Jesse
This morning when I woke, I felt lighter than I had in two whole years, and it was all down to the beautiful woman sleeping in the next room. Despite what everyone, particularly Garratt, might have thought, when it came down to it, I couldn’t disrespect either Millie or my parents by fucking her in her bed until I’d spoken properly to Mom and Dad about it. Plus, I wanted to tell Addy first before she accidently found us together.
Like the decent man my folks had always hoped I’d be, I left Millie at her bedroom door, with a long kiss. A kiss that left me with a boner for a damn long time, but it had been the right thing to do. That didn’t mean though that once all those conversations had been done, I wouldn’t be spending the night with her, because I would. Now I’d finally admitted how I felt, I wanted to sleep with her wrapped around me.
First off, though, I was about to have a little chat with Addy. We were in the barn checking on the calves that were going to be castrated. I’d asked her to come with me, and while she’d jumped up and down in excitement, I’d seen the look of worry on Millie’s face. Personally, well I didn’t think she had cause to be concerned, but Millie loved Addy and it would kill her if she hated the idea.
“When do they go back outside to their friends?” Addy asked, stroking the head of one of the calves.
“Couple of days, baby.”
I rubbed a hand across her head and looked down at her as she let the calf lick her fingers.
“Do their momma’s come, too, so they don’t miss them?”
“Their momma’s come so that they can feed them, but I guess they’d miss them if they didn’t.”
I knew that this was my opening, so I took a deep breath, suddenly nervous at how my four year old might respond to my news.
“Do you miss your momma?” I asked, crouching down next to her.
Addy turned and looked at me, her huge blue eyes staring out at me from her beautiful, cherubic face. She bit on her bottom lip and turned back to the calf.
“Hey, I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter.” I took her little hand in mine and rubbed it gently. The last thing I’d wanted to do was upset her.
“I don’t know, though, Daddy,” she whispered. “I think I do, but I don’t remember her.”
“Well, you were only a baby when she went to heaven, so that’s okay.”
She turned back to me and tears were now brimming against her lashes. “Did she do lots of things with me?” she asked, a tiny break in her voice.
I flicked through my memories, trying to recall those of Melody as a mother.
“She used to make your breakfast and wash your hands and face after because you were such a messy eater,” I replied with a huge smile.
“What else? Did she read to me?”
No, she didn’t, I did.
“Well, I liked reading to you, like I do now. That was my special time with you.”
Addy grinned and kissed my nose. “And Millie.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “And Millie.”
“Did she do my bath?”
No, she didn’t, I did.
“You know, that was my special thing, too.” I shrugged and laughed.
“You still like to do that now, so does Millie. But,” she said coming closer to my ear. “Your bath time is more fun. You let me have more bubbles, but don’t tell Millie, it would hurt her feelings.”
I swallowed the lump caught in my throat as I watched Addy’s earnest little frown.
“I won’t, baby.”
“So, what did my momma do with me, Daddy?” Addy folded here arms and cocked her head to one side.
Absolutely nothing. Either I did it or Mom did. The thought hit me in the middle of the chest with the force of a rampaging bull. Other than feed Addy and stick her in front of the TV, Melody did nothing for our child.
“She liked to take you shopping,” I lied. “Girls like shopping.”
“Not me,” she replied with a shake of the head. “I get bored when Granma takes me shopping.”
“Well, maybe next time she goes you should ask her if you can stay home with Millie,” I suggested.
“Oh, that’s okay,” Addy replied, turning back to the calf that was desperate for her attention. “Millie comes, too, sometimes and she makes it fun.”
“She does, hey? How?”
I watched the calf as it licked out its tongue and desperately tried to get to Addy. Once it succeeded, Addy giggled and wiped her hand on her jeans.
“We look for pairs of things, and we do numbers and she lets me read Granma’s list and sometimes, if Granma needs a lot of supplies, we go to the library. She’s real fun.”
Addy gave me a huge smile and my heart melted, not only for her but for Millie, too. She was more of a mother than Melody ever was. Yeah, she was being paid to do a job, but she made sure my baby was happy while she did that job.
“You like, Millie, baby?”
“Yes, of course I do,” she replied, pouting at me. “That’s a silly question, Daddy.”
“I guess it is.” I laughed and hugged her to me. “How would you feel if Daddy took Millie on a date?”
Addy spun around and stared at me, her eyes bugging out comically. “Really?”
“Yes, really.” I rubbed her head and let out a deep breath. She seemed happy enough by that.
“Are you going to give her your heart?” she asked, excitedly jumping up and down. “Please, Daddy,” she squealed. “Give her your heart. I can get it for you. Let’s go now.”
She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me to my feet, almost dragging me over, she was so forceful.
“Hey, wait,” I said, pulling her into my arms. “I think that might a little premature.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, the pouty frown back.
“Well…” shit she was so bright that I sometimes forgot that she was just a baby. “It means that I like Millie and she likes me, but we’re just good friends. She’s not ready to have my heart yet.”
“Not like Miss Cynthia and Tommy Kincaid?” she asked dejectedly.
I really wanted to say, ‘yeah, just like Miss Cynthia and Tommy Kincaid’, but I knew it was too soon. I’d only just come to terms with my feelings, and they still scared me, so there was a damn good chance that I’d fuck this up. Rushing things with Millie would only hurt her and Addy if I made a hash of it.
“Baby, giving your heart to someone is a real important thing to do. You have to be sure that they want it and won’t give it back, otherwise you just get upset.”
“Millie wouldn’t give it back,” Addy argued. “She’d keep it, because when that man gave hers back to her it made her cry, and she wouldn’t do that you.”
Maybe she wouldn’t, but what if I couldn’t get it back from Melody in the first place? There was no way that I could give Millie half of my heart; she deserved more.
“I know that, Addy. Millie tries not to upset anyone, she’s a good person.”
“So give her your heart!” she cried, tugging on my shirt.
“Addy, sweetheart, maybe one day, but just now we’re going to be real good friends. I just want to be sure you’re okay with that. I mean, you may see us kissing, or holding hands. How would you feel about that?”
Addy looked at me as thought I was the dumbest of all dumb animals.
“You said you were just friends but you said I might see you kissing.”
“You might, is that a problem?”
Addy shook her head. “No, Daddy. But when you kiss someone that means you love them.”
She looked so confused, it was comical. Addy and her idealistic viewpoint on love.
“It can mean you care about them…a lot.”
“Do you care about Millie a lot?” she asked.
“Yeah baby, I do.” I let out a sigh, the words a balm to my fears. “I really care about Millie.”
“But you don’t love her?”
“No,” I laughed. “Not like that.” Not yet, but I was damned close.
Addy shook her head. “You’re silly, Daddy.”
“How so, baby?”
“Because you said you don’t love her,” she breathed out exasperated. “You want to kiss her, you always smile when she’s around, and you watch her all the time. Just like Tommy Kincaid does with Miss Cynthia and he took her heart when she gave it to him.”
I’d heard from Mom that Addy had insisted that they took Cynthia her heart. The whole town knew about Addy’s little tradition and had bought into it. The thing was, most of the time she was right about who people should give their heart to. Who the fuck thought one town would rely on the match-making skills of a four year old?
“Okay,” she sighed. “If you’re not ready, I’ll save it, but don’t wait too long, Daddy.”
“Why’s that, baby?” I asked, standing up with her in my arms.
“Because if you don’t give her yours, Uncle Brandon might.”
That thought made my guts do some sort of flip with a twist thrown in. Pulling Addy closer, I kissed her head and took a deep breath. Brandon was another conversation that I needed to have, and the sooner the better.