Ugh. My fucking head is throbbing. I feel like shit. I roll over and fight the spinning.
That was one hell of a dream. I scratch my head and look at the bed in disarray. I must have really gotten into that one. I haven’t had a wet dream since I was twelve.
I get up and head to the bathroom, reliving each moment. She felt so real. I could touch her, taste her, and feel her body beneath me, but there’s no way it was her. Natalie’s with her fucking husband.
Once I’d gotten myself out of the rope the bastard tied me in, I passed out in bed. I let the alcohol-induced coma take me over. Quinn was right, I need to pull myself together and man the fuck up. So she’s gone . . . I have a deployment coming and a team of men who need me to be present. Not some lovesick puppy licking my wounds.
I rub my neck and notice the nail marks on my shoulder. What the fuck?
I turn in the mirror and see them extending down my back. No way. It couldn’t have been real. But I can smell her. The smell of lavender filters through the air. I remember the taste of her lips and the way she kept telling me it wasn’t a dream.
Well, then where the fuck is she?
The room is cleaned more than I could’ve done last night. I rush out to the living room to find it picked up as well. Son of a bitch. She really was here. The night comes flooding back, and I slap myself for thinking it was a dream. She kissed me before she left and told me she loved me. I was already half dead between the intense sex and extreme hangover I was nursing. Within seconds, I was passed out again thinking I dreamt it all.
I grab my phone and text her.
Me: When can I see you again?
Natalie: Soon. I promise.
I hope it’s sooner than later. I miss her already, but I can’t say that. She’s got a whole host of bullshit on her plate.
Me: We should talk about what happened.
Natalie: I’ll call you tonight.
Me: Okay, sweetheart. I’m glad you came over last night.
And I am. Even though I wasn’t sure if it actually happened, it means a lot to me. She was thinking of me enough to sneak out and come over. Of course, I feel like a monumental shitbag for sleeping with her when her husband is home, but he lost her. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Natalie: Me too. No more drinking like that. I’m on my way to work. I need to get a break from my mind.
I decide not to respond. I need to figure out what the hell to do. I’m on leave, so I don’t have to be anywhere. I grab my keys knowing exactly what I need to do today. Aaron and I need to talk, and since he’s home alone—looks like it’s my perfect opportunity.
Of course my luck runs out when the lights flash behind me. Motherfucker.
The cop strolls over to the driver’s side door with his aviators and I’m-bad-ass walk. I would like to dropkick this guy and he hasn’t even spoken. I must remain calm since the last thing I want is a ticket.
“Good morning, do you know why I pulled you over?” Officer Brock asks.
Yeah, because you saw a bright red hot rod.
“Sorry, Officer. I must’ve been speeding?” I say more as a question. I seriously have no fucking clue what I did.
“You were speeding. This is a thirty-five. I need your license, registration, and insurance.”
I pop open the glove box and grab the papers, handing them over along with my military ID. The officer looks them over and nods. “You’re active?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I don’t think you meant to hand me this,” he says and hands me over an envelope with my name on it. I look at it and realize it’s the letter from Aaron. “I’ll let you go with a warning. Just slow it down. Thank you for your service.” He hands the rest back and walks back to his cruiser.
I sit here stunned and I feel like I got hit by a bus. Well, fuck. Do I read it or shred it? I pull into the parking lot right across the street from his house and stare at it. What he had to say is irrelevant now, but curiosity gets the best of me.
Liam,
Hey, man. I’m sitting here before heading out on this deployment and I have this weird feeling. I can’t explain it, but I don’t think I’ll make it back. I know we’re not supposed to think like that, but, well . . . it is what it is. I have a few things I want to ask of you and you’re the only person I trust.
Take care of Lee. I haven’t talked to anyone about this, but things have been hard for her. We’ve lost another baby and it’s killing her. I’m watching my wife dwindle to nothing, and I can’t stop it. She used to be full of love and light, but now she’s miserable. Make her smile and help her find happiness. I can’t give her the life she’s desperate for. So please, watch her, help her, dry her tears, and be there, because I don’t know how she’ll handle it. If you realize the gift she is and you fall in love with her, treat her right or I’ll fucking haunt you. There’s no woman in the world like her, and if she has to love anyone else other than me, I hope it’s you. I want her to find someone worthy, so if it’s not you, make sure he’s not a prick.
