Chapter Twelve
Knife
When Beast offered to have Nevaeh for the night, I felt guilty to start with. She was my daughter and had only been with me a month, but like he’d said, I needed the night to destress. How he’d known that I didn’t have a clue, but I was glad he did.
Sitting at the bar, I thought of the last month and how the time had flown by. My girl was turning one in four months. I’d found her birth certificate in the bag Sana had dropped off with Nevaeh. She was born November fourteenth. Nearly a Christmas baby. Finding it made me realise how much I’d missed out on, though. Her stupid fuckin’ mother should have told me right from the start, and I couldn’t help but wonder why she hadn’t.
“Want another?” Muff asked from across the bar. Pick and Billy had a good idea buying a bar for the club. Once word got out the bar was owned by Hawks MC, the place boomed with customers. A lot were wannabe bikers. Then there were women who wanted a thrill for one night with a Hawks biker. Not that I was taking notice of any of the women, which was crazy because there were a lot to pick from. Shit, I reckoned I could just snap my fingers and a woman would come runnin’, wantin’ to suck my cock.
However, my cock had other ideas. He wasn’t even hard with the amount of skin walkin’ around the joint. It was like he was snoozing, waiting for the right person to get hard for, and that person was at home.
Yeah, he took notice every time Beast was in the goddamn room. Perking up to say hi whenever Beast did anything. Only he didn’t simply perk up when Beast bent over. No, he went raging hard when that happened.
After sending Muff a chin lift requesting another beer, I looked down at my cock and glared. The stupid appendage was confused. It was like he was playin’ me, causing my mind to get pissed every time Beast left for an ASL meeting or when I knew he was goin’ out to see fuckwad Ben. Never had I felt jealous over anything, until those times.
Hell, I hadn’t even had time to look into the people I’d heard Pick and Billy speak about. Nevaeh had most of my time, not that I minded one second of it. Then again, maybe I was puttin’ it off for other reasons. Like even thinkin’ I could change was weird as fuck since I’d never thought of a guy’s body or junk before in my life.
“Yo, Knife. You finally gracing us with your presence.” Billy grinned as he took the stool next to me. “How’s your girl?”
A true big smile lit my face. “She’s good, brother. Real good. All settled in and everything.” Which was true, after her two front teeth came through to join with the bottom ones she already had. Those nights had been hell. They seemed to play on her more when she was trying to get some shut-eye. Still, I knew there were more to come and ’cause I knew she’d be in pain, I wasn’t lookin’ forward to those days.
“Still can’t believe you’ve got a girl.”
Snorting, I said, “Me either. Never thought I’d want one until she showed in my life. How’re things with the club?” I worked when I could at the garage, while Mena minded Nevaeh, but I hadn’t been involved in anything more than that. I missed it.
“Things are good for once. But that could change at any given time. Then there’s also strippers gettin’ beat at other establishments. None of Hawks.”
“Yet?” I questioned when his brows dipped in concern.
“Yeah. Yet. We’re just waiting for it to happen. Dodge has our places covered pretty tight, though.”
“He good for brothers to cover all the places?” We had five strip joints in our territory. With the garage, plus the one that opened a while ago, and the bar, brothers could be doing overtime on everything.
“It’s good. Nothin’ for you to worry about. Just get sorted with your girl.”
“Beast and I can take turns patrolling,” I said before taking a pull of my beer.
“All good, seriously. We’re taking on more prospects soon. It’ll be sorted.” He bumped his shoulder into mine and looked over to the corner where Josie was with Pick and some other people I didn’t know.
“Who’re they?”
Billy turned back and grinned. “New friends. The black dude is a lawyer named Liam. His girl next to Josie is Liberty, and their other bed partner is Damien.”
My brows shot up. “The three of them?”
“Yep.” He nodded.
They’d been the ones. Apparently Damien never had experience with a dude, not until Liam. While Billy was talking to Muff about some supplies, I studied the new group. Liam was sitting with Pick, and they were talkin’. Damien sat with the women. He constantly smiled, and while he made the women laugh about something, his eyes flicked over to Liam, who caught his look and winked.
Shit, could I really talk to someone I didn’t know about what was in my head?
