“I’ve got a few things on the calendar I need to make sure we’re ready for,” Mark says in his command voice.
We had a small issue on the mission in Kuwait. Some of the guys had rounds missing that I know for a fact I ordered. It reminds us all of the problems that led to Aaron’s explosion and Jackson’s shooting. All of us are on edge and double-checking everything. There’ve been two more things that seemed fishy, but we caught them before anything could happen.
“I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but until we do, everyone is on their ‘A’ game. I want nothing overlooked, and if you have to check it ten times, then do it. I won’t have another life lost on our watch.”
Everyone nods and starts to filter out.
“Lee, can you hold up a minute?” Mark asks.
“What’s up?”
“I want to run a few things by you and make sure we’re all on the same page.”
I tilt my head wondering where he could be going with this. “Okay?”
“We want to bring Aaron back to work. His doctors think he needs to establish some kind of consistency, and I know it could be uncomfortable for you both, but . . .”
“I get it.” I glance away and try to think about Aaron. These are his friends and this was his job. I shouldn’t feel disappointed, but I love it here.
“No, Sparkles . . .” Mark smiles and I roll my eyes. “I’m not asking you to step down.”
“He deserves to be here,” I say and place my hand on his arm. “I can find a job somewhere else.”
“Fucking hell, woman.” He grabs my shoulders and shakes me gently. “Are all of you this damn dense?”
“I know you’re not talking to me like that.” I widen my eyes and he smirks.
Mark has been strange the last few weeks. I haven’t taken too much notice because I’ve been so out of it myself, but he’s been irritable and very unlike him. He even mentioned going to spend time in Washington D.C. for a meeting with some top officials.
He speaks but everything suddenly goes tunnel vision. I feel lightheaded again and I try to grab the table. I’m going down.
“Lee?” I hear Mark call out.
But my hand is weak, and I fall to the ground. Then, everything goes black.
“We’re on our way to the hospital.” I hear Mark talking as I start to wake. “She’s fine, she passed out.”
I open my eyes and I’m being loaded into an ambulance. What the hell? “Mark,” I grumble. I’m so tired.
He puts his phone in his pocket and grabs my hand. “You know if you wanted some attention, you just had to tell me.”
I think I smile but I’m not sure. “What happened?”
“You went down. It wasn’t long, but we want you to get checked out. And since the ambulance happened to be a block away, they got here really quick.”
The EMT pushes Mark back a little then starts to take my vitals. “I need some information.” He asks me all the basic questions and continues to ask about the frequency of the dizzy spells. He checks my sugar levels and asks if I’m diabetic.
Once we arrive at the emergency room, I answer some questions before they start running some blood tests. I’ve been poked and prodded more than I care to know.
“So,” Mark puts his feet on the edge of the bed and reclines back. “We can avoid burning vacation time if we talk work, and I’m all about making Jackson pay, so let’s chat.”
I shake my head and try to rest.
He nudges me with his foot. “I’m not kidding. I’m planning a giant vacation and I need all the time I can get. You’re not dying, so it’s billable hours.”
“I’ll call Jackson now if you want,” I say as the room spins slightly.
The doctor walks in and smiles. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Gilcher. I wanted to go over the results of all your tests.”
“Oh, he’s not—” I start to say but Mark cuts me off.
“Comfortable in hospitals. My wifey here is concerned I will end up in a bed with her.”
He’s lost his damn mind. I stare at him, waiting for him to correct himself, but he grabs my hand and smiles. “For the love of God.”
“She’s just tired . . . please, Doctor.” He pauses and kisses my hand.
I yank my hand back and slap the top of his. Idiot.
“Well, your blood tests came back and showed your blood sugar is low, but it also showed that you’re pregnant.”
My mouth falls slack and my heart rate accelerates. “No, that’s not possible.”
“Congratulations,” she smiles.
Mark laughs loudly, snapping me out of my trance. “It was all my super sperm. Glitter and Sparkle, baby.”
“Doctor, please can you run it again. It’s not possible for me to be pregnant,” I say urgently.
She looks at the chart and walks over to the side of my bed. My blood pressure is rising and she checks the wires. “I need you to calm down.”
“Lee,” Mark’s voice morphs into concern. “It’s okay.”
“I can’t be pregnant. You don’t understand . . . I can’t get pregnant. I had to go through five rounds of IVF to conceive. I lost four babies because of my PCOS. Please, I’m telling you it’s not possible.” The panic bubbles in my throat, and I start to hyperventilate.
The doctor places her hand on my shoulder. “Focus on breathing, Natalie. I can do a secondary blood test, but your HCG levels are high indicating you are in fact pregnant. I can have the OBGYN on call come in and check you over as well. Just rest, stay nice and calm, and we’ll get everything settled.”
