34.
SOMETHING BORROWED:
A bride must complete her outfit by wearing something that is not hers. Suggestions would be a tiara, hair clips, gloves, jewelry, and the list goes on and on.
Astrid.
My heart pounded in my chest. But I knew that I shouldn’t panic. This was Bryan! He was one of my best friends before we decided to become more than friends. I knew him. Once in his life, I loved him. And he loved me. He will never hurt me physically… or will he?
“Bryan…” I breathed. “Are you okay? You look… drunk.”
He laughed. “Oh, I am more than that! And I like it!” His eyes gleamed with mischief and I got even more scared.
“Wha-what do you want?” I asked him, taking a step backward.
“Ha!” He sighed angrily. “You still don’t know what I fucking want?” He took a step forward. “What’s the matter, Astrid? Is your Prince Charming breaking your heart?”
“No…” I started.
“Liar!” He shouted. “I know everything, sweetheart!” He looked at me angrily. “Why do you put up with him? Why do you allow yourself to hurt over and over? You’re erased from his memories. Accept that! Move on!”
I was shocked. My family didn’t even know about Ryder’s accident. How could Bryan know?
“How… how do you know that?” I breathed. Half of me wanted to know the answer, and the other half is thinking of a way out.
“Oh, little Astrid. I know! I know everything about you! I care for you! Ryder… just wants you for a playmate and has conveniently forgotten about you.” He laughed. “You were heartbroken for months. You didn’t even tell your family about his tragedy… well, now, it’s more your tragedy! Because the only person being hurt by all this is you.” And he laughed, an evil laugh that made me want to smack his face, but I didn’t want to provoke him.
“I don’t… understand how you… know all this.” I whispered, taking a step back, and fidgeting at the table beside me, trying to get hold of something that I can use as a weapon against him, in case he decides to go psycho.
“Your young employee… Rose… she’s a talker… especially after sex!” Then he laughed loudly.
And whatever control I have in my body, that was gone in an instant. I got so mad at him I couldn’t help it. He’s Geena’s husband!
“You son of a bitch!” I said to him angrily. “How could you cheat on Geena?”
He laughed. “You expect me to be faithful to her? I don’t even love her. There was only one woman I could have been faithful to.” He looked at me sadly.
“You weren’t faithful to me!” I hit back.
“I would have been! If you threw me a bone! I have needs, Astrid! I’m a man. How could you have forgotten that? If… if you didn’t… then we would have been married by now. I would have been happy! I would have made you happy! And you won’t be here, eating your heart out because of him!”
I shook my head. “Don’t pin this on me, Bryan. If you really loved me, you would have waited. Ryder would have waited. He was willing to. Because I was more important than anything else.”
I saw wrath in his eyes. “Ryder, Ryder, Ryder! You worship him like a god and he doesn’t even remember you! He even pulled out his investment on your business! He doesn’t care! Now, here you are! Homeless! Where is he, Astrid? He walked out on you! I would have fought for you! I would not have given up so easily!”
Tears stung my eyes. I wanted to shout at him and deny everything he just said, but I know he was right. Ryder didn’t remember me, and he didn’t even care that I would be homeless after he pulled out his investment in my business.
My defenses crumbled for a minute. And Bryan saw that window. I hate it that somehow, he still knows me. He still knows when I am being weak or defensive, or when I was lying.
In two long strides, he was able to close the gap between us. He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him.
“Forget Van Woodsen, Astrid! I’m here now! And I will never let you go again!” he said. His breath smelled of alcohol, smoke, and something else I could not place. Up close I could see just how red his eyes were and how his cheekbones were protruding, like he lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw him.
I watched in horror as his face descended towards mine. I took a deep breath, pulled back and used all my efforts to push him away. When his grip was still too tight, I started hitting frantically, scratching and screaming. For the first time, I realized that my pretty long nails have another useful purpose.
I got him on the cheek, he staggered back from the pain and that gave me a little room to get away. I ran behind the counter, putting some distance between us.
Bryan touched his cheek. It was bleeding a little bit from the scratches I gave him. But instead of getting mad, he only gave me an evil grin. The kind that says I actually turned him on rather than discouraged his advances.
“That’s the Astrid I like! Feisty!” he said, starting for me again.
“Don’t come any closer!” I shouted at him.
“That’s impossible, sweetheart. I’m attached to you. You pull me like a moth to a flame!” He took another step forward.
