Chapter Thirty-Four
Holly
“Ah, I’m going to miss this when I move out,” I said as my father placed a big bacon and egg breakfast in front of me.
“You’re never going to move out; didn’t I tell you that?” he said.
I chuckled. “Oh, you’ll get sick of me eventually.”
“So, does that mean things at work are going well?”
I smiled. “They are. I’m so happy there, Dad. You were right from the start. I should’ve left my last company a long time ago. I’m so glad that I finally stood up for myself. It was worth it. I’ve found the best people to work with now.”
“I’m happy for you. I’m going to be sad when you move out, but I’m also very happy that you are at least living close by. That’s the main thing you know. You’ll have to come over at least every Sunday for breakfast.”
I took a bite of toast and grinned. “Oh, I have no problem with that.”
“Tea?”
“Yes, please!”
I smiled as I watched my dad making tea in the kitchen. I was glad that things had improved between us. That fight we’d had over Xavier had been the worst fight that the two of us had ever experienced together. We’d always had a good relationship, and we simply weren’t the sort of father and daughter that raised their voices to one another. We’d always loved each other in a very respectful way. It was strange shouting at him like that, and it was strange hearing him say such horrible things back to me too. I felt sick sometimes just thinking about it. But afterward, once we’d both calmed down, we’d apologized to each other and promised that we would never talk to each other in that way again.
“Guess who I saw the other day?” I said as my father put a steaming cup of tea in front of me and sat at the table with me.
“Who?”
“Ryan! You won’t believe it, but he had the nerve to ask me out on a date again.”
“Seriously? Wow. Tell me you said no.”
“Of course I said no. I also told him that he should re-evaluate his dating skills. I told him that it was important to listen to a girl and that he should also ask her things about herself rather than spend the entire night talking about himself. He had the decency to at least look ashamed.”
My father chuckled. “Good for you, my girl. I still feel terrible about setting you up on a date with him in the first place.”
“You should feel bad!” I said and then laughed. “But it’s okay. I know you were only looking after me, and you had no idea how bad he was really going to be.”
“Yeah, but still . . .”
“Dad, it’s okay. Seriously, don’t worry about it.”
“Been on more dates?” he asked. He seemed uncomfortable with the topic, and I knew he felt strange talking to me about guys ever since what had happened with Xavier.
I shook my head. “No chance. I don’t think I’m going to date for a long time, to be honest.”
“Really? But why? You’re young, and beautiful and intelligent. It’s a shame to be alone when there are probably a million guys out there who would kill to date you.”
I laughed. “You’re great for my ego, Dad. I’m not sure about a million guys, but I do hope there’s at least one. But I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to date. The thought of it makes me feel a bit sick, to be honest. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but the truth is that the whole thing with Xavier really changed the way I think about men.”
“What do you mean?”
“I really loved him, Dad. I know that makes you uncomfortable, but it’s the truth. The fact that he would make me think he felt the same way and then suddenly not want to be with me really hurt me. I believed him when he said he wanted to fight for me. But he didn’t fight for me, did he? I’m not sure I’m ready to put my trust in another guy again.”
“Oh, darling, please don’t say that.”
“I’m sorry, but it’s just the way I feel. Xavier hurt me deeply.”
My father didn’t say anything for a while. He just cradled his cup of tea and looked sadly out the window.
“What’s wrong, Dad? Don’t take it personally. I’m glad you told me about Xavier. I’m glad it came from you.”
“It’s not that. It’s . . .”
“What is it, Dad?”
“Darling, please don’t be mad at me. I was only trying to do what I thought was right for you. You have to believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
I dropped my fork and looked at him. “What are you talking about?”
“That night. Remember when I said that Xavier came over?”
“Of course I remember. He did come over, didn’t he?”
He nodded. “He came over. But not for the reasons I said.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. My body’s temperature seemed to be out of whack as I went from hot to cold and back to hot again in seconds.
“Xavier came to fight for you. Just like you wanted. He told me that he was in love with you.”
“Dad, are you messing with me? What’s going on? That’s not what you said to me.”
“I know. I . . . I didn’t want to tell you the truth. Because I thought it was wrong for the two of you to be together. I was just trying to protect you, that’s all.”
“He came to fight for me? But . . . why haven’t I heard from him then? It’s been over a month, and I haven’t heard from him once.”
