Chapter Thirty-One
Ashley
I wasn’t completely sure what to do. After the conversation, I had with Tyler this morning, after he had showed genuine concern for me and I had just shoved him away, I had no idea where I should go next. I didn’t want to feel crazy, but I also didn’t want to seem too desperate to wash my hands of him.
So, after checking that no one else was home when I returned to the house, I called my friend, whom I had met in college.
The two of us had met the first week of school and we had become fast friends. Even though both of Stacy’s parents were still alive, she felt similarly about her parents and her step-parents. She felt like her whole world fell apart when her parents got divorced, and when they each remarried, it was almost as though both of her parents had stopped acknowledging that she existed in favor of their new families.
If anyone, I was sure that Stacy would understand.
So, after complaining about one another’s summer, I said to her, “Hey, I have a question for you. I need some advice.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” she answered in a disarming fashion. “Focusing on someone else’s problems is so much preferred to my own.” She laughed slightly before admitting flat out, “I feel like I’m drowning in them…My own, I mean. I just can’t get away from them. Both my parents keep pushing me out of their house, so that they can spend time with their real families and even when they aren’t making me feel terrible for existing, they are trying to get dirt on the other one.” She sighed in a frazzled manner. “And they’re supposed to be the adults?” She stopped short before she added, “God, I’m sorry. It’s just all been boiling up inside of me.”
“No, I get it,” I answered. “And I’m sorry. That sucks.”
“Majorly…” She groaned again before she answered, “But…enough about me. What is going on with your crazy family, my friend?”
“Well,” I explained, not really wanting to admit that this was an entirely family affair, “my family is…Basically just like I thought they would be. They are crazy and not in the good way, but I think my stepmom tries…” I shrugged, for my own benefit, before I added, “It doesn’t work, but I guess that’s better than washing her hands of me.”
“Trust me,” Stacy chimed in, “any attempt is better than nothing. I’m lucky if my stepmother even looks at me without turning up her nose like I am something the cat dragged in...Or cats…if you want to get technical.” She chuckled humorlessly before she paused to let me speak.
“I’m sorry,” I answered, not sure what else to say.
“Everyone has problems, what are you gonna do?” she answered and I could tell from knowing her for as long as I did that she was now shrugging too.
I smiled sympathetically, once again realizing that there was really no way for her to know what I was doing. Although, it made me feel better.
“So, what is going on with you?” she asked after a pause. In that timeframe, I wondered whether or not I really wanted to tell her what was going on; after all, it was a little strange. Still, since I had purposefully called her for advice, I figured it would be best to continue on with my explanation.
“Well,” I said carefully, “I met a guy.” I was purposefully trying to keep that part as vague as possible. “And I really like him, but I don’t want to at all.”
“Why?” she asked. I knew that she was trying to understand the situation, but when she added, “It’s not weird, like he’s your stepbrother or anything right?” I wanted to throw up.
The only thing that saved us from the awkward silence and my house of cards falling to the ground, before the foundation was even partially complete, was Stacy’s shrill laugh.
By the time the noise stopped, I was able to accurately assure, “No. It’s some new beach guy that I met while trying to get away from my family. He’s hot and he can be funny. Very manly…” I sighed, hoping that the worst was over and I could be honest now.
“Okay…” she began, “So, I’m not getting a reason why you can’t be with him…You kind of broke up with your boyfriend here already.”
I nodded and chose my words carefully. “Yeah…I know, but he’s a little…abrasive?”
“Did he hit you?” she demanded with alarm.
“No!” I exclaimed, trying my best to keep the story straight. “He didn’t do anything like that, but he’s controlling and I just…I shouldn’t be with him.”
“So, then there’s your answer,” she responded quickly. “That isn’t something that is going to change.”
“No…” I admitted, but then felt slightly silly for what I said next. “Although…I kind of…like it? I can’t help being attracted to him and even though I want to kill him more often than I want to do anything else, when we are together and he is not being a total asshole, it is like nothing I have ever felt before.” Plus, you know, he is my stepbrother… I thought to myself, but physically shook the thought out of my head. I knew that there was no way I should be thinking about that part of this problem, since I had no intention of revealing it anyway.
“Is it just a summer fling?” she asked after carefully considering what I had said, “or do you want it to be more?”
“I don’t want it to be anything!” I answered adamantly, even though I wasn’t completely sure that this was true.
“Well, then don’t,” she answered quickly. “Look, if there is something about him that makes you not want to be with him, then it is probably for good reason. You can’t just pretend that everything is okay. You have to make everything okay.”
“But, what if I’m too weak to resist? He is a master of manipulation and for as much as he can be an ass, he is also really sweet.”
“When he wants something, right?”
I didn’t say anything, which was basically like agreeing with her, at least in Stacy’s mind.
“Remember, everyone has the capabilities to be nice, until you tell him no,” she said. “You need to find a man who is good for you, no matter what. You need to break whatever hold this guy has over you and make sure that it stays broken. I don’t know much about the situation, but I think that you really need to do what is right for you. I don’t think that you should be going around doing everything for him, especially if you don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship, whatever that might be. You need to take control of your life. You can’t allow anyone, but especially not a man, to live it for you.”
I thought about this and realized that she was completely right. I knew that he was controlling my life, but I needed to figure out how to make it stop. “How do I get him to leave me alone?” I asked her, realizing that she was inspiring about what she had said so far.
“You just have to push him away. He needs to know that you don’t want him dictating your life.”
I laughed, thinking of how amused Tyler would be to hear her say that to him before I answered, “It isn’t like he is the most understanding person…”
“Then you make him understand!” She had a shrill fire in her voice that I had not heard in a long time. I suddenly had the feeling that this conversation wasn’t just helping. “You have to show him who’s boss. If you really think that something isn’t right between the two of you, then you need to figure out how to tell him in a way that he cannot help but understand.” She paused for a moment before she answered, “It is the only way, Ashley. It might not feel so good to hurt his feelings, or do whatever it is that you know you have to do, but in the end, you both will be better for it.”
I thought about this for a long moment. I even tried to argue. After all, I was trying to think of any way I possibly could to warrant staying with him, but I couldn’t deny that her advice made sense and it got me feeling more confidently about my situation.
“You cannot surround yourself with negativity outside of your family,” Stacy went on. “There are enough problems between you and your dad. You don’t need to complicate things by inviting negativity into your social life as well. Just because you are back home for the summer doesn’t mean that you are the same girl you were when you left for college; you have got to understand that.”
“Yes,” I answered, feeling even more confident. “I do understand that, Stacy…” Then, I heard a noise as if someone was making their way toward my room. “Hey, listen, Stacy…Thanks for the advice, but I have got to go.”
“Sure, any time,” she answered genuinely.
“Good luck with your situation,” I added before we said our goodbyes.
I had always felt bad for Stacy. Even though I had a similar issue with my father, at least I knew that my father loved me. Some days, which after hearing the story, I couldn’t blame Stacy for, she felt like neither of her parents even wanted her. It was such a shame too, because Stacy was always such a nice person.
However, even though I felt bad that things hadn’t changed for her, I felt rejuvenated, in a way. I might not be completely sure what I was going to do about this new feeling that I had coursing through my body, but I was fairly certain that whatever I wanted to do with it, I was going to feel so much better once I did it.