Stand up and walk. You have two beautiful legs on your own, don’t you? You don’t need to rely on anyone.
—Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist
It was only around noon that everything hit me—my wake-up call, so to speak.
I had built up that wall of confidence and feeling that everything was alright, believing that it would help me move on. Yet all it did was make me feel worse. I was still in the dress from the last night, so I slowly got out of it before throwing it in the corner.
I felt violated.
So horrible and worthless that it was impossible to describe with words. It was as if I weren’t in my skin as if I weren’t alive. It was really hard to even stop crying for a second because I didn’t know what else to do. I got hope, but it was a tainted hope. Remembering about the whole reason for that one night stand, I slowly got to my phone before dialing the number of Dr. Grainger, who responded after the third ring.
“Dr. Grainger, how can I help you?” she asked, and I gulped. It was impossible to help me right now.
“I—it’s me, Kaley Evansville, and I…I’ve got the money. How fast can you make that transplantation possible?” I asked, keeping my neutral voice intact, barely holding down a sob. She didn’t need to know my problems.
No one did.
“I…Are—are you sure? You do? I mean, it’s not that I—” she started, but I interrupted her.
“Yeah. I met with an old friend of mine and told him my story. Apparently, he is very successful, so he offered me the money. He said that I can pay back whenever I can, even if it’s in twenty years,” I started, even faking a happy voice as she kept silent for a while. I guess it was not normal that one with social standing like me managed to collect that huge amount of money so fast.
Not that I blamed her for her approach.
“Well then. Since it’s been three days since we found out and he’s a young child and everything, I can manage something by the end of the week. We have three people who had compatible marrows, so it’s easy,” she continued, and I nodded as tears welled up in my eyes.
“I got it. Thank you.” I sobbed and heard her sigh on the other side before she spoke again.
“Look, I…I know it’s been hard and all, but you were lucky. It takes losing a lot to get money and even months to find a compatible marrow…Sometimes it isn’t even enough, but we’re sure that he’ll make it. You know that, right? Be happy. Your brother will live. I’m sure that compatibility will be big enough for his body to accept the marrow without a problem.”
That alone helped me move on. She would never know, but she helped me. I needed to hear those words; I really did. Slowly, my brain started forgetting the night I died to save my brother.
After the surgery, when they told me he would live; one week later, when they told me his body was getting better; and even now one month later, when his hair started growing again, I haven’t thought about that night. Melissa claimed to have fixed her ties with her brother a week after his surgery, so she was paying for medicines and treatment. I couldn’t say no; she really insisted on helping us, saying that it was the least she could do for me. She even tried to get me to the carnival with her and Max, and although I went, I couldn’t enjoy it to my fullest. From time to time, I’d see her with Max.
I came to think that they liked each other, but she was treating him like her brother all the time. Like she was afraid. I didn’t think of it that much. It wasn’t my business to probe her private life.
I actually thought for a while that Max was the father of her daughter, but she proved me wrong and said that Amy’s father also died in a car accident six years ago.
Now, it has been a whole month since that horrible night I’ve decided to forget all about. The doctors said that since Ade’s body accepted the treatment, they would let him go in a few days.
Relief.
It was honestly the first time in a while that I felt relieved after all that happened.
I was at his room at the moment. I was happy that I could still hug him and feel the warmth of his body. Alive body. He was my little brother I didn’t regret saving.
My life.
“Please tell me again!” Ayden pouted at me, looking at me with his big blue eyes. You see, he was scared of his surgery, so I made up a story with doctors to make him think that they wouldn’t do anything scary, like chop him up. I was surprised at how kind the personnel was, agreeing and going along with my plot.
“Well, you see, after you had counted back from ten, you fell asleep, and then the monster appeared. The doctors were fighting it, but it was to no avail. It was winning until something magnificent happened. You woke up and stood up with gleaming red eyes.”
“Like Scott from X-men?” he asked excitedly, and I nodded.
“Yes, just like him. You said, ‘I won’t let you destroy this planet,’ and two rays came from your eyes, killing it.”
He was watching me in awe, hanging onto every word I said.
He looked so adorable with his eyes gleaming in excitement and lips parted, probably imagining himself in that scene. He was wearing a cap on his head since he didn’t want to look scary without his hair when Amy would see him. She came to visit with Melissa twice now, and she was always excited to listen to his stories and sit on his bed.
It really takes so little for kids to be happy. They say things they like and get angry when they dislike something. They are so simple. They don’t tangle themselves in problems that have no meaning. Friendship and happiness are more important to them than pride. If only we could be like that. If only we could go back to those days we innocently laughed, there’d be no conflict in this world.
Shaking my head, I focused on our current conversation.
“But then you fell asleep again and, I guess, forgot all about you saving the world.” I grinned. Because of him, I truly forgot that night. His smile and his living and cheerful self were all worth it.
“It’s not my fault. Us superheroes lose a lot of energy saving the world,” he replied and shook his head while pouting, but I could see that he was really angry for not remembering any of it.
