24.
VEIL:
Covers the bride’s face to the groom until he has fully committed to her after the wedding ceremony.
I am made of stone. I can do this. I am not giving up! I told myself over and over.
I was sitting on the deck of Ryder’s Malibu home. After so many nights I still felt alone, my heart was still broken and every single minute, I ached for the man who swore he would make my ‘ever after’ come true.
But he was not here anymore… I never felt so alone in my life. The pain was ten times worse than what I felt when Bryan and Geena betrayed me.
I remembered his laughter, his smile. I remembered his arms around me and the way he would look at me. I remembered how he never gave up on me. How he waited for me to realize that he was the right one for me. How long he waited for me to realize that I was in love with him after all.
He told me he would never hurt me. He told me that he would never make me cry or miserable.
But why do I feel like shit now? Damn, I must also look like shit. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in four months. I haven’t been eating well. My employees are taking a lot of the pressure from my business because they understood that I was not myself.
I try not to let any of it affect me. But the pain of losing Ryder was a hundred times worse than being cheated on by Bryan and Geena. At least I had the right to be angry with them. But not this time. I had no right to be angry with Ryder at all no matter how badly I was hurting.
Everybody was worrying about me. Everybody was making a fuss. Everybody was trying to do everything they could to cheer me up, to make me strong.
Jake and Janis visit me frequently. My friends plan parties and night outs just to cheer me up. Even Ryder’s sister and mother tried their best to reach out to me. It was unfortunate that we met each other for the first time at the hospital the same day Ryder had a car crash.
They were all making sure I didn’t lose it. Trying to make sure that I would not do anything stupid. Like jump off a cliff and kill myself.
But I knew I would never do that. Because I told Ryder that I would always remember that he loved me. That I would never forget that. I would never give up. I would wait.
Being in Ryder’s home has been my refuge. Because here, I still felt that he was with me. I could still hope that the phone would ring any minute and I would hear his voice on the other line asking me to be miserable without him.
He got that one right. I was miserable. I had been miserable for four freaking months!
Because I knew that phone would not ring for me. My cellphone will not beep with a text message from him. The Ryder Van Woodsen who loved me for the past few months was gone.
As fast as he told me that he would love me forever and after that, he was gone. Ryder… my savior, my knight in shining armor, my rock… the man who went to hell and back for me.
And with that thought I looked up at the sky and shouted, “Why?!” And tears kept coming.
***
Whenever I dreamed, I dreamed of the darkest hour of my life. I wanted nothing more than to wake up from it all. Except… it wasn’t really a dream or a nightmare. They were memories… memories that ended my time with Ryder so abruptly even before I fully embedded myself in his life.
I remembered after I received a call from Janis, I rushed to the airport and immediately rushed to the hospital. My hands were shaking. My heart was pumping loudly inside my ribcage. Tears continued to stream down my face, but I couldn’t even whimper. I was too scared to even make a sound.
Please God! Save him! Let him live! And I won’t ask you anything ever again! Let him survive this!
I never thought Ryder could get hurt. He was my knight, my rock. He was supposed to be the strong one. He was always the one saving me, catching me from the fall. But now, I would trade everything I had just to have him live.
Suddenly, long smooth fingers enveloped my hands. I stared over at the dazzling green eyes staring back at me.
She looked brazenly beautiful. An aristocratic face that is so much similar to Ryder’s.
Paris gave me an encouraging smile.
“My brother will come back for you,” she said. “I know it. He will live… even if only to see you smile again.”
Those words were meant to encourage me, but instead it made me cry even more. Because I knew that she was right. If the choice were up to him, Ryder would definitely come back for me.
Another woman sat beside me. I stared up at her. She had a regal face, and an almost formidable stand. She was as graceful as she was strong. She wasn’t crying. She smiled at me. Her name was Helen Thompson, Ryder’s mother.
“We have the best surgeons in the room with my son,” she said. “I told them to make sure they do everything they could to save him.”
I nodded, in spite of my tears.
Ryder’s mom held her hand out to me. “Come. Family should wait together,” she said.
Paris put an arm around me and we all went into a lounge to wait for news of Ryder’s surgery.
At first, I was scared to meet Ryder’s family. I knew most rich people would prefer an equally rich woman for their heir.
But from the moment I arrived at the airport, Paris had arranged for a limousine to pick me up and take me to the hospital. As soon as she saw me, she recognized who I was and hugged me, as if she had known me for a long time.
The first thing that Ryder’s mother said to me was, “I wish we had met under more fortunate circumstances, Astrid. But I am glad to finally meet the most important woman in my son’s life.”
They had been nothing but nice to me. And their calmer reaction towards Ryder’s accident gave me a little strength that Ryder could survive this.
A man arrived at the waiting room.
