BLOOD DRIPPED FROM my fingers while agonizing pain ripped through my abdomen. I hunched over, wrapping my arms around myself, my mouth opening in a silent scream. The pain couldn’t be helped. No matter what I did, it only became worse. Please God, make it stop. Make the agony go away. It was like someone stabbed me repeatedly, not stopping even though I begged. Pleaded. The desperate cry for help on the tip of my tongue.
“Your baby is dead.”
“You need to give birth to it.”
Her, damn it. She was a girl. My baby girl.
My thoughts were jumbled as the nightmare took over. It had been the same dream for the past couple of weeks. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get out of it. I knew I was dreaming but I was stuck. Until something drastic happened, I couldn’t wake up.
The dream switched suddenly. I was in a hospital bed. I had something in my arms. Warmth spread through me and I looked down and saw her. My chest constricted. Her eyes were open, her irises white and no longer seeing. Her skin pale with lack of life. A sob tore from my throat.
Why did God take her away from me?
The baby in my arms giggled.
A scream escaped me. I shot up from the couch and fell off the edge, landing hard on the ground. A cold sweat coated my body. My chest rose and fell. I glanced around my office. I was no longer dreaming. I was safe. Breathing deeply, I calmed my racing heart and pushed from the floor onto shaky legs.
My gaze glanced to the pill bottle sitting on the table beside the couch. As much as I needed sleep, I didn’t need to medicate. Or maybe I did. Maybe it would help me forget if I stayed in a constant drug induced state. I was confused and shaken by the remnants from my never-ending nightmare.
Even though it was in the middle of the night, I decided to start planning the party for the weekend and texted everyone. It only took a matter of minutes before my phone started dinging with replies. I left my phone on the table and went to the easel in the middle of the room. It was the same thing every time. I only texted them when there was a party. Most of them didn’t even know who we were. They heard our name and that was it.
King’s Harlots.
Women.
They ignored the motorcycle club part, attempting to get into our pants the first time around. Only when Brogan stabbed a guy in the dick did the other clubs take us more seriously. But there had always been a straggler or two.
I wish I could have been as strong as my sister.
Having friended both Jay and her twin sister back in school, I thought it would be fun to join them. Little did I know at the time how serious Jay took it. And how different women were treated in this world.
I sat on the stool and rubbed the grit from my eyes. Hoping I could get inspired again, even if it was dark, I sat in front of the canvas and took a deep breath. With the empty tray in hand, I squeezed some black and red paint onto it and began pouring my emotions onto the blank canvas.
What eventually stared back at me forced new tears to pierce the back of my eyes. All my emotions. Fear. Anger. Pain. Suffering. All of it. They bled onto the white canvas until I looked into a reflection of myself. No one would know it was me. Hell, I didn’t even know it until I looked into the eyes of my demons.
All I wanted was this pain to go away. Painting canvas after canvas didn’t help my mood but after each image was done, I felt a little lighter. Like I was literally painting my feelings onto the blank space.
The phone in my office rang, making me jump. I snatched the portable off the table, taking a breath to ease my racing heart before answering the phone. “Hello?” I croaked, my voice still thick with sleep.
“What are you doing up this late?” Jay asked.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“It’s almost four in the morning and you decide to text everyone about the party now?”
Shit. I had forgotten my sisters would have been included in the mass text I had sent out. “I had a nightmare.” No point lying about it. Jay would find out eventually anyway.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, worry coating her tired voice.
“It’s the same shit, different night. Every time I close my eyes, I see her.” I stabbed my brush against the canvas. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I thought painting would help.”
“That’s why you slept at the gallery?”
“It was late when I finished and I didn’t feel like driving.”
“I need to ask,” she paused. “Have you talked to Dale?”
“No.” I swallowed hard. “Is he out of the hospital?”
“Yeah, he is. He’s been training with Coby. But, Max, he doesn’t remember everything.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, gripping the phone tight in my hand.
“Coby told Angel that Dale didn’t remember that you two are no longer talking.”
“Oh.” I rubbed the tight spot that had taken up residence between my breasts. “Now he knows everything I guess.”
Jay hesitated before she gave me the answer I didn’t want to hear. “Yes, Max. He does.”
Fuck.
***
(Dale)
Every time I closed my eyes, I thought of her. Max had engrained herself in my skin without even knowing it. I was the fool who pushed her away all because I was scared. No one wanted me as a kid, how the hell could a woman want me as a man?
I wasn’t sure what was different this time around or why. It didn’t make sense and the need to find out what the hell was going on was drilling a hole in my brain. From what Coby had told me, we had our problems but I didn’t remember half of it.
Working out was the only way I could ignore the voices in my head telling me how worthless I was and how much of a dick I had been. I didn’t deserve her. And I damn well didn’t deserve the baby she was unable to give birth to.
I needed answers. I needed to know what had happened and why she didn’t tell me herself.
It was Saturday night, and I was standing outside of the club, staring at her through a window like a fucking creeper. She was with Angel and Jay, laughing at what they said but the smile never reached her eyes. She was beautiful. So damn breathtaking and she didn’t even know it. Her dark, wavy hair was pulled back into a messy braid. Her curves had filled out, clearly not losing the weight from the pregnancy, but she was perfect. She was everything I was not. She was the light in my darkness. The innocence to my madness. I wracked my brain with memories of her but I only got snippets. I wasn’t even sure what was real anymore. The only thing I knew for certain was that I could still feel her. Every inch. Every breath. Every ripple as I forced the pleasure from her body.
My cock stirred, jumping in my pants. Adjusting myself, I leaned my head from side to side. The slight crack in my neck sent a wave of heat rushing over my skin.
This was it. It was time. I would confront her and demand answers. I needed to know where our baby was buried. I needed to know if Max missed me like I had missed her. I also needed to apologize for whatever pain I had caused.
“Dale?” Coby stepped around the corner with Brogan at his side. Her cheeks were flushed, her curly hair a mess on top of her head. She had that just-fucked glow and it only strengthened the madness inside of me.
Brogan smiled, whispering something to Coby.
He nodded, placing a kiss on her forehead.
“It’s good to see you, Dale,” she said, her eyes warming. “Be nice to my girl.”
“Sure,” I grunted.
Brogan headed into the club, the music inside the building becoming loud when she opened the door. “All right, bitches. Who’s having a drink with me?” she yelled, slamming the door shut behind her.
Coby shook his head before his gaze locked with mine. “She doesn’t even drink.”
“Looks like she’ll be getting trashed on water.” I chuckled even though the laugh did nothing for my mood.
“You need to go in there sooner or later,” Coby said, coming up beside me.
I would rather just watch Max. I knew as soon I approached her, she would close up and become withdrawn. Maybe even shut down until I had to force the thoughts out of her.
“Talk to her when Angel isn’t nearby,” Coby suggested.
My head whipped around. “Why?”
“Because the fucker is pissed at you.” Coby rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen, I refuse to be in the middle of this shit so I’m only going to tell you this once. I won’t protect you against Angel.”
“He won’t do anything.” But even I didn’t believe those words when they left my mouth.
“Not unless it has to do with Jay. He loves you but her and their baby come first.”
“I wouldn’t do anything to harm them.” What kind of man did they think I was?
“Not directly you wouldn’t. Upset Max? Jay gets upset. If she gets upset, so does the unborn baby she’s carrying.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, looking down at the ground.
“Exactly. Whatever you have to say to Max, do it quick.”
I already knew this meeting would not go over well. But I found that I craved her wrath. I wanted the bite of her anger as it slid over my skin. I wanted to suffer like she did. And until then, I refused to forgive myself.