And just when we think that we’re gonna make it, that’s when everything falls apart.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
A sound I will never grow accustomed to but was familiar with since my childhood echoed in the air. A sound my life was surrounded with yet I loathed with my heart.
I couldn’t speak. Darkness was all around me, and I felt like my body was being pressed onto the cold mattress by some strong force. And my belly…I couldn’t feel it. All I had was a numb, empty lingering feeling at that area.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
What happened? Where was I? All I could remember was…
Beep.
No, it couldn’t be…
***
49 hours ago
In three weeks, our little family was going to be complete. It had been five months since our honeymoon, and my love for Blake hadn’t trembled ever for a second. It felt so odd loving him. Had you asked me if I could have ever had a future with him when I first met him, my answer would’ve been the complete opposite from the current moment.
We had our own ups and downs, moments when I even doubted his love for me, but if I was certain of something. That was this love of mine. I was eight months pregnant with his baby, and both of us couldn’t wait to meet him. Our son. My life couldn’t have been any better at this point. I was loved, and I loved. I had a family and my brother with me. I didn’t have to worry about food or my child’s future, yet the thing that troubled me was the fact that Regina gave up so easily on Blake.
Especially when she said that she was going to get me no matter what.
Sighing, I got up from my bed before I headed toward the window. My feet were bare as I wore a simple white dress that reached my knees. I was careful of my then prominent belly as I placed both of my arms on top of it. Just a little more before we meet him.
I looked through the window and saw summer in full heat. The garden was colored in rich green, indicating that it had reached the pinnacle of its form. Ayden and Alexander were playing there. Alfred was also there, taking care of them both, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight in front of me. Perfect. Our lives seemed so perfect, yet I couldn’t shake off the feeling of uneasiness that lurked around me.
As if something wrong was about to come.
With all my life experiences, I had come to terms that whenever it seemed like it was perfect, everything would all fall into the water.
I couldn’t let my guard down. I didn’t know how I would deal with it if another tragedy were to befall me.
“How is my beautiful wife? Hungry?” I suddenly heard Blake ask as I turned around to face him. He stood at the doors with food, and suddenly I was hungry.
“Why, yes I am,” I answered and chuckled. “Of you,” I added at the end. Blame it on my hormones, but I really wanted to be with Blake at the moment.
In bed. Naked.
“Nope. As much as I have a rather agreeing opinion on your thoughts, we can’t. Hold on just for few more weeks, munchkin.” He grinned, playful Blake coming to the surface as he entered the room before he placed food on the bed and sitting down as well.
“But it’s too long,” I protested, and he shook his head before pointing to the empty place on the bed next to him, inviting me. Taking one last glance at Ayden, I nodded before coming to his side.
It was…quite interesting how difficult it was to try to sit with a belly as big as mine. Getting up was even better. You had to get in almost every single position before you managed to roll out of bed.
“Trust me. It’s even more to me. Come on now, open your mouth. Food,” he said, placing a spoon of hot soup in front of me, making me open my mouth with a giggle. He was treating me like I was some piece of glass or something.
Honestly, men are so…I don’t even know how to describe them. They are so annoying, bossy, and overprotective—like nutheads! Yeah, they are nutheads.
That’s the right word.
Savoring the warm soup I knew Blake made, I moaned whenever I had a taste of it. Blake’s cooking skills were something I would trade anything for. To hell with world chefs that manage to travel and now cook for royalty or hotels. Blake was law, no matter what.
“You tease.” He shook his head before he gave me another portion of food I gladly ate. “You do that intentionally, don’t you?” He grinned before he pulled his legs up and crossed them so that he was face to face with me. Sitting was enjoyable; sleeping was paradise—first rule of pregnancy. Second was if it sits well with our bellies, we eat.
“Was it good?” he asked me once I finished, and I only licked my lips.
“Not as good as what we could be doing right now, but yes, it was,” I told him. He had an incredulous look plastered on his face before his lips twitched into what resembled a smile. I loved pulling those on him; he had no ways of talking back when he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his threats with me being pregnant.
“I won’t let you leave our bed when this is all over, for all those months of your teasing,” he joked before he leaned in and kissed my forehead.
“Those better not be just empty words. I’ll be waiting.” I raised both of my eyebrows at him while he too raised one, making me glare in return. How did he do that? Why couldn’t I still do that trick with only one eyebrow?
“I’ll be back in a second. Hold on,” he said as he got up and left. I only stared at his back as he disappeared from my sight, or better, it was the part bellow that picked my interest the most. Hormones. Freaking hormones.
I loved my life. I honestly did. After our child was born, I was going to stay to take care of him with Blake, abandoning everything. However, after that, I was planning on starting college. That didn’t mean that I was going to leave those three. My husband, my future son, and my little brother were my life, and I would’ve never gone away from them no matter the reason. I could even swear on my life to stay by their side forever.
But back then, I had no idea of the problems I was going to face.
Though, as for the college, I have been learning from time to time for the exams. Being pregnant gave me a lot of free time, so I decided to read some books. Blake was also of great help. What I found out was that he had finished his college just recently, for he had to pause it and take over the business, and he took it personally to teach me about what I had problems with.
He had been rather supportive, as he also gave me a whole room I could use for art. I chose art university after all. Medicine seemed alluring to me, but I still couldn’t stand hospitals. I glanced at my work desk that Blake put in our room so that I didn’t have to go to another room to study. I saw a few of my books lying on it. What managed to lure out my smile were certain books standing on the top of that pile: books about babies. Slowly getting up, more like hopping from one place to another on the bed, I came to it.