“All those bastards are in jail now,” he said to Helen. “And I will make sure they stay there.”
I knew he was talking about the drunken teenage kids who hit Ryder. They were speeding and they almost totaled Ryder’s Cayenne. The only things that saved him were the car’s safety features. But still, he suffered from severe head trauma and a couple of broken bones.
I was looking down and didn’t notice that Mr. Van Woodsen was looking at me.
“And who is this beautiful young woman?” he asked.
I stared up at him and thought I saw a ghost… only an older version of it. He had raven black hair and his piercing green eyes were similar to Ryder’s.
“Before you get any ideas, Richard, I have to inform you that this beautiful girl already belongs to your son,” Helen said matter-of-factly. And then she turned to me. “Sweetheart, this is Richard, Ryder’s father.” She leaned closer to me and in a lower voice she said, “Don’t worry. Ryder is nothing like him.” Then she turned to the man. “Richard, this is Astrid, your son’s fiancée.”
I stared back at Ryder’s mother. “I’m sorry, Ma’am… I’m not his fiancée,” I corrected her.
She stared at me and smiled. “I think you will be… once the doctors get him fixed.”
I looked at Ryder’s father and extended my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Van Woodsen.”
He shook my hand. “It’s nice to meet the woman who finally captured my son’s heart. For a while I thought he would be like his mother. Cold and incapable of falling in love.”
“I think my son is better off that way. Unlike you who falls in love with anything that wears a skirt,” Helen retorted haughtily.
Clearly, even though Ryder’s parents managed to be in the same room with each other, they both still had a lot of unresolved issues.
“Mom, Dad…” Paris interrupted. “If you keep on with the bickering, Astrid will probably turn down Ryder just so she won’t be part of this family.”
As if realizing the way that they were behaving, Ryder’s mom smiled at me apologetically and Mr. Van Woodsen said, “I’m sorry, Astrid. I guess it’s too early for you to witness that.”
I forced a smile.
Paris took my arm and said, “Come, Astrid. I’m starving. You look like you need chocolate to cheer you up.”
I was quiet all the way to the cafeteria. Paris ordered coffee and devil’s chocolate cake for both of us. When I sat on the table opposite her, she was eyeing me wearily.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t help worrying.”
She smiled. How could she be so calm?
“Ryder will get through this,” she said.
“I really hope you’re right.” I stared back at her. She looked so much like Ryder, but she looked every bit feminine and beautiful. Her hair is perfectly tied in a pony. Her long delicate fingers ended with perfectly trimmed short nails. Her skin was creamy and flawless. She was every bit a princess with her calm demeanor, bright eyes, and haughty smile.
“My brother loves you, you know.”
I nodded. “I love him too.” Then tears brimmed in my eyes again. “God, I wish I could say that to him again.”
“You will,” she said encouragingly. “He’s a fighter. He won’t give you up so easily. Well… you know that by now, right?”
I nodded. I knew that. Ryder spent months waiting for me to realize that he was the right one for me. I only realized that two days ago. And two days is just too damn short for me to show him that I was worth the wait. I prayed that I had more time with him. And I would make up for all the months I resisted falling in love with him.
“I was so excited to meet you,” Paris said. “I thought my brother cared for nothing but our businesses and his own self. But when he gave me Oil Rig Manhattan, I knew something was up. And then I realized it was you. He was ready to settle down and spend down time with the girl of his dreams.”
“How do you know I was the girl of his dreams?”
“Because you made him fall in love,” she replied. “And he seemed so incapable of doing that. He wanted a woman who would like him even if he wasn’t who he was.”
“The fact that he is Ryder Van Woodsen made me think twice or thrice about falling for him,” I said. “I didn’t want a complicated relationship.”
“But he’s so much worth it, sweetheart,” Paris said. “Ryder is probably the sweetest guy I know. He just doesn’t show it.”
I smiled bitterly. “He showed me all the time. I was too stubborn to appreciate it. And then… two days ago, I gave in. I gave up fighting what I feel for him. I thought I’d take a risk. Because he was worth it. And now…” Tears rolled down my cheeks. “This can’t be over!”
“Ssshhh…” Paris reached out and squeezed my hand. “A love story as beautiful as yours couldn’t be over too soon, Astrid. You have so much more to go through together. You both deserve to be happy with each other.”
Just then, her phone rang. It was her mother. My heart pounded in my ribcage.
God! Please!
Paris hung up and she stared at me. She smiled slowly. “Surgery is done,” she said. “The doctors said he is stable, but still unconscious.”
Relief washed through me. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I stood up and hugged Paris.
“See? I told you, your love story isn’t over yet,” she said as she hugged me back.
***
I stayed with Paris in Ryder’s apartment. In the mornings, I relentlessly stayed on Ryder’s side, waiting for him to open his eyes. His vitals were stable, but we couldn’t be sure he was out of danger until he opened his eyes.
