27.
PRENUP:
A legal document filed before marriage that states what would happen to the couple when they get divorced, particularly in terms of their finances and property.
Ryder.
Four months since the accident, and I’m slowly returning to my old shape. My wounds have healed. Minor broken bones and stitches… nothing I cannot recover from.
Except for one—the wound in my brain. There is still this veil that keeps one year of my life from my consciousness.
One year. I thought, how significant could that year be? I can read year-end reports from my businesses and I should be fine. I can spend a day on the net and catch up on what happened to the world.
I can heal from this and still go on with my life. No hassles.
I feel normal. I feel like nothing happened at all. I still have the people I love around me. Paris has grown to be responsible, taking care of some of my branches. My mother is still doing a great job managing some of our businesses. Janis and Jake are still the same. Both are still pains in my ass sometimes. Still the same in love couple that cannot resist making out even when I’m around. My dad still has a fetish for marriage and divorce.
Everything is fine. Normal.
It’s only when they bring up her name that things start to feel hazy. It feels like when I look back, a huge portion of my life is covered in thick black smoke. Something is there. But I don’t know what it is. And she is a big part of that missing piece of the puzzle.
Who was she? How did I find her? How did I fall in love with her?
Everybody who is ever close to me told me that I was head over heels in love with her. But how could I be? I don’t know her. I don’t remember her. How could I love somebody that I barely know? How could I fall in love with somebody I met less than a year ago? It’s just so… unlike me!
“Are you okay, man?” Jake asked behind me. I was staring at our estate through my balcony, doing my favorite pastime since the accident—thinking.
I shrugged.
“Astrid came yesterday. Did you see her?” he asked.
“Nope!” I replied curtly. “I told the butler to tell her that I am feigning a brain trauma, and thus I could not come down to see her.”
“Shit man!” Jake cursed beside me. “Why are you purposely hurting Astrid?”
“I doubt that she was hurt. Remember, she’s a rock!” I said.
I have to admit I admire her spirit. She doesn’t give up. She keeps coming back here, flying from Malibu to New York every week, coming to my mother’s house, asking to see me. And every time, she goes away with the same results. She ends up speaking to either Paris or my mother, but never did I come down to see her.
“Ryder, I know you were like this. You just didn’t care much about women. You looked at them the same way. After your money, gold-diggers. You are too guarded! But Astrid is…”
“Shut up, Jake! You’re supposed to be on my side. I don’t want to hear about Astrid! If I hear any one of you tell me again how in love I was with her, I swear, I will kill myself!”
“But you are, asshole!” Jake snorted at me.
“I can’t love somebody I do not know, genius! That’s just the way I am. I will not fall for a woman that easily. She must have… I don’t know… given me a love potion or something. I am telling you. That woman is no different from the rest. She’s with me because she wants the life that I could give her. She’s already manipulated me… and you.”
Jake stared at me for a long while. Then he sighed. “Ryder, when that cloud in your brain goes away, I want you to repeat this conversation over and over in your head and you will realize just how much I wanted to punch you right now. In fact, I believe when you do get better, the first thing you would want to do is kill yourself!” And then he walked away from me.
So much for being a shrink! I thought to myself, shaking my head.
Great! Even my best friend is taking Astrid’s side. What is it about her? What makes her so special that all the people close to me are practically worshipping the ground she walks on?
Ugh! I don’t want to know. I specifically asked Janis, Paris, and Jake not to tell me about Astrid. I don’t want any more pressure of remembering her. It’s bad enough that she changed my life a lot in the past months. I know she’s leading me on. For all I know, she must have slept with many different men just to get to their pockets.
I didn’t date a lot. But when I did go out on a date, I made it a point to date a woman who had something to say for herself. I was too cautious that she would be like my father’s mistresses and wives—only after the money. So as much as possible, I tread very carefully, making sure that the woman really wants me and not my money, or she doesn’t care about what I could give her because she can very well provide for herself.
Somebody like my old friend, Alizia. I’ve gone out with her a couple of times. She is beautiful, smart, and came from a prominent family. She doesn’t need a man to support her. She can very well fend for herself. That is why I tried to go out with her. She was safe. I was trying to see if something could ever happen between us. But over the years, we just didn’t go beyond a date or two, but I don’t remember why.
Recalling Alizia’s strong, sharp features and supermodel looks, I found myself suddenly thinking about a strawberry blonde goddess, with rare, enchanting violet eyes. She was very much different from Alizia. And yet… I found myself more drawn to her.
Damn! I should really go out more. I can’t keep thinking about the woman who was the end of me. Maybe I was given amnesia so I could have a second shot at fixing my life. But I can’t keep feeling something for her. It will only distract me. I can’t keep burning with desire with just a mere thought of her. I must focus on getting my life back on track.
I dialed a number and decided to just relax and maybe have a bit of fun tonight.
Two hours later, Alizia met me at a diner near my mother’s place. We haven’t seen each other in a while, and I don’t know when I saw her last since I don’t remember a year of my life.
She was still the same old, gorgeous, and glamorous Alizia I met in college.
“So, how’s…” she started and then trailed off, unsure of whether she should continue. I could only guess what she was about to say.
“If you mention Astrid, I’m going to walk out now,” I said to her.
Does anybody in my life not know Astrid?
She laughed. “You don’t remember her, huh. Your fiancée.”
I snorted. “I just said let’s not talk about her.”
“Okay, so what do you want to talk about?” She batted her lashes at me. Jesus! She’s still a flirt.
