Chapter Nineteen
Beast
A few steps and a few words were what played over and over in my head. Hell, even the glare Knife used when he saw Ben in the house hit me right in the groin. What was up with the other man in the house? And why in the fuck was he limping?
I’d asked Mena and knew something was up when her cheeks had heated, and she’d mumbled, “Nothing.” Dive knew it as well, which was why he got her outta the house quickly, no doubt to see if he had to kill his brother. I’d seen them havin’ words just outside, both gettin’ frustrated, and then after Mena had poked Dive in the chest and said something, he threw his head back and laughed. Then he doubled over, holding his stomach and laughed even more. Mena, with Koda in her arms, kicked him in the shin and with a look of fury, one I’d never seen on her face, she snapped something and then stormed off to the car.
After it, I’d turned to Ben, who’d been watchin’ with a smile on his lips, and just when I was about to get rid of him, he’d stood and said he’d catch up later.
Wasn’t his fault I hadn’t been into our thing lately.
Not since that kiss.
The kiss that played on a loop.
Ben wasn’t stupid though. He knew something was up. He just didn’t know what.
Or maybe he guessed it had something to do with the man who lived with me, especially after the way Knife reacted. Which, to be clear, was a fuckin’ turn-on, especially with the shit he did even in front of Dive. Like he was a jealous boyfriend.
Fuck me.
Knife jealous?
Boyfriend?
Those were three words I never in my goddamn life would have considered when it came to Knife.
The man who’d run from the hotel room in Sydney.
The man who’d ignored me for two fuckin’ months after it.
Jealous and boyfriend…. Yeah, those words shouldn’t be used when it came to Knife. I was being an idiot.
Then again.
He. Kissed. Me.
Clearin’ my head of all thoughts Knife related, I spooned the last of Nevaeh’s food into her mouth. Over the last few weeks, I hadn’t seen much of her or Knife. Our schedules were different, but it was always good to have one-on-one time with the precious girl in front of me. Neither of us talked, but I could still understand what she needed, even without my hearing. Like even when her mouth moved, dribbling on about something, she had her arms wide. She wanted out of her confinement. Smiling, I fought with her over wipin’ her mouth, something she got a nasty little look over. Once she was clean, I picked her up and brought her close to my chest. She was always happy to be carried around. We went into the living room with Vin following close at my side. His gaze would glance up and down all the time. He thought Nevaeh was awesome like I did. His tail went a million miles an hour when I placed her on her play rug on the floor. Vin lay down beside her while I sat on the floor and picked up some blocks to build. Nevaeh ignored my tower and instead scooted her butt along the floor towards Vin. She was gettin’ fast at scootin’ along. At first, she did it unsteadily, but she’d soon become a pro. She flopped herself forward, her upper body lying over Vin, who didn’t seem to care at all. Any other dog I would’ve been worried, but not Vin.
Since I had my arse on the floor and Knife sometimes walked like a herd of elephants, I could feel through the ground his approach, so I glanced up to the doorway just as he entered, freshly showered and smellin’ fuckin’ fine. His face was in a scowl, probably still pissed I’d been messin’ with him and not sayin’ why Ben was there.
The thing was, there hadn’t been a reason Ben called in. He’d been in the area and remembered my address on the forms I’d filled out. In other words, he’d stalked my arse because I hadn’t been responsive to messages or at meetings for a few weeks.
Only he never got to question me since Dive showed as Ben was at the front door.
Knife limped into the room, a look of discomfort and something else crossing his face. What in the hell did he do? Pull a muscle?
Why you limping? I queried as he sat in the chair slowly, closest to his girl.
Damn. He was blushing. Whatever it was embarrassed him and made me want to know more.
“Nothin’.” He glared and then smiled down at Nevaeh as she climbed off Vin and scooted her butt over to her daddy. He leaned over, winced, but still grabbed his girl and placed her on his lap. He met my eyes and told me about the phone call he’d just received. He didn’t seem cut about his father’s death. Then again, I wouldn’t be either. He was more worried about his mum.
You okay?
“Will be after he’s buried and I know my ma will be all right.”
My phone, in my back pocket, vibrated. Vin lifted his head and nudged my arm. Smiling down at him, ’cause it was his way to show me my phone made a noise, I pulled it out and looked at the name.
Ben.
Shit.
Sighing, I opened the message. You could have just told me you were seeing your roommate. I feel like an idiot.
Fuck, I didn’t want him to feel that way. I’d been the fuckhead to lead him on, but I was also fearful of losing him if Knife was just messin’ with me. Hell, that thought tightened my gut in a knot.
Glancing to Knife, I caught him pulling his eyes from me back to Nevaeh, who climbed all over him chattering about whatever babies talk about.
You’re not an idiot. That would be me because I don’t know what in the hell is goin’ on with him or me. If anything would happen. Sorry!
His reply was quick. Always knew you weren’t fully in it with me. I suspected it had to do with Knife. Now I know for sure. No man comes into a house ready to kill a person like he did before. Something WILL happen, and I know when to step back. Still, I’d like to hang?
Something kicked my socked foot. I glanced down to see Knife pull his bare foot back, and then looked up to meet his gaze.