“So,” Billy started, “how’s living with Beast going?”
My body tensed. “Fine.” And fuckin’ hell my voice sounded higher than normal, like I’d lost my balls.
Billy, who hadn’t been lookin’ at me, slowly turned my way and searched my face. Only I wasn’t lookin’ at him, but across the bar at the drinks sitting along the wall, wondering which one would be best to get me smashed. “Right,” he drew out.
“What?” I questioned, and then hardened my expression, glaring at him.
“Nothin’ at all.” He spun on his seat and yelled across the place. “Yo, Damien. Come meet a brother.”
Fuck.
What the hell was up with that? Why would Billy call Damien over? Did he have a sixth sense where he knew shit without even being told anything?
As Damien walked over grinning, which seemed to be his norm, I grabbed my beer and downed it in one go, knowing there was no way I could talk to him about anything.
* * * *
“You know what?” I asked Damien after taking a shot of whisky, and wished to Christ I wasn’t so drunk where I’d just spout any shit from my mouth.
“What?” Damien asked. We sat at the bar after shooting the shit for a good two hours while drinking, and I was fuckin’ drunk as a skunk. Damien seemed just as drunk, so in a way, I knew I would say shit and considered it wouldn’t matter because we were both drunk. Hell, he’d probably forget anything I’d said by morning.
“You’re an okay dude, even knowing you suck cock.”
Damien’s shot sprayed the bar as it flew outta his mouth. I cheered and then laughed.
After he had got himself under control, he said, “Thanks. I think.” He eyed me. “You got something against people finding their happily ever after with whoever they want?”
“Nope,” I said, popping the p outta my mouth. “How’d, you know, like it?”
“What?” he asked.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Givin’ head? Heard you’d never noticed guys before.”
He chuckled. “I hadn’t until Liam, and it’s the best fuckin’ feeling giving and takin’. By both of them.”
“Yeah, but, you know. He’s a dude.” I shook my head, still unsure how a person could change like that. Like me, I think. “And you,” I yelled as Billy went to pass us. “How’d you end up likin’ head with a dude?” I busted a gut laughin’ when Billy’s eyes widened.
He then glanced around, so I did also and noticed the place had quieted down a bit. I glared at the people close to us, some fuckers I didn’t know. Billy stepped up and clipped, “Fuck off from here.”
Vamoose. People disappeared.
Shit. Billy was a wizard.
Billy then pulled up a stool in front of Damien and me. “Why you askin’, brother?”
My shoulders lifted on their own, though they were part of me. Which meant I probably lifted them, like my cock was a part of me. So really, it was my fault I liked lookin’ at Beast and got hard from it. Fuck, I was drunk.
“Just wonderin’,” I mumbled.
Damien cleared his throat. I glanced there to see him watchin’ me. “Never in my life had I thought I’d like a guy. So when it all changed, when Liam caught my attention, I thought there was something wrong with me. It wasn’t until a mate of mine made me realise I wasn’t into guys. It was only one guy. It only took Liam and him to open my eyes and see what I was missing with a certain special someone. Yes, we have Liberty, but it’s still different. I’m in a relationship with Liberty, and I’m also in a separate relationship with Liam. The times we come together, do things with each other, the two of us, then it’s our relationship.” Damien snorted. “I may be dribbling shit because my head is spinning, but what I’m asking is are you thinking of getting involved with a woman and a man?”
My head was shaking before I knew it. “Nah. Not like that.”
“Beast?” Billy voiced.
My jaw clenched, and then I nodded. Lifting my head, I glared at my brother. “If you say shit to anyone, I will slice your throat while you sleep.”
“That threat actually seemed real,” Damien commented.
Billy snorted. “It was.”
Damien blew out a breath. “You bikers don’t do things half-arsed.”
“You have my word, I won’t say shit, Knife.”
I was sure even through my drunken haze, which was fading quickly, his words rang true. Nodding, I asked, “What made you say him anyway?”
