Chapter Seven
Ashley
After spending the day at the beach with Tyler, there was a strange sense that was cast over me when I made it back safely into my bedroom.
Not only did I feel I might have misjudged my stepbrother, I also had a sneaking suspicion I might be more attracted to him than I thought I could ever be.
This thought, which I curbed on more than one occasion throughout the course of the day, absolutely horrified me.
In fact, I hated that I was attracted to him, especially since I was sure, as he had insinuated multiple times, that he was also attracted to me.
However, the more I tried to ignore those feelings, the more I realized I could not help them.
Love is a choice! I found myself thinking, but then, an even more pressing thought bounded over the first. Oh my God! I am not in love with him! Gross!
Then, after a moment of panic, I had the ability to rationalize my feelings.
Of course I am attracted to him, I thought. He is an attractive guy. I would be crazy not to think that he is attractive, but that doesn’t mean that I am attracted to him. I just appreciate beauty…or manliness…or something.
I sighed when my first attempt to make myself seem normal was to absolutely no avail. I breathed in deeply, before letting it out slowly and once again, tried to think about calming my mind and ridding it of all these crazy thoughts.
“Okay…” I whispered to myself, “What is it about him, besides his looks, that makes me want to be around him…Hmmm.” Then it hit me and I smiled broadly, thankful that it wasn’t a love interest attraction.
In fact, it was far more basic than that.
I came to the conclusion, after a day of literally freaking out over the way I thought I felt about my stepbrother, that the only real reason I liked him was because he was the only person I had felt even the slightest bit comfortable carrying on a conversation with since I came to this house.
Even when I would pass people I used to know well on the beach or on the street, it was still hard to talk to them. They gave me the looks I hated growing up in my hometown after my mother died, but since it was the first time a lot of them had seen me, it was almost as though she had died all over again. Even though I was past the initial stages of grief, each and every one of those people seemed to give me the same reaction as those who attended my mother’s funeral and I hated it. I had absolutely no interest in rehashing the events before and after my mother’s death with anyone, and since Tyler didn’t really care to know any of it, he was the only one I wanted to have a conversation with.
There, I thought as a sense of peace encased me. Problem solved.
So, with this in mind, over the next few days the two of us made a point of hanging out whenever we could. It was Tyler who helped me to come out of my room and feel the sun on my face, but he also was quick to leave and never lingered.
Even though we went to the beach and I helped to maintain his high-energy, caloric diet by going out to eat, he would also work out a lot and disappear for hours at a time, which gave me the ability to be a recluse for a while.
That was all I wanted, and as we settled into a routine, I started to really enjoy his company.
Throughout our time together, he insisted on cursing like a sailor and every once and a while, something invariably raunchy would slip out of his mouth. But after that night on the beach, when I first started to feel a small sense of calm around him, he seemed to try to treat me like a lady, which for him, meant toning down attitude.
Then, one night, while we were sitting on the beach watching the sunset, while I was taking advantage of the moments he was actually quiet, I noticed Tyler getting closer to me. He did so casually, as though it really was no big deal, and therefore, I didn’t stop him. After all, he was the closest thing to me within a couple hundred miles, so I figured if he wanted to get next to me, I should let him.
It was strange to think but it was true. He was the closest person to me. My father was still basically disowning me and I had no interest in talking to anyone in this town except Tyler.
However, I noticed finally, that he had placed his arm across my shoulders. The weight of it made me slightly uncomfortable, but I still didn’t say anything. In a way, it was really nice to be hugged.
But he wasn’t satisfied with that. A few moments later, I felt him pull me toward him. Once again, I felt the tension that could have been considered sexual between us and I became very aware of how close he actually was to me.
Part of me was becoming very uncomfortable, but another part of me was drawn toward his lips. Before I could fully understand what he was doing, he turned my face toward his and bent in, as though trying to kiss me.
There was no doubt that I was curious about him and I could not, especially in that moment, deny that I had feelings for him, but I still didn’t want to kiss him. So, just before our lips touched, I managed to shove him back and scoot out of his grasp. “What the hell are you doing?” I blurted, feeling out of sorts and mortified.
Tyler looked at me with what I felt was a seriousness that came across as a little bit scary. “You are beautiful and I don’t care that we are step-siblings.” His eyes grew wide as he explained, “I still have feelings for you and they certainly are not the brotherly kind.” He smiled in a devilish fashion, as though he had just sealed the deal with his words, but I continued to move away from him.
I definitely could not claim that I didn’t understand what he meant, but I knew myself and with that, I was sure that if I kissed him that would only lead to more, and that would only cause problems.
Therefore, I just shook my head, got up, and left him alone on the beach before I gave into the connection I could feel steadily growing between us.