Chapter Thirty-Seven

LARA

I’ve never been to the courthouse before. The couple of traffic tickets I’ve gotten I paid online without contesting. The family court seems weirdly grim, with the paint job that I’m sure some contractor told the state government would be soothing. Instead the colors just give me the same kind of feeling of unease I get whenever someone tells me to relax. A faint memory of the estate lawyer’s office comes back to me.

I take a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. Ethan and I are as prepared for this as we can possibly be, and I remind myself that it’s not like the court is going to give Riley to our parents, not when they see how contentious my dad and Ethan’s parents are to each other. And in the worst-case scenario, if they decide to award sole custody to Ethan, it isn’t like he’s going to deny me access to Riley. It’s mostly just that if we don’t pull off what we’re trying to do, it’s going to become some long, drawn-out legal battle.

The stakes aren’t that high. I have to keep reminding myself of that, even if it feels like the stakes are incredibly high. We’re fighting to keep Riley from being enmeshed in a stupid, drawn-out legal battle that both of us agree she should be kept out of. Assuming we win the day, we hope there will not be any other legal issues, but everything will have to shake out between our parents.

“Lara, you got here early,” I look up to see Dad walking to me.

I nod. “I wanted to make sure I was ready for this,” I say. I haven’t spoken to him since Thanksgiving, in spite of the fact that he’s tried to call me four times in the couple of weeks since then. Christmas is only two weeks away, and the idea of keeping him out of my life, and Riley’s, and leaving him alone for the holiday for the first time in years, hurts me. But I know I can’t back down, not now.

“You’re going to testify, then?”

I can hear the uncertainty in my father’s voice, and I know he’s worried about what I’m going to say. I know he’s angry at me for getting in the way of his plans, and I’m pretty sure that he remembers what I told him before Thanksgiving dinner.

“I am going to testify,” I say levelly.

“You know I’m only trying to do what’s right, don’t you?”

I look at Dad. He looks so old, so sad and angry and beyond everything in the whole world. I hate that things have turned out the way that they have, but he’s done this to himself.

“I know what you think you’re trying to do, Dad,” I say. I take a deep breath.

“This could still work,” Dad insists.

I shake my head. “I’m not going to help you. And I think you know just as well as I do that if Alexis were here, and knew what you were doing, that she would scream at you and disown you as her father,” I say.

“If she were here, none of us would be here, least of all you,” Dad points out. Before I can say anything, Ethan and Riley appear in the hallway, and he steps away from me to go into the courtroom.

“What did he have to say?” Ethan asks quietly.

I shrug off Ethan’s question. It’s not important, and there’s nothing to be gained from talking about it in front of Riley.

“Why don’t we get settled in?” I look at Riley and smile at her, putting aside all my nervousness for a few moments.

“Why we here?” Riley looks at me and then looks at Ethan, wanting answers.

“We’re just here to talk to a nice judge about an argument we’re having,” I tell her. Of course, Riley can’t really understand it.

“The judge is going to help us decide something,” Ethan adds.

“What’s a judge?” Riley frowns in confusion, looking more like my sister than she ever has in her life.

My heart feels like it’s being squeezed inside of my chest for a moment, but then the feeling goes away when I take a breath.

“A judge is someone who helps people figure things out when they can’t agree,” I say.

“Why?” Riley looks at both of us, and neither Ethan nor I have a good answer for that.

“Things are complicated,” Ethan says finally.

“But I want you to remember that we all love you and care about you,” I tell her.

“Okay,” Riley says, smiling up at both Ethan and me.

We go into the courtroom and a few minutes later, Ethan’s parents arrive. Since Ethan and I aren’t taking either of our parents’ sides, we’re sort of at a loss of where to sit, which I hadn’t really considered. We take up spots on the aisle behind where my dad and his lawyer are set up, and where Ethan’s parents are set up with their lawyer, and a few more people come in while we all wait for the judge to come in.

Finally, after what feels like an hour, the court officers come in and close the courtroom, and a moment later we’re all told to stand.

“We have what seems to be a rather contentious case in front of us,” the judge says as soon as she sits.

I remind myself to be patient, that we’re going to have our chance to do what we need to do. The judge is going to understand what’s going on, and based on what she’s saying to open things up, I have to think she already does.

“From what I understand, the issue seems to be that no one here has a solid idea of what would best suit not only the interests of the girl’s life, but also the conditions of her deceased mother’s wishes. I want to make sure to hear all sides of this dispute, because we need to get to the bottom of this as thoroughly as possible, so I hope none of you have plans.”

She finishes and gives Dad the floor first since Dad filed his suit against Ethan first.

“I believe that my son-in-law, Ethan, is not in the best position to take care of my granddaughter,” Dad begins, and I make myself sit still and keep quiet as he goes on about how Ethan is irresponsible and potentially, at least circumstantially, partly to blame for my sister’s death. I can only be grateful that Riley can’t understand anything about what her grandfather is saying about her father.

“That is a very interesting testimony,” the judge says, and I can hear that she’s as doubtful as I’ve ever been about what Dad has to say.

She moves onto Ethan’s parents, and his mom takes the lead there, and once again the three of us, Ethan, me and Riley, have to sit still through what she has to say. Yet again we all hear the lines drawn in the sand — Ethan is Riley’s father, and a good and dedicated father to her, so shouldn’t lose custody and instead should have full custody.

“There are two other people who I think need to weigh in on this,” the judge says finally. I sit up, getting ready to do my bit. Ethan and I talked about what we would say, and what we would do to prepare for this court appearance. I’m as ready as I will ever be for what we need to do. She calls me up first and I give Riley a quick kiss before walking to the front of the courtroom, to speak my peace.

“Thank you, Your Honor, for asking me to speak,” I say. My heart is pounding in my chest as I take another quick breath and try to keep my thoughts together.

“Do you agree with your father’s assertion that Riley would be better suited to stay with yourself and him? Or do you agree with her other grandparents that her father should have sole custody?”

I shake my head.

“Neither, Your Honor. I don’t agree with any of Riley’s grandparents on this issue, and I think that my deceased sister’s wishes are in my niece’s best interests,” I say.

“Please explain,” the judge says, though I can see the flicker of a smile on her face. The few people watching the proceedings seem pretty shocked.

“Currently, Riley has no unsupervised days, and we have managed between the two of us, to work out a schedule that allows her to spend plenty of time with each of us, without having to rely on daycare, which we feel she is still too young to attend. We’re both in positions to accommodate her needs for care and support while both of us work full-time,” I explain.

The real, big announcement is still looming in my head, but I know I have to let that come later on, so instead I tell the judge about the ways that Ethan and I have worked together to make sure of Riley’s care, and to give her ample time with both of us. I don’t go into our history together, that’s beside the point.

“Thank you for your testimony,” the judge says when I’m done. “I’d like to hear from Riley’s father as well on this score, just in the interests of getting all the voices needed.”

I sit down and take Riley from Ethan as he goes up to do his part.