There were some figurines or plates on the counter, I didn’t check to see exactly what. But I just kept throwing things at him, sending each piece shattering to the ground.
I hit him hard on the shoulder. He stared back at me, his eyes narrowing from the pain. “That’s it! You’ll regret that!” And he lunged forward.
I ran, but he was too fast.
He grabbed me by my waist and lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He dropped me hard on the counter. I whimpered from the pain as I felt my back hit the hard countertop. He held me there, pinning both my shoulders down.
“You thought you can fool me for a second? Really, Astrid? Van Woodsen was never your type! I know that! You never go for rich jocks! Even when you were in high school, you steered clear of popular kids! You always wanted out of the limelight. They all fell to your feet, but you never entertained any of them! You didn’t want guys with big egos and deep pockets! You have this stupid thing of wanting to be the center of a man’s world. You wanted a man who thinks he has enough, as long as he has you!
I struggled to get away from him. But he leaned forward and pressed his body against mine to prevent me from escaping.
“I was that man, Astrid! Van Woodsen is the epitome of the guys you were avoiding ever since you were a teenager! You expect me to believe you are happy with him?”
I took a deep breath. “Ryder didn’t have to be rich! I would love him even if he were poor because he is a hundred times the man you are, Bryan!”
“You whore! You made me wait years for nothing! And what? Van Woodsen had to wait one night to pop your cherry? You sold yourself to the highest bidder! How much?”
“You bastard!” I screamed and then I gathered all my remaining strength to kick my knee up to his crotch. He let go of me, backing away, feeling the pain.
I pulled myself up and ran to get some distance between us, but he was fast to recover. He pulled my hair and I screamed from the pain.
“You slut! You will pay
for that!” He screamed. “I’m not waiting anymore! I will take what
is rightfully mine! You don’t know how sorry you will be after I’m
through with you!” Without releasing my hair he pushed my head down
with intense force.
I had no way of escaping that blow. I felt my head hit the counter
top with a big thump. I wasn’t even able to scream.
I fell to the floor, barely conscious. I wanted to get up and fight. I was afraid of what Bryan would do to me and I wasn’t even awake to defend myself. I felt a warm gush of hot liquid on my forehead. There was a sharp pain on my wrist as I realized I landed on broken shards of glass.
I tried to push up, hoping that Bryan will not come for me yet. I needed a little more time to get back on my feet and fight him off, or at least try. I waited for him to haul me up, but somehow, he didn’t come for me again. I heard his voice… shouting and cursing in the background. But my vision was blurring. The noises around me were slowly fading. And then I felt darkness taking over, and I realized in horror, that this could very well be the end.
***
Ryder.
In less than ten minutes, I reached our neighborhood. I was tempted to go home instead, but I looked across the street and realized that I cannot chicken out now. Every second I spend away from Astrid, just might be widening the gap between us.
There was a car parked in front of John’s house. A Boxster. I guess Astrid’s roommate is home.
Great!
I didn’t make a good impression on this guy a couple of days back. I doubt he would let me through the door now. He seemed so protective of Astrid. And I don’t know whether to feel good or bad about it.
Good, because somebody is protecting her, while I was being an ass. Bad, because… damn! I’m jealous! The reason why I didn’t like the idea of her living with her good-looking friend is because I was so insecure and jealous. I wanted to be the one protecting her. But I don’t know how to get her back, after all the hurtful things I said and did to her these past couple of months.
I took a deep breath and stared at the skies.
Help me, God!
I was about to ring the buzzer when I heard voices from inside the house.
“Van Woodsen is the epitome of the guys you were avoiding ever since you were a teenager! You expect me to believe you are happy with him?”
“Ryder didn’t have to be rich! I would love him even if he were poor! Because he is a hundred times the man you are, Bryan!” I heard her shout angrily. My heart swelled at hearing this.
But who was she fighting with?
“You whore! You made me wait years for nothing! And what? Van Woodsen had to wait one night to pop your cherry? You sold yourself to the highest bidder? How much?”
His words boiled my blood. I don’t care who he is. No one can talk to Astrid like that and get away with it. I reached for the door and turned the knob, but it was locked.
“You bastard!” I heard Astrid scream and I felt cold. I knew I had to do something before she got hurt.
With all my strength, I kicked the door. The lock gave. I immediately ran inside.
The house was a mess, like somebody played tag inside it. There were shattered pieces of broken glass all over the floor. The furniture was in disarray.
