Our decisions may haunt us because we made the wrong choice or we waited for too long. But mostly it’s because we made that decision in a rush. These bring us to circumstances; them meeting with more circumstances—that’s what “fate” actually is.
I woke up with…nothing.
I actually woke up without soreness or pain on my back. And I didn’t feel like getting up at all. What day was it? Oh yeah, Saturday. I was sick if Ryan called. But then again, I needed money. My life officially sucked.
I swear to everything there was, my life was hell.
Sighing, I tried to stand up, but something pinned me down.
An arm.
A strong muscular arm to be more precise. Wait, what?
Suddenly, the previous night came rushing in my head.
Blake.
That guy. He was the one living here, and I had been sleeping in his bed. He was sleeping next to me. No, no, no, no, no, it can’t be. How could I have let it happen? I had to get out of there, and fast!
I tried to move, but he wouldn’t even budge, making me impatient. What the fudging cake was his arm made of? I groaned and elbowed him in his ribs, but to no avail. This thing that jumped me from every single corner toned a whale. Maybe I exaggerated, not really a whale, but he was too heavy compared to my tiny body.
Yes, I unwillingly admitted that my size was one of a midget.
As I had no other options, I elbowed him even stronger. Please work. I was going to try to whisper something out so it would seem like he was still dreaming and that I wasn’t even real. It seemed to work because right then I heard a groan, and he soon started stirring, a sign that he woke up.
Finally.
Okay, now, my plan to…
“What the hell…” he said, rubbing the place I previously hit, and I realized that it maybe wouldn’t work as I planned. “Go back to sleep. It’s not even”—he checked the clock on a night board flashing 04:58— “five in the morning! What the hell, woman. You better have a damn good excuse as to why you fucking woke me up this early,” he whispered in frustration with half-closed eyes, and I sighed. He had a really nice way with words. So much for my plan to hypnotize him and leave unnoticeable.
“Saturday, work, morning shift. Ring a bell?” I asked and yawned, and he groaned even louder than the previous time.
For some reason, I was much calmer than I needed, but I was also feeling a bit lightheaded, so I tried to finish my escape as soon as possible. At that moment, a thought hit me, and I prayed that the morning sickness wouldn’t kick in yet.
“I will pay you thrice the payment you get if you continue sleeping now. Good night,” he snapped, burying his head in the pillow, and this time, it was my turn to protest.
Didn’t he have a job to do as well?
“I can’t just ditch my job to just lay in bed. I have responsibilities, you know? And what about you? Don’t you have some work to do?” I told him, and he just took that pillow from under him and put it on his head so he couldn’t listen to me anymore I’d say. Just then, another wave of nausea hit me, and I bit my lip as I lay down to calm my upsetting belly.
God help me with this.
I had read all about morning sickness, but to experience this myself was like a completely different story. It’s like a doctor telling you that injection will just sting a little, but when it comes to the real thing, you have a feeling like someone penetrated your skin with the kind of nail you’d kill a vampire with.
“Your choice. I gave you my offer,” he said with a muffled voice. “Besides, my job starts at six thirty, and I can take a free day whenever I want,” he added, and I groaned once again.
Talk about being the lucky baboon.
Taking money from him was a big no-no. However, my head really started to hurt like hell, and I really liked the bed and pillow I was lying on, and I didn’t want to see Betty from my workplace again today…Moreover, I didn’t really need the money. I still had savings in the bank.
So four versus one. The hell with it. One day won’t kill me. Pillow and mattress, here I come. And so I prepared myself to fall into a deep…And I couldn’t take it anymore.
Jumping out of bed with an arm over my mouth, I headed into his bathroom and threw up my dinner in the toilet. It burned my throat, and tears started falling from my eyes, but I couldn’t stop. It continued.
And then I felt his arm around my waist. He grabbed my hair and pulled it behind with his other one.
“It’s okay. Don’t try to hold it in,” he said as I threw up again. Wasn’t he disgusted with me?
“It’s okay. Breathe slowly. Try breathing in, then out,” he said, and I followed. “In and out.” I followed again. It worked, and I soon found myself calmer and better as he lifted me up and placed me on the edge of the tub. Then he grabbed a towel before soaking it with water as he used it to cool my face. I, on the other hand, remained passive, being too tired to do anything.
“Are you better now?” he asked, and I weakly nodded. Screw my job. I really needed that sleep from earlier. This was going to be a long, long morning, and I would enjoy it so much.
Note the sarcasm.
He once again lifted me up before bringing me back to the bed as I curled myself in the covers because I suddenly found my surroundings too cold for my liking. What was wrong with my body temperature? Blake looked like he was in the middle of summer.
“What are you doing here? In bed?” I asked him, remembering his earlier presence by my side, and he sighed.
“This is my room, maybe? And my bed,” he replied with a shrug. That smart jackass.
“You said that I can take the bed,” I protested as my eyes started closing. I was getting too tired to try to run away from him at the moment.
“I never said that I won’t take it too.” I was going to kill him later, I swore. “I told you that other rooms were being renovated.”