If by some stretch of a miracle she’s pregnant now, I want you to be like a father to him or her. You’re like a brother to me, and I need to know they won’t grow up not knowing anything about me. Tell them about all the trouble we caused and protect them from doing the same stupid shit.
I’ve thought a lot about some of the things we’ve talked about. How this life will eventually destroy you and a family, and I think you’re right. I’m not the same guy I was. I’ve seen too much, and while I’m proud of the things I’ve done, I carry guilt about Natalie. I’m a piece of shit. I don’t deserve her, but for some reason she loves me, and I keep hoping she never sees the bad in me.
Anyway, be good to her. And even in death, I’ll have your six.—Aaron
Once I pull into the drive, I grab on to my anger. He fucked around on her, got another girl pregnant, and then has the balls to be pissed at me. I respected her, loved her and his daughter. He even asked me to do all this and then he wants to act like I broke some damn man code. He can fuck off.
Aaron steps off the deck as I close the door.
“Didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”
I step closer. “I thought we could use some time to discuss the last year.”
He nods and turns toward the back deck. “Seems I’ve missed a lot.”
We sit in the chairs and we both stare off. I’m not sure if I should start or let him ask the questions. My training kicks in and I decide to let him go first. Typically, it’s the best way to get answers you want.
I wait, but he doesn’t say anything or move, just stares.
Then I remember the fucker is trained to do the same thing. It could be hours before either of us budge. The thing is, he’s not a terrorist, he’s a friend and deserves to be treated like one.
“I’ll go first,” I say and he turns. “What do you want to know?” I give an inch but still try to maintain control of the discussion.
“How long have you been playing house with my family?”
So this is going to be how it is.
“First of all, I wasn’t playing house.” I make sure I keep my eyes clear so he knows that’s not what the fuck this was. “Second of all, how long were you making a new family while you had yours here?”
His eyes shift the slightest amount, but it’s enough for me to notice. “You don’t know everything.”
“Neither do you.” I give it right back. He didn’t see Natalie at her worst or when we were both trying to figure out how we felt. He wasn’t here, so he better not fucking judge me.
“Brittany was a mistake,” Aaron says and then stands. “A big fucking mistake.”
“Yeah, well, your mistake doesn’t think she is.” This is the part that pisses me off.
“You think I care what she thinks?”
“I don’t know what you think. You fucked around on your pregnant wife! Brittany told her everything, and now you come back spewing your shit about me and Lee? Fuck you, man. It wasn’t behind your back. It wasn’t to shame you. You even told me to love her. You said you wanted me to raise your kid as my own and now you’re acting like this?” Once I start talking, it all comes out and I can’t stop. “I love her. I helped pick her up when you died. I was at the hospital when Aarabelle was sick, I held Natalie’s hair when she was puking, and I fucking defended you!” I push his chest and he winces.
Aaron takes a few steps back rubbing his chest, and I feel like a dick.
“Aaron, I’m sorry, man,” I try to apologize, but he turns before I can say anything else.
“I deserve it. I know I was wrong, but I fought to live for them. I don’t want to fight you, but she’s my wife. That’s my daughter, and I won’t let them go just because for the last year you decided you love her.” He steps closer puffing his chest. I clench my fists and release them. “I’ve loved her almost my whole life, and if you’re the man I think you are, you’ll walk away.”
I step closer and weigh my words. I could be a prick and let him know I fucked her last night. I want to, but I won’t. The depth of pain I could cause my closest friend right now is all in my hands. But in the end, Lee will be who is hurt. And I’ll fucking slice my veins open before that happens.
“Just know how much you hurt her. She may not want you. And if she walks away, I’m not going to push her back to you.”
Aaron nods and pauses. “I’m going to ask you this once, for the sake of my child.” He waits and I already know where he’s going. “If you love Natalie and Aarabelle, then don’t do this shit. Don’t be the man who ends a marriage and a family.”
“You’re unbelievable. Don’t you think you ended your own marriage when you fucked around? The guy who I knew would’ve manned the fuck up and fixed it before it got that bad. You and I aren’t going to battle over this. It’s her choice.”
