23.
BOND:
A connection that fastens things or people together.
The next morning, I woke up Ryder with kisses. He smiled at me and then he held me by the waist, pushed me on my back and pinned me between his body and the soft mattresses of his bed. There was no need for words after that.
It was almost noontime when we got up from bed. I knew that Ryder would leave soon and this made me want to cry already.
“What time’s your flight?” I asked him.
He smiled and pulled me to him. “Tomorrow at ten.”
“Why?” I asked in surprise.
“I canceled things today.”
“Ryder… why did you do that?”
He kissed me. “I wanted to. A day won’t hurt. It’s our first day together… for real. The first day that didn’t have to end.”
I gave him a hug. “Geography’s going to be a bummer, won’t it?”
He chuckled. He pushed a lock of stray hair away from my face. “Let that be my problem.”
I stared up at him. “That’s not fair. I don’t want you to stress yourself out too much traveling so often to Malibu. I know you live most of your life in Manhattan.”
He smiled at me. “You know the solution to that problem, love. But until you’re ready, I’ll fly in as often as possible.”
I hugged him. Tears brimmed in my eyes. I missed him already. If I wanted to solve this problem, I only needed to make a move to Manhattan myself so Ryder needed only to fly back to Malibu once a week.
I gathered my clothes on the floor. Ryder did the same to his. Just then I remembered one thing—Ryder and I hadn’t used any protection. I sat back in bed quietly, thinking. In New York, Ryder didn’t wear a condom either, but he withdrew. Now, I don’t remember him doing so.
“Something wrong?” he asked.
I shook my head nervously and stood up to go to the bathroom. I was nervous. I wasn’t counting the days of my period, because I wasn’t sexually active. That was obviously before Ryder. I tried to remember the last time I had my period.
I felt Ryder pull my hand so I could sit back in bed. He tilted my chin up so I can look at him.
“Tell me,” he said.
“I told you there’s nothing.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I know you well by now, Ash. For months, all we had were signals and moods, and I had to decipher every sign that you threw my way because I couldn’t go ahead and demand my answers verbally. So now, I know that something’s bothering you and please… I’d like to know.”
I stared back at him. I took a deep breath. “You didn’t… withdraw.” I said quietly.
He was taken aback by what I said and then he laughed. He pulled me to him in a hug. Then he whispered, “Every queen needs a prince or princess in her ever after too, doesn’t she?”
I pinched his arm. “Ryder!”
He laughed again. “Okay, so let’s discuss this,” he said. “I honestly don’t mind. As long as it’s with you, I’ll be the happiest man on Earth, not that I'm not already.”
“Ryder, we just officially got together last night. You haven’t even told your mother about me.”
“Of course I have,” he said.
“What?” I asked nervously. I hadn’t met Ryder’s family. And I was so scared they would be against this… against me.
“My mother knows I’m helplessly in love with a beautiful wedding planner from Malibu named Astrid, who has dazzling violet eyes. She knows you were torn by a broken engagement thanks to your cousin. I was the rebound guy who was waiting patiently for you to realize that you’re in love with me, too. And the fact that I have money in the banks made it more difficult for you to admit that I’m the right guy for you all along. And she couldn’t wait to meet you, Ash. She admires your spirit in fighting back. Moreover, she likes the fact that you liked me more when I was just a bartender.”
“Wh… when did you tell her?”
“I came clean with my family, and Janis and Jake, when Adam phoned to inform me you were fuming about the investment,” he said. “Paris wants to meet you now more than ever. Janis was a little heartbroken to know you weren’t really my girlfriend and asked me to swear to do whatever it takes to win you over. In my world, Ash, you’re quite a rare find. Both my mom and my sister thought I was lucky to find you. They couldn’t wait to meet you.”
My eyes widened and I felt more nervous. He laughed. “Don’t worry. They already like you. I know they’ll like you even more when you meet.”
“Do I have to meet them soon?”
“Of course!” he said. “Especially if you move to Manhattan.”
