“I’m just pointing out you’re whipped,” Quinn razzes me as we unload the gear. It’s been two weeks since I’ve heard her voice. Two long weeks where I’ve wondered and worried. All the damn shit I swore I wouldn’t do.
Our simple in and out mission was of course delayed once we got boots on the ground. I’m tired, irritable, and need to see her.
“At least I’m not calling and going to voicemail.”
Quinn shouldn’t talk shit considering he’s called Ashton at least five times and she refuses to answer. But the asshat keeps trying.
“She’ll come around.”
“Whatever . . . I’d rather be whipped than a pussy who can’t get the girl.”
He snuffs, “I am what I eat.”
We both laugh and finish with the offload. Unfortunately, I still have a ton of shit to do before I can even be close to calling home. There’s a stack of paperwork with my name on it.
After about three hours of mindless crap and a debrief with the Commander, I head back to my barracks. Luckily, I have my own room and don’t have to deal with anyone. I want to sleep for days, but tomorrow we have another meeting for an upcoming mission and need to prepare.
I grab my phone and pray to God the Wi-Fi isn’t going to give me shit today.
“Liam?” her voice is sleepy, and I would give my left nut to be able to touch her.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, are you okay?” she asks disoriented. I look at the clock for the first time and feel like shit. It’s three a.m. her time.
“I’m sorry I woke you. I just got back to my room and missed you.”
She groans and I picture her stretching. “I miss you. I’m awake.”
“Go back to bed,” I give her an out.
“Liam Dempsey, shut your face and talk to me.”
“Kinda counterproductive there, isn’t it?” I joke and smile, lying back down.
If I close my eyes, I can pretend I’m with her. The silence stretches between us as I imagine myself holding her.
“Everything okay?” Her quiet voice soothes me.
“Now it is.”
The mission was one thing after another. And I’ll be gone a lot more frequently as there’s movement again in Africa. My team is the most ready to handle that region and the other team is already tasked to another area. I don’t want to fucking think about it.
“Good.” She sounds wary. “How long will we be in touch for?”
“Not long. I swear this deployment is going to destroy me,” I admit to her. “I can’t fucking handle the bullshit. Every time I get something in place, something goes wrong. My mind is all over the place, and I’m snapping at everyone. I swear one more person adds something to my plate, and I’m going to lose it.”
“You seem overwhelmed.” Her voice rings of defeat. But why?
“What’s wrong, Lee?” Her long pause does nothing to calm me. I hear her sigh and my adrenaline spikes. “Natalie,” I say, sitting up.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”
“That word again.” My voice is harsh, but I hate this. “Talk to me, sweetheart.” I calm myself because she doesn’t need to deal with my shit.
She lets out a deep breath. “I’m just missing you. Aaron moved out this week, and there’s some stuff going on at the office.”
Just the news of Aaron moving out of the house is enough to make me feel better. I would’ve never been the one to push it, but knowing he’s gone will help me relax a little. The idea of him being there when I couldn’t was killing me.
“How’s he doing?” I wonder. No matter what, our friendship will never be the same. I could never look at him knowing he got the girl and I can’t imagine he’ll be calling me for a beer anytime soon. There is no way this can end well enough for either of us to the point where we can go back to what we were. If she picked him, I could never go around there. Looking at her with him would destroy me. Aaron will always be tied to Natalie through Aarabelle, and I respect that. She’s his daughter, and though I may love her like she’s my own, she’s not. The loss of his friendship weighs heavily on me.
“He’s good. I hope he is at least. He’s in counseling and Mark is helping a lot. Is this weird?” she asks.
“It’s not pleasant, but he’s a part of our lives.”
“Yeah,” she sighs.
“I was thinking of Krissy today.” I mention my sister for the first time in a long time.
“Oh? You never mention her anymore,” Natalie notes with her voice sounding more alert.
I feel like a dirtbag for not talking about her. Krissy was my younger sister, and I doted on her. When we were kids, we were best friends and later I protected her from asshole guys who wanted to fuck her. Which, considering we were Irish twins and only ten months apart, meant I broke a lot of my friends’ jaws.
“Just wishing she could see me now . . . changing diapers and shit.”
Natalie laughs and I smile. I love the sound she makes and how her eyes brighten. I can see it in my head. “You don’t change diapers. You massacre them. But you’ll have a lot of time to learn.”
“Fuck that. I’ll let you handle all of it.” My eyes close, and I could pass out.
“I don’t know . . .” she trails off.
“I hate to cut you off, but we just got back and I’m exhausted. Can we talk later? I’m beat and I have another shit day tomorrow. Let’s hope everyone steers clear because I’m liable to snap.”
“Of course. Get some sleep. I love you.” Her voice is low and my eyes keep closing.
“Yeah, I need a nap. Love you. I’ll call soon.” We say our goodbyes and I swear I’m asleep before we disconnect.