Millie
Garratt took mine and Bonnie’s hands and walked us quickly towards the house.
“We can’t leave him,” I sobbed, looking over my shoulder and dragging my feet. “He needs us.”
“Millie, just get inside.” Garratt tugged at my hand.
“We need to go to him,” Bonnie said.
As Jesse let out a painful cry of grief, she gasped and tried to go back to him, but Garratt held her tightly, too.
“Mom, he needs to be alone.”
“My baby,” she cried. “He’s hurting.”
“Garratt, please,” I begged.
“I said no,” he commanded. “Now get inside, both of you.”
He dragged us up the last few steps, and as we hit the porch, the door burst open and Ruby pulled Bonnie into her arms and inside the house. Garratt guided me inside and then closed the door behind us.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Ruby soothed, holding Bonnie close. “He’ll be fine, just let him get it all out.”
“Uncle Garratt, what’s wrong with Daddy?” a tiny voice asked.
We all stopped and turned, surprised to find Addy standing at the window, the drapes pulled to one side and her hand on the glass. Garratt rushed towards her and scooped Addy up into his arms.
“Hey beautiful, let’s get you some cereal. What would you like?”
Addy struggled in his arms and tried to push her tiny body away from his.
“Let me down,” she cried. “I want to go to Daddy. He’s crying.”
“Addy, sweetheart,” Bonnie cooed, swiping at her tear stained face. “Daddy’s fine, he just had some bad news, that’s all.”
“But I want my Daddy.”
Somehow, she squirmed out of Garratt’s grip and dropped on her feet to the floor. She rushed towards the door, and before anyone had chance to stop her, she had it open. Just as she was about to go out of it, Garratt made a dive for her and just managed to grab hold of her pajama top.
“Daddy!” Her scream was loud and screeching, coming from her throat. “Daddy, please, I want Daddy.”
Her cries were piercing and tore at my heart, making my chest ache for her.
“Daddy, daddy!” she screeched.
Garratt pulled her against his chest, burying her face and her sobs against his shirt. I ran towards them and as Garratt shuffled back on his backside, away from the door, I put my hand on the wood to close it. But, I couldn’t do it. I stood rooted to the spot watching the man I loved, kneeling in the dirt with his heart breaking. It was hopeless, because I knew I couldn’t help him. As I started to close the door, Bonnie pushed past me and took a step onto the porch. I instinctively followed her, and stopped as she pulled up at the edge of the steps.
“Jesse!” she called, her voice breaking. “Please, son.”
Jesse was doubled over, his arms wrapped around his waist, rocking in time to his sobs.
“Bonnie, sweetheart,” a voice behind me pleaded. “Come on in. You can’t do anything to help him.”
I looked over my shoulder to see Ruby leaning against the door frame for support. Her face was ashen and her eyes red, as though she too had been crying.
“But he needs someone, Auntie Ruby,” Bonnie said as tears careened down her face. “He’s dying out there.”
“I know,” she said. “But he has to come to terms with what he’s found out. Just give him time.” She held her hand out for Bonnie, her eyes begging her to go inside.
I turned back to Jesse again to see he’d stop rocking and was now leaning forwards, with his hands on the ground. Bonnie edged forward hesitantly.
“Millie, sweetheart,” Ruby pleaded. “Go to him, see if he’ll talk to you.”
I took a step closer to Bonnie and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Bonnie, go inside,” I whispered.
Jesse looked up and saw me watching him.
“Get out of my sight, Millie!” he screamed. “Now!”
With a shocked gasp, I stumbled backwards; a hand came to my elbow and Ruby guided Bonnie and I back inside.
“He’ll calm down soon,” Ruby said as she closed the door and ushered us further into the room. “Come on, sit down, honey, I’ll make you some tea.”
As Ruby got Bonnie settled on the couch, I stood at the window and watched as Jesse dragged himself to his feet. His shoulders were heaving as he looked up at the sky and continued to sob for his wife, and I wanted to scream. I wanted to go out there and shake him, to ask him why I hadn’t been enough for him. I didn’t expect to be his priority above Addy, I wouldn’t want to be, but I certainly didn’t want to come third after his dead wife. I’d been second choice for Dean, and that had hurt, but nowhere near as gut wrenching as this was; the man I loved choosing a dead woman over me.