“You…you…you jerk!” I hit him with the pillow that was next to my head, but with a weak throw such as mine, he managed to catch it while raising his eyebrows.
“I’m flattered. Why thank you for such a thoughtful compliment, however, I’ve been called much worse,” he said sarcastically, and I slapped myself in the face, muttering, “I wonder why.” He only glared at the pillow and put it back in its place.
“Go to sleep, woman. Don’t you have something else to do other than annoy me?” he asked.
“Yes, actually, I have a job to do at this time.” Truth, all truth. At that moment, I was so sleepy that I already forgot where I was and what I had been talking about. Job, what job did I have, anyway? Oh right, café.
“If you want a job so badly, go and clean the mess those three made, so good luck and enjoy, and leave me to sleep,” he said, and I just stared at him, mouth open. Now that I thought of it…Sleeping was a great thing at the moment.
“I’ll bring you some water. Hold on a second,” he said as he exited the room, but I didn’t have enough strength to stay conscious, so I soon fell asleep.
Later that day, I woke up again. Blake was nowhere in sight, so I found that as a good sign. I needed to get out of that place as soon as possible. He offered me a place to live in, but the price would be living with him, and that was a price I was not sure I could pay. Not after all that happened, that is.
Groaning, I got up from the bed but stopped when I saw a glass of water and a little pill next to it. From the shape of it, I guessed that it was aspirin, so I drank it, believing that it would help me with pain.
Getting up, I decided to go and look for where my clothes were. Just as I was about to go out and look for the rucksacks with our spare clothes, I saw mine on the chair right from me. I really wanted to complain, but this saved me the time from rummaging the whole house to get it, so I kept my mouth shut. Now, to get done with this.
When I went downstairs, Ade and Amy were enjoying their breakfast an elderly woman’s cooked for them. Alfred suddenly followed after me with some bowl. As I recalled, the woman was probably Alfred’s wife he told me about.
“Good morning, Al, ma’am,” I greeted them. “How are you?” I asked once I entered the kitchen.
“Perfect, my dear. What happened after Mr. Blackburn found you?” he asked, and I mentally face-palmed myself. It would be great if I knew how to explain that, but trust me, Alfred, your boss is one really confusing man.
“Um, he…Made chicken with mashed potatoes?” That sounded more like a question than a statement but was also partly the truth and all he had to know for now.
“Ah, I see. That is so much like him,” the woman added and chuckled. I smiled at her.
“I’m Bridget, by the way. This man’s wife for whole thirty years!” she stated proudly, offering me her hand, and I chuckled as I took it.
“And I’m Kaley,” I said before standing next to Ayden. “This little pest’s sister.” His face brightened as he glared at my way but said nothing. He seemed to really like his food.
“Oh, is that so?” she started. “He’s the cutest little thing I ever saw. Alfred told me all about yesterday, and I must say that this house really needed some action like that, honey!” Yup, well, your boss is a dark freak who scared the children away, so I get you.
“I could guess,” I said instead as she turned back to the kitchen marble.
“Would you like me to prepare breakfast for you?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“Nah, I will wait for Ade to finish and leave then,” I replied truthfully. The faster I got away from Blake, the better.
“Alright then, but I would feel much better if you ate something,” she added. “Mr. Blackburn informed me of your nausea from this morning, so I think that you should eat a snack at that. It’s bad to walk on an empty stomach,” she added, and I took a quick glance at Ade who still had a long way to eat.
“Actually, make me a sandwich or two to take. I have time for it,” I smiled and so did she as Al went somewhere with the box of dog food in his hand. I guess that he went to feed Alexander wherever he was.
Once we finished our meals, Ade and I bid our farewells as we headed home. From the conversation I had with Bridget about my stay, I found out that Blake was actually telling the truth about the state of the other rooms. As she explained, he had moved in just a bit more than two months ago and was carefully dealing with the interior himself, so he left unused rooms for later.
As we were walking down the street together, he kept telling me about taking a bath in the huge bathroom with Blake yesterday as I listened to his every sound, trying to see if Blake somehow harmed my brother, but I heard nothing of sorts.
I bit my lip. Ever since I met him the previous day, I had gotten a completely different picture of him than that of a few weeks ago. How long has it been? Around one or two months? I wasn’t sure. It was almost the end of two thousand twelve, and I met him around the beginning of November. So a month and a half? It certainly didn’t feel like that at all. It was like Ayden never got leukemia, and I never had that one night stand with Blake and wasn’t even pregnant for that matter. Only a weak reminder of what happened that day was there to tell me that it all indeed was true.
By the time we came home, I, for the first time in my life, had no idea what to do. I always hoped to have some time with Ade instead of working, but now that it actually did happen, I had no idea what to do next. I worked almost all the time every day, so I wasn’t used to this much freedom. Two years ago when I was still sixteen, and our parents died, I found a job while taking care of Ayden and trying to graduate a year earlier.
I lost my friends since I had no time for them, but as soon as I turned eighteen, I took Ayden under my wing, and everything was simpler without me having to worry about them taking him away.
“Say, Ade, what do you want to do?” I asked him upon realizing that thinking was leading me nowhere.
