CHAPTER 11

EMMA

It was the next evening when Bella came over to help me with my hair and make-up suggestions for upcoming games. The team was traveling for a game soon and she figured it would be good to be prepared.

We were in the small bathroom and she was finishing some curls.

“Bella, I look more like a drag queen than a cannon girl.”

Bella threw her head back and laughed.

“My best friend back home did my make-up a few times but I’m terrible at it. I used YouTube for the last game and it looked nothing like those girls,” I sighed and stared into the mirror. “I’m too shy for this job.”

“You looked gorgeous the other night. We’ll just try different stuff and have fun with it. It’s like being an actress or something,” Belle shrugged.

“I’m a nerd no matter what the costume.” I resigned myself to the truth as she looked over my cosmetics. This reminded me of Willow and home, though nothing could replace my times with her.

Bella was different but good. She was fun and was forcing me to lighten up, which was needed when there was rising tension between Jackson and me.

“You are beautiful and intelligent. That is a deadly combo, my friend.”

Bella winked as she reached for a liner.

“Close your eyes, hun.”

I felt her lining the lid with the pretty metallic burgundy color.

“This looks hot, Em. Jackson, what do you think?”

I jumped and opened my eyes to see him passing by the door. I blushed as he looked in to see me in a loose T-shirt and leggings with messy hair and halfway completed make-up.

“Looks good,” he said as he met my eyes. He grinned and continued on his way.

Bella fanned herself after he left and shook her head. “There’s something going on between you, isn’t there?” Her voice was soft.

I shook my head. “Nothing’s ever happened.”

“It’s going to. Just a matter of time. Close your other eye now.”

She lined the other eye, giving up on the subject.

I didn’t want to admit that she was right.

“Gorgeous!”

I looked in the mirror and admired the perfect wing she’d managed to draw.

“Fake.”

“Stop it. Even the girls who think they’re nerdy deserve to have fun. It’s experiencing life.” Bella tilted her head. “I have something to show you.”

She pulled her tank top to the side as she glanced out the door, revealing an impressive tattoo of a stack of books. I looked at it closely — Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Bleak House, The Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby.

“You’re a nerd!?” I gasped.

She giggled and nodded. Bella replaced the strap and headed out to the living room, calling out that she was getting water. I looked into the mirror and pressed my lips together before I stood up and followed her.

I took the water bottle that she handed me and sat on the couch with her.

“I was in all the English classes in high school. I was a drama nerd. All of that. I came here and decided to switch it up a little bit, like you did. I tried out for the team and got in. I discovered that it’s perfect for while I’m in school. We’re not that much different than the bad girls, Emma. We still have fun but we’re selective and have less pregnancy scares and STDs.”

I burst out laughing as Jackson walked in, overhearing the end of her comment and snorted.

“Judgy much, Bella?” There was sarcasm in his voice and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re one to talk, Jackson. We all know your reputation,” Bella chuckled and sipped her water as she winked at me. I wondered what more she knew than the assumptions that I kept making, all of which came out to my not being experienced and not the type of girl who would be Jackson’s type.

“I’m not that bad. You listening to gossip too much or what?” Jackson asked.

She shrugged with a smile.

Bella stayed for a little while before she said that she was meeting a friend for dinner, giving me another long wink before she grabbed her purse to leave.

I took another sip of my water, giving Jackson a curious look.

“Is your reputation that bad?”

“I dated a lot when I got drafted. Of course, I was exposed to models and actresses, girls like that. They were all over us as players. You know how I was in high school and even that wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. That was exaggerated a lot, just like this part of my life. It wasn’t that they were mindless bimbos, not all of them. Some were smart and had a lot of potential for something serious. My schedule is crazy, though, and I didn’t think that I had the time for anything serious.” Jackson chuckled. “People are more complex than some seem to think.”

I wasn’t. I was inexperienced, and I knew it. Taking this job was a big step for me and I thought about that as I took another sip of water. “I guess.”

“They are. We’re always growing.”

He looked at me again. “I’ve seen the changes in you since you moved here alone. They’re good, but scary. Emma, I keep wanting to protect you and shelter you.” He shook his head.

“I wasn’t Rapunzel locked in my tower at home. I went out and lived. I had Willow and my other friends, along with Tommy. You act like I am made of china.” I shook my head.

“Who the fuck is Tommy?” Jackson asked.

“Tommy Dayton. We were together for a while when you and Greg were going to college. I had an adult relationship, Jackson.”

