Waiting for this plane to land is more painful than shoving bamboo splints in my nails. Each time I hear the engines, my heart speeds up. I think it could be the one and then it’s not and my stomach drops. I sit in the most uncomfortable chair at the Navy airfield. Mason called ahead and got me access to be able to pick Liam up.
My phone bings with a text.
Liam: You’ll know I’m close when this finally goes through. I’m on the plane and counting down the seconds until I see you.
I smile and realize he’s within cell phone range.
Liam: My entire body is aware I’m going to have you in my arms soon.
Liam: I love you more than my own life.
Liam: I hope you know how much it means to me that you’re coming to Ohio with me.
They keep coming in, and each one causes my smile to grow.
Liam: I’m hoping security doesn’t care that I’m going to maul you.
The blush paints my cheeks as I picture him attacking me. Not that I’m far off wanting the same.
Liam: God, seeing your face is going to be the only good thing about this trip. I miss you so much.
I close my eyes and try to respond but another one comes in.
Liam: Look up.
My eyes lift, and he stands before me. He drops his bags and the loud thump echoes in the terminal. I get on my feet and rush toward him. He’s here.
Liam’s arms open as I approach. I close the gap between us with a smile and wrap my arms around him. As soon as our bodies connect, I feel whole.
“Hi, sweetheart,” his deep voice grounds me, and I look into his blue eyes. His lips lower and he kisses me.
My mouth molds to his as his arms keep me flush against him. All the fear disappears like a puff of smoke, and I know I’ll survive no matter what. If I lose this baby, I know we’ll make it through. Liam won’t turn his back on me and seek out another. He’s the man who will hold me and love me regardless. We’re reunited and all is right in the world. There may be a lot of hell waiting for us, but we’re together. He’s alive and I’m in his arms.
He breaks the kiss and stares into my eyes. “I missed the shit out of you.”
I laugh, “I missed you too.” He pulls back a little as I bite my lip. He’s going to see, and I want to tell him before he does. “Liam, I have to tell you something,” I blurt out.
His face falls, “I didn’t make it in time . . .”
“No,” I stop him before he thinks he lost his mother. I practiced and rehearsed this all day, but now I’m choking on the words. I take his hand in mine and place it on my stomach. “I’m pregnant.”
He looks up with wide eyes, and his breath catches. “You’re . . . ?” he stumbles on the words. “We’re . . . ?”
I nod with unshed tears forming.
“A baby?”
I sigh while touching his cheek. “I’m pregnant with a baby. Your baby.”
He takes me into his arms again with such tenderness. “I wish I could say something, but you have no idea how I feel right now,” Liam says against my hair. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
His eyes return to my stomach as his hand rubs the small bump. “Lee, I didn’t think you could.”
“I didn’t either . . . apparently, you and I worked.” I don’t know how to explain it other than a miracle.
Liam smiles before he kisses my nose. “I love you so much. I love Aarabelle, and I’m going to love this baby just as much.”
Right there. Those words solidify everything. He not only included Aara, he said her first. Once again, he proves why he has my heart. He didn’t choose to love his own child any more or any differently. Liam is the man who will be a father to both my children, because to him, Aara is his as well.
“I want you to be happy, but I need to be honest,” I say and we sit. “I had a huge scare. You know some of what I went through to have Aarabelle, and the fact that I’ve carried this long is promising. I cramped pretty bad the other day and have been trying to stay off my feet . . .”
Liam cuts me off. “You’re not going with me then.”
“Stop. I got the clear from the doctor to go.”
“Natalie, you and the baby come first. I want you with me, more than you know, but I’m not going to argue.”
“You’re not going to boss me around either,” I snap.
Liam smiles at my small outburst. “I’m not?”
“No, you’re not.” I cross my arms.
He cups my face and his smirk only irritates me. “I’m so in love with you.”
Well, that doesn’t make me hate him. “You’re confusing me.”
“I’m loving you. And loving that my super sperm knocked you up.”
I roll my eyes and fight my smile. “You’ve been home five minutes and I’ve already cried, yelled, gotten mad, and smiled. You’re something else.”
“I’m yours,” he replies.
“And I’m yours.”
“Yeah, sweetheart. You sure are. Okay, so tell me what the doctor said,” he requests.