“Ice cream!” he started chanting and running around, and I sighed. What a lovely idea. If I recalled correctly, ice creams during the winter should be good for the immune system.
It wasn’t really cold outside, but there was a shop that still sold ice creams at that time of year, but not as cold as it usually was. They would somehow make it more creamy, not frozen like your usual type, and a bit less cool. I used to love it so much when I was still a kid.
“In that case, let’s go,” I told him, grabbing his tiny hand in mine before checking if he was warm enough. I put scarves on both of us. You never know when it could get colder.
The clouds were a bit grayish outside, but much paler than usual. I remembered learning at school that if the clouds were dark and gray, then they were bringing the rain, but if they were lighter and paler, then it meant that we’ll be seeing some snow soon. I’d like to see that. Seattle hadn’t been much of a snowy place in the few previous years, not enough to build a snowman at least.
It would be Christmas in a week, but I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to celebrate it properly, especially if we were to move out. I was sorry for not being able to stay with Ade and have a proper Christmas, but I’d always send him over at Mel’s. He deserved much better than this. Usually, my workplace helped the poor and homeless people on Christmas, so we were open the entire night for anyone that wanted a hot meal for free.
I sighed wondering as to how I agreed to buy him an ice cream in the weather like that.
Oh, you and your puppy eyes!
When we came to the place I had in mind, I ordered two chocolate ones, our most favorite, and just as I was about to take out the money for them, a hand brushed past my shoulder, paying instead of me.
I didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was. The strong scent from his hand that invaded my sense told me the name of the one behind me. He wore that cologne the previous day, and when we met, I wasn’t sure which it was, but I liked it—for some odd reason.
Blake.
He said nothing as I turned around to face him who wore a suit like the one when we first met. The only difference was that black scarf, which by no means made him look less serious, he wore around his neck, and that black winter coat.
“So, where to?” It was just a single question he asked me, but more than enough for me to remember that I’ve been trying to escape away from him as far as possible.
“Me and Ade—home, you—where the heck you want,” I told him, taking Ade’s hand and turning away.
Run.
Get away from him.
“Now, that’s no way to talk to someone whose inventory worth thousands of dollars your brother destroyed,” he said and chuckled. I gulped. I wasn’t sure if he was just being sarcastic or plain serious.
“What do you want?” I asked him and sighed. The sooner we got over it, the better.
Sighing, he pointed toward the playground next to us before he headed there with us following. Forgetting about him, I enjoyed my ice cream while I still could.
Getting to the swings, Ayden went ahead and started playing with some other children while I contemplated of going with Blake.
“So…”
“Would you move in instead? You know, there’s no need to deal with the entire separation deal. Just move in.” His voice interrupted me as I stared at Ayden.
“You mean, I move in and forget everything? That cannot be that simple,” I replied, gulping once again before I heard him sigh.
“Figures, but it’s the only option I can think of. I apologize if I sometimes sound possessive and demanding. It’s just that I never really had someone I’d have to…you know, take care of. It’s as if you’re a fleeting snowflake on my palm. The moment I take my eyes away from you, you disappear.” That was…deep, coming from him.
It was just then I noticed him staring at the sky.
Snowflakes.
“This is crazy and all, but…” he said as I turned my head back to him. “Would you marry me?”
“What?” I screamed at him. “You’re saying that I should just forget everything that ever happened and be what? Your ideal wife who’d stay home and raise our child?” I asked, not believing my ears. This man was impossible.
Insane.
“I never said anything like that.” This time, it was him who turned his head to me. “I won’t force on you anything you don’t want, but think about the future for a second. How do you think our child will feel when he or she realizes that their parents live separated unlike any of their friends? When they grow up even more and start questioning why we are not married and how were they brought to this world, how could you explain it to them?”
Damn it, his words stung.
“It was all my mistake when I reflect on it. I was the older one here, and I didn’t think of protection. However, I do not want my child to think that they were a mistake. Could you even…” He took a deep breath. “Imagine the pain they would feel?” he asked, and I shut my mouth.
I hated to admit it, but he was right.
“I’m not sure I can forgive you.” It’s what I had been telling myself.
“You don’t have to. You don’t even have to try nor fall for me, but if you could somehow, anyhow, try to get over it or, I don’t know, try to just be friends with me…I think that we could manage,” he explained, and my lips felt dry.
Why? Why was he so certain that it will end well? Why did he decide to stick close? Why was he so persistent?
“I…” Why was it that his words were so painfully honest?
Understanding.
“I know it came out of blue, but I want my kid to have what I never had,” he said it so quietly that I almost didn’t catch it, and my eyes widened. Right then, I didn’t know if I was possessed by a devil or something, but I said it without really thinking about it.
“Okay.”
“What?” he asked and looked my way. I bit my lip and sighed.
“I will marry you.”
Whether I regret that answer or not, I’d let the time decide. But at that moment, I chose to give it a go.
My excuse was that I got tired of being dragged down by my past while deep down it was because I knew why his words were so understandable.
He was that “mistake” he so didn’t want his child to know about.