“That’s right, but too bad Amy wasn’t here to see you in action. She would think so highly of you,” I smugly commented, knowing that it would only annoy him even more.
“Oh no.” He gasped, terrified. I just had to chuckle when I saw his face looking like it was the end of the world.
“It’s all right. You can always tell her about it the next time you see her.” I hugged him. I was so glad he was feeling better and acting more like his usual self.
“So how is our hero doing today?” Dr. Grainger asked from the doorframe. I hadn’t noticed her. I owed her a lot. I doubted that it really took just one week to arrange everything, but she made it.
She saved Ayden.
“Better than ever, Doc!” he exclaimed.
“I am glad to hear that because soon you’ll be leaving us and going out into the world to tell everybody about your adventures,” she announced, and I smiled. It was about time.
“Really?” he asked excitedly. She nodded.
“Don’t worry. We will always remember your act of bravery, sweetheart.”
A shiver went through my spine upon hearing that nickname, but I was quick to ignore it. It didn’t bother me as much as it did the first night, but it brought the memories of that night when I heard him say that nickname.
“You hear that, Ade? You’re famous.” I hugged him as he giggled.
“You must be proud to be the sister of a superhero,” he said. Where did he learn all of these terms? He’s a pretty smart kid. But then again I’m biased to think that.
“Yeah right, buddy. A superhero who can’t even remember saving the world and Amy…” And he started protesting all over again.
I spent the whole day with him; well, at least until afternoon visiting hours were over. After leaving the hospital, I went to work.
Ryan understood my situation, so he allowed me to come in whenever I could. I didn’t have a full-time job; I mostly just worked per-diem since the day I found out about Ayden, but he still paid me the same amount as before. He said that I needed it, and I couldn’t say no because he’d complain and complain and use Ayden against me so I’d have to give in anyway.
He was a sly fox.
On the other hand, there was still some money from him I left in the bank, but I couldn’t make myself use it yet. Melissa was still paying the rest, so I had nothing to spend it on, anyway.
“Hey, boss. I’m here,” I announced from the entrance of the kitchen and immediately went to change my clothes after he acknowledged my presence with his usual speech. It was something like “Did the aliens drop you when the anti-gravitational field broke down?” We usually argued to see who would win again, nothing new between the two of us.
He was really like the father I’ve been missing, but I haven’t told him the truth behind that money.
Neither had I done that with anyone; I said the same thing I told Dr. Grainger that night—a friend helped me.
“So how is Ayden doing? I miss that kid a lot,” Stacy, one of my coworkers, asked after getting back from the table she was working on.
“His doctor said that he’ll be discharged in the next few days, for it seems that the surgery went better than expected,” I responded, feeling really happy that I would have my brother back with me in no time. Although Stacy and I didn’t see each other or hang out outside of work much, we bonded really well. We were both really cheerful and had silly ideas. Moreover, she was just a year older than me.
I was happy for having people who surrounded me that cared so much about what had been going on with my brother and were genuinely concerned for his wellbeing like me. He was now in good health, about to be out of the hospital, and our lives could go back to normal.
“Well, tell him to hurry up. All these pastries and cakes won’t wait forever.”
I laughed. We were getting a little louder, talking about random things, hoping that no one will overhear our conversation. I didn’t want that happening again.
Not like with Blake.
I didn’t come to work the first week after that night. It was either because I was sore, or because I’d cry too much. They’d notice. I didn’t want them to notice.
As we were finally leaving the back room, I told her that it would be all right if she wanted to leave and go home, seeing as it was late in the afternoon, and we were not expecting many customers for the rest of the night. Monday, what could I say. No one came out that much on Mondays.
After Stacy had left, I heard the door chime, signifying that someone walked into the café. Ryan put that annoying thing with bells on the entrance to warn us of a new arrival, and I seriously loathed that thing from the depths of my soul.
I walked toward the new customer to take their order, but as I approached the table, I started to get a massive headache. I took deep breaths and waited to see if that would help until I got something to cure the headache.
It didn’t.
I closed my eyes and hoped to get better. However, when I opened my eyes again, my mouth started salivating, and a nauseous feeling crept up my stomach.
That was not a good sign.
I felt like spilling my guts, so without looking back at my customer, I went to the closest sink to throw up. Great! The last thing I needed was to get sick!
“Are you okay?” a voice behind me asked. I lifted my head to see who it was but became extremely dizzy, and the room started spinning. Before I could say or do anything, darkness began to consume me. I could predict what was going to happen next
That was most absolutely not okay.
I was already kneeling. My body gave up, and I started to falling to the ground. What happened after that, I have no idea. I just remember falling and someone reaching out to catch me before hitting the floor.
It was so not okay.
One must not run away, especially from things they want to forget the most. Facing those things and overcoming them are what we need to grow stronger and better. Only by facing them can we truly go forward, and back then, I truly hoped that I would come to understand that in time.
Before I lost everything in my present while searching for the perfect future.