DEPRESSION SETTLED IN the moment Dale left my bedroom only a couple hours before. It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest all over again and this time it was because we had issues talking. I could sense the pain tearing through him but we both knew it was for the best. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, we needed time apart but I also needed him with me just the same.
Going back and forth the way we had been for the past couple of weeks wasn’t healthy. Maybe time away from each other would do us some good.
Unable to sleep any longer, I made my way to my gallery and decided to get some painting done. Josee had set up another showing for me. I couldn’t be more grateful to her and her faith in me. I didn’t deserve it, but I appreciated it just the same.
After the last time and not showing up, I was surprised she still wanted to work with me. But it was in her nature to be nice and helpful where needed. Much like Jay. God, I was a sucky friend.
After an hour, I was finally able to get a painting done but it only broke my heart. I painted before I thought about it. The strokes of the brush gliding along the page like they had a mind of their very own. When I was done, an image of hands holding each other stared back at me. They belonged to Dale and me. I only knew because my heart told me so. I had memorized every inch of Dale. Every vein. Every breath. Every beat of his heart. I knew every curve, every hard agonizingly delicious muscle. The ripple of his body shaking beneath mine as I forced him to submit to the pleasure he allowed me to give him.
With the painting done and my heart still hanging in my chest by the thread of my despair, I went in search of coffee. It had been so long since I made it for myself, I almost forgot where everything was. Dale had been the one to prepare it for me in the morning, waking me up by the fresh scent of the beans.
A lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard, giving my body a full shake. I could do this. I could be strong. But my hands itched to call him. They reached for the phone on their own accord and just as I was about to press his number, I hung up.
How long was I supposed to wait until I reached out to him? It had only been a couple hours, and already I missed him like I missed my next breath.
I didn’t know how. I didn’t know when. But I promised myself I would be happy again. With or without Dale, I would move on from this.
***
(Dale)
“Tell me why you left her.”
As soon as those words left Dr. Santos’ mouth, a headache started piercing my brain. I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking deep cleansing breaths before meeting the doctor’s gaze.
“I already told you why,” I muttered.
“No.” He pointed his pen in my direction. “You told me when. You never told me why.”
I huffed, shifting my body weight on the leather couch. “Our relationship wasn’t healthy. We both knew that. You can only base so much of it on sex before it destroys you.” I grunted. I was starting to sound like Coby.
“You love her.”
“Of course I fucking love her,” I snapped. “Who wouldn’t? She’s perfect. She’s … she’s everything I’m not. But after remembering what I’ve done …” I shook my head, the guilt eating away at my heart. “She deserves better.”
“She loves you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for pointing out the obvious. They pay you for this shit?” I shook my head. “Listen, there’s nothing more to say about this.” I went to rise from the couch when Dr. Santos’ next words stopped me.
“If you love her, no matter the shit you have both been through, you need to work through this or else it will end up making you both more miserable than you already are.” He raised an eyebrow.
I slumped back onto the couch. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that? I know she still loves me. She hasn’t told me because she doesn’t trust me. Not completely anyway.”
“Do you want her to trust you again?”
“Yes. Fuck.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her but … it’s been a month. I haven’t seen her.”
“Dale, it’s only been two weeks.”
“That’s a fucking lifetime.”
Dr. Santos let out a slow breath. “Listen, I’m going to tell you this off the record and based on my own personal experience. No matter how much you’ve hurt her, you’re trying everything you can to make it up to her. All I can tell you is that time is the true healer in all this shit. Be there for her when you can. Do whatever it takes but don’t push her.”
“You sound like my best friend,” I grumbled.
Dr. Santos’ eyes twinkled in the dim lighting of his office. “Time, Dale. Give that to her.”
But I didn’t want to. I wanted her now.
I would spend the rest of my life regretting what I did. I just prayed Max could eventually forgive me. Or everything we had worked toward would have been for nothing.