Millie
I stood on the pavement outside Rowdy’s, wondering how the hell I was going to get home. There was a distinct lack of taxis in this stupid place. In fact, I was going to suggest to Garratt that he should start one, as his business. Trouble was, there were probably only a handful of people who would use it; everyone, and I mean everyone, around here appeared to have a huge penis replacement truck. I sighed and kicked at a stone. I shouldn’t really take my anger at Jesse out on every other resident of Bridge Vale. It was just him who had a penis replacement truck - as decrepit as it was - everyone else’s was perfectly acceptable. Actually, not even that was true; there was nothing wrong with the size of his penis. It was more than adequately sized.
“You standing on the sidewalk waiting for me?”
I spun around to see Jesse watching me from Rowdy’s doorway.
“No!” I snapped. “I’m looking for a taxi.”
“Hate to disappoint you, but you won’t get one on a Wednesday night. Not unless you call an Uber, and I believe I’ve just seen Bobby knocking back a shot of bourbon. He’s the only Uber driver around here”
“Well what sort of businessman is he, drinking when he could be making money?” I grumbled, glancing up the street.
“Like I said, not much call for cabs on a Wednesday night. So, you’d better come home with me.”
Jesse started to walk towards his truck that was parked a few feet away.
“You can’t just waltz back home and expect me to fall at your feet, you know,” I called to his back.
“Didn’t expect that for one minute,” he replied, not even turning around. “Now get in the truck.”
God, he was so damn annoying and I hated that he thought it was okay to treat me like shit and get away with it. Well, he could think again. Yes, I was in love with him, but he’d hurt me and I had some level of pride left.
“I’ll get a lift home with you, but that’s it,” I said, flinging open the creaking passenger door. “I can’t bear to speak to you right now.”
“Don’t need you to speak, Armalita, just need you to listen.”
Jesse thrust the truck into drive and sped off down Central Avenue towards home.
Considering Jesse had told me that I just needed to listen, he hadn’t said a word on the ride home and we were now pulling up next to the house.
I unclipped my seatbelt and moved to open the door, but Jesse’s arm shot across me, his hand grabbing the handle.
“I need to say something first,” he said, watching me intently.
“I don’t want to hear it, Jesse,” I sighed. “I’m a little bit drunk and I’m tired, and I’m afraid that if I listen to what you’ve got to say I may just slap you again.”
Jesse chuckled and shook his head. “Seriously, baby, if that’s what makes you feel better, then go for it.”
“No, Jesse,” I replied, my voice cracking. “It wouldn’t make me feel better. You’ve hurt me so many times with your inability to make your damn mind up, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel better about you. I understood your issues, I really did, but after what you said the other night, what you heard me say to you, well I thought we were almost on the same page. To then run away and ignore me for days is unacceptable.”
Jesse hung his head and moved his hand from the door, dropping it to my thigh. I hated that my body tingled at his touch, and it would have been so easy to have crumbled and given myself over to him again.
“I’m so damn sorry,” he finally said. “It was a shitty coward’s trick, but I was confused.”
“So you keep saying,” I muttered.
“But I am, or I was. The last few days have given me a chance to think, and I needed distance from you to be able to do that.”
“Don’t you see how wrong that was?” I cried, pinching the bridge of my nose, trying to stem the pain that was growing between my eyes. “You should have talked to me. Did you not consider how hurt I would be, you disappearing after I’d told you that I loved you?”
I know I hadn’t actually said the three words, but there was no mistaking what I meant when I’d said ‘I’m already there’.
“Yep,” Jesse breathed out. “I did know, but I was a selfish dick who could only think of himself. I was freaked out about my feelings for you. They’re like nothing I’ve ever felt before, even with Melody.”
His voice went quieter as he said her name, and I was in turmoil again. I understood that he was still grieving, but I was so over being compared to her and having her damn saintliness pushed in my face.
“The thing is,” he said, taking my hand in his. “That scared the shit out of me. What sort of person was I, if I felt like this about a woman I’d only known for a couple of months? What sort of person was I, if I’d treated my daughter and my family like shit for two years because I was grieving for a woman who I could replace so easily?”
“Believe me, Jesse,” I sighed. “There is nothing easy about me and you, about being in love with you.”
“I did tell you that, Millie. I said it’d be hard and that I’d probably fuck things up.”
“Yes, I know,” I cried. “But you still shouldn’t have ignored me. All you had to do was say ‘I’m struggling, Millie, I just need a couple of days’. Instead you disappear, make it obvious it’s because of me, and then stroll back in acting like He Man and scaring off someone who was just being nice to me.”
Jesse’s breathing got heavier and his grip on my hand tightened. “I didn’t like how he was touching you and looking at you.”
“Well tough fucking luck,” I yelled, pulling my hand away. “I can’t talk to you, Jesse. I’m so hurt, you have no idea.”
“Please, baby, I do, but I just want you to know that I’ve come to terms with everything. I realize that feeling this way about you doesn’t mean what I felt about Melody wasn’t real. I’m ready to move on.”
I was done. My blood was pumping loud in my ears and I could feel the anger emanating from every one of my pores.
“You know what, Jesse,” I said in a measured tone. “I’m really pleased for you, and so glad that you’re ready to move on, but maybe I’m not anymore. I deserve to be treated better than that. I may not be Melody, but that doesn’t mean I should be treated like shit, just because I’m first reserve.”
I flung open the truck door and jumped down. As I stalked towards the porch steps, I heard Jesse shouting my name, begging me to come back, but the way I felt at that moment, I wasn’t sure I would ever turn around and go back to him.