To change yourself and to accept someone’s opinion are two completely different things.
It’s been a week since my confession to Blake, and it seemed like I knew of no other emotion but joy. There was simply no way for me to stop thinking about him. All that love I was afraid of I had for him now became the force moving me forward. I had decided not to hide my feelings anymore and found out that it was the right choice. I reminded myself of what I came to understand about Blake. It’s words that work between us. The more we talked, the closer we became.
I was sometimes not sure if our relationship was the right thing, but then again, what was the right path to loving someone. In today’s society, there are plenty of rules to be upheld: how to act, how to date, how to love, how to live, for that matter! And when I looked at it, all loves following those rules seemed to be monotonous, almost fake.
What was the point in loving someone and being loved if you were not yourself, or if you were just following rules society chose for you? Among those loves, I believe that those errant ones springing out of innocence are true treasures to have. That is why I believed that the feeling I had for Blake was true love. It didn’t matter that we hadn’t met properly. It didn’t matter that we had a date like that, and it most certainly it did not matter that we chose to marry each other because of our baby.
It was not our minds that loved; it was our hearts.
And so, I became safer about my love for Blake.
My life seemed simpler after that, and I enjoyed it to my fullest. I hadn’t pressed Blake into telling me about his sister, but when I saw Mel again, I couldn’t hold it in, and so I burst out crying in front of her. She found out that Blake told me about her past and surprisingly wasn’t mad at him for revealing her secrets. She was actually happy to see that he opened to me and told me not to worry about all that because she was a completely different person then and that it was all in her past. I trusted her because she really didn’t seem to mind talking about it, and she was glad of it because everyone else treated her like broken glass. I knew that my pity wasn’t what she needed, so I simply acted normal with her.
It hurts when people remind you of things you’re trying to overcome when you’re one step away from being whole again, and someone just has to put salt on your wound and push you over the edge, letting you fall down the stairs and start all over again. It’s out of their good will or because they’re just trying to look considerate, but that’s not up to them. It’s not up to everyone to help you, and in the end, their kindness only does more damage than help.
Melissa was strong. She was stronger than me. But she was only human. If people were to pressure her, she’d break. I didn’t want that for my best friend, so I said nothing and understood. I couldn’t even count days when people would hurt me without meaning to again and again after my parents died.
Shaking my head, I threw those thoughts away. I almost went back to my past, but I surprisingly didn’t have the urge to cry. Was it because I already cried my heart to Blake once?
When it came to him and his family, they knew nothing about the baby, and both Blake and I knew that we’ll have to tell them sooner or later. We decided for later—immediately after the honeymoon, actually.
Blake feared that they’ll accuse me of using the child to bind him down to marriage and use his money. And truth to be told, I feared that as well. We had hoped to use our honeymoon as our chance and then come home suddenly having found out about me being pregnant. The way Blake was so calm about it scared me sometimes. At moments like that, I had no idea what was he thinking, and it was often making me believe that he was bipolar or something.
At that very moment, I was lying on our bed with my face buried in the pillows that were sprawled on his side of the bed. They smelled like him, and I welcomed that scent that was making me relaxed and calm. He’s been out for work and should soon come back home, but I couldn’t help how much I missed him.
Blame it on hormones! And him. It’s his fault I like him, so he should take responsibility for that love!
“Kay!” As if it were a sign from heaven, I heard his voice coming from downstairs. He had come back home. Without wasting a single second, I jumped out of bed and rushed downstairs.
“I’m coming!” I yelled back before coming to the stairs and seeing him loosening his gray tie and undoing a few buttons of his shirt around his neck. I could feel myself lusting for his touch because this rare specimen in front of me was so damn hot!
“Hey, munchkin!” he greeted, finally noticing me just a few feet away from him, and grinned happily. Without the need to hear anything else, I rushed downstairs and jumped in his arms as he twirled me around.
“Missed me?” he asked and chuckled. I nodded my head repeatedly a few times, not minding my nose being crushed by his hard chest. I still didn’t know if he was doing a workout, but I thought that he probably was. Ah, maybe he was also fighting? How did his position as CEO work? Did he rule with an iron fist like those kings in the past? Wait, what was I even thinking? No, why was I even thinking about that?
“Much!” was my simple reply, not bothering to remove my face from his solid body as he moved his hands from me. He then removed the upper part of his gray tux as he threw it on the nearby sofa on his right before hugging me once again.
“Guess what?” he whispered in my ear. I enjoyed the warmth his body provided me.
“What?” This picked my attention.
“I missed you too,” he said as he grabbed my face with both his hands before planting a gentle, longing kiss on my lips. At first, I was surprised, but after realizing what he did, I closed my eyes and gave in, returning the kiss back.
He pulled after a few seconds, and I bit my lower lip.
“Cheesy,” I said, blushing a bit. I’ll never get used to his kisses, especially with his inability to leave quick pecks.
“Aww, someone’s blushing!” he exclaimed, ruffling my hair. It was then that I realized how he stopped hitting my head.