I stared back at Ryder and I could see in his eyes that he really wanted me to move to New York. He was not pressuring me yet, but it was definitely something he wanted to happen. “I promise to think about it.” I said to him.
He smiled. “That’s good enough for now.” He leaned and kissed me on the lips. Then he stared back at me for a while before saying, “So, you want to discuss contraceptives?”
I nodded shyly.
“I am only comfortable with two. Withdrawal and condoms. If you go on the pill, I want to make sure it’s perfectly safe, no side effects. I don’t want anything that could have any adverse effect on your health. I do want to have babies in the future, love. I don’t want to decrease our chances of having one when you’re ready.”
I smiled back at him. “Okay. Withdrawal is probably the riskiest method there is, and condoms break.”
He shrugged. “So what? Then we’ll have a baby. Nothing would please my mother more!”
“Ryder, don’t you think we’re moving too fast?”
He laughed and pulled me into a hug. “Too fast? You have been practically engaged to me for months now, you know. But if you feel like I’m crowding you or something, let me know. I’ll go slow.”
I reached up and gave him a kiss. “No. I’m just a little overwhelmed. I still can’t seem to believe that this is happening for real.”
“Me too.” He sighed. “Just yesterday, I was longing to hug you again and feel you hug me not for the sake of putting on a show in front of Geena.”
Now, I remembered Geena and I smiled. “Geena may be right.”
“What did you talk about?”
“She wanted to know if I was happy. She told me the story from the beginning. Apparently, Bryan was cheating on me long before he and Geena hooked up. Geena wanted to feel a little better by making sure that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. So she can feel better herself. She wants to make it work with Bryan. She wants my consent… she wanted to know if I was happy so she could at least tell herself that she was a blessing in disguise to me. That she paved a way for me to find a better, happier life with a much better man.”
“Are you happier?”
I stared up at Ryder’s handsome face and I smiled. “Yes. I am.”
“I know you’ve been burned before, Ash. This may prevent you from trusting and giving yourself fully to your next relationship. Please don’t hold back on me. I am not the man that Bryan was. I promise you, it will be different with me. Love me with all you have… because I love you with all I have.”
I hugged him. I couldn’t help crying. He smiled at me and gave me a quick kiss.
After a quick shower, I dressed in the pants I wore yesterday and one of Ryder’s long-sleeved shirts.
“We need to go to my place. I need to change clothes.”
He laughed. “My shirt looks sexy on you.”
“But I’m not staying a minute longer in these pants!” I protested.
“Alright. You need to pack a couple of clothes anyway,” he said. “My flight’s tomorrow morning. I was hoping you’d stay one more night here.”
I smiled at him, and reached up to give him a kiss. “Of course.” I sighed. Even though I had him for the whole day today, the idea of him going back to Manhattan tomorrow, and not seeing him for about a week already broke my heart. I missed him already. This honeymoon state just ended too soon.
“Are you okay?”
“I miss you already,” I whispered.
He chuckled and tightened his arms around me. “My normal schedule requires me to be in Manhattan for four days and two days in Malibu. The extra day is up to me, although by the looks of it, it seems Malibu is the place to be during my day off.”
I reached up and kissed him on the jaw. “It’s going to be crazy for you, traveling so much. But I can’t ask you not to do it. I will miss you so much.”
“I will miss you more,” he said. “I’ve waited for this. I’ll try my best not to mess it up. Just trust me, okay?”
I nodded.
We went to my house. I changed into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved blouse. Then I packed a night’s worth of clothes with me.
When I came out of the house, Ryder asked, “Do you know how to drive?”
I raised a brow at him. “Of course! Cars do not come cheap to us village people, but I learned some tricks.”
Ryder laughed and tossed me his car keys. “Show me.”
I laughed. “Alright. Mr. Van Woodsen just got himself a chauffeur.”
“A beautiful one at that!” he laughed.
When I got into his car, I adjusted the seats and the side mirrors. His car was a little bit more complicated than the normal ones I’d driven before. Ryder had to give me a bit of orientation before I took his car for a spin. I liked the car. It was comfortable and it was fast. I felt good being able to drive again after more than a year.