I go over all the rules, how far along I am, and more about the scare. His emotions play across his face like a movie. The one thing that remains clear is how happy he is and how much love he has for me. I’ve never seen a man look at me like he does. Liam sees through me and even with every flaw showing, he only loves me more. What we share is rare and precious, just like the child we’ve made.
He hoists the bag on his back with a grin. “Got it,” Liam puffs up. He stands with sheer determination across his face. Then, he bows down and lifts me into his arms.
“What are you doing?” I ask practically yelling.
“You said to stay off your feet. So, you’re staying off your feet.” He somehow manages to shrug while holding me.
“Liam!” I laugh but wrap my arms around his neck. “I could get used to this, but you know if we make it through this, I’ll just get bigger.”
“I’ll make sure I keep hitting the gym,” he smiles.
He walks with me to the car and frowns when he sees I brought my car.
“Oh, stop it. I hate driving your car.”
“When is our flight?” he asks opening the door.
“We should head to the airport now. I tried to space it in case you were late, but I think we should get there sooner than later,” I explain getting in my seat and he nods. “Why?”
“I wanted to see Aara if we had time.”
I don’t think he could be any more perfect. My heart swells, and I lean up as he fusses over me and grab his face. He looks at me with wonder and then I pull him close. Our lips touch and his hand threads in my hair. I’m whole again. No matter what happens from here, we’ll save each other. If I lose this baby, if his mother passes, if the world around us collapses, we’ll make it.
My mouth opens and Liam’s tongue clashes with mine. He licks and pushes me back into my seat. I let him take the lead as I hold his lips against mine. I want to kiss him forever, but we have to go. I push him back, but when his blue eyes hone in on me, I pull him to me again.
Liam smiles against my mouth and gives me a small peck. “You’re so cute when you want me.”
“I’ve missed your smart ass,” I laugh and he kisses me once more before closing the door.
We head to the airport and the sweet mood of reunion morphs into the fear of what we’re heading to. During the drive, I explain to Liam the information I have and he calls his father while we wait for the plane to board. Liam slips into his mask but keeps his hands on me in some way. His hands never leave my skin other than when he has no choice.
Early in the flight to Cincinnati, Liam and I talk briefly about what he’s missed with Aaron and Aarabelle.
“Are you going to tell me why no one could get in touch with you?” I ask. It’s been driving me insane, but I wasn’t sure whether to bring it up.
“It was a clusterfuck.” He looks away.
“Is that all I get?” I ask softly. There’s a line between significant other and SEAL. He and I have to establish it and this is one of those defining moments. It’s not a matter of trust and I know this. It’s a matter of protection.
Aaron wouldn’t tell me much other than it was no day at the beach. I knew that was his way of saying the discussion was over. Only once did he ever go in depth about a mission, and it was when they lost their three friends. He came home and lost it. I held him in my arms as he sobbed. That funeral was the most horrific day. All three caskets draped in our nation’s colors. The tears flowed relentlessly through the entire ceremony.
“I wish I could tell you, but it’s a lot. There wasn’t one fucking thing that went right. Not one. It was as if there was someone sabotaging every move we made.” He runs his hands down his face. “I swear, Lee, I work with some really smart guys, but they were all dumb that day.”
I nod and hope he’ll go on.
“They forgot batteries, rounds, a clip, I mean either that or someone was swiping shit before we left. But then we’d get it straight and all set and then something would break. We got to this one area to do some intel and none of our radios would work. I couldn’t communicate with anyone. The guys were pinned down in one area of the village, and I stayed hidden until Quinn made visual. I figured the coast was clear, but it wasn’t. As soon as we figured out we were being trailed, we split off again. The radio wasn’t working, and I couldn’t risk using the sat phone.”
Liam grips my hand and looks away. His head rests against the seat as I wait.
“We’re lucky. It was straight luck that we were able to get out of that one, but we had to double back a different route to make sure nothing led us back to the rest of the team. There were hostiles watching our every move. I wasn’t able to get the intel we needed because of what a mess everything was. As soon as we got to a safer place, I got the message, and we high-tailed it home.”
“I was so worried.”
“I can imagine. But you’d have never known if this wasn’t happening.”
I let out a deep sigh and look down at our joined hands. “That doesn’t comfort me either. I know you’re at risk, but I’m pregnant again. I don’t want to raise two babies as a single mom.”