An unfamiliar man registered in my brain. He had his back to me, and he was holding Astrid in front of him.
“I’m not waiting anymore! I will take what is rightfully mine! You don’t know how sorry you will be after I’m through with you!”
I went for him, but I was too late, he banged Astrid’s head on the counter top. She fell to the floor unconscious.
My heart pounded inside my chest and I felt a sense of terror that I have never felt before. The sight of Astrid, limp and barely breathing blocked me out. No one can hurt her! Whoever does will pay! And I saw nothing else but red after that.
I went for her assailant. I pulled him away so he could not come for her again. My leg hit a piece of furniture behind me and I slightly lost my balance. The guy launched a punch at me. He got me straight on the side of my head. I fell back. And suddenly, I felt dizzy. Like everything was blurry.
But I knew I had to get up. I had to protect Astrid. She has no one else but me. And I will die first before I let anything happen to her. I stood up and went for the guy blindly.
I didn’t stop to check who he was and I didn’t care. I punched him and he fell over. I mounted him, not giving him a chance to get back up, and I just kept punching.
He already had scratches on his face and his arms. It looks like Astrid put up a good fight after all, but he was just too strong for her.
My blood froze at the thought of what he would have done to Astrid had I not decided to come back for her, and if Astrid was not able to put up a little fight, buying me time so I could save her.
Wrath enveloped me at the thought that he might have killed her had I been too late. I kept punching, not caring about what part of his face would break.
Then suddenly somebody pulled me from behind, preventing me from throwing in more punches. I struggled to get away. I struggled so I could come back and beat the life out of the asshole that had hurt Astrid.
Then I heard a familiar voice call out to me. “Ryder!” He was holding me on my shoulders tightly, preventing me from moving towards the guy again. “He’s out, man! He’s out! You could kill him!”
I looked up, and found that it was John who was holding me back. I pushed him away from me.
Then I remembered Astrid. I pushed John out of the way and practically crawled to where she was. She was still unconscious.
I felt her pulse.
She’s alive.
Relief swept through me. I gathered her in my arms and held her against my chest.
I stared at her beautiful face. Her blush was gone; her skin was almost white, except for the blood that is staining her forehead and cheeks.
She was so brave! She gave Bryan a good fight! And I was so happy because if she didn’t, I would not have made it in time to save her.
I leaned down and kissed her bloodstained forehead. I held her to me. I closed my eyes and remembered the first time I woke up in the hospital and laid eyes on her. There was an unfamiliar knot in my stomach and my blood heated up just at the mere sight of the woman I didn’t recognize from my past. I have wanted her, but I didn’t understand those emotions yet. So instead of exploring what I felt for her, I shut her out. And I hurt her in the process.
Months before I returned to Malibu, she had been living in my house because I asked her to. My house has a central alarm system and panic buttons that would immediately alert the authorities. She would have been safe there.
But no! I pulled out my investment in her business, causing her to move out of her own place and finding friends who will be kind enough to take her in. And that asshole ex of hers followed her here.
When we were fighting, she was telling me that she doesn’t want to be my toy. And stupid me! I could have kissed her senseless and told her that she was never a toy to me. I could have told her that I remember even a little bit of her. I should have told her that I loved her and I wasn’t letting her go this time, no matter how many times she shut me out or turn me down. I should have told her what I really feel… I should have done everything else… except for walk away!
I looked at her almost pale face, her bloody clothes, her limp body, and I knew I shouldn’t put any blame on anybody. No! Her ex-fiancé didn’t do this to her. I did! I can come up with a thousand excuses, but deep in my heart, I knew… I did this to her!
From the moment I opened my eyes at the hospital, all my actions were leading her to this fate, this day. I know I cannot blame anybody else. It was all me. I did this to Astrid… the woman I swore to protect, the woman I would go to hell and back for.
And for the first time in many months, I really cried. Tears poured from my eyes as I held her to me and inhaled her sweet scent mixed with the rusty smell of her blood. Her scent reminded me how much I loved her. And the smell of blood reminded me of all the ugly things I did to her.
I was only a couple of minutes away from losing her. And I haven’t even told her that I love her. I didn’t even apologize for everything that I did. She didn’t even know that I have changed… that I was no longer the man who woke up in the hospital not knowing who she was.
The ambulance finally came. John tapped me on the shoulder. When I looked up at him, he was beckoning me to let Astrid go and let the paramedics attend to her.