“Shut up!” I glared at him playfully, and then I heard someone coughing. My body stopped, realizing that we had a spectator. I slowly looked to our left where the living room was. There, I saw Blake’s mother with a huge grin on her face.
How didn’t I notice Grace?
“You lovely birds can kiss and all that later. Now, we have some more important things to do,” she exclaimed, and Blake groaned. Wait, what things? He seemed to notice my confused look before sighing and turning his head to me.
“You, mother, and Mel will go shopping. We need your wedding dress and those things.” Oh…
“Wait, what?” I asked with terror flashing my face. No, me and shopping were a big no-no!
“Don’t worry. It’s tomorrow. Today, we’ll be making wedding plans, invitations, etc.,” he said and chuckled. He knew me all too well.
“Oh…” I trailed. Of course, it’s not today. It was already dark outside.
“Let me guess, not a shopping type?” she asked, and I nodded. Shopping and my name did not go together in a positive sentence.
“And Blake won’t let me use my money, so I hate robbing him.” I glared at him as he looked at me with a serious look on his face, making me gulp. I just crossed the line.
“Kaley.” He never calls me by my full name. “We have already discussed this. I’ll provide you with money, and you have no say in that.” His voice was stern and serious that I had to lower my head. Here we go again. “I want to pay for your necessities, and I will. Are we clear?” That control freak. That jerk, that pain in the posterior.
“Sure,” I weakly mumbled, not daring to look at his face because if I do, war will arise. Again.
“Why are you so against me spending our money on you?” He combed his hand through his hair. Wait, “our?”
“It makes me feel like I’m just using you.” Words. I used words and hid nothing from him. I could freely tell him what was on my mind, and he wouldn’t judge it. He’d sometimes complain when it came to stuff like this, but it was our way or fighting.
“You know that all this money is yours as well?” he asked. “And besides, you’re not using me. I’m willingly giving you my money, and I’ve already told you that I’ll be paying for our wedding.” He scowled at me, and I nodded. Pain in posterior indeed.
I’d rather not argue about that. The last time we did, the TV got broken and the vase that was thrown at it.
As I said, war shall arise if I say something.
I learned that Blake was a really nice and calm person, but he can turn into annoying caveman when angry. That was my special edition Blake. Although he wouldn’t hurt me, he’d have no mercy for stuff around him. Maybe he’d even burn down the house. And yes, I quite imagine Blake to be that way.
“Sorry,” I said. “I forgot about that.”
Sincerely, I didn’t. I hated the way he wanted to control me and all that, but our arguments were what I hated even more and not being able to see him more than I already did.
“No. I’m sorry,” he said, pulling my chin upward to meet his blue eyes. “I forgot that you’re not used to others taking care of you,” he said, and I just shook my head.
“Forget about it. I’ll get used to it if it really means that much to you.” I smiled, but even I knew that it didn’t reach my eyes. One day, I’ll get a job, get rich on my own, and then win this argument. Ain’t gonna let him win forever!
“Why am I not sure about that?” he asked, and once again I shook my head.
“It’s okay,” I simply said and hugged him. I was suddenly too tired to talk. I just wanted to be back to a few minutes ago where we acted like we didn’t care about the rest of the world. But he was an idiot.
“This is new,” his mother said, and I remembered that she was there for the whole time. “Blake, can I talk with your fiancée alone?” she asked, and I raised my head at him to see him looking at her warily.
She’s your mother. She wouldn’t eat me, Blake, is what I wanted to tell him, but decided to keep it for myself.
“Alright,” he said uncertainly and then turned to me.
“I’ll take a shower upstairs, will be back in fifteen,” was all he said before leaving me alone with his mother. I could feel that he was upset, and I felt ashamed to know that it was me that caused those feelings.
But then again, he pissed me off, so we’re even for now.
Moreover, was I jumping from one emotion to another too fast? This pregnancy.
“Well,” she started awkwardly. “I never thought I’ll see the day when a woman said no to Blake’s money,” she said, and I decided to take that as a compliment. “But I’d advise you to do it. Once you get in our family, you realize some things, and one of those things is that men in it tend to ensure we have a nice, comfortable life. Well, all but Lucas, anyway,” she said, and I nodded slowly.
That was something like Blake would say. Was he too proud? If so, what was the reason for it? I wanted to know. I needed to know more about him, but maybe it was too soon to force those answers out of him now.
“But it’s annoying. I only give up on the argument because if I don’t, we’ll lose all vases in the house.”
“Yeah, I noticed the number of them reducing with each time I arrive.”
I gulped before deciding to change the subject. Blake usually mentioned death for those vases getting broken.
“I love him and all, but I still have a feeling like—” I started, but she interrupted me.
“Like you’re selling yourself for his money? I know that feeling. I was young and stupid back then when I married Lucas,” she said, and I glanced at her.
What did she mean by that?
“I was from a wealthy family, you see,” she started, and I nodded. “Let’s sit down,” she added, sitting down on a sofa, and I followed her, sitting on her opposite side.