“Who’s that?”
Before he moved in he never used to ask me who I was on the phone with.
Was Ben correct in thinkin’ somethin’ could happen here?
Snorting, I shook my head. I had to remember Knife was the man who’d run from the room and didn’t talk to me for a fuckin’ long time.
Then there was also that kiss.
Christ. What was he doin’ to me?
Ben.
He narrowed his gaze on me, and I saw the tick in his jaw when he clenched.
“He only just left. What’s the guy’s problem?” Nevaeh took that moment to shove her fist in his mouth, so the last word was gurgled around her tiny hand. Knife chuckled and pulled it free. “I’m hungry, darlin’, but not that hungry.”
Grinnin’, I then chuckled when I saw Nevaeh start to giggle. Damn, I wished I could actually hear them both.
Instead, there was nothing but silence for the rest of my life, and it fuckin’ sucked.
Blinkin’ back the emotions, I noticed Knife talkin’ to me. “You didn’t answer. What’s he want?”
Should I mess with him more?
Nah, I wasn’t in the mood suddenly. Nothing really.
Knife rolled his eyes. Ignoring it, I stood from the floor and stretched, watchin’ as Knife’s eyes raked over my body.
My dick perked up in my jeans. Damn, Knife and I needed to have words. I had to sort shit out between us. The way he’d been confused the fuck outta me and if he was just messin’, I wanted to make sure so I could move on.
And I thought by movin’ on, he’d have to move out or, hell, I’d go on an extended vacation and do some work in the Ballarat Charter. See if Talon could shift another member up our way to replace me since we were short on members.
Lunch?
As Knife nodded, I turned and went into the kitchen. I knew he’d have to get Nevaeh down for a nap and then, fuckin’ then, I’d ask some questions.
I had some roast beef from the night before, so I made some sandwiches for the both of us. I could have used a beer or ten, but I wanted a clear head for when I spoke with Knife, even if my nerves were growin’ higher and higher over the conversation to come.
Christ, I felt like my gut was eating itself. I wasn’t even sure I could manage to eat.
My body jolted, and I spun around when I felt a hand on my arm. Knife was already laughin’ for catchin’ me off guard. The dick.
His lips moved, and I had an urge to take them; instead, I watched him ask, “What’s up? Usually you know when someone enters.”
I did. No matter where I was, I had an eye on the entrance and on Vin who’d let me know if someone was coming.
I ignored his question and instead signed. We got to talk.
He nodded and leaned his arse into the counter. “This about me living here still? ’Cause I gotta say, it’s real good how you’ve let us crash at your place for so long, and anytime you think we’re outstaying our welcome, you let me know and I’ll look for another place.” He took a breath and went on. “Just haven’t been lookin’ lately ’cause I wanted to bond with my girl, but I know things are cool with me and Nevaeh now. She knows—”
My hand came up as my head jerked back. Where he got that from I didn’t know. Stay as long as you want. It’s not about that.
“Right. Then… is it about Ben?” His upper lip raised when he’d said Ben’s name. “Is he movin’ in? Are you two getting together? Shit, have you even fucked the guy? He shouldn’t move in if you don’t know what he’s like in bed. Fuck. Not that you should—”
Jesus, stop. I chuckled. It’s not about Ben. Actually, maybe, sort of. I shrugged.
Knife tightened his hold on the edge of the counter. “Then what’s it about?”
What do you think? I raised a brow and looked to his lips, then up to his eyes.
He threw his hands up in the air and said, “I don’t know. The shit I guessed was wrong, and I don’t get how it’s not about Ben when it sort of maybe is.”
Groaning, I rubbed a hand over my face and glared at him.
Was he really that stupid?
Knife—
He interrupted, and I watched his mouth move around the words. “Call me Jay.”
What the fuck?
My gut swirled.
Did he just ask me to call him Jay?
What?
He smirked. “Now who’s the one not understanding?”
Smartarse.
You want me to call you Jay?
He shrugged. “Yeah, in here, the house, call me Jay.”
Shock had me standing there blankly staring at him. He’d never asked me to call him by his name. Never. And we’d been around each other for a fuckin’ long time.
His hand waving out in front of my face had me blinking rapidly and grabbin’ my attention to see him say, “Did I break you? It’s only a name, brother. You can call me whatever you want.” He shrugged.
Crap, my heart thumped in my chest. Shifting on my feet, I straightened and then leaned back against the counter in the corner. All good, I’ll call you Jay. Here. At the house.
“Cool.” He smiled. “And even though you didn’t fuckin’ offer the same thing back, I’m still gonna call you Maddox.”
Fuck me.
His lips movin’ around my name was somethin’ I wanted to see for the rest of my fuckin’ life. I sent him a chin lift. There was nothin’ else I could do because I was at a loss from losing the whole conversation in the first place.
I was also living back in the time my name left his mouth.
Shit.
If he was fuckin’ messin’ with me, I was gonna kick his arse.
“Right, now that’s straight, I wanna eat, but before we do, what did you want to talk about?”
Screw it all. I was gonna just come out with it. The kiss.