I reluctantly let her go. John pulled me up and pushed me to go outside the house. I caught a glimpse of Bryan who was also unconscious on the floor, paramedics already putting him on a stretcher.
“You okay?” John asked.
I raised a brow. “Are you trying to be funny?” I snapped at him.
“I guess you’re not,” he whispered.
He took out his phone and called some people, telling them what happened to Astrid.
They carried Bryan out on a stretcher. If he weren’t unconscious, I would have hit him in the head once again. I can still taste bile in my mouth just by looking at him.
I tried to calm my nerves. I clenched my fists and I found that my knuckles were also bleeding slightly.
“You should let them attend to that.” John said to me.
I took a deep breath. “I will live. Not the first time I got into a fist fight.”
Finally, they brought out Astrid on a stretcher. She had an oxygen mask on her face.
“Who’s a relative?” One of the paramedics asked.
“I’m her boyfriend,” I replied, even before John could open his mouth.
“We’re bringing her to the hospital now.” The guy said.
“I’ll come with you.”
They let me ride with her in the ambulance. I was still high on adrenaline. I couldn’t calm down until I knew for sure that Astrid was going to be fine.
I looked at her limp body. I took her hand and kissed it. I couldn’t help the tears that were pouring from my eyes again.
God, I love her! I love her!
I always have. She was my life. She is my life. And now, I cannot believe that I came so close to losing her. And it’s all my fault.
Bryan would not have the guts to even come near her if he knew I was still protecting her. He must have known that we were having problems. He must have waited for me to drive away and then he saw an opportunity to attack Astrid.
When we reached the hospital, she was taken to the emergency room and I was asked to wait outside. I didn’t want to. But some nurses pushed me towards the waiting area.
“We will take good care of her, don’t worry,” somebody said to me. It was a nurse, I think.
I was pacing back and forth, praying to God that she would be okay, that her fall didn’t cause any concussion or severe injury.
I shouldn’t have walked out on Astrid.
She was saying goodbye to me. She was wishing me happiness. I walked away thinking I only needed to give her space for a while. And give myself some time to breathe… compose myself… before I said any more that will further decrease my chances of being with her.
No! I wasn’t saying goodbye to her at all. Never!
And I pray to God that I still have one chance to make it all right. To undo everything I did in the past few months. I didn’t want to lose my memories of her. And it wasn’t her fault that I did. But damn, she suffered the most! I made her suffer because I was afraid to face what I feel for her.
Adam arrived at the hospital, followed by John.
“Where is she?” Adam asked me.
“Inside,” I replied.
“Bryan did this?” Adam asked John. I don’t know why he didn’t ask me, I was the first one on the scene. John came a bit later.
Has Bryan not done enough to Astrid? He knocked up her cousin, her best friend. They stole Astrid’s dream wedding. They robbed Astrid of her faith in ‘ever afters’. They crushed her dignity and self-esteem.
I remembered their conversation before I came in. Bryan was so mad at Astrid because he waited too long for her. Yes. Bryan wanted Astrid so much, but she wanted to wait until marriage. And that night I went to the wedding with Astrid… she shared herself with me. I was her first. And it was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. I was Astrid’s first… I was the only man in her life.
Dannie and Nicole came to the waiting area, a look of panic evident on their faces. Of course! They love Astrid to the core. Even John and Adam. They all cared for Astrid.
Dannie and Nicole were looking at me angrily and I know why. For the past months, I have been hurting their friend and they haven’t forgiven me yet. The last time I saw them, they were all for Astrid and me. Now, if looks could kill, they would be responsible for my murder.
Just then, my head snapped up as a realization hit me. I stared at them closely.
“Dannie.” I said looking at Astrid’s semi-feminine friend.
“Nicole.” I said looking at Astrid’s girl best friend.
They stared back at me, equally dumbfounded. I’m sure I haven’t seen them since my accident, so there was no way in hell I should know who they were.
And how would I know that I was Astrid’s first… that I was the only man she’s ever been with?
Unless…
Now, maybe the adrenaline rush died down. I finally felt what my body has been telling me. My knuckles were painful, and I felt dizzy, like everything was spinning.
I sat down on the chair, holding my temples, trying my best not to scream from the pain. Everything was getting blurry.
“Nurse!” I heard somebody shout. I think it was Adam who first realized that something was happening to me.
And after that, there was only darkness.