Chapter Thirty-One
Xavier
“Okay boys, I think we’re done for the day.”
Kenny looked at me as if to say, ‘it’s about time, ’ and we all walked gratefully outside. Kenny immediately got out his cigarette and leaned against his truck.
“That was exhausting. I’m going right now and climbing into bed.”
“You are? Not going out?” I asked.
Kenny laughed. “Not this time. I must be getting old.”
“I could stand to have a date with my bed too, and a good shower. But I think I’m going to go and talk to Holly and Rick. I can’t leave this any longer. It’s been on my mind the entire day, and I know I won’t sleep unless I go.”
“Oh wow. Good for you, man. I think you’re doing the right thing. You’re going to drive yourself crazy if you don’t sort this out.”
“Yeah, that’s what I think too. It’s gone on long enough. All right, wish me luck, man.”
“Good luck. Although I don’t think you’ll need it. I think it’s all going to go fine,” Kenny said.
“I hope you’re right.”
I climbed onto the bike and rode off, wishing I had the same amount of confidence that Kenny had. When I arrived at Rick’s, I was surprised to see that Holly’s car wasn’t there. It was getting late, and I assumed she would be home. I wondered if I should wait for her or call her first, but perhaps talking to Rick without her present would actually be better. I took a deep breath and made my way to the door. I was going to prove to him that I was serious about his daughter. Rick was a good man, a decent man – he would listen to me.
Rick’s face was like thunder when he opened the door, and I gulped. That was before I had even said anything. Something was clearly up.
“Uh, Rick, are you okay?”
“What are you doing here?” he boomed. Rick had never spoken to me like that before, and it took me by surprise.
“I . . . uh . . . can we talk? Mind if I come in?”
“I’m not sure I really want to talk to you right now.”
“Rick, please. Can I just come in?”
Rick didn’t answer, but he stepped to the side, and I walked in. I was sure he just didn’t want to make a scene on the street. The neighbors lived close by and they would definitely hear us if we stood there any longer. I took a seat on the sofa and Rick took a seat on the one opposite me.
“Rick, I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m here to talk to you about Holly.”
“Why can’t you just leave my daughter alone? Why are you doing this me?”
“Uh, where is Holly?” I asked.
“Xavier, why are you here?” he said, ignoring my question.
I cleared my throat. “I’ve fallen in love with your daughter, Rick.”
“Excuse me? What did you just say?”
“I’ve fallen in love your daughter. I love her. And I want to marry her.” There, I’d said it. I’d said the words I’d been wanting to say for a long time. I didn’t just like Holly, I was in love with her, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It felt good saying the words out loud even though I could see how angry Rick was. I knew he’d take it badly, but I had no idea he would be this angry.
“You mean you want to marry your sister? You’ve fallen in love with your sister? That’s not right, Xavier. That’s not right, and you know it.”
“Rick, she’s not my sister. We’re not related by blood. Come on, don’t be like this. There’s nothing wrong with the two of us being together. She’s an amazing girl, and I’m in love with her. Nobody thinks it’s wrong except you.”
“That’s what you think.”
“What do you mean?”
“I talked to Holly about it before you got here. She told me that you were in love with her. And we had a nice long talk about it.”
“What . . . what did she say?”
“She told me that you had fallen for her and that she thought she had fallen for you too. She said the more she thought about it, though, the worse she felt. She said she couldn’t get past the idea that you were her brother. The more we talked, the more disgusting she thought it was. She sat here crying about how you pushed her into getting into something with you. She said it’s not what she wants and she just wants you to leave her alone. So that’s why I’m mad, Xavier. I’m mad because you’re trying to force my daughter into being with you even though it’s wrong. You’ve messed with her head.”
“She didn’t say that.”
“But she did. How can you do that to her? You claim to love her and yet you’re making her do something that she doesn’t want to do. You’re the disgusting one.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Holly didn’t want to be with me? Holly thought of me as a brother? That’s not what she told me. Had she been lying to me? Or had her father simply changed her mind? Either way, the words stung. I stood up.
“Where is she? I want to talk to her.”
“Well, she doesn’t want to talk to you. She told me that she wants you to leave her alone. If you really care about her, I suggest you actually listen to her this time.”
