Chapter Thirteen
Beast
Knife came outta his room earlier than I thought he would. When Vin woke lettin’ me know Nevaeh was crying, I could smell the alcohol in the house. Thought Knife wouldn’t be faring well in the morning and couldn’t believe I was wrong. He strolled into the living room smiling. Actually, he looked refreshed so the night out must have been good to him.
Jesus, motherfuckin’ Christ.
Did he have sex? Was that why he seemed in such a good mood as he swung Nevaeh up in his arms and kissed her?
I wanted to punch him in the nose for being so sickly happy.
Glaring, I signed, once I had his eyes. Have a good night?
He shrugged and tickled his girl’s belly. I watched as her mouth opened and she giggled. He gave her one last kiss before he stuck her back in her walker. Wasn’t bad. Good to catch up with everyone.
Yeah, I’m sure it was.
Christ. I had no right to feel like there was a hole in my heart.
No right what so fuckin’ ever.
He claimed a seat next to me on the couch. Thinking of watching that new alien movie I bought tonight. You in for it?
Alone time with Knife while my mind festered over what he got up to the night before? No, thank you.
Busy. Not that I was. I had no plans. Still, I could find something to do. I was sure the brothers could use extra eyes for patrolling. I shifted my eyes to Vin, who lay on the floor next to the couch near me. He was watching Nevaeh scoot around in her walker.
What the fuck? My head jerked sideways as my hair was tugged on. Clenching my jaw, I looked to Knife, who was grinning. Come on. Don’t be busy. Watch it with me. We watched all the others together.
Shit, we had.
Still, I wasn’t in the mood to be around happy Knife. The way he used to be before…
Can’t, sorry.
Some of the cheer left his face. If you change your mind, I’ll have it on at eight, after Nevaeh is down for the night.
My brows rose at him. Thought you’d want an earlier night after having such a late one?”
He answered immediately. “Wasn’t that late. Home by one.”
Nevaeh had slept through the night, like Knife had told me she’d been doing for the last couple’a weeks, so I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. That hadn’t left him much time to catch up with the brothers and fuck a woman since he’d left the house at nine.
Jesus. I had to remember who I was talkin’ about.
It was Knife.
He could fuck in the bathroom for all he cared. He didn’t need a private place. If someone caught him, he just kept at it until he was finished. I knew that from experience when we’d been out clubbin’ in our younger years, and I’d caught him in the male toilet with some bird.
Many out? I queried.
“Packed.”
So being the good-looking prick he was, he would have had a pick of any woman he wanted. Hell, I’d seen them throw themselves at him, and with just a look from a woman, he was eager and ready.
Fuck me. I had to stop thinking about it.
Glad you had a good night, but now you’re up, I’ve got to get to the garage.
He nodded and then smiled, his normal old smile at me. The dick. See you later.
Not if I could help it he wouldn’t, or else I would punch him in the mouth if he kept smiling like that. Hell, he must have gotten a lotta pussy to make him act like himself again.
Motherfucker.
* * * *
My mind jacked me around all goddamn day. One second I was thinkin’ I should go and watch the movie with him, then next I was tellin’ myself it was a bloody stupid idea. All the conflicted thoughts caused me to be in a fuckin’ foul mood. Brothers steered clear of me, and I didn’t blame them. Even though I couldn’t hear it, I knew I was banging loudly around the garage while fixing up the cars I had. Even had Vin flinching a few times. Mitch had already been by to see how we were going and showed me more commands to use, even at work.
There’d been only one brother in there brave enough to approach me. Pick walked up, matching my glare with his own. What’s crawled up your arse?
Hell, seein’ him sign got me in the chest every fuckin’ time. He hadn’t been the only one to attend Mena’s class. All the brothers had. As in all of them. Some I wasn’t even close to took time out to learn. Then again, they could have done it so they’d know if I was talkin’ about them. I would have done the same.
Still, the fuckin’ thought to do it, in case they wanted to communicate with me, even when they knew I had it nearly down to read lips, got me to feel shit I shouldn’t’ve been in a biker compound.
Nothin’. I signed back to Pick.
Bullshit. You’re making everyone on edge. Either get over whatever it is or go the fuck home. Not real sure you’re gettin’ much work done anyway. Then he bent, patted Vin, and walked off.
There lay the problem. I wasn’t sure if I should go home. Nodding, I leaned back under the hood of the car and realised I’d fixed the fan belt twice.