“I . . .” my dad swallowed uncomfortably. “I told him not to. I told him that you didn’t want to be with him and that you just wanted him to leave you alone.”
“You lied to me.”
“I know. But I was only trying to protect you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All this time had gone by, and I had thought that Xavier hated me. I thought that he didn’t want to be with me. But he was thinking the exact same thing as me. Neither of us thought that the other person wanted to be with them. I wasn’t sure what to feel anymore. Happy? Confused? Sad?
“Dad, how could you do this to me?”
“I didn’t want the two of you together. I was being selfish. It’s been killing me, though. I’ve felt so awful about it. But I really was trying to do the right thing.”
I shook my head. “You’ve always told me that a sin is a sin. You said that there were no excuses to be made for sinning. You sinned. You! Not me. You! You lied to me. You liked to Xavier. You made us both hate each other. That’s not right.”
He hung his head and sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“What do you think about it now? About the two of us? Do you still hate the thought of it? Would you disown me if I were to be with him?”
“I don’t know, Holly. It’s weird.”
“But it’s not wrong. He’s not related to me by blood. I don’t think about him as a brother, and you shouldn’t think of him as a son. Not a real son at least.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m sorry.”
I got up and wrapped my arms around my father. He seemed surprised by the action.
“Wow. What was that for? I thought you were going to hate me forever.” I saw a tear roll down his face, and I quickly wiped it away.
“I could never hate you, Dad. That’s the thing. Even with everything that has happened, I have never once hated you. Don’t you see? The only reason Xavier and I weren’t ever together properly was because we were both worried about what you would say. We put you first every single time. Do you have any idea how much Xavier loves you? He told me that he used to come here all the time to spend time with you because he liked your company so much. You took that away from him.”
“I’ve missed him,” he admitted. “I’ve missed him more than I care to admit. And I’ve felt guilty about what I did every single day. The longer I left it though, the harder it was for me to say something. I kept trying to convince myself that I had done the right thing. I kept telling myself that it was for the better even though I knew that I’d only messed things up. I should never have put myself first.”
“I’m not angry with you, Dad. We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of. It makes you human, that’s all. I’m just glad you finally told me the truth. I need to talk to him.”
He nodded. “You do. So do I. Wait, what’s that?” he said and pointed to the TV. He turned on the volume, and we both gasped as we saw what was happening.
On the screen, we saw that there was a big wildfire the night before. Two people were dead, and eight were injured. Footage showed clippings of the fire, which looked devastating. My father turned to look at me, and the look of horror on his face was evident.
“Xavier!” we both exclaimed at the same time.
My father ran to get his phone and immediately dialed his number.
“What’s happening?” I asked.
“There’s no answer. He’s not answering. Let me try again,” he said. He shook his head. “Shit. He’s not answering.”
My father never swore. The word seemed strange on his lips and it made me feel uncomfortable. Xavier was not answering his phone. My father was swearing. Things were just very, very wrong.
“Come on, let’s go to the hospital and find out what’s going on,” he said.
I ran outside, and we both jumped into the car. I was grateful that he was driving because I wasn’t sure if my trembling hands were going to get me very far without having an accident. I’d just discovered that Xavier had fought for me. That he wanted to be with me. My father had just admitted that he had made a mistake. For a brief moment, I had felt elated at the thought of reconciling with the love of my life. And now there was a chance that it might be taken away from. All I could hear was the reporter’s voice telling us that two people were dead. Two people. Please don’t be Xavier. Please don’t be Xavier.
“Dad, I love him. I love him so much,” I said as we arrived at the hospital. Tears were pouring down my face.
My father took me into his arms, kissed me on the forehead, and told me that he was so sorry for everything.
“It’s all going to be fine. You’ll see.”
“But what if he’s dead? I’m too scared to go in. Dad, he’s not answering his phone. Something must be wrong.”
“He’s not dead. I just know it. I know it. Maybe he’s injured. He’s a strong man; he’ll get through this. And we’ll be there for him. Come on, let’s go inside. You can do this, Holly.”
He took my hand, and we walked to the hospital in silence. I had never felt more nervous in my entire life. I knew that my dad was just as scared as I was even though he was pretending like he wasn’t. Please don’t be dead, I whispered as we opened the doors to the hospital and made our way over the receptionist’s desk.