We went to Oil Rig. I stood by the glass walls of Ryder’s office to watch what’s happening on the floors. All of Ryder’s staff was well-coordinated, as if they were trained to work for the finest restaurants, instead of a bar. I could tell that Ryder really knew what he was doing.
He came behind me, put his arms around my waist and nuzzled my neck.
“Are you strict with your employees?” I asked.
“Why do you ask?”
I shrugged. “They all look coordinated.”
He chuckled. “I hire the best, and I train them long. They’re well-compensated. And they get all the tips and service charges. Once a week, they can bring their family here and dine for free. I know each and every one of them personally. They can come to me directly if they have a problem. I believe that if you motivate your people positively, you’ll get better positive results.”
“How are you going to manage all these when you finally become in charge of your entire empire?”
“I had a plan,” he said. “I used to think I could take care of it all. Fly from one country to another.”
“And now what happened to that plan?” I asked.
He stared at me for a while and then he said, “You changed it.”
My eyes narrowed at him. “What did I do?”
He leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the lips. “I fell in love with you,” he said. “You made me realize that there are more important things in life than money and success, and that one way or another, I would have to delegate. Find some free time for myself. Remember that day you came to New York? I had the longest day of my life. Working for twenty-four hours straight. And then you came. I was so glad you were there. When I slept with you in my arms, I knew there was no other place I would rather be. And that if I did have you in my life for real, I wouldn’t miss the chance to come home to you.”
“Now you have me in your life for real,” I told him. “Geography is still a bummer.”
He smiled. “I’ll figure something out. If I can’t fly to Malibu, I’d probably ask you to fly to New York.”
I smiled at him. “I’d like that,” I told him. “Honestly, I like Manhattan. I’d like to visit again.”
“I hope you like it enough to move there,” he whispered.
I laughed. “I said I’d think about it.”
That night, Ryder and I made love slowly and passionately. It was amazing. I couldn’t get enough of him. And it seemed that he couldn't get enough of me either. After making love, we stayed in bed, locked in each other’s arms.
“I’ll leave early tomorrow,” he said. “I won’t wake you up anymore. You still have my keys don’t you?”
I nodded. “I’ll give them back to you when you get back.”
“Nope,” he said. “They’re your keys. Keep them. I want you to be here while I’m gone.”
“Why?”
“For my peace of mind. I know you’ll be safer here. You know this house has a central alarm system. You can enable it and it rings the police directly if something goes wrong.”
“I am safer at my place when I work late. Remember you didn’t want me to walk down the street?”
“You don’t have to walk,” he said. He kissed my forehead. “I’m leaving my car keys to you as well.”
I laughed. “You’re going to trust me with your car while you’re not sitting in the passenger seat?”
“It has comprehensive insurance,” he said. “Seriously, love. I want you to drive my car while I’m not here.”
I stared back at him. “Ryder… that’s an expensive car.”
“You’re more precious than the car, Ash,” he argued. “Please. Think of it as my way of protecting you while I’m not physically with you. I would rather you drive the car than walk or take a cab.” He looked at me in the eye. “Please, love. No arguments?”
I took a deep breath. I knew I couldn’t argue with Ryder once he put his mind into something.
“This is the price to pay for being with you, isn’t it?” I asked him. He narrowed his eyes. I took a deep breath. “I have to get used to expensive things and gadgets.”
He laughed. “We need to find a balance,” he said. “I’m just as comfortable with walking as I am with driving my cars. There’s one thing I need to ask you.” He tilted my chin up so I could look into his eyes. “I can't help who I am, Ash. I’ll always be Ryder Van Woodsen. But that does not change the man you fell in love with.”
“Now that we’re on the topic, what else is there in Ryder Van Woodsen’s world? Because I don’t want to be taken by surprise.”
He sighed. He held me tighter, as if he needed to secure his hold on me before he told me the real deal.