I walked to the door without saying anything and walked to my bike. Norman was the only one that was there for me, and as I climbed on and rode off, I didn’t look back. I rode fast and furious, and the adrenaline made me feel alive again. I road until I found myself at Silas’ place. I hadn’t gone there on purpose, but the moment I saw his house, I knew I wanted to see him. I needed someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay.
“Xavier? What’s going on?” Silas asked.
I saw that Silas was a having a small gathering. A party. A few girls lingered in the hallway and looked at me curiously. I sighed.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I backed away. “I’m interrupting. I had no idea.”
“Want to join us?”
“No. I don’t really want to see people right now. I’m sorry, Silas. I’ll catch up with you some other time.”
“Don’t be crazy,” Silas said. “The party is practically over anyway. Some people left a little while ago. Give me a second.”
I watched as he walked over to the girls to speak to them. They reached over and kissed him on the cheek, gathered their bags and coats, and headed out. I looked at my feet as they walked past, feeling bad that I was the cause of their party being over.
“I feel terrible that you just did that.”
“Don’t. I was totally ready to call it a night anyway. So you did me a favor. Come on in. Let me make us some coffee. You look like you probably need a beer, but I think coffee is the smarter choice.”
I smiled. “You always were the smarter out of the two of us.”
“You’re giving me a compliment? Something must be up, then.”
He made coffee, and the two us sat in the living room. The place was a mess from the party, but I didn’t care. It reminded me of a more carefree time. A time I could barely remember. After a full weekend of drills at work and a fight with Xavier, I needed the coffee to keep me awake. I told Silas exactly what had happened, from the start to the end.
“And then I went to talk to Rick to finally tell him how I felt about his daughter. I’m just coming from there now.”
“Uh oh. That obviously didn’t end too well, then.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t think he’d be happy, but I didn’t think he’d go off quite the way he did.”
“You need to stop caring about what that man says. I’ve stayed away for a reason, Xavier. Maybe you should too. I don’t see why you have to worry about what he says about this when he’s clearly not even thinking about anyone but himself. He’s turned this whole thing into something that it’s not, and it’s not fair. You should live your own life. You and Holly don’t need his permission you know.”
I sighed. “That’s the thing; it’s not just Rick that feels that way.”
“What do you mean?”
“This is the part that I’m battling with the most. Rick had a long talk with Holly too. Looks like she spoke to him before I did. They had a big heart-to-heart about the whole situation. She’s decided that the whole thing is wrong and disgusting and she doesn’t ever want to see me again. She said that I’ve been forcing her into doing things that she is not comfortable with. Which is crazy. I haven’t done anything like that. You know I’m not that type of guy. Holly told me that she felt the same way about me. I don’t know why she said something like that to him.”
“What? I don’t understand what is so disgusting about this. The two of you are not even related. Not even a little bit. This is crazy. Rick must’ve put those ideas in her head.”
“Yeah, maybe. But she listened to them. That’s the difference. That’s the part that I can’t believe. She actually listened to him. She’s made her decision and there’s nothing that I can do about it. I’m not going to force her to love me, you know. She either does or she doesn’t. There’s no in between.”
“That’s messed up man. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
I thought about Holly curling up to me in bed. I thought about the way she looked at me. I thought about the way she kissed me. I sighed.
“I’m completely in love with her.”
“Then maybe you should go after her. Maybe you should finally go after what you want in life.”
“Yeah, but it’s not just about what I want. It’s about what Holly doesn’t want. She doesn’t want me. I’m not going to force that on her. She knows whether she wants this or not and she doesn’t need me telling her. I don’t want to beg someone to be with me. I want them to want to be with me as much as I want to be with them. It’s not worth it otherwise.”
“Then maybe it’s time you let her go. I know that’s not easy, but why go after someone that is not even willing to fight for you? Maybe you deserve better than that.”
I nodded. “I think you’re right, man. I will always fight for someone but there comes a point when you have to realize that it’s not worth it. She’s not worth fighting for if she doesn’t actually want to be with me.”
“I’m sorry, man. It sucks.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it. I think I better stay away from girls for a while.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good thing.”
I laughed. “That is very different advice to what Kenny would probably say to me. He’d tell me to go out there and be with as many girls as possible to forget about her.”
Silas chuckled. “Well, Kenny and I are two very different people. But, to be honest, you must just do what you want to do and forget about everyone else. Holly is missing out on a great guy, you know.”
I nodded. “Yeah, we could’ve been something great if she only let us be.”