Jesse
Christ, she tasted so sweet and delicious, and I never wanted to stop tasting her. But, I knew I had to; what sort of man would I be if I let my feelings for her erase all those I had for Melody?
“Millie,” I groaned and pulled away from her. “We have to stop this.”
“Oh God, yes you’re right,” she gasped. “We should get back.”
I shook my head. “No, Millie. We can’t do this again. We can’t be friends with fucking benefits. I can’t kiss you anymore, we can’t keep having sex.”
Millie pushed away and stared at me with tears pooling in her eyes. Fuck, I’d hurt her once again. This was getting to be a damn habit.
“I’m so sorry, but the more we do this, the more my memories of Melody fade, and I can’t do that to Addy. She needs to know all about her momma.”
Millie’s eyes almost bulged out as she thrust her hands to her hips. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she bawled. “How dare you put all of this onto Addy? I get that you’re grieving and you may never get over that grief, but do not try and tell me that we can’t be together because of Addy!”
“I’ve told you I feel guilty about my feelings for you,” I protested. “Everything about you is taking over my head space, so what happens if I forget everything about her? I can’t do that to Addy; I can’t forget those memories that I need to give to her because she was too young to remember.”
“Whatever, Jesse, but you can’t keep pushing and pulling me like this. You’re messing with my brain, too.”
I shook my head and groaned. “I’m sorry, but this is so damn difficult to deal with, I have no idea where I’m at half the time.”
“Well you know what, come and find me when you do,” she slammed and stormed off towards her horse.
“Millie, where the fuck are you going?” I yelled.
“Away from you, giving you the space to sort your damn head out.” She stopped and turned to face me. “If you think you want me, Jesse, then at least have the guts to go through with it. If you truly don’t think you can do this, then leave me alone, and stop kissing me, stop flirting with me, and keep your bloody dick in your pants when you’re around me.”
She untied Miss Daisy and pulled herself up into the saddle, and with surprising ease, steered her away from me.
“Millie, you have no idea how to get back,” I snapped, rushing towards Dillinger, my horse.
“Fuck off,” she shouted over her shoulder and galloped off.
“Shit!”
I untied Dillinger, jumped into the saddle and kicked at his flank to chase after her.
I was five minutes into the forty minute ride back to the ranch, and I still hadn’t come across Millie. There was no way she could have gotten so far ahead; there were too many low hanging branches to make it easy or safe for an inexperienced rider like her to go at any speed other than a trot.
“Fuck it, Millie. Where the hell are you?” I muttered.
I looked up through the canopy of trees and could see that the sky was darkening. I had about an hour before it went dark. Pulling Dillinger up, I stood up in my stirrups and looked around. I couldn’t see anything except the dark green and brown of the trees. I knew then what she’d done. The path that we followed forked about half a mile back and I was betting that she’d taken the wrong route. The route that would take her deeper into the woods and would eventually incline up into the hills and then up to the mountains.
As I thought about her lost and alone, my gut clenched with fear. Thank God I’d brought a radio with me, because my cell would be useless out here. I reached behind me and pulled it from the saddle bag. Forgoing our usual radio protocol, I selected our main channel and pressed the call button.
“Someone fucking answer me, now,” I snapped.
Within seconds I heard the buzz of someone on the other end. “Hey boss, what’s wrong? Over.”
It was one of my men. “Zak, I’m out in the woods with Millie, but she fucking rode off without me and I can’t find her. Over.”
“Ah shit,” he groaned. “How long? Over.”
“She was ahead of me three minutes at most, but I’m five minutes or so in and haven’t seen her. I think she might have taken the wrong route where the path forks. I’m going to go back that way, but I need a couple of you out here with flashlights. We’ve got a little less than an hour of daylight left. Over.”
“Okay, boss. I’ve just come back in with Marty. We’ll be with you as soon as we can. Over.”
“Make it quicker than that, Zak!”
I quickly steered Dillinger around and sped off back down the path.