Libby
I’ve been past this motel many times throughout my life, but I’ve only stayed here once before today.
I was about eight when I was awoken by my mom screaming for my dad to stop punching on her. Her screams filled my ears so loudly, I can still hear them today, nearly twelve years later. Once my father was done handing out his punishment to her, he left to go to his precious club and my mom rushed up to my room.
I sat frozen on my bed, while she absently shoved half of my clothes into a bag and then told me to go downstairs and put my shoes on. We used to keep them in the cupboard under the stairs, so my dad didn’t stumble home drunk and trip over them. He didn’t like that and would take it out on my mom.
My mom came down with her case and my bag, she was in such a rush to get us out of the house, she forgot to put her shoes on. I’ve never forgotten that detail. She told me, you don’t need shoes on an adventure, but I had my shoes on. It wasn’t until I was older I understood her need to keep the worries away from me.
She held her tears in all the way to the motel, but I would rather have seen her tears than the blood drying around her nose and lip.
Even at a young age, I was happy we were leaving him. We were going on an adventure starting at the motel and mom was going to be safe.
Until, Cameron showed up the next day and dragged her home, expecting me to follow like the obedient child my mom begged me to be, so he didn’t hurt me.
The room today doesn’t even look like it’s been decorated since the last time I was here, but the sheets are fresh, and the bathroom is clean. Little things, I suppose. Oh, and we have our own beds. Dex only got the one room but two beds.
A shitty gameshow plays on the crappy TV and I pretend to watch it while Dex answers his phone. Again. It’s been going off all afternoon and evening.
He lights another cigarette while he listens to what the caller is saying and then puts the phone on loudspeaker.
“We need your mom’s name, date of birth and her cell number.”
I rattle off her details and read her number from my phone. Dex looked surprised to see I have one, but I shrugged him off and got on with it. When he’s finished with his call, he kicks off his boots and falls onto his bed.
“My club will be here in a couple of days, depending if the snow hits or not.”
“What will happen when they get here?”
“Baze will face Cas, who believes me, and in turn, you.”
“What about my mom?”
“Slade will call when he finds something.”
“What are we going to do while we wait?”
He smirks, “We wait.”
As if I didn’t know that was on the agenda. Waiting is all I seem to do these days, I waited day after day in the shed at the club, now I’m waiting for more bikers, and no doubt I’ll be waiting around for something after they arrive. Remembering being in the shed, a chill seeps through my body and I shudder. I have never been so cold in my life and it looks like I won’t be forgetting it any time soon.
“I’m going for a shower,” I blurt out.
He doesn’t pay me any attention as I lock myself in the tiny bathroom and turn the water on. I crank it to the hottest it will go and strip out of my clothes. I step under the hot spray and let it cover me.
The water burns my skin, but I refuse to move. I believed I was going to die, freeze to death if the brothers kept me in there any longer, I’m lucky I survived three nights out there.
I lather as much as soap as I can in my hands and rub it all over my body. I keep my hair away from the water and once I feel warmed through, I turn the shower off.
It doesn’t take long before I’m dry and opening the door. Dex has moved from his bed to the small table by the window and is smoking yet another cigarette.
I climb into bed and shudder from the cold sheets. I hope they warm up soon.
“Tell me everything there is to know about you and Baze. Don’t leave anything out,” he says, not wasting any time.
“Some things are private.”
“Not anymore, darling. I need to know everything for when my president gets here.”
I notice the TV is off and he has been out for food. I didn’t think I was that long. Bags of chips and a pizza box are at the bottom of my bed. I reach over for a bag of chips and he growls. Full on, growls at me.
“Start talking.”
Sometimes I think he can be nice and then he proves me wrong.
Eating a chip, I ask, “What do you want to know?”
“Tell me what was going on between you and him.”
“I rarely went to the clubhouse, it’s literally a man’s place with the exception of the club girls that hang around. Dad paid Baze to fix some bits and bobs around the house last summer, and I crushed on him hard. He was older and gorgeous, and looked good without a shirt. Hell of a lot better than the guys in town, not that my dad would’ve approved.”
I don’t miss him raising his eyebrow, disapprovingly.
“Anyway, my dad beat my mom so bad he actually stayed away for over a week, so he didn’t have to look at what he had done. Baze would check in on us and one thing led to another one night, and never stopped. Ironically, he made me feel safe, and I think he made mom feel safer too, which was stupid cause dad still beat her. We weren’t exclusive or anything, but we saw each other when we could.”
It’s weird talking about the beginning, it was only last year but it feels so long ago now.
“Did you love him?”
Love.
“I liked how he made me feel, but I didn’t love him. I knew as much as he liked me in return, he liked a lot of other women too. In some ways I’m naïve, but when it comes to men, my dad’s empty promises and lies taught me to guard myself against men. It didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy them though,” I grin.
This makes him genuinely smile and I’m happy that I managed that.
“So, what happened the day your dad died?”
I’ve tried for days to forget but hopefully, if I tell him everything, I’ll be able to forget it once and for all.
“My mom hadn’t been out of bed for two days, and my dad hadn’t been home in three. Baze called in, he said my dad had been shooting his mouth off and he was worried for me and my mom. I got upset and he comforted me. We ended up in my bedroom and didn’t hear my dad return home. He burst into my room and then he lost it. He pulled Baze off me, but Baze was stronger than him and pushed him out and downstairs. By the time I got dressed, and went down, my dad was trying to find his phone to call Gabe to tell him about our relationship. “You see, I don’t know how it is in your club, but up here, daughters and family are out of bounds and there no exceptions. Baze got shook and then he lost it. He grabbed the skillet and kept hitting him until he went down, then he stabbed him in the neck like I’ve already told you.”
He hasn’t interrupted me or even moved, but now he gets off the bed and grabs his smokes.
I carry on as he lights up and blows the smoke out in a long stream towards the window that isn’t open. Must be habit.
“I didn’t freak out, or scream. I didn’t even feel bad. He was lying in his own blood, not moving. Baze went up to the bathroom and cleaned himself up. He was gone for a while and I just stood there, looking at my dad. When he did come down, he was with my mom and had packed her a bag. She didn’t flinch or scream either when she saw what had happened either.”
I pause, because my mom’s face was full of relief and she immediately looked ten years younger. That’s something I’ll treasure forever.
“Baze called her a cab and told her to go and not come back. He was going to sort out everything here and then send me to her. Before I knew it, she was hugging me and telling me she’d see me soon and then Baze was sitting me next to my dad. He came up with the plan that if the club thought it was me, my mom would be safe, and he would get me away and everyone would be free. He knew the club would kill him if they knew he done it. I went along with it because he had done my mom a lifesaving favour.”
“Why keep your mouth shut when it was obvious he wasn’t helping you?”
“Because I wanted my mom safe. She lived through hell, I would’ve died to give her an opportunity to live for herself.”
I was essentially her mom; our roles have been reversed for a long time. Now dad is out of the picture, hopefully the roles can once again reverse, and I’ll have my mom back.
“I knew someone who would die for someone they loved.”
“What happened?”
“She died.”
Simple.
“You shouldn’t give up yourself for someone else, in nearly every situation, they wouldn’t do the same for you. I mean, could a mother truly leave her daughter in a situation like that.”
“You didn’t know her; my father broke her. She would’ve made things worse if she stuck around. Besides, she didn’t know what Baze had planned.”
Without a doubt, I will find her, and I will take care of her. She will never see violence again.