30. Three Months Ago
GAVIN
Ling: Tiny Dancer still can’t hold her liquor.
Me: On my way. I had a feeling. What’s she doing?
Ling: Don’t text and drive. She’s hanging on the bartender at the Tipsy Hat.
Me: Masen? The guy with the piercings?
Ling: The very same. Quit texting and driving. I have a 6 a.m. flight. I’m a freaking doctor and can’t stay out at all hours of the night like this. Just get your ass over here. I’m catching an Uber to the Marriott by the airport. You can take over from here.
Me: Don’t leave. Wait until I get there.
Ling: I’m not an asshole. Stop texting and driving.
Me: I’m doing voice to text so shut up.
Ling was kind of an asshole. I would never say it to her face; she was a good friend, but not at all willing to put up with Penny’s dramatics. She probably told Penny to get a divorce and get laid. She believed in work and casual relationships . . . and that’s about it. I think because she was a psychiatrist she tried to avoid shrinking anyone in her real life. Like Ling, I believed in work and casual relationships, too . . . but when it came to Penny . . . well, Penny was home for me.
Ling was standing near the door of the Tipsy Hat when I walked in. I spotted Penny near the bar.
“Finally. I need to get out of here.”
“Nice to see you, too, Ling. It’s been a while.”
She gave me a rough hug and said, “I already told her bye, so I’m taking off.”
“Did you tell her I was coming?”
“No. She said she’d be fine getting back to your place.”
I glanced over at Penny. She was wearing a short, black, semibackless dress, leaning over the bar, and talking to Masen.
“That guy is a walking STD. Why is she flirting with him? She doesn’t even seem that drunk.”
“She’s only had three or four drinks, but she hasn’t eaten all day.”
“Nothing at all?”
“No. She got weird about pigging out last night. She went into food-guilt mode. You know her.”
Penny was five-six and probably weighed a hundred and twenty pounds. She was thin already, but now looking at her in a backless dress, braless, it seemed like she had dropped another ten pounds overnight.
“I’m gonna run out and get her a sandwich.”
She huffed. “Fine, I’ll wait.”
Penny still didn’t know I was there, and I wasn’t sure how she was going to react. I got her a turkey sandwich from the deli across the street, which was kitty-corner to my apartment.
When I returned, Ling was still at the door. “So Penny’s been flirting with the bartender?” I asked.
“I don’t know, kinda.”
“I guess that’s all I’m getting out of you.”
“You guessed right. I gotta get some sleep before my flight tomorrow. Good luck,” she said as she walked out. I gave her a salute and finally headed into the bar.
I plopped onto the barstool next to Penny and held the turkey sandwich out to her.
She looked at me, shocked. “Ling, did you shape-shift into Gavin?”
“Eat the sandwich, Penny.”
“Oh, just what I need, another controlling husband.”
“You look gaunt.”
“I assure you, I’m not starving to death.”
“Please eat it.”
I looked up and caught Masen looking down Penny’s cleavage. Glaring, I said, “ ’Sup, Masen? How’s the hep C?”
“Cut the shit, Gavin. You wanna drink or you wanna get the fuck outta here? I’ll make sure Penny finds a warm bed.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll take an Alpine Duet, and she’ll have a water.”
“Make that a vodka soda with lime, please,” Penny said with a flirty smile.
“Eat the sandwich, Penny, and I’ll stay here as long as you want while you drown your sorrows.”
She took five reluctant bites and said, “I’m full.”
“Two more bites.”
“Quit treating me like a child. Why are you here anyway? Ling obviously called you.”
“She was just looking out for you. She wanted you to be able to cut loose, but she has an early flight.”
Penny stood up and clapped her hands. “Well, in that case, cutting loose is exactly what I’m gonna do.”
I sat at the bar and watched Penny dance to every funky eighties song the cover band knew over the next hour. She tried several times to lure me out on the dance floor, but honestly, I enjoyed watching her more. Even after all these years, she still danced with the raw abandon and utter grace she always had.