“I grew up in Manhattan… with my father. Paris lived in Paris with my mother. My parents separated when I was seventeen. Because of my father’s womanizing activities, my mother thought it was the best idea to give us the first parts of our inheritance earlier, put it in a trust that we could access when we came of age. I had access to mine when I was eighteen.” He looked at me seriously. “I’m not going to lie to you, Ash. It’s huge.”
“Must be. Your parents would probably leave at least a million or two in your trust.”
He took a deep breath. “More than a hundred actually.”
I stared up at him, my eyes wide. “Wow!” I breathed.
“I was investing since I was eighteen,” he said. “I made my first million when I was twenty.”
I listened quietly to Ryder. I knew he was rich. But until now, I didn’t have an idea just how much.
“Soon, I’ll be inheriting more when my father retires and finally gives me full reigns to the business. I will be the one to handle it full time. Paris will just be part of the board, with controlling shares. But she won’t have hands-on management.”
“Why not?”
“Because she doesn’t want to. She would like to operate my bars more than our restaurants.”
“She operates your bars?”
“Except the ones in Malibu.”
“What else do I need to know about the man I’m sleeping with?” I asked.
He chuckled. “I’m practically debt-free,” he said,” he said. “I don’t mortgage to invest. I owed my first investment to my trust fund. And I rolled the income into another investment. I’m practically made, Ash. Success came to me at an early age. I guess I was lucky. My parents made sure I had everything I needed and more.”
“Yet you’re grounded, Ryder,” I said. “When we’re together, I find it hard to believe you are the Ryder Van Woodsen.”
“That’s what I have been trying to tell you,” he said,” he said. “I don’t exist in glamor, and my life isn’t always in the limelight. I can be your ordinary guy… your normal bartender even. You don’t have to be afraid with me, Ash. Just take a chance.”
I nodded. “I already am.”
He hugged me to him. “Please don’t deny me the chance to spoil you… to make you feel like a queen. I like it. I used to hate girls who chased after me because of the material things I could give them. Now, the woman I want doesn’t want anything from me at all. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with you. But that doesn’t take away the fact that I am who I am. And I want to shower you with everything, Ash. Please don’t deny me that.”
I laughed. “Okay. But don’t squander your millions on me, Ryder. You have to remember, a bouquet of flowers and some diamond jewelry weighs just the same to me, as long as they came from you.”
He chuckled. “I’ll remember.” He stared at me for a while and then he took a deep breath. “You’re beautiful,” he said,” he said. “I love you.”
I smiled. “I love you, too.”
Ryder leaned forward and kissed me. That started a whole rollercoaster ride of passion again.
***
Ryder was gone when I woke up the next morning. He left me a note on the bedside table.
Love,
I mean it. I want you to stay here while I’m gone. I left the car keys here. You can arm and disarm the alarm with the password.
I’ll be home sooner than you think. I’ll just finish up with my meetings and I will come home to you. Until then, please be miserable without me. Because I am miserable without you.
The password is 278743. To make it easier for you to remember, spell your name on the keypad. :-)
I love you very much.
Ryder
I cried after reading his letter. I missed him so much already. It wasn’t like this with Bryan. He could go to a convention for a week and I would still be my chirpy self at work. I was too busy with my job then, I didn’t have time to miss him. But with Ryder, it was different. It seemed that no matter how busy I became, I’d still have a heavy lump in my heart.
When Bryan broke my heart, I was torn and broken. I thought the only way to take the pain away was to get back together with him, put it all behind us. Had I done that, I wouldn’t be here in Ryder’s bed, hugging my pillow and missing him like crazy.
Ryder is everything that I have ever dreamed of. He’s everything that I was afraid to dream of. Who would have thought that a couple of months ago, I was whining and sulking about Bryan and Geena? Now, I’m having a fairy tale relationship with a Manhattan prince.
I guess I had to feel that pain in my past to journey towards Ryder. And I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I think I would go through a hundred more of the heartbreaks with Bryan, if it meant I would have Ryder to come home to at the end of it all.
My thoughts were interrupted when my phone rang.