Dragging myself away from the window, I turned to the room and felt more alone than I ever had before. Garratt was talking softly to Addy, cradling her in his arms, while Ruby rubbed rhythmic circles on Bonnie’s back. The arms I needed didn’t want me, and the loneliness was overpowering.
Garratt finally managed to calm Addy down, while Bonnie and Ruby took turns to watch through the window to see if they could see Jesse. After an hour, Garratt decided to go and make sure he was okay. No one asked me if I had wanted to go, but simply gave me a sympathetic smile. They knew that it would kill me when he sent me away again. Within twenty minutes, he was back. He was just sitting down to tell us, when the mud room door swung open and Ted walked in. As soon as he saw all our faces, he knew something was wrong.
“What the hell has been going on?” he asked, cupping Bonnie’s face in his large hands. “Why’ve you been crying, honey?”
“Hey, sweetie pie,” Ruby said to Addy. “How about me and you go and get you a nice bubble bath?”
“Bath time is at night,” Addy whispered, her little chin trembling. “Daddy does my bath.”
“Yeah, well today is a special treat day. You can have a lovely bubble bath and maybe have some of your dollies in there with you. Whaddaya say?”
We all held our breath as Ruby gave Addy a wide-eyed, expectant grin. After what seemed like an eternity, Addy nodded and held her hand out for Ruby.
Once they’d disappeared up the stairs, Ted turned to Bonnie.
“Okay, what’s he done now?”
I burst into tears and Bonnie pulled me into her side, kissing the side of my head.
“I think you need to sit down, Dad,” Garratt sighed. “You’re really not going to like this.”
“I’ll damn well kill him myself,” Ted yelled, pushing up from his chair and sending it tumbling backwards.
“Ted, honey, no. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you about what Garratt found in his room.” Bonnie looked shamefaced at her husband as he righted his chair.
“Well, I ain’t happy about that, Bonnie, but that ain’t what’s important now. Jesse is. Where’d he go, do you know?”
“He’s in the cabin,” Garratt said solemnly. “I was just about to tell Mom and Millie when you came in.”
“You sure he’s there?” Ted asked, rubbing a hand down his face. “He ain’t gone after Brandon?”
Garratt shook his head. “Nope. He’s in his cabin drinking straight from a bottle of bourbon.”
“Good. Hopefully he’ll get drunk enough to pass out so he can’t do anything stupid.”
“Oh my God,” Bonnie gasped. “What if he chokes on his own vomit?”
Ted rubbed her back reassuringly. “I’ll go over there in a few. Now where’s the damn letter?”
Bonnie stood up wearily, pushing down on the table. “I’ll get it.”
“You read it, honey?” Ted asked.
Bonnie shook her head. “No, do you think we should?”
Ted leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He was silent for a few moments and then looked back to Bonnie. "Go get it.”
When Bonnie came back, she passed the lilac colored envelope to Ted. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Jesse’s name, scribed on the front in looping, feminine writing.
Ted looked at it for a few seconds and then slipped his finger into the flap and pried it open. Two years must have dried out the glue, because it opened easily and without tearing. With a deep breath, he pulled out the two sheets of lilac paper and read. Finally, he folded them and placed them back into the envelope.
“Ted?” Bonnie placed a hand on his forearm.
“I’m going to see my son, and take this to him,” Ted sighed and stood up. “This letter won’t necessarily make things better, but it may give him some peace.”
“What did the bitch say?” Garratt snapped. “That she was running away with someone with a bigger car and a swimming pool?”
Ted placed a hand on Garratt’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Jesse will tell you if he wants you to know, but she did say she loved him, can’t say she said the same about that poor baby upstairs, though.”
I let out a sob as I thought of poor Addy and wondered how Melody could be willing to just leave her? Then there was Jesse; he’d had his heart broken all over again. I couldn’t help but think about our future and how this had probably ruined things. You only had to watch him grieving all over again to know that he wasn’t really over Melody. I’d been kidding myself, thinking he was ready to move on. He wasn’t, and I couldn’t hang around to be rejected once again. My heart would never get over Jesse Connor, and it certainly would never heal, especially if I had to hear him tell me that we had no future. He was broken in so many ways because of Melody, and even in death she’d been able to shatter those broken pieces even more.