What if Joey hadn’t dropped her that day? Would Penny’s life be different? Would we be together? After her injury, any variation of the name Joey was like a bad word. If Penny got into a checkout line and the cashier’s name was Joseph, Joe, Joey, Josephine, even Jodie, she’d switch lines. I told her including Jodie was ridiculous but she said it sounded too similar. That was how she dealt with it.
Finally Penny got bored dancing alone, so she grabbed Masen, who kept looking over at me, probably worried I was going to kick his ass. Lilly, the other bartender, started serving me a small shot of whiskey with each beer I drank.
“Lilly, are you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me?”
She pointed to Penny. “Is that the girl you always talk about?”
“That’s her.”
“I thought she was married? She’s not wearing a ring.”
“I don’t know. She’s out of her mind.”
When Penny came back to the bar to get another drink, I said, “How come you’re not wearing your ring?”
“I called Lance today and told him I wanted to separate. You’re the first person I’m telling.”
For the first time in my entire life, I was speechless. Penny just separated from her husband, something I thought would never happen.
“Earth to Gavin. Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Does this mean you’re gonna run around fucking a bunch of guys?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Don’t be a jerk. I told him I wouldn’t cheat on him. I just need to get out and have some me time.”
“I see.”
“I see? What’s up with you?”
Lilly was eavesdropping. When I looked up, she walked away. “Nothing. I think it’s good. You could use the space.”
“I’m only staying out here for a week. I need to get back to Milo.”
“Milo’s fine.”
“He’s still my son, and he’s confused. Lance told him Mommy and Daddy had a fight.”
“Mommy and Daddy? You guys baby Milo so much, but the kid is smart as fuck. When you’re not around he acts totally different.”
“How do you mean?”
I gestured to the stool. “Sit.”
“No, I’m going back out there with Masen. Just tell me how Milo’s different.”
“He’s into girls and stuff. I bought him condoms.”
“What?” She looked furious. “How dare you. You’re not his father.”
“Well, apparently neither of you gave him ‘the talk’ because he came to my place and asked me about it. Like . . . how to do certain things.”
“Oh God, I’m so pissed right now. You better not have said anything weird.”
“I told him to be kind and respectful and to make sure he cares a lot for the girl. I didn’t give him any specific pointers, Penny. Are you kidding? I told him he should wait as long as possible, and once he was ready, he should wrap it up.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, I said it’s a lot better when you’re in love.”
She was staring at me, blinking impassively, but her bottom lip was quivering.
“Penny?”
A tear sprang from her eye and ran down her cheek. “Thank you,” she said in a low voice.
“So I did good?”
“Yes, Gavin. That’s exactly what I would’ve said to him. I just wish he would’ve come to me.”
“Trust me, P, boys want to hear this stuff from another man—not their mom.” I stood from the stool. “We should go now.”
She shook her head. “No, I want to dance more.”
Watching her saunter back out onto the dance floor, I thought about how badly I wanted to lick her back. I shook the thought away—I had to. It felt like hours had gone by, all while she continued flirting with Masen. I finally got fed up.
Walking up to them, I noticed Masen froze while she kept dancing with her arms slung around his neck.
“Penny, let’s go,” I said.
“No.” She didn’t look at me when she said it.
“Penny, come on, I have something to show you.”
She stopped and turned with her hand on her hip. “Are you joking?”
“No, come outside with me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”
We walked out of the bar and then I yanked her around the corner into a little alleyway. “Let’s go home. You’ve had a lot to drink.”
“I’m fine. I thought you had something to show me?”
“Yeah, that wall. Isn’t that mural cool?”
She turned to look. “I guess. What is it?”
“It’s a Will Ryan Band album cover.” The cover is a painting of his wife, Mia, I think.” It’s her back as she’s walking into a lake wearing a long flowing white dress. Some fan must have re-created it here.