And I still don’t understand why I don’t feel even a slight spark for this woman. She’s gorgeous. But I don’t know why I just don’t feel my nerves jumping for her. Maybe that was the reason why we never became a couple. She may be a safe choice for me, but she just does not excite me. Unlike Astrid, who heats up my skin with just the mere mention of her name.
“Ryder?” a voice suddenly said behind me that caused my heart to jump and my breathing to stop.
That voice… for a moment, I thought I remembered something. So familiar, it almost felt like… home.
I turned around and found Astrid staring at me. She looked over at Alizia who seemed to have frozen in her seat.
I stood up and faced her. Her eyes were looking at me with wild curiosity, as if she was asking for an explanation for something. Oh right! I made excuses about not feeling well enough to see her. And here I am… on a date with another woman.
“What?”
For a few seconds, she looked away, trying to compose herself. And then she took a deep breath.
God, she is so beautiful. Now, I do get why I would fall for her charms. Just looking at her makes me want to do things to her… make her scream, forget everything else, except for my name.
“I went to your house. You… weren’t… ready to see me,” she said in a broken voice.
I sighed. I wanted her to give up. I don’t enjoy hurting her over and over again. I was raised to be a gentleman. I was taught not to hurt a woman, physically or emotionally. And making the beautiful Astrid Jacobson cry is the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to make her scream my name in bed, yes, but I don’t enjoy seeing her eating her pride away for me every single day.
And I know better than take advantage of her, too. In fact, I know that if I haul her into my bedroom and make love to her, she will never even protest. She would welcome it. After all, she claimed herself to be my girlfriend.
But I don’t want to give her false hope either. I don’t know her. I don’t trust her. And I don’t want anything to do with her until I figure out what she did to make me do all the crazy things I did for the past year, knowing that I was too cautious, too guarded, and too careful. How did she pierce through my shield?
I took a deep breath. She has to face the truth. Even if I put it a little more bluntly for her. “Miss Jacobson, when will you get it?” I asked her. “I will never be ready to see you.”
I saw anger flare in her eyes. And damn! I don’t think I have seen anything sexier. This woman is as fiery as she is fragile. I can tell she has many levels, which makes her even more exciting… desirable. I wonder what it would be like to uncover all her layers.
Then her eyes brimmed with tears. “You know, this may not wake you up at all, but it’s worth the shot!” She said angrily, and without warning, I felt her power slap on my face.
I froze for a while. I wasn’t expecting the slap. Well, maybe a little. But what I wasn’t expecting is that electricity that shot from her skin to mine. The touch of her skin burned me. And for a while, I thought I would not recover from it. A flicker of light went in my head. Like a window, slightly opening. My nerves seemed to jump back to life, just with the mere touch of her skin.
I stared back at her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Somehow, something inside me felt heavy. Very heavy. Seeing Astrid sad, I suddenly felt the urge to pull her into my arms and comfort her, protect her. I cannot bear to look at her beautiful face filled with sorrow. I don’t know why. I don’t even know her!
She stared at Alizia, who stood up from her seat. Then she gave me one last hard look and she turned away, tears still rolling down her cheeks.
The sight of her leaving made me want to run after her. To crush her into my arms and tell her that… I don’t know what I will tell her. I don’t know her. But my heart felt like it’s been stabbed. Like it’s breaking as much as hers. I’ve never felt like this before. And it is confusing the shit out of me. I have always been in control of my life, but Astrid… she’s throwing me off-guard, off-balance.
I turned back to Alizia who was looking at the door where Astrid went through.
“Biatch. I never did like her! I don’t know what you ever saw in her!” she murmured. “She’s poor. She’s so ordinary. So cheap!”
Hearing Alizia bitch about Astrid like that made me want to strangle her. I had to take a deep breath and remind myself, Strict no hitting girls policy!
“Shut up!” I told her gravely. She immediately stopped talking and stared at me. I stared at her for a long while and I saw fear in her eyes, knowing that she’s angered me. I realized that Alizia may be rich and beautiful, but she’s nothing but a spoiled brat who doesn’t care about the feelings of people around her.
Now I remember. That’s why we never made it past a date. I was never interested in her no matter how safe she was. She was not as beautiful inside as she is outside.
How dare she talk about Astrid like that? She doesn’t even know her!
Well, I guess that proves what an ass I am, too. I also don’t know Astrid, and yet I kept on hurting her over and over. Even though, every time I hurt her, something inside me is also killing me. But until I get my memories back, I would never understand why.
I took my wallet and placed some bills on the table. Suddenly, this catch up date with Alizia was not a good idea anymore.
“Seeing as I didn’t drive here, I’ll get you a cab,” I told her and waited for her outside the diner.
“Wow! You’re such a bore!” she muttered under her breath when she stepped out beside me.
I didn’t have the energy to think of a smart remark to that. My mind was busy deciphering my feelings. Something inside me wanted to make me punch myself. There was a hole in my chest that I could not explain.
When Alizia’s cab sped off, I decided to walk home.
I feel like a truck had hit me. And all because I saw Astrid cry rivers of tears because of me. The feel of her skin against mine is all too familiar.
I still don’t know what she did to make me fall for her. It seems like a lot of my previous decisions revolved around her. I even agreed to make Paris the CEO of my bars so it could give me more time away from the business. I wouldn’t normally do that. I would usually want to be hands-on. But I gave Paris full control of my own business except for Malibu, which I wanted to handle myself.
And I guess I know why. Astrid is in Malibu. Of course! It gives me a reason to be where she is. So I didn’t give up my bars in the city. I even used this as an excuse to see her. Stupid! When did I become stupid for a woman?
Thinking about Astrid’s beautiful face and curves that seem to be at the right places, I thought maybe… it’s time for me to visit Malibu.