Billy shrugged. “Always seen the way he looked at you.” I straightened hearing that. Billy laughed. “You were blind to it, like every other fuckin’ brother, except maybe Pick. But we haven’t talked about it. I only said Beast’s name ’cause I noticed something between the two of you had gone down after you both got back from Sydney. I was surprised you moved in with him. Didn’t think you two were talkin’, but you were both close, so I guessed you got over whatever it was.”
“Somethin’ like that.”
“Billy, can you let us talk for a second?” Damien asked.
My brother glanced from Damien to me and then back. He nodded, slapped me on the shoulder and said, “It’ll all work out. And no matter what, brother, no one will give a flyin’ fuck.” He went back over to Pick and Liam. Liam’s eyes were already on us, and they were narrowed. Billy said something, which had Liam nodding and moving his gaze from us.
“Your guy’s protective,” I commented.
Damien smiled. Yeah, the dude was always happy. “I know. I’m the same with him. Look, I asked Billy to leave because I sensed you didn’t really want to talk around him.”
“Shit, now I’m sobering, I guess it doesn’t matter since I’ve already said so much.”
“Okay.” Damien nodded. “Then I also asked him to leave to talk to you more. No offense, but when you walked in here, it looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
Winking, I asked, “You noticed when I walked in?”
Damien let out a surprised laugh. “Only because you seemed like you wanted to hurt someone. I didn’t want that someone to be me.”
“Good call. Though I was more agitated than anything.”
“Are you into women?”
“Fuck yeah, love me some pussy.”
Damien chuckled and nodded. “You sound like me. Then what are you confused about?”
With a sigh, I rubbed the back of my neck. “Something did happen between Beast and me, and since then, it’s like he switched something in me, and now I can’t stop… but I’ve never been like that. I wasn’t, you know… I didn’t think of guys like that.”
“Not until him?”
“Fuck. Yes, but I can’t… it just ain’t right when I never…. Hell, I’m all about pussy.”
Damien shrugged. “Why not go over to the woman who’s been eyeing you off like a new candy bar then and take her home? If what you feel for this other guy isn’t right, then it’ll be easy to pick up some random pussy and screw her.”
Looking over my shoulder, I noticed a nice pair of legs, a sweet-as-fuck body, and a good-sized rack. Goddamn, she licked her lips like I was a new candy bar. I waited for the thrill, for blood to travel south and pump my cock hard.
Only it never happened.
“What I thought,” Damien said. I turned back to him and raised a brow. He shook his head and instead came out with a question. “You ever kissed a guy before?”
I jerked back a little, my hand slapping down to the bar before I fell off my seat. I hadn’t kissed a guy, but I’d thought about pressing my mouth against a certain someone’s, which freaked me out. “Ah, no.”
“Oh, I’m not offering, but that was how Liam got me to thinking. I never thought of kissing a guy, never thought I would want to touch a guy, not until him. If you can picture yourself kissing this Beast, touching him, wanting him, then I don’t see a problem. Not like the one in your pants right now when you see a stunning fuckable woman right in front of you and he”—he pointed to my junk—“doesn’t even want to sniff her out. Do you get hard around him?”
“Jesus Christ, you say anything.”
“Yes.” He grinned. “So do you?”
I shrugged.
Damien laughed. “That means a yes. What do you have to lose if you take a chance on him?”
“Our friendship.”
“From what Billy said it already seems strained.”
Shit. He was right.
“Beast already has someone.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“Fuck, you want me to lie on the counter while you question me, Doc?”
Damien snorted. “No, but I want you to answer.”
“It burns.”
“Then change it.”
“It ain’t fuckin easy to.”
“It is. Take a risk, a chance. If you want him, make it happen.” He glanced over to his people. “A risk is worth taking when it ends well.”
“And when it doesn’t?”
His eyes met mine. “If it can bring peace within yourself, then it’s still worth risking.”
Fuck. I went to a bar and I ended up gettin’ Dr Philled.
Still, it was worth it. Damien patted my arm and went back over to his man and woman. I watched, realising I could be missin’ out on something special. They seemed to have found it, so why couldn’t I?
My somethin’ special could be with Beast, and even if it wasn’t, I reckon I’d enjoy the figuring out part.
Only how in the hell did I go about changing shit?
Then a thought popped into my head. Maybe it was time to see if I liked my mouth on Beast’s.