Pick was right. I was useless at work. Hell, what was a movie among friends? I’d just have to give up obsessing over what Knife got up to at the bar. Then again, I could just text Ben. I was sure he’d be interested in seeing me.
Not that I really wanted to see him.
Not when Knife was on my mind. Fuck, it wouldn’t be fair to him.
Wiping my hands on a rag, I pulled my phone out and texted: I’ll grab pizza on the way home. Just about finished here.
Saying home and thinkin’ of Knife being in that home was dangerous. I liked it way too much. Fuckin’ hell, I had to get over him.
Knife: Awesome. You know what I like.
Yeah, I did. I knew too much about the guy.
The car I was fixing took longer than I thought it would. Mainly because I checked over what I’d already done before making the decision to watch a movie with him.
Anyway, it was only a movie.
At least watching it could fill my mind instead of him and the bar and club sluts.
Fuck.
It was around eight by the time Vin and I got outta there, and then I had to grab the pizza before I made it home, which had me showing at ten to nine. I should have left earlier. At least then Nevaeh would have occupied my mind. Poor Vin was no doubt starvin’ too. He eyed the pizza from the back seat the whole drive home.
Walkin’ through the front door, with Vin at my side, I found Knife on the couch as his eyes met mine. Stupidly I raised the pizza, as if he hadn’t already seen it, then placed it on the coffee table he’d got the other day. I’m gonna shower. Leave some pizza for me.
He smiled wide. I’ll try.
There went my dick. Why couldn’t it be so responsive for Ben?
Fucking stupid cock.
The shower was quick because I wanted the night over. Vin lay on the floor in the bathroom and then in the bedroom while I dressed in a tank and track pants. The house was warm since the heater was on and I always ran hot anyway.
Entering the living room, Knife already had the pizza box open and had eaten half of it. Bloody lucky I’d bought a family-sized one.
How was work? Knife asked as I sat on the couch next to him, too close for comfort despite being as far away from him as possible.
Good. I signed, then picked up a slice and bit into it. With my free hand, I gestured to the TV.
Knife nodded and did some shit to the remotes to get the movie started. As I ate, I watched the movie, read the captions and also glanced at Knife every now and then because the fucker wouldn’t stop fidgeting.
About halfway through the movie, I finally turned to him and asked. What the fuck?
His head jerked back. “What?” he voiced and signed.
First, you don’t need to sign, I can read your lips. At least I could mostly. Second, can you sit the fuck still? You got ants in your pants or something?
“No, I… ah, can’t get comfortable, that’s all.”
Rolling my eyes, I said back. Well, find a way because you’re getting on my nerves.
“Can I ask you somethin’?” he blurted quickly, nearly making it hard for me to catch.
Yes.
My eyes flicked to his neck to watch him swallow. It was then I noticed a slight gleam on his forehead and how his eyes wandered the room and didn’t stay on me long. He was nervous about something. My eyes narrowed when he didn’t answer, I leaned in and shoved his leg. What?
“Right. You and Ben, you two, you know, serious?”
It was my turn for my head to jerk back as shock radiated through my body. For a beat there I sat dumbfounded. Rolling my shoulders, I shook it off. You seriously asking me about this?
He nodded. “Yes.”
Why?
He waved a hand around. “Just want to know.”
Not sure we should talk about this.
“Okay then. Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?”
Fuck me.
What I wanted to say was, because I was in love with my best friend and I didn’t want to freak you out, but I knew that’d have him running from the room screaming. So I shrugged instead and turned my attention back to the TV.
When the couch dipped, I glanced back to find Knife closer. “Answer one question at least,” he asked, and I saw his jaw tick.
My heart beat like a base drum in my chest. I wasn’t fuckin’ sure if it had to do with the awkward subject or the fact Knife moved closer. His knee hit against mine. I flicked my eyes down to it and then back up at him.
“Talk to me.”
Why?
“Because I want you to.”
Snorting, I shook my head. You want to talk now while we’re watchin’ a movie?
“I’ll pause the movie if you’ll answer my questions.”
Sighing, I ran a hand over my face, frustrated with how persistent he was being. Fine. I’ll answer only one. Ben and I aren’t serious. Now can we watch the movie in peace?
He grinned. “No.” He shook his head.
Groaning, I asked. Why?
“Because I want to try something.”
What was he going on about? What?
“Kiss me.”
My body froze. I had to have read his lips wrong. What in the hell? Had he said kiss me or was it piss me, or shit, hiss me? What?
He smirked. His gaze ran over my face before he said, “Fuck it.”