Aaron steps closer, and I swear I’ve been nice, but he pushes me and I’ll knock him on his ass.
“What about your word, Liam? Huh? What about the fact that you swore to have my back no matter what?”
I look at him wondering if he sustained some kind of traumatic brain injury, because he seems to have forgotten one key issue—he’s the one in the wrong.
“Have your back?” I’m going to punch him. “I had your back. I had your back every fucking day. I didn’t do this to you!” I draw a deep breath and try to stop the pulsing in my neck. I can feel my rage boiling over.
“I told you to love her, but . . .”
“But what? You didn’t mean it? You know, I read that fucking letter today. I didn’t even know what was in it. I fought day after day with feeling anything for Lee. I would tell myself it was wrong and ridiculous. The first time either of us acknowledged anything, we struggled. Being with her was never easy. I always had you in the back of my mind, but I prayed you’d know that I would never let her forget you or let Aarabelle not know the man I knew.”
“So you just went forward with her anyway?”
“None of us knew you weren’t dead!” I throw my hands up and fight the urge to shake him. “You’re missing the entire point. I’m not wrong here, and neither is Lee. You are. You made your choices, and now you have to handle the fallout.”
He looks at me with fury burning in his eyes.
“I didn’t expect to come home to this shit! You didn’t say a word on the plane.”
My mind spins as I try to find a way to not go to blows. “What did you want me to say? I couldn’t believe it was you. When we were told about the mission, I thought it couldn’t be you—you were dead. We had a part of your body as proof. So when we get to Afghanistan and I realize it is you . . . I’m not sure what the fuck you expected from me, man.” I walk around in circles because there’s still a part of me that’s processing the fact he’s standing here. My brother in arms, my friend who I would’ve traded places with to die instead, is here.
I hope he takes a swing at me. I’ll get a good one in for the dumb move he made screwing around on Natalie. But then I look at him. He’s been home a few days and looks a little better, but the bruises still cover the one side of his body. He’s been broken.
“I love her. I thought about her day in and day out.”
There’s two sides to me, and both are so screwed up I don’t know where to turn. One, he’s alive and he thought he’d come home to the life he left. Two, he doesn’t deserve her. I do. I’m the man he couldn’t be and she loves me. She came to me last night, and I made love to her while he slept. I’m not perfect, but God, if I wouldn’t do anything to make this situation different.
“Look, man, you’ve been through more than I’m sure you’ll ever admit. I get that. But let me be clear: if you’d come home from that mission and Natalie would’ve found out you’d been screwing some froghopper behind her back looking for the next SEAL to hop to, she’d have thrown your ass out.”
“If Natalie chooses because of whatever I did, then I’ll let her go. No matter how much it’ll kill me. But don’t pursue her. I’m asking you as my friend. Give her and I a chance to see if we can mend our family for Aarabelle’s sake.”
The responses roll around in my head. So many things I want to say, but out of respect for Lee and the fact that this man saved my life on more than one occasion, I simply nod. “You really don’t get it?”
“Get what?”
“This isn’t up to you. You don’t get to make demands or requests. I’m not walking away for you. But understand this: I love her. I love Aarabelle. And I’m going to be the man in the end that has them. I don’t think you realize how bad you screwed yourself. So, I’ll give her the time she needs, because I don’t think she knows what end is up. I love her enough not to push her . . . do you?”
“I know her.”
“Not anymore. She’s changed, Aaron. She went through hell and then got kicked when she was already at her lowest. I was there. I saw it, and I won’t let her go down that path again.”
This is the best I can do.
He steps forward. “Fair enough.” Aaron extends his hand. “Thank you for being there for them. I’m grateful.”
No, he’s not. He’s hateful that I got his girl. I grip his hand and we shake. I don’t respond because I’m not sure I can be civil at this point. The urge to tell him to take his request and shove it so far up his ass he sneezes it out is on the tip of my tongue—but I don’t. We have history, and ultimately, I can’t force Lee.
She’s who matters here. And Aarabelle.
I have to sacrifice a part of myself for her and pray in the end she’ll come to me. Even if it means my closest friend will be fucked in the end.