15. Six Months Ago
GAVIN
Penny kept needling me to go out with Briel, but I wouldn’t bite. My dad was getting sicker and sicker, and Penny wanted me to go on dates? She was out of her mind, but that was nothing new.
“I think it’s in your best interest,” she said.
“Best interest? Are we in a parent-teacher conference? I’m not Milo, P. It’s me.”
“I know, but you’ve been hanging around the house so much and you know . . . it’s just a little weird.”
“And what? Is Dickhead getting jealous?”
“Don’t do that.”
We were standing outside Milo’s school selling tickets to some stupid PTA thing. Everyone was giving me dirty looks. Some lady who Penny referred to as “The Ice Queen” walked up.
“Who’s this, Penelope?” she asked as she looked me up and down.
“Milo’s uncle,” Penny said indifferently.
“The incarcerated uncle?”
Penny laughed. “Not anymore.”
There was never an incarcerated uncle. I didn’t know what the hell this Ice Queen was talking about—or why Penny was rolling with it.
What a piece of work this woman was. Weirdly enough, I still would have fucked her. She was cute, in an impish way. She had a three-year-old on her hip who was clearly outgrowing her, and she was dressed absurdly for school drop-off in spiky high heels and a tight, red spandex dress.
“I like your aviators, Teresa,” Penny said in a sincere tone, even though I knew she was being sarcastic.
“Sooo, do you want one ticket for six dollars or two for ten?” I asked. “We also have raffle tickets for a dollar. The grand prize is one week at bitch rehab.”
Penny gasped. Teresa turned her skinny nose up at me, turned on her heel, and walked away.
“Really, Gavin? This is Milo’s school. I know you wanted to get out of the house today but you can’t go around sending snotty women to bitch rehab.”
“I was thinking we could go to a strip club or something. Not sell fundraiser tickets to smug moms.”
“It’s eight thirty in the morning—and I’m a mom!” Even though she hated labels, she always put a lot of emphasis on the word mom.
“Who was that woman anyway?”
“Her kid’s in Milo’s class. She’s nice sometimes but when she’s with her little cronies, she acts like she doesn’t know who I am. She’s just insecure.”
I was making eyes at another woman in line and only partially listening to Penny. “What was the deal with the incarcerated uncle thing?”
“Blame that one.” She pointed to a Spanish-looking dark-haired bombshell in the back of the line—the mom I’d been checking out. “She asked about you when you came to the performing arts showcase last year. I told her you went to jail.”
The hot mom was still checking me out as she got closer to the front of the line. “Are you trying to sabotage everything for me, P? I could have fun with someone like her.”
“She’s married. Kind of a hussy, though. She probably has hep C.”
“You’re so judgmental. No wonder why you have no friends here.”
“I have friends. Ling’s my friend.”
“Ling lives in another state.”
“And I like Crystal, my neighbor. You’ll meet her in a bit. We’ve been to a couple of happy hours together.”
“What does ‘been to a happy hour’ mean?” The hot mom came up to the table and I turned my full attention to her. “Hellooooo,” I said, smiling wide.
“I need two tickets to parents night.” She looked me up and down but I couldn’t tell if she liked what she saw, or if she was intimidated by the prison thing.
“Do you need a date for it?” I asked.
She giggled. She was still into me despite my fake criminal record. Handing over a wad of cash, she let her hand linger in mine for a few seconds longer than necessary. Penny fake-sneezed on our connected hands. The woman pulled out of my grasp and scowled at Penny.
“Oh, sorry. Better wash up; I’ve had an icky cold for a month now. Thanks for supporting the PTA. See you soon!”
As the hot mom walked away, I turned to Penny. “You have no shame.”
“Always playing with fire, Gavin. I told you, she’s married.”
“So are you. It’s more fun to play with fire.”
“Don’t be that guy.” She elbowed me in the side. “Here comes Crystal.” A thin, slightly disheveled woman in her forties walked up and hugged Penny.
“Morning, lovely. I haven’t seen you in a while,” Crystal said.
“Crystal, this is Gavin.” Penny jutted a thumb at me.
“Oh, hey. Penny’s told me a lot about you.”
I can’t imagine what Penny would say about me. Probably nothing nice. I smiled. “Really? Huh. Well, nice to meet you.” I shook her hand. Immediately, I knew Crystal wasn’t the type to be intimidated easily, or be jealous. That’s exactly the kind of friend Penny needed.
“Let’s get a drink soon,” she said to Penny.
“Yes, soon,” Penny replied.
IN THE CAR on the way home I said, “Why didn’t you make a concrete plan with Crystal? That’s what you have to do to maintain friendships.”
“Don’t worry about me. Crystal’s divorced with four kids. She’s really cool but she’s got a lot going on. I’ll see her when I see her.”
It started to snow and the roads were slick with ice. “Slow down,” I told her. “Nice way to drop in that detail about her being divorced, by the way. But you know she’s not my type.”
“Why? Because she doesn’t look like a supermodel or a tatted-up emo chick?”
“Slow the fuck down, Penny, you’re scaring me. Pull over, please, and let me drive.”
She huffed and puffed as she pulled into a parking lot. “Why do you think I’m such a bad driver?”
“Because you are a bad driver. You’ve been in four car accidents in the last two years.”
“Fender benders.”
“Just get out and let me drive.”
She did but seemed annoyed about it. I always felt weird driving her car, but I was more concerned for my life than her ego at the moment.
Pulling into the driveway of her house, I noticed her husband’s Lexus was parked at the curb. “What’s he doing here?” I asked.
“He lives here. I guess he got off work early. Don’t freak out. I texted him and told him you were with me.”
I felt like if he walked into the garage and saw me getting out of the driver’s side, things would get very awkward.
He opened the inner garage door leading to the kitchen just as Penny and I reached it. He hadn’t seen me coming out of the car, which was a relief. “Hey Gavin, thanks for helping Penny out with the PTA stuff. I really wish that I had more time for that kind of thing.”
Penny and I just blinked up at him on the other side of the threshold.
“No problem,” I said.
“Yeah, you know, my job doesn’t really give me that much time off. Gotta provide for the family and all.”
He was so smug sometimes. It was fucking obnoxious. I glanced over at Penny, who looked bored. Her mind was somewhere else. I threw my hands up. “Well, I better be going. I’ll head out this way.” I pointed at the still-open garage door leading to the driveway.
“Yeah, I came home for lunch and thought Penny and I could sneak in some husband-and-wife time before our son gets home.”
I already said I was leaving, you fucker. Always pouring salt in the wound.
“See you, P,” I said without looking at her. “Peace, man,” I said to her smug-ass husband. I know you won, asshole. No need to rub it in. I walked quickly out of the garage and as soon as my foot hit the driveway, the automatic garage door began closing.
Two hours later, I got a text from Penny.
Penny: Sorry about earlier. That was weird.
Me: Whatever. It’s fine. I threw up a little in my mouth when he said “husband and wife time” though. Please tell me he doesn’t call it a marriage bed.
Penny: LOL
Pennyloyalty . . .