it myself.
“Who wins, mommy?”
“Let’s take it all inside and count it up.”
It’s so much warmer inside and after we’ve settled in the kitchen, Leo dumps his haul on the table. He managed to pick up just over four thousand and after I’ve counted my fourteen thousand, we lost just under two thousand dollars.
“You won, baby,” I smile, letting him win.
He doesn’t expect a prize or anything and goes in search of his toys. While he’s occupied with his cars and bikes, I take the money back upstairs and hide it under the floorboard in the cupboard in Leo’s bedroom, where it’s been since I started stashing the cash away.
Hours pass, the day rolls into the night and it’s still Leo and I home alone. Cas always calls if he’s going to stay late at the club, going by how he’s been lately, I don’t bother waiting for my phone to ring.