I nod and try to do as she says. My hands settle on my stomach and tears form. I look over at Mark and he looks unsure. “All joking aside, are you okay?”
“No, I mean, if I’m pregnant . . .” I trail off thinking about what it means. Liam and I would be having a baby. Two men . . . two babies . . . one broken heart.
“I’m happy that we’ll have a little Starlight.” Mark tries to go for funny.
I look over unimpressed. “You do know we’re not married and this is not your baby, right?”
Mark smirks, “I think you need to be happy and laugh. You went through hell trying to get pregnant before, and now you are without even trying. I know it’s the worst timing possible, but maybe this is your time. Liam’s my friend too, and all of this shit is going to be ugly, but you all need to do what’s right so everyone can move forward.” He grabs my hand, and the kind and compassionate jokester becomes the strong man. “I know I fuck around a lot, but I’m worried about all of you. You’re passing out, Liam’s overseas, and Aaron is a mess. He wasn’t right before he went to Afghanistan, and Jackson and I failed to handle it.”
“What do you mean?” I ask as he sits by my side.
“He wasn’t himself. We all chalked it up to the fertility stuff or other stress at home. He didn’t talk to us much on a good day,” he laughs.
Aaron was always quiet. He lived in his head a lot because of the Navy, but even before that, he wasn’t overly social. With me, it was a little different. We both knew what buttons to push and how to make the other lose it.
“After we got back from the mission where we lost Brian, Fernando, and Devon . . . I don’t think any of us were right. I’m, you know . . . me,” he pauses and I smile. “Jackson had Maddie, and we know he didn’t handle it well, but Aaron was just quiet. I figured it was him dealing with it. I feel like we all failed each other.”
Mark pours his heart out, and for the first time, I really try to see when it all happened. That mission destroyed and bonded the three of them. Aaron, Mark, and Jackson all left the Navy after that. Aaron was injured, but he finished his enlistment. He went through his therapy and never spoke about it. I just assumed he was dealing with it.
“I think I’m as much to blame for that. After all of that, having a baby became my only goal. If he died, I would have something of him,” I sigh and look away.
“Forgive yourself, Lee. We all make choices and some of them aren’t the best, but in the end, none of us are perfect. Aaron made some pretty shitty decisions, but you don’t have to bear his demons—he has to,” he squeezes my hand. “Now, about our beautiful bundle of joy . . .”
My hand rubs my stomach and I get choked up. “I don’t even know if I can be pregnant, let alone carry. You have to promise me you’ll keep your mouth shut.” I look at him as fear begins to swirl. If I’m pregnant by some miracle, there’s no guarantee I can carry full term.
He raises his hands. “I won’t say a word.”
“I’m serious. Liam has been out of touch a few days, and again, I don’t think this is possible.” I start to tremble.
“Hey,” he wraps his arm around me. “Relax. We’ll see what the doctor says and go from there.”
I focus on staying calm and wait for the OBGYN to come for a consult. My mind wanders to Liam and how he’ll feel about me being pregnant. We never used protection because I never thought this was a possibility. Mark stays with me, and of course, continues to drive me insane.
We talk about the investigation into Cole Security Forces and how he found something suspicious in the files. He explains how he’ll be heading out of town a little more often to check on things.
“Charlie and I are working together on some leads,” Mark says absently.
“Mrs. Gilcher, I’m Dr. Wynn.” He enters and heads over with my chart. Mark stands and shakes his hand.
“I’m going to step out and call the office . . . let them know you’re alive,” Mark winks and I nod.
“Do you want to wait for your husband?” the doctor asks, looking perplexed at the fact he left.
I scoot up and shake my head. “No, he’s just a friend.”
“Okay, I ran your labs again and you are in fact pregnant,” he confirms.
My lips turn and my heart races. I’m going to have a baby—Liam’s baby. “I have a lot of history.” I attempt to rein it in. The bottom line is that I’ve lost a hell of a lot more babies than I’ve given birth to. I know the pain that comes along with getting excited or being hopeful. I need to make sure I don’t get too far ahead of myself.
I go over my past fertility issues and miscarriages. He listens patiently as I give details and start to get slightly emotional. I explain that the baby’s father is overseas and how I need to be certain everything is okay. The big mystery is how pregnant am I. Because I don’t have regular cycles, I could be a few weeks, or I could be a few months.
Dr. Wynn steps to the side of the bed. “Well, I’d like to do an ultrasound and see how far along you are. Then we can get you set up with your doctor, but at least we’ll get a good idea today. Sound good?”
I brace myself and let out a deep shaky breath. This is it. “Let’s do this.”