Chapter Fourteen
Tyler
What the fuck was that? I thought as I watched Ashley’s tight ass swagger away from me, while she found her clothing and hurried up back toward the house.
I groaned, feeling a painful sensation down in the area of my dick and I grasped my naked form in order to jerk off.
It was far too late and I was far too tired of chasing pussy that obviously had no interest in being with me to try to find another girl. So, I just released myself in the water and made my way out onto the sand.
“Fuckin’ bitch…” I grumbled to myself as I rolled my eyes and tried to focus on what exactly was going to come next.
I certainly wasn’t the type to give up, but what the hell could I do. You really screwed up, I thought to myself as, now much calmer, having had my release, I was able to think a bit clearer.
You usually seal the deal before you allow a woman to get that close to your cock. You know how much of an asshole you are when you get to that point…
I sighed, continuing to wonder why I didn’t just keep my damn mouth shut. I couldn’t believe that I had given in so quickly. There was something about that which just didn’t make sense. I was usually a little smoother, even when I was being an asshole.
I shook my head as I gathered my own clothes. Once I was dressed, at least partially, I ignored the gross sensation of the wetness causing my clothes to stick to me as I lay back in the sand. I stared up at the sky as my slightly buzzed eyes began to ogle in and out at the spread of the stars. I might not have been hammered, but I could tell now that I was definitely a little more buzzed than I had originally thought.
I gave no thought to the gross sensation I was going to endure when I moved to sit up and had nothing but some gross prickly sand sticking to everywhere on my body.
Usually, I came prepared with a towel and other precautions, but tonight, I felt as though I had seriously misjudged everything.
“Most women would kill to be in the position that bitch was in tonight,” I muttered to myself as I continued to stare up at the sky.
I tried to replay the events of the night in my mind, to see where it was I had gone wrong, but realized that there was nothing wrong. She was fine with it and I was doing great, but then her goddamn conscious had to kick in and she was gone.
“What the hell were you thinkin’?” I asked myself as I shook my head back and forth in the sand. If I wasn’t so buzzed, I would have probably already begun to feel the itch of the sand, seeping into the smallest crevices of my body while I lay there, trying to think about how to fix my problem. But right now, I didn’t feel anything but a deep awareness of anger and a terrible case of blue balls.
You can’t just let her get the best of you. You need to show her that you’re the boss. You have owned almost everyone else who has ever caught your eye, Tyler. Why would you give up now? Even though I thought about it, I knew that I couldn’t throw in the towel, just because she didn’t fall into my arms and allow me to take her to bed the first chance I had. “What kind of man are you?” I demanded of myself and became renewed with the sense of challenge.
Sure, tonight was shit, but there is always tomorrow, I thought to myself and therefore, as I felt my confidence returning, I closed my eyes and tried to think about how I was going to trick her back into my arms and in those tight, extremely pretentious pants of hers, but when I did so, something else happened.
Instead of hatching a brilliant plan, I was reduced to thinking about our time on the beach, before tonight, when I was actually able to make Ashley happy.
While I heard the waves crashing in the distance, I began to think about what it felt like to see her smile and her glowing, beautiful blue eyes as they both fell upon me. I saw her decadent blond hair in the sunlight and heard her laugh as I chased her along the beach.
I felt my heart as it began to speed up in a way that made me happy and I longed to be back there, with her, before I had tried to make a move on her. I wanted back what I secretly feared I had completely lost; not by trying to seduce her, but rather by my stupid response to her rejection.
These sensations made me ridiculously uncomfortable though and therefore, I just stopped and sat up. My eyes popped opened and I felt my heart skip a beat.
“Dammit!” I exclaimed, pounding the sand with my fists before standing up and tearing off down through the sand.
My body was used to this motion, for I ran quite frequently. I needed to do it, in order to relieve stress and in this case, keep myself from going absolutely crazy. I needed to figure out what I was going to do and how I was going to get her back, because I certainly didn’t want to have to face the failure of not being able to do what was needed to be done.