“Where have you been hiding?” Dannie asked.
I had not spoken to my friends since the day I left for my parents’ anniversary.
“Nowhere,” I said. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. Let’s catch up. I want to hear all about your parents’ anniversary and your date with that hot photographer,” he said,” he said.
“Where are you?”
“I’m still at home. Meet you at Starbucks?” he asked.
“Okay. Want me to pick you up and we’ll go to Starbucks together?”
“Fine. I’ll call Nicole and John. Hopefully, they have time off from work.”
After I hung up, the landline rang.
“Hello,” I answered.
“You don’t know how that feels,” Ryder said chuckling. “Calling home and the voice you’d like to hear the most answers your telephone.”
“You’re not shy with flattery, are you, Van Woodsen?”
He laughed. “Except it’s not flattery. I’m just… telling you exactly what I feel,” he said,” he said. “Did you just wake up?”
“Yes,” I replied quietly.
“Are you crying?”
Now, after hearing his voice, I couldn’t help crying. “No.” But I knew the tone of my voice betrayed me.
“What’s wrong, love?” he asked.
I took a deep breath. “Will it drive you away if I tell you that I miss you already?”
“No,” he replied seriously. “I miss you too.”
“God, Ryder! I have to stop being silly!” I said more to myself.
“You’re not silly,” he said. “I like it that you miss me.”
I took a deep breath. “You really did leave your car keys,” I said.
“I told you I want you to use it,” he said.
“How did you get to the airport?”
“The usual. I asked one of the guys from the bar to pick me up,” he said,” he said.
“Alright, I’ll just arm your alarm when I leave,” I said. “Speaking of your alarm, did you just change your password today?”
“No,” he replied. “I’ve had the same password for months. Remember? I told you this before.”
“Really, Ryder? My name?”
He laughed. “I’ve been crazy about you for months, love. I remembered changing the password after we got back from Miami. I knew then that I was in too deep and there is no way I could escape you.”
“Ryder…”
“Hmmm…”
“Don’t break my heart, okay?”
“I won’t, sweetheart. I love you.”
“By the way, I’m going out to meet Dannie,” I said.
“Good. You know how to drive there?” he asked.
“I know how to walk there.”
“Very funny, Ash. Whatever happened to letting me indulge you?”
“That’s a flashy car, Ryder,” I said.
“It’s a safe car,” he said.
“Alright.” I sighed. “Are you sure you won’t get mad if I bump it or something.”
“No. But I will if something happens to you.”
“Okay. Go back to work,” I said to him giggling. “And Ryder…”
“Yes, love?”
“Keep your promise, okay? Be miserable without me,” I said.
“I already am.” Then he took a deep breath. “Astrid…”
“Yes?”
“Always remember that I love you, okay? I’ll always be that guy who would do anything to protect you, make you happy. I want you to know that even before I met you, you were the woman I needed, the woman I had been looking for.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I’ll remember that, Ryder. And I love you too. I didn’t know you were what I needed until I met you. And thank you… for finding me too.”
When we hung up, I had to take a couple of minutes to compose myself. There was a heavy lump on my chest and I couldn’t help but cry again. I didn’t know love could be this strong. It was amazing because I never felt half of these emotions when I was with Bryan and I was all set to marry him. Even if he didn’t cheat on me, our marriage would have been a mistake. And what I had with Ryder was… a beautiful combination of all things that are right.
Dannie was already in front of his apartment when I arrived in his neighborhood. He was staring at the car in awe. When I let the window down on the passenger side and called out to him, “Hop in!” his jaw literally dropped. He didn’t move until I blew the horn.
When he was inside he was looking at me in amazement.
“You’re driving…” he said and trailed off.
“Ryder’s car,” I finished for him.
“But why?”
“Because he wants me to,” I replied. “And he can be very persistent.”
“So what is this? Like a company car? He owns your company doesn’t he?”
I shook my head. “Yeah, he owns the company I am working for. But he didn’t let me use this car because I am his employee.”
“Okay. I’m lost.”