“I know.” I was staring at her as she looked up at me, questioningly. She still intrigued me so much. Her dark-chocolate eyes and chocolate hair. Beautiful.
“So is that it? That’s what you wanted to show me?”
“Just be quiet.” I gripped the back of her neck and kissed her. She opened to me immediately, like we kissed every day. I pulled away. Her eyes were open wide. We were both breathing hard.
“Again,” she said breathlessly. I pushed her against the wall and kissed her harder. Everything came back. All the youthful feelings, the blind kiss. It was happening all over again.
“You taste so good . . . you feel so good,” I said.
“Again,” she begged. I kissed her with even more force, our tongues twisting. One hand went to her bare back and the other moved from her neck to cup her breast over the sheer material of her dress. I felt her hardened nipple. “God,” she moaned, and crashed her lips back into mine.
I moved her hand over my beating heart and pulled her toward me, her body completely flush with mine.
Suddenly, she pushed my chest away, forcing me to stumble back. “What are you doing?!” she shouted.
“What?” I said.
“I’m still married, Gavin. What are you doing?”
I looked around, confused. “You kept saying again.”
She started crying.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I felt horrible. She looked so confused. “I’m sorry, P. Come here.”
“No. Why’d you do it?”
My chest started to hurt. “I . . . I did it because you were flirting with Masen. I hate-kissed you for being a flirt.”
“Hate-kissed? You’re insane. I feel so guilty now.”
“So do I. I’m still with Briel, too, you know.”
“Really?” she said, like it was the most preposterous thing she’d ever heard. Shaking her head, she turned and started to walk away. I grabbed her by the elbow, swung her around, and threw her over my shoulder.
“Stop! I have a dress on. Put me down!”
“No one’s looking! It’s after midnight. I’m taking you home.”
ONCE WE GOT to my apartment, I tossed her on the bed. “You can sleep here, you little tease. I’ll go torture myself on the tiny couch.”
“You can sleep in here, Gavin,” she said, without hesitation.
“Trust me, you’ll hate the couch; you can feel the springs poking you in the back while you sleep. I don’t want to listen to you bitch about it in the morning.”
Pulling her dress over her head and slipping under the covers in just her underwear, she said, “I mean, you can sleep in here with me. But we can’t fool around.”
I had seen her naked a million times, but never after I had just made out with her. The blood from my brain was traveling southbound.
Even after giving birth to a nine-pound baby, and the years she’d spent out of practice, Penny still had a dancer’s body, long and lean.
“Sleeping next to your mostly naked body wouldn’t be torture at all.”
“Suit yourself,” she mumbled. “Just grab me a T-shirt, please.”
I threw her a Pixies T-shirt from my closet and she pulled it on, jumped out of bed, and went to the bathroom.
When she was done, she announced, “It’s all yours. I used your toothbrush for old times’ sake.”
“Penny?”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I don’t want it to change anything. I fucked up by confusing you even more. I know you were just in the moment. You never would’ve wanted that if you weren’t all mixed up over Lance.”
“Gavin . . .” She reached up and put her hands on my stubbly jaw, running them up and down. Her eyes searched mine. “I was in the moment because I’ve never been kissed like that by anyone but you.” Her eyes welled up. “It’s too soon, and yes, too confusing. I don’t want anything to change between us, either. I’m afraid of what could happen to us. I love you, you’re my best friend, and I don’t want you to let this go to your already-giant head, but you know I’ve always been attracted to you. But I can’t do this right now.”
I nodded. I understood. There were at least ten funny, sarcastic, and mean retorts I could have said, but I didn’t because the truth was, her kindness, her loving nature, her smell, and her touch were so intoxicating, I was incapable of forming coherent sentences. And I didn’t want to ruin the moment. She might have felt guilty about Lance but I was positive she liked every second we were kissing.
“You gonna say anything?”
“I want so badly to sleep with you, Penny. But you’re right. It’s better this way. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I took a shower. A long shower.
You do the math.
Afterward, I slid into bed and fell asleep smelling her hair.