He sat up, leaning forward as he looked harder at me.

“Did you…” he trailed off. “None of my business.”

I was angry. “Yes. None of your business. We were dating.” I saw a dark look pass over Jackson’s face. “Do you seriously think that I’m this fragile, innocent lamb? Good grief.”

I stood up and walked to my bedroom. I heard Jackson follow me and he grabbed my hand.

“I want to show you something,” Jackson said.

A hundred thoughts went through my head as he gently pulled me into his bedroom.

He dropped my hand and gestured to a bookshelf that was behind the door. It was full of hardbacks and paperbacks. I guess I’d never noticed it before as the one time I was in his bedroom all I’d noticed was his incredible body. I stepped back, both for distance and to satisfy my curiosity as I read the titles. There were some classics in here as well as a variety of genres. I was impressed.

“Em, I got the highest grades in my class at school. I worked my ass off to get to college and this team. I didn’t just wing it like everyone thinks jocks do.”

“I never said that you were an idiot. I know that you’re smart,” I said softly.

I wished he was just your token dumb jock. I could get over him then and tell myself that he was all wrong for me. I knew that he was smart, and even compassionate, under all his gruff exterior. I closed my eyes for a moment.

My willpower was fading. I wanted Jackson with everything that I had as I kept pretending to look at the books, finally moving from the room. It was too hot in there and we were too close. It smelled like his masculine scent of forest and peppermint and I couldn’t take it any longer.

I walked blindly to my room, closing the door as I fought the urge to run back to him. I just wanted to kiss him and break the ice between us, but even I knew that it wouldn’t stop there. I knew that we’d take this to the end no matter what the damage.

I slid to the floor and stretched my legs in front of me. This already small apartment felt like a prison some days.

I leaned my head back as a familiar heat washed through me.

I gave in and slid my hand between my legs. I was becoming obsessed. I considered just sleeping with someone else for a fleeting moment, but then I smiled bitterly. I only wanted Jackson, and I knew that. I wasn’t the kind of girl to use a guy to get over another one. I slid my hand into my pants and underwear, stroking myself hard as I searched for the release that I needed. I was pulsing and wet the way he always made me, and I found my needy clit. When would this be enough? When would I be over the way that Jackson made me feel? I stroked and made myself wetter before sliding my fingers inside myself, pressing my palm against my pussy.

I thought of him kissing me, nibbling my neck, tugging gently at my earlobe. His strong hands on my waist, gliding along my hips, squeezing my ass. Jackson pressing against me and feeling his hardness push against me. His hand slipping under my clothes and his fingers lightly tracing a pattern on my skin. I imagined him gliding his hand down my panties to find me wet and ready. His kisses going down from my collarbone to my breast, to my hips to my aching pussy.

I whispered Jackson’s name as I came, rocking myself into my hand. I wanted the idea of him to be enough and not need to get myself off like this. I didn’t want to feel this needy and lonely at the same time.

Nobody would understand this. My family would be against it and Greg would be angry with both of us.

I stayed in my room until I heard the front door close, standing to retrieve the water that I was so desperate for. I changed before going out to the living room, not knowing how long Jackson would be gone. I sat on the couch and turned on the TV, staring blankly at a movie, and remembered waking up the other morning with a blanket covering me. It was sweet. I knew it was Jackson, making me care for him even more.

I called Willow to distract myself, getting lost in stories of her own life as I laughed with her. She asked me how everything was, and I explained that it was fine. I was just getting used to my job and starting school in a few days and we discussed that for a while. I longed for her to be able to come and talk to me in person.

Bella was great, but I’d known Willow for years.

“Em, are you okay?”

I paused for a moment. “I’m fine.”

She knew me too well, but I wasn’t ready to talk about this yet. It was still too painful.

“I’m just tired,” I said, bailing out of a serious conversation. “I’m going to go to bed soon and get some sleep. We’re leaving tomorrow morning for the away game.”

“Have fun,” Willow said as I thanked her and ended the call. I dropped back against the couch, wondering where Jackson was. If I was that aroused after that time in his room, I wondered how he felt. Would he sleep with someone else to get me out of his system? He had every right to since I wasn’t going to be enough for him even if we did end up hooking up.

I finally took a shower and dried my hair before going to bed for the night, tossing and turning. I had a small bag packed for the night that we were going to be gone, and was ready in theory. I was looking forward to seeing the crowd at another stadium and just hanging with the group, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get Jackson out of my mind even a little bit.