He had a broken wrist and a couple of broken ribs. His major injury was to his head. And that worried everyone the most.
Then finally, he opened his eyes. I hugged Janis in relief when we first heard him speak.
“Come on, guys,” he said to them. “I’m slightly tougher than you give me credit for.”
Then he whispered everybody’s names, as he looked at us one by one. We were all laughing and crying at the same time. It was such a relief for us to see him get through a terrible accident.
Then finally, his eyes landed on me. I smiled at him with all the love I had in my heart.
A glitter lit in his eyes for a moment and then it died. He narrowed his eyes and continued staring at me.
Finally, he opened his mouth and asked, “Who the hell are you?”
Everybody in the room gasped, including myself.
“Ry… Ryder… you’re kidding, right?” I whispered.
He raised a brow and stared at me haughtily. Then he stared at his father. “Dad, I told you I don’t want a female secretary! We discussed this. The last thing I want is for one of our female employees to get too close to me and hope she could get her hands on my…”
“Ryder Anthony Van Woodsen!” his mother’s voice boomed in the room getting everybody’s attention, including Ryder’s. “I didn’t raise you to act so ungentlemanly towards a woman… especially if she is your girlfriend.”
Ryder blinked back at his mother. “Girlfriend? The last time I checked, I was very… very single.”
I lost my breath. How could this be?
“Wait…” Paris said. “You don’t remember Astrid?”
“Is that her name?” Ryder asked. He looked back at me curiously. “I’m pretty sure I would remember having a girlfriend. But I don’t. Sorry, sweetheart. Nice try, though.” And he turned away from me.
My heart felt like it just shattered to pieces. How could he act like this towards me?
Jake came back with the doctor. We were asked to leave the room. Jake put an arm around my shoulder and escorted me outside the room.
“What’s wrong with him, Jake?” I asked.
“I have a suspicion. But we need tests to confirm this,” he said,” he said. He squeezed my shoulder. “Ryder loves you, Ash. Trust me. I’ve known him since we were kids. No matter what happens, I want you to keep remembering that, okay?”
Then he went back into Ryder’s room.
Tears streamed down my face. Paris and Janis both hugged me.
“It will be okay,” Janis said.
I took a deep breath and hugged them back. “But at least, he’s conscious now, right?”
Even if he was acting weird like he didn’t know me, I was sincerely glad that he made it out of this accident alive.
We waited for a whole six hours. We were asked not to see Ryder while the tests were being done. Even Jake didn’t want to say anything to us. The waiting was killing me. I was relieved that Ryder would make it. But I was so scared by the way he acted towards me when he woke up.
It was three in the morning when finally Jake came to the waiting room. He looked tired. But I could see that he didn’t look devastated, and somehow that was comforting enough for me.
“He’s stable,” he said and everybody breathed in a sigh of relief. Then Jake took a deep breath and said, “But… he’s suffering from retrograde amnesia.”
“What?” Mr. Van Woodsen echoed.
“It’s a form of amnesia where the patient loses some of his memories. But it could be temporary. It could heal by itself eventually.”
“When?”
Jake shrugged. “We can’t tell.”
“What could be done?” Ryder’s mom asked.
Jake shook his head. “Nothing much. Some therapies could help. But other than that, we just wait it out.”
“How… how much of his memories did he lose?” I asked in a weak voice.
Jake had a hard expression on his face when he looked at me. I could immediately tell it was not good news for me.
“How much?” I repeated my question.
“A year, Astrid.”
I gasped. A year. No wonder he didn’t remember me.
An arm came around me. I realized it was Paris’s. She gave me an encouraging squeeze. When I stared up at her, tears were brimming in my eyes.
Paris promised that Ryder would come back for me. He did come back alright. But not for me. He didn’t even know me.
“Could we… see him?” Janis asked.
Jake stared at me for a while. Then he said, “It’s not a good idea for Astrid to see him yet. He’s not ready for you, honey. We have to take this slowly.”
I whimpered. When I squeezed my eyes shut, tears slid down my cheeks. But I completely understood what Jake was saying. We all had to do our parts in getting Ryder through this. And right now, my part was… to stay away.
“I… I understand.” I whispered.
“It’s already late, child. You haven’t had enough sleep. You could rest. I will ask the driver to take you back to Ryder’s apartment.”
I didn’t argue. I nodded and gave Helen a weak smile. Then I looked at Jake. “When could I see him?”
“I will see how he improves in a couple of days,” he replied.
I fought the tears and kept a calm façade in front of Ryder’s family and friends. The last thing they needed was to see me devastated. They deserved to be happy that at least Ryder is out of danger now. That he would live through this.
But once I got inside the limousine that Helen sent for me, I broke down and cried my heart out.