Millie
Once the Ed Sheeran song had finished, I expected Jesse to lead us back to the table, but he held me tight as Elvis started crooning ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’. I thought my heart had stopped beating when Jesse started singing along, his raspy voice deep and melodic in my ear. I could not think any more of this than him just singing along to a classic song. I would not think any more of it. But how could I not let my heart just have a little hope?
He was starting to mean everything to me; he was the man who I could see all my tomorrow’s with, the one I wanted to share my future with. My Grandma Armalita always said that I would know when I’d met the man worthy of trusting my life with, and for a time I’d thought that was Dean. As time had gone on, I realized that we didn’t have that deep, passionate love that pulls you by the seat of your pants through life. I now know why, but at the time I thought we were comfortable and lacking in spontaneity because we were so attuned to each other.
With Jesse things were immeasurably different right from the first moment I saw him. There was the amazing sex for a start, and the fact that he obviously liked women and not men, but it was more than that. The chemistry and passion were evident, but he took my breath away with every look, every touch, and every word. I was falling more in love with him every day, and while he wasn’t at that place, I knew that I couldn’t give him up. I was just like Angie and Janet; in love with a man whose heart was with a dead woman, and just like them, I couldn’t give up hope. Hope was still all I had.
“Your voice is beautiful,” I whispered.
Jesse laughed quietly. “I’m beautiful, my voice is beautiful. Shit, my head will be too big to get out of the door soon.”
“Well, you do have some faults,” I sighed.
“Oh yeah, and what are they?” he asked, pulling me closer as another slow song kicked in.
“You’re grumpy before you have your first cup of coffee,” I answered. “Oh and you’re bossy, and you hate losing at cards to your four year old daughter.”
Jesse’s head went back as he let out a deep belly laugh. “Okay, I’ll try and work on those areas for you, ma’am.”
“Good,” I sighed and snuggled back against him.
His body was hard from working on the ranch, but even the softest pillow wasn’t as comfortable as laying my head on his chest. I breathed in his scent and linked my arms around his narrow waist. As we danced in one spot, Jesse bent his head to my ear.
“What do you want me to sing to you, baby?” he asked softly, smoothing down my hair.
“Anything.” I looked up at him, my chin resting against his chest. “But you don’t have to, I just got a personal rendition.”
“Ah, but that wasn’t a song of your choice, or mine for that matter.”
The disappointment left a bitter taste. He really didn’t mean those words, I knew he didn’t, but that thing called hope had reared its head again.
“You pick,” I said, clearing my throat. “So, shall we go back to our drinks?”
“Erm, yeah okay,” Jesse replied, evidently confused at my sudden desire to stop dancing halfway through a song.
I couldn’t help it, I felt deflated and couldn’t summon up a smile.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked, tugging gently on my hair as we walked back to our seats.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I lied, flashing him a smile.
Jesse pulled out my stool for me then when I was seated, he pecked me on the cheek and went to the bar for more beers.
Once he came back, I had pulled myself out of my funk and realized that I was being stupid. He couldn’t help how he did or didn’t feel and he’d been honest in that we should take this slowly, and that I’d need patience. So, while he was at the bar, I’d taken a deep breath and given myself a talking to.
Halfway through our beer, the music stopped and a tall, well-built man with a long ginger beard tapped on the microphone.
“Who’s that?” I whispered to Jesse.
“That’s Rowdy.”
“Oh my God, that’s him.” I started to clap, excited at seeing the real Rowdy.
“He’s not a celebrity either, baby,” Jesse laughed.
“I didn’t realize that there was a real Rowdy. Oh, this is so exciting.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and snapped a quick picture of him while he tested the microphone.
Jesse shook his head, kissed my temple, and then walked over to Rowdy and whispered something in his ear. Rowdy nodded, said something to Jesse, and then gave me a wave. I waved back, highly embarrassed, but Rowdy just continued talking to Jesse without drawing any attention to me.
“What was that about?” I asked Jesse when he came back and stood behind me.
“Wait and see,” he said, an arm reaching around me for his beer.
He grinned, wrapped his other arm around my chest and continued to sip from his bottle. A few minutes later, Rowdy stepped up to the mic’ again, this time holding an acoustic guitar, and shouted for everyone to be quiet.
“Okay ladies and gentlemen,” he bellowed, probably not needing any technical aid to be heard. “First up tonight is Jesse Connor.”
“Jesse!” I gasped, and tilted my head up to have his lips land on mine.
“See you in a few,” he said, putting his bottle on the table and walking towards Rowdy.
“Okay,” Rowdy continued. “He asked me to tell you that this song is for a very special young lady.”
He passed Jesse the guitar and stepped down from the small platform that acted as a stage. While Jesse tuned the guitar, Rowdy put a stool behind him, then when he was ready, Jesse looked up at everyone and gave a wave.
“Hey. Hope you enjoy this.”
As soon as the first notes of John Mayer’s Daughters sounded out, the room went silent, except for Jesse’s guitar playing. When he started to sing, I held my breath; it was amazing. His voice was bluesy and raspy, but there was a lightness to it as well when he effortlessly moved into a falsetto; everyone was enraptured. Mesmerized by him, tears ran down my face as Jesse sang every word with passion and feeling. I loved the song and knew straight away the message he was giving. It was his way of atoning for his behavior with Addy; he was admitting that he could have damaged her for any man to come if he hadn’t changed. As he sang the last few lines, Jesse’s voice broke and he was visibly moved by the song.
Everyone clapped and cheered and Jesse took a little bow, waving away their praise.
“I guess you thought that he might be singing a song for you, did ya?” Angie had sidled up beside me and was watching Jesse intently as she spat out her venom.
“No, I knew he was going to sing for Addy,” I lied, wiping my face with the back of my hand.
Okay, at first when Rowdy had introduced him, I had thought it might be me he was going to sing for. There was no disappointment though, none whatsoever; he couldn’t have sung anything more fitting or beautiful.
“Ah, really,” Angie scoffed. “Like I believe that.”
I was about to bite back when Jesse’s voice came over the microphone again.
“Okay, so that song was about my beautiful baby, you’ve all met Addy, right?”
“Shit, she got some of us together.” It was Tommy Kincaid and he was standing on the edge of the dance floor with his arm firmly around Cynthia.
Jesse grinned and shook his head. “Yep, my baby loves her hearts. Well, anyways I’d like to do another song for you and this is for someone who has helped heal my heart over the last couple of months. Someone real special to me.”
I gasped as Jesse stared at me, blew me a kiss, grinned, and then struck up the chords for Bob Marley’s ‘Is This Love’.
As Jesse started to sing, Angie slammed her drink down on the table, and with her friend running behind to catch up, exited the bar. She only took my attention momentarily, because all I could concentrate on was Jesse as my breath caught in my throat and my heart hammered triple time in my chest.
Jesse’s gaze never left me as he asked me the question ‘is this love?’ I could answer him right at this moment; emphatically and unreservedly. The real question was, could I risk telling him, knowing that Jesse wasn’t even sure whether he could properly move on from Melody?
As he sang the last verse, I no longer had any doubts. I knew that no matter what, I’d have to tell him. I needed him to know that for me, it was love, but that I’d be patient and wait until he was sure, too.
Finishing the song, Jesse passed Rowdy the guitar, strode towards me, and pulled me into his arms.
“Let’s go,” he commanded, close to my ear.
I nodded and, taking hold of Jesse’s hand, followed him out of Rowdy’s to his truck.