Millie
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been riding, but I did know that the woods were getting denser, to a point that I almost couldn’t go any further. I didn’t recall it being like this on my way in, but then I’d been concentrating on Jesse’s rear end for most of the way.
“Oh God, Miss Daisy,” I groaned, leaning forward to rub her ears. “I’m really sorry, I think I’ve got us lost.”
As I looked around me, there was nothing familiar for my memory to grab onto, plus there was now a chill in the air. The light had definitely dimmed and I wondered how much daylight there was left. I’d been stupid and not brought my mobile phone or even a jacket with me. But, I hadn’t expected Jesse to be such a dick head that I would want to run away from him. Admittedly, that hadn’t been the best decision I’d ever made. I should have just followed him back to the ranch and then unloaded my crazy onto him.
I tried to think back to any survival programs that I’d ever watched, wondering what the best plan of action was, but the only thing I could remember was to pee on a Jelly fish sting; not helpful in this situation. What should I do; double back, or stay where I was and hope that someone found me? The problem was, I’d been so red with rage that I hadn’t taken any notice of my route back out and so didn’t have a clue which way to go even if I decided to. I was pretty sure that I had veered off the path quite drastically. No, the best plan would be to stay put. Then it occurred to me that Jesse may not even be aware that I was missing. Knowing him, he’d have gone back to the ranch and gone straight to his cabin to sulk, or even worse, gone into town to meet Angie at Rowdy’s.
That thought made me feel sick, and messed with my head as much as his words had earlier. He’d said that he had feelings for me and that I was making him question those he had for Melody. Words, that in any other circumstance, would have me giddy with happiness, but then he’d burst my bubble good and proper. Plus, what use were those words when I’d probably die out here, eaten by some weird forest creature.
Not sure what to do, I looked aimlessly around, searching for shelter of some sort. There was nothing, except for a fallen tree, but that looked decidedly uncomfortable and was probably home to all sorts of creepy crawlies.
“Looks like you might be my bed for the night,” I whispered to Miss Daisy, giving her head a rub.
The problem with that was I was already feeling saddle sore, despite the adequate padding on my behind. It was also cruel to expect her to stand all night with me on her back. Chewing down on my bottom lip, panic started to set in, and tears brimmed at my eyelashes. I’d been totally stupid and irresponsible by leaving Jesse, so this was my own fault.
I started to shiver through the tension in my body, and desperately wanted to cry, but I knew that if I did I wouldn’t stop and getting hysterical wouldn’t help me to think straight. Taking a deep breath, I thought about the consequences of going back, and decided to stay put. Even if Jesse didn’t realize I was missing, someone at the ranch would. I didn’t know how big the woods were, but he’d told me that they skirted most of the Connor land and that was pretty vast. This was going to be a long night.
With some trepidation, I dismounted from Miss Daisy and led her over to the fallen tree and tied her up. I would sit there for a while, and then, when it got darker and scarier, I’d maybe get back up on Miss Daisy to avoid any creatures scurrying around my feet. I swallowed, thinking of what might live out here, and shivered.
Darkness had fallen and every noise had me jumping out of my skin. Miss Daisy seemed pretty calm about it all; totally cool and collected. I on the other hand had now started to cry; silently so as not to alert any animals or creatures that may fancy me for dinner. I hadn’t even shouted for help as I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. I made a mental note to research survival methods in woods before storming off on my own again.
It had also occurred to me that there may be snakes in here, so I had my knees up with my arms wrapped around them, trying to stave off the cold. With the darkness had come a drop in temperature, and while it wasn’t freezing, my tank top really wasn’t adequate. I was just grateful that I had jeans and boots on. I thought about getting back on Miss Daisy and maybe using her to keep warm, but she was so quiet and still I wondered if she was actually sleeping. With what little bravery I had dying with each passing minute, my mind wandered back to my earlier conversation with Jesse.
The fact that he’d been honest about his feelings for me had given my heart some relief, but he was pretty adamant that he wouldn’t be doing anything about it. I tried to see it from his point of view. There were times when I forgot what my dad sounded like, or what he smelled like, and it petrified me. I’d get all panicky and anxiously put on the DVD I had of him doing a speech at his and mum’s Silver Wedding party. Just hearing his voice and seeing him living and breathing, albeit on the TV, calmed me, allowing me to carry on for a few more months without the grief suffocating me. That must be exactly how Jesse felt, but maybe worse. Melody had been his wife, she had been young and vibrant and that in itself would be difficult to come to terms with. Plus, he was right, he needed to keep the memories for Addy’s sake. She needed to grow up remembering things about her mum. Things that only Jesse could tell her.
With a deep sigh, I realized that Jesse and I were never going to happen. If he couldn’t let go now, two years on, and after admitting those things about me, then he never would. I had to accept that, work out the rest of my contract, and then move on. I had no doubt that I would always think of him, he would always be special to me, but my time with him would just be a memory; something to smile fondly about when I was old and grey.
With that miserable thought in my head, I laid my head on my knees, closed my eyes, and even though it wasn’t late, tried to block out my fear and get some sleep.