IT HAD BEEN several hours since we left the clubhouse. Several more since we left the graveyard. After both of our breakdowns, we sat in silence until the sun set and the air became cool.
We were both mentally exhausted that we went right to bed when we got back to my place. Dale hesitated at first.
“No matter what happens, I need you in my life. So, we can at least start by being friends,” I told him, grabbing his hand and led him upstairs to my room.
“I can’t be friends with you and not touch you,” he confessed, crawling into bed beside me. “But if it makes you happy, I’ll try.”
He had kept his sweatpants on out of respect for me even though I told him he didn’t have to. It had been the first time since meeting him that he kept his hands to himself.
I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t for fear I would wake up to find the spot beside me empty.
Sometime during the night, Dale stirred beside me.
He bolted upright.
“Dale.” My heart jumped. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head, dropping it in his hands.
I gently touched his shoulder, a sheen of sweat coating his skin. His body trembled.
“You’re shaking.” I cupped his cheek, turning his head toward me. “What’s wrong?”
His eyes were bright. “I remember.”
***
(Dale)
Getting your memory back was like your light being out and suddenly, someone plugged you in. All the memories came rushing back at once.
Every hateful word.
All the pain.
Every single woman.
All of them and, fuck me, there had been a lot. Why? Why the hell would I do that to Max?
I remembered laughing at her when she confessed her feelings for me. I could see the look of pain morphing on her face like it had just happened the day before.
“I love you,” Max confessed, her eyes warm. “I’ve been in love—”
A laugh escaped me.
Her mouth snapped shut, her chin trembling.
Instead of being gentle about it, I kicked her out of my bed. Fuck.
“Dale?” Max said, her soft voice coming from beside me.
My mind was jumbled with memories. All of them so damn painful, I couldn’t look at her. I didn’t deserve to look at her.
“Hey.” She kissed my shoulder. “Look at me.”
“No.” I shot out of the bed, pacing back and forth. “I can’t. Fuck. I don’t deserve you. I never have.” I never would.
Her head flinched back slightly. “What’s going on?”
“I remember.” I stopped in front of her. “Everything.”
“Oh.” She looked down at her hands in her lap. “Everything?”
“Yes.”
“The women?” she asked, her voice small.
“Yes.” I remembered the whores because they definitely weren’t ladies. They were a piece of meat to satisfy the itch I had because I was too stupid enough to realize that only Max could curb this craving.
“So, what now?” Max looked at me that time.
“I have no fucking idea. I can only imagine my doctors would want to know but even then, it’s not important.” I dropped to my knees in front of her and grabbed hold of her hands, covering them in soft kisses. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do.
“Do you still love me?” Max asked, her voice cracking.
“It would be easier if I could say no.” I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her small body. “Because then it wouldn’t be this hard to say goodbye.”
***
(Max)
“This is it, isn’t it?” I looked up at him through unshed tears, my heart hammering against my ribs. The blood rushed to my head, and if I was standing, I would have fallen over.
Dale swallowed hard.
“Everyone thinks we need time apart. I don’t want to prove them right. I don’t want … I don’t want any of this to be right.” A sob escaped me. “Why can’t we be wrong and just enjoy it?”
“Because we don’t talk.” He cupped my cheek. “I don’t want you to end up hating me more than you already do.”
“I …” I placed my hand on top of his. “I don’t hate you. My grandmother raised me better. I don’t think I’ve ever hated you.”
“This would be easier if you did.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “But we can’t be together if you don’t trust me.”
“I’m trying. I swear to God I’m trying.”
“Hey.” He pinched my chin, tilting my head back to meet his gaze. “I understand. I know you’d rather me be an asshole but right now I don’t have the energy.” His shoulders slumped. “I will spend the rest of my life loving you.”
Tears flowed down my cheeks. I love you.
But no matter how hard I tried, those three little words never left my mouth.
“You don’t have to say it back.” He kissed my forehead. “You don’t even have to say it again.”
As his words washed over me, mixing with the gentle caress of his fingers against my skin, the tears fell harder.
“I will love you now. Tomorrow. Next week. For the rest of my damn life. I’ll love you from afar if I have to. Just don’t forget me.”
I threw my arms around his neck, holding him tight against me. “Never,” I hiccupped on a sob. “I could never forget you.” I kissed him hard, pouring everything I felt into that touch. All the pain, the heartache, the damn agony threatening to destroy us both, I unleashed it all into that kiss.
Dale fisted my hair in his hands, his hold on me tight for only a second before he loosened his touch.
“No,” I said against his mouth. “Don’t hold back. Give me all of you,” I said between my tears.
He grabbed hold of my hair, holding my head in place, and deepened the kiss. He kissed me until I could feel him all the way down to my toes. His tongue pushed along mine, prodding and kneading, begging me to give him everything I was.
Reaching between us, I cupped him over his pants.
He jumped, a low growl leaving the back of his throat.
I wrapped my hand around him, tugging and pulling until he grew so damn hard it took my own breath away.
Every time his tongue swept against mine, a hot shiver trembled down my body.
Our mouths were fused while I pleased his lower body to the point of no return. I needed him to snap and take control. I wanted him to fuck away all the pain we had both endured. I wanted him to say goodbye to me through the powerful thrusts of his body.
“Max,” he whispered against my mouth.
“Please, Dale.” I took several breaths, my heart racing. “I need you. One last time.”
“This won’t be the last time.” He hooked his fingers in the waistband of my shorts and pulled them down my legs. “No matter how long it takes.” He lifted me onto my knees. “We will find each other again.” He pulled out his straining cock and lowered me onto him.
We both let out a sigh at being connected once again.
“Forever, baby.” He linked our fingers, leaning his forehead against mine. “I’ll wait for you forever.”
***
(Dale)
It was late into the night, and I couldn’t sleep. Max’s touch was imbedded on my skin. Her moans of pleasure would forever be engrained inside my skull.
She shifted beside me, hooking my arm over her middle. She sniffed, a soft whimper leaving her.
We had said goodbye using our bodies but she wouldn’t let me leave. I wasn’t exactly sure why. I knew I would see her again but we hadn’t talked about what would happen when we did. If this was the final straw and all that shit.
I loved her, and when I finally told her those three powerful words, all the weight from the past several months lifted off my shoulders.
She didn’t trust me completely yet but she also didn’t want me to leave. It fucked with my head but it wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t blame her, although I tried.
I kissed her shoulder, squeezing her against me. I should leave before she woke up. It would be easier on both of us.
Placing a soft peck on the side of her head, I let her go and slid out of the bed. After getting dressed, I looked down at her sleeping form. My heart thumped. My chest tightened. This was it. This was goodbye. Not see you tomorrow or the next day. But fucking goodbye.
I made my way to the door, but before I could leave the room, I heard her shift in the bed.
“Dale,” she whispered.
Her soft voice stopped me in my tracks but I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t for fear I would end up back in bed with her and we would be right where we started.
We couldn’t move on if we didn’t talk.
“I love you, Max. I will always love you,” I croaked, opening the door.
“Dale,” she cried, a sob escaping her.
I closed the door behind me but not before I heard those three words I had craved since I told her how I felt. I took a breath, letting them slide over my skin.
“I love you too.”
And with that, I left Max’s house.