I smiled at Dannie and then I bit my lip. I knew I was blushing.
“Oh my God!” Dannie covered his mouth with his hands. “Sweetheart! For real?”
I nodded.
I parked in front of Starbucks. As soon as I was out of the car, Dannie hugged me. He had tears in his eyes.
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“Very! I cannot believe just how much!” I said to him.
Nicole and John were already sitting inside when we walked in.
“Was that you who just arrived in Ryder Van Woodsen’s McLaren?” John asked.
I nodded.
“Why are you driving his car? Is he here?” Nicole asked.
“He’s in Manhattan,” I said.
“Don’t tell me you’re car-sitting.”
I laughed. “That’s also one way to put it. The other way is that Ryder doesn’t want me to take a cab from this point forward.”
“Why?”
“He’s overprotective. Not that I mind,” I said happily.
John chuckled. “Looks like the fake relationship just became real.”
Nicole’s eyes widened. “And you didn’t tell us?”
“We just got together the other night. And yesterday we couldn’t take our hands off each other. I couldn’t call you. I felt like I was running out of time. Ryder had to go back to Manhattan early this morning. He was supposed to be back yesterday. He just extended his stay.”
“So unlike the other trysts you have, this one is a full blown relationship now?” Nicole asked.
I nodded. “I love him, guys!”
“We know!” John said. “I think even Van Woodsen knew that a long time ago. Only you didn’t want to admit it because you were afraid that he’s too… elite for your taste!”
“I know. But I’m not afraid anymore. I want him. It doesn’t matter if he comes in a shiny gift wrap when he’s delivered to me.”
“You’re very lucky, Ash. He really cares about you,” John said. “Remember that night we were at Oil Rig and the three of you went to the dance floor? Van Woodsen was watching you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. I noticed and I told him that I could tell he really likes you. He looked frustrated, and said that ‘like’ was a huge understatement because he’s crazy about you. I knew he meant it. He couldn’t understand why you didn’t want to be with him. I told him that you were like this ever since Kevin Moore.”
My eyes widened. “You told him about Kevin?”
“Relax, Ash! The guy had to understand where you were coming from.”
“I thought I couldn’t handle his world. That I couldn’t exist in the same places as him. But I don’t care anymore. Ryder is different from Kevin. Kevin was an ass. Ryder is a beautiful soul. Nobody has made me this happy. I may not belong in Ryder’s world, but I’m sure now, I belong to him. I took a chance. I know he will shield me from the pain. No one in his high profile world or family would judge me. And even if they did, who cares? Only Ryder’s opinion matters to me.”
“So he’s going to fly in and out of Manhattan?”
I nodded. “Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, I have him here. Mondays to Thursdays, he’s in New York.”
“Well, if you love each other that much, you should be able to figure it out,” Nicole said. “You’re still in the business, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “Of course. Ryder and I found our common ground now. He’s asking me to be a partner, not an employee.”
They all beamed at me. “We’re happy for you, Ash. You really deserve this after all you have been through.”
“I know. And I am so happy,” I said, tears brimming in my eyes.
My phone beeped. I read Ryder’s text message: I love you. I’ll be home sooner than you think! Wait for me ok?
I smiled dreamily. I knew it was too much to ask. But if I really knew Ryder, I had a feeling we would be making love tonight. He would find a way to come back to me before the day was over.
And I couldn’t wait. I thought about cooking a nice meal for us. He was not the only one who was romantic and full of surprises.
When I looked up my friends, they were smiling happily for me. I know they waited a long time to see me as happy as I am now.
I stayed with my friends for a while longer. Just then, my phone rang. It was Janis.
I know I have some explaining to do, but I was really hoping she’d forgive me.
“Hey Janis,” I greeted chirpily.
There was silence. Then Janis croaked, obviously trying her best not to cry.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked her nervously.
“You have to come to Manhattan,” she said.
“Why? What happened?” My heart hammered inside my chest.
“Ryder had a car accident.”
My phone slipped from my hand and suddenly, I felt my world crashing down on me.