Liam lifts our hands then kisses the top of my hand. “I can’t promise you anything in regards to this, Lee. You know that. I know it sucks worrying about me when I’m gone, but I can only promise that I love you and I’m doing everything I can.”
He’s right and I know that I have to be strong. I don’t doubt our love. I know what we have is special but it’s also fragile. We live in a world where they are trained to think they’re invincible. They take chances everyday people don’t take.
“You mean so much to me,” I explain.
“Relax, I’m here now. We’ve got a long few days ahead of us.”
I lay my head against his shoulder and inhale his scent. The sandalwood and cologne takes me back to where it all started. The way he held me and calmed me. I allow that feeling to wash over me again.
He doesn’t say anything, but I know it’s because his mind is lost on his mother. He lifts the seat divider and tucks me against his chest. My hand rests on his heart, and he keeps his on my belly. The exhaustion and overload of emotions takes over and we both fall asleep.
“Hey,” Liam’s voice breaks through my sleep-induced fog. “Come on, sweetheart.”
He nudges me a little and I get up. “I haven’t slept that good in a long time.” I smile, and he looks at my stomach.
He puts his bags down and grabs my hips. I watch in awe as his head lowers and he kisses my belly. “Hi.” Tears well in my eyes. “I’m going to be your Daddy.”
A woman behind Liam stands with her hand over her chest. My fingers touch his dark brown hair and gently move of their own accord. He amazes me with the amount of care and tenderness he has. He’s killed people, interrogated terrorists, climbed mountains, and who knows what, but with me . . . he’s different.
Liam’s head lifts and he kisses me, grabs the bags, and smiles.
“Why do you have to be so perfect?”
“Because I was made for you.”
“There you go again.” I smile and shake my head.
“You like me this way.”
“I guess so,” I shrug my shoulders and start to turn, but Liam grabs my hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know that I can say goodbye to her,” he admits. “I didn’t even see her before I left. I mean, what kind of piece of shit doesn’t say goodbye to his own mom before deployment?”
The guilt rises because instead of Liam going home to see his family, we went away.
“I’ll be with you the entire time,” I try to reassure him. This will be hard on him and his father. I know what loss feels like, and I can only hope I give them a tiny amount of comfort.
We grab a cab then head toward the hospital. Liam is filled with nervous energy as his leg bounces and he keeps grabbing his neck. I’ve been there and I’m relying on my own memories to help get him through this. I remember the things I hated, but then in my situation, I also didn’t know it was coming. I was distraught, but I try to imagine how it would be to know this is happening. To watch someone you love die must be worse.
Liam calls his father and he instructs us where to go.
“Liam,” his father says in a half cry as he sees him.
“Dad.” He takes him into his arms and both men begin to lose it.
“I can’t lose her, son. I don’t know a world without her.” He cries on his shoulder and tears stream down my cheek. His father looks up and steps back. “You must be Natalie.”
I nod and walk to him. “I am. I’m so sorry we are meeting this way.” I go to shake his hand, but he embraces me immediately.
“I’ve heard so much about you and your daughter.” He lets me go and Liam smiles.
Liam pulls me to his side then kisses my temple. He murmurs, “Go sit. It’s been a lot of time on your feet.”
I nod my agreement. I head over to a chair while the two men talk. He fills Liam in on more details, and Liam’s head falls into his hands. They both cry with each other as they mourn the fact that she will never recover. She’s on full life support and Aidan has been keeping her alive so Liam could say goodbye.
Liam heads over to me and squats down, taking my hand in his and rubbing his calloused thumb across the delicate skin. “I have to go in there,” A tear falls. “I need you with me. I need to introduce you to her and tell her about our baby.”
The sorrow in his eyes mirrors mine. I don’t say anything, but I stand. He tugs me against his side and holds my hip. We walk slowly and I wrap my arms around his torso. I hold him while he holds me. I know he’s hurting. You can feel it coming off of him. The smell of bleach and despair filters through the air.
He stops and glimpses at me as the mask I know all too well slips into place. He’s shutting himself off to try to ease the pain. But I’m also aware that it doesn’t stop it. You may think it does. You only hope to cloak yourself in the delusions of being fine. The pain though doesn’t care. It penetrates through the open fibers, seeps through your soul, and eats at you if you let it. I won’t let it consume him though. I’ll fight for him to come to the light just as he did for me.