Not getting her in bed with me, at least once and having her come begging back for more, especially after all of the time that I had spent cultivating this fucked up relationship would have been a failure. Even if I was the only one who knew about it, it was still a failure and thus, it was inexcusable.
For as far back as I could remember, I had to rely on making myself happy, because my mother never gave a shit. So, I was the pride that was associated with what I did and where I went. I was the only one who was ever proud of me, for the majority of my life, and so I couldn’t very well ignore that one constant in my life, could I?
If I had a father, letting myself down would be like letting him down…but I wasn’t going to go there.
Instead, I was just going to run and see where my feet took me. I continued until I began to feel a tightness forming in my chest and a wheeze developing in my throat.
By that time, my muscles burned from the exercise and my extremities all but begged me to stop.
I just kept going.
However, in the effort of making it back to the beach house, I did turn around, so that if I did run until I passed out, I would at least be close to the house when I woke up.
As punishment for my failure, my plan was to run until I threw up; push myself beyond my limits so that I would be able to repent for my failure and my weakness.
The only thing that ever made me stronger was the realization that I not only survived, but went back for more; but this time, I was going to win.
However, I made it back to the house without passing out or throwing up and so, I continued down the beach in the other direction.
At first, the night air had made the sand feel cool to the touch on my bare feet, but with the heat that coursed through my body as I struggled to keep the pace, it felt as though the grains were hundreds of shifting needles under my foot every time I stepped down.
Still, I kept going, unable to stop until my body gave out. I could no longer allow my brain to be weakened by giving in. My stamina had to be better than my physical capabilities. If I let one slide, then the other would inevitably follow. Yet, while they grew together, I had found that my will to continue always had to outweigh my physical body, else I would stop at some point, for fear of being unable to go on. Fear is weakness.
Fear is that little corner in the mind that tells everyone that they can’t go through with their goals even though nothing has given out yet. It is the inkling to stop, before the win. It is the mentality of losers and since life had only allowed me to focus on making myself happy and making my own pride swell, then having a mentality that was any less than my actual capacity was never going to get me anywhere in life.
So, I continued to run.
I didn’t think very much as I moved, focusing more on keeping my balance. After all, with this shifting sand, if I made one wrong turn, I could slide and lose my balance. If I landed the wrong way, there were countless different injuries I could sustain and then, my summer would be as good as over, and it had only gotten started.
If I had to give up on my goal because I couldn’t even keep my head on straight, I didn’t deserve anything at all. I might as well just go run into the ocean and drown, because that would be all that I would be good for. It would no longer matter. I would be starting from square fucking one and I would be an invalid on top of it. That was just something that I could not allow myself to become, not even temporarily and therefore, I continued to focus on the world ahead of me.
Finally, I felt my body give out and I rolled easily onto the ground. I knew that when I got up, I would have to think about how to get home. I would likely be sore, but that was all right; I deserved it.
When I realized that I was finally on the ground, having sweat out a good portion of the alcohol in my system, I knew that everything was going to be all right. I knew that I had to focus on getting everything just right and I had to avenge my own failure; that would be the only way to bring myself peace.
I didn’t know how I was going to do this yet, but I figured once I woke up, I would be able to figure it out. I was sure it wouldn’t take too long. After all, she was only a woman and if nothing else, I was pretty good at judging what it was that women wanted. I didn’t even have to like them to get them to go down on me and I was completely convinced that this bitch was no different.
Yet, to my dismay, right before I passed out, as I looked up at the sky, with those crazy stars seeming to burst right in front of me, while my blood boiled heatedly and my head thumped with an increasing ache, I noticed that it wasn’t my vengeance, or even my next move that I was interested in thinking about.
Rather, in that moment, all I could think about once again, was how much fun I had with Ashley. I wondered, after I smoothed things over with her, if it might be possible to do something like that again sometime soon.