Mother and Baby: First Months was its title, and there was a photo of a woman smiling with her baby beneath it. I slowly traced the title of the book with my finger, wondering about how my son was going to look like. Was he going to be like Blake? Or like me? Maybe he’d have half black and half blond hair? I smiled to myself. My thoughts surely knew how to drift the wrong way.
I remembered the previous night when Blake and I chose to read this book and how terrified Blake looked, thinking about he wouldn’t be able to take care of the baby and that he was going to be a terrible father; he even slammed his head on the wall.
Then I had to calm him down, yet he insisted that he was going to mess up. It took me a while to calm him down, telling him that fatherhood came naturally, that no one truly knows how to be a parent until the baby actually came.
He was so insecure like a little child that was taken for the first time to daycare. It was yet another side of Blake I came to know, one I grew fond of. Skimming through a few pages and recalling Blake’s action, I lost track of time before I glanced at the clock. It was then that I realized that it had already been few minutes since Blake left, and he said that he was going to be back soon, so I wondered what took him so long.
I contemplated about going to check on him, but I was afraid that he was going to think how boring I was. He probably just had some business. But he’d come and tell me what his business was, like usual.
Having an odd feeling that something was off, I decided to go and check on him after all.
Putting some sandals that were on the ground next to the bed, I slowly headed to find Blake. If he had some work at the moment, he was most likely in his office, so I chose that place as the first to check.
Getting down the stairs, taking my time, I finally passed by most rooms. The kitchen was on the way, so I decided to check it too. When I saw that he wasn’t there, I decided to stick with my previous theory and check in his office. I even had the idea to sneak on him, yearning to see his reaction.
In no time, I was already in front of the doors that led to his office, and suppressing my giggle, I suddenly slammed them open.
I was never going to forget what I saw: Blake leaning on his desk, his hands around Regina’s waist as she kissed him with passion on the top of him.
In a second, he pushed her away, and his eyes widened in horror when he saw me.
Hurt. Betrayal.
“Kaley, it’s not what—” he started, but with tears blurring my sight, I rushed out of there with the highest speed I could muster, clutching my pregnant belly. He had betrayed me.
“...me go!” I heard him yell before calling my name, but taking the keys from the house, I quickly got out and slammed the doors, locking them so that he couldn’t follow me. Since I couldn’t run fast because of the pregnancy taking a toll on my movements, I somehow dragged myself from his house before I headed into the unknown.
Where? At Ryan’s? I gulped. That was probably the best place I could go to. He wouldn’t ask too much. He’d let me stay as much as I wanted.
Never in my life did I think that something like this would happen. Yes, at the begging of our relationship when he first asked me to marry him, I had in my mind the thought that he’d sleep with other women and was okay with it. Our engagement wasn’t out of love. I knew that he was probably going to have some other woman. I fucking knew and accepted it and yet…when he said that he loved me, the thought of him abandoning and cheating on me disappeared into thin air. He had told me that he hated Regina, so why? Why had he used the chance I wasn’t by his side to make out with her? It hurt. It killed me, and I could do nothing to stop it. We don’t choose who we love; we simply love. Even if that love eats us alive; we just can’t undo that love.
I cried.
I cried my soul out. I trusted him. I loved him! I never even thought of looking at some other guy when I found out I loved him, yet he kissed another woman after the very same words he told me.
The street I was on had traffic lights, and I had to cross to get to another one. Looking up with teary eyes, I saw that it was a red light, so I stopped, waiting for my cue to move.
Was I not enough to him?
Did he really need someone to sleep with so much that he had to abandon me?
Trust me. It’s much harder for me, I recalled the words he said himself. Was it all about sex from the very beginning? He held me close so that he could have someone to sleep with? He twirled me around his little finger with all those “I love yous” so that I’d stay by his side when in reality, he never meant those words? Had he played me?
I guessed that I had finally seen his real face, and it was exactly the same face I feared to be real from the very beginning. It was the reason I feared loving Blake. The same face I saw that day when I had the one night stand with him, that diabolic and twisted personality. Was that the whole truth behind Blake?
I should have never had that one night stand.
The light turned green, and I took that as my cue to start walking, shaking my head. I knew that if I didn’t have that one night stand, Ayden would’ve been dead by now. I suddenly stopped. The lights were still green as I realized that I had left Ayden there. I needed to go back.
I still loved Blake. Was I ready to face him again?
My thoughts stopped and gave me another point of view.
What if he wasn’t cheating on me? What if it wasn’t him kissing Regina? What if she came on her own and forced herself on him? What if what I have seen was nothing but a lie?
What if…No, why the fuck was I even doubting his love?
Turning around since I had passed just halfway across the street, I didn’t even have the time to realize what was going on before it was too late. In a mere second, while I was turning around, I caught the sight of a car coming my way without any intentions of stopping.
My eyes had widened, but it was already too late.
The car hit me, its force throwing me forward as I ended up falling on the ground before it drove away.
My limbs wouldn’t move, and my sight was getting blurry—completely gone with one eye covered with blood. Cold enveloped my body as I could feel my blood spreading under my body on the harsh pavement. It was everywhere, but the one that worried me the most was the one spilling in between my legs.
No. No. No!
My legs came in my view as people started to gather around me. Some yelling to call the hospital. I began to lose grip with reality.
My last thought went to Blake and the feelings that hit me when I saw him with Regina. I realized it then. The betrayal came from me. That one was sure, but between him and me, the biggest hurt that lingered in the air projected by a single pair of eyes did not belong to me.
It belonged to him.
I don’t know what I tried to accomplish by running away on that night. I just didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t think of what else to do.
I was afraid. Now that I think of it, I was probably just afraid. Afraid of Blake confirming my fears, I ran away and hoped that I could believe in that lie just a bit longer.