“You don’t have to ta—” I started, but she interrupted me again.
“I know, but I want to help you understand Blake’s need to give you money,” she said. “As I was saying, I was from a wealthy family and met Lucas when I was around your age. He was sweet and caring, and I finally had a feeling like I’ve met the one for my life…However, unlike Blake, he never used to care for my necessities. I always used my money for that.”
“But wasn’t he also?” I started, and she sighed before nodding.
“Truth was he had a conflict with his family back then, and they chose to not give him money at all. It was much later that they managed to mend their relationship, and as if to be expected, he wasted all that money. Blake was around nine, I believe, and Lucas finally became CEO of the company. He gambled. He gambled a lot and lost it all. It was the same with my money, and it was then that I realized that he married me for my status. But it was too late, I already had children with him, and leaving them alone to him was a huge no. If I divorced and tried to take them away, I’d be in deep trouble. He was more powerful than me, and let’s just say that I wasn’t on good terms with my family after marrying him, either.” She grimaced, remembering something. “Why would I be? They didn’t like the fact that I married Lucas so soon. I should have listened to them.” She sighed, rubbing her forehead, and I came to the conclusion that Blake inherited that habit from her. “To cut the chase, Blake didn’t have a great childhood, and he knew the struggles I went through because of Lucas, so I guess he just wants to ensure that you never miss what I did. And it’s some way of ensuring that you’ll be alright living under his control…I mean, the way he sees the safest. Do you get what I’m saying?”
I nodded my head. “Yes.” I grabbed his tux, staring at it. “But he can be scary sometimes…Especially when we talk about that,” I told her truthfully. I needed someone to talk about it with. Melissa would simply just go and smack Blake after I told her that, so I needed someone else, and that else was currently their mother.
“He was a strange boy, always hid in Marine’s shadow, enjoying his teenage life…When she died, he had to grow up suddenly and forget all about his old life, so you could say that he became gruff because of all pressure that was on him. As a CEO, he should always look intimidating for his job, and he never really had a girlfriend, so I guess that he never learned to separate his job with his personal life,” she explained. That made sense.
“He’s a good person,” I said, and she smiled at me.
“That, he is,” was her reply. “But I wouldn’t recommend you to push him. He has a problem with controlling his anger.” Tell me about it. Poor TV. And he almost killed Lucas when I first meet him.
“Yeah.” I chuckled.
“But I can see that he loves you, and I know you feel the same. Even if it didn’t look like that when I first saw you, so I apologize for my judgment from back then.” She nervously laughed, and I shook my head.
“It’s alright. I would probably do the same if my son were in that situation. And back then, we had our own sights on love, I guess. We never really talked among ourselves and found a common deal. It was only recently that I realized how deep I loved him, how much I cared for him. I even doubted my love, wondering if it was just the idea of loving him that I liked, but then…when he almost reached that part where I could follow him no longer, when I almost lost him…I was certain and finally believed in my own feelings,” I explained, and she nodded knowingly with pride in her eyes.
“That reminds me. When will I meet my grandchildren?” She wiggled her eyebrows, and I blushed.
“Well…Umm…” I rambled nervously, taken aback by her sudden question.
“Mother, you’re scaring the poor girl!” a new voice chirped happily, and I turned around only to see Melissa with her hands on hips. Seriously, where did this people come out from?
“Oh, nonsense. This family has waited for so long to meet Blake’s woman and his children,” she replied, and I blushed even more. She’s just called me Blake’s woman.
“Yeah, yeah, wait for the wedding first. You can expect to see their babies few months just after the wedding,” Mel said, and I chuckled. Grace sighed, wanting to say something, but gave up, probably accepting Melissa’s excuse.
“An old woman like myself can hope.”
“Hope later, plan now. Hopes betray many, but hard work none,” said Mel with a dreamingly look on her face, dramatically moving her arms like she was in some play right now.
“You’re right. Come, girls. Time to plan the wedding. Well, what is left to be planned.” She grinned sheepishly as I raised my eyebrows. When did we plan something?
“Mother, you didn’t! Without me?” Mel said and gasped. What happened?
“Oh, it’s your fault for never being around.” She just shrugged as Mel bit her lip, controlling herself to not say anything.
“Can you believe it, Kay? This woman planned your wedding without us!” Oh, that’s what she meant, not that I really minded. I wasn’t really ecstatic about it. Just knowing that it’s Blake I would be marrying was enough to make me satisfied and happy.
“That means fewer jobs for us. And I trust her to have done a great job, Mel,” I said and smiled as Mel focused her glare on me instead.
“Gimme those plans. I’m going to add something on ’em!” Oh boy.
I had a feeling that we had a long night ahead of us.
Keeping everything to oneself is not the right way. Having secrets and keeping them safe is one thing, but if you never speak of your problems to anyone, they are only going to destroy you in the end.
And as for me? I was about to find out just how